Current Events > So why is it a red flag to some dudes if a girl says she likes to travel?

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2Pacavelli posted...

If a lot of people have this sentiment it can't be as uncommon as you make it seem

Alot of people living in reality or CE lmao?

bigblu89 posted...

I guess. But I've seen women use the term "reg flag" to simply talk about a person's fashion sense.

Like, a "red flag" to me, is something big. Like, if a girl has a terrible relationship with her parents, and they can't give a valid reason why, I'd consider that a red flag because that can cause issues with our relationship, should it continue past the dating phase.

But if it's something like the fact that she'll wear Nike sneakers with an Adidas hoodie, that's just a fashion faux pas, not a "red flag".

I consider red flags to be a personality trait that could become an issue down the road. If you're cutting off a potential relationship because of a fashion choice (short of something like they don't wash their clothes) then you're just being extremely petty.

It depends how many options you have. People with more options can be more picky.

Jagr_68 posted...

A lot of people living in reality or CE lmao?

I'm beginning to believe that a lot of people live online, and don't actually talk to other humans on a day to day basis.

Glob posted...

It depends how many options you have. People with more options can be more picky.

Of course. But that doesn't make things a "red flag".

A red flag is an issue that might/will cause a problem later on in the relationship. Differences in political views, religious beliefs, thoughts on having children, or children in general.

I wouldn't consider what sneakers you wear to be a "Red flag" issue.

bigblu89 posted...

I guess. But I've seen women use the term "reg flag" to simply talk about a person's fashion sense.

Like, a "red flag" to me, is something big. Like, if a girl has a terrible relationship with her parents, and they can't give a valid reason why, I'd consider that a red flag because that can cause issues with our relationship, should it continue past the dating phase.

But if it's something like the fact that she'll wear Nike sneakers with an Adidas hoodie, that's just a fashion faux pas, not a "red flag".

I consider red flags to be a personality trait that could become an issue down the road. If you're cutting off a potential relationship because of a fashion choice (short of something like they don't wash their clothes) then you're just being extremely petty.

Ah, gotcha! Yes I definitely agree with your term and I can see how it's been changed up over time. Which only makes things more complicated in dating because folks start focusing way too much on trivial things, whole missing the important stuff.

bigblu89 posted...

Of course. But that doesn't make things a "red flag".

A red flag is an issue that might/will cause a problem later on in the relationship. Differences in political views, religious beliefs, thoughts on having children, or children in general.

I wouldn't consider what sneakers you wear to be a "Red flag" issue.

Exactly. Or to put it in different dating terms, it's like the difference between a preference and a deal breaker. Most single folks don't get the distinction there either.

bigblu89 posted...

Of course. But that doesn't make things a "red flag".

A red flag is an issue that might/will cause a problem later on in the relationship. Differences in political views, religious beliefs, thoughts on having children, or children in general.

I wouldn't consider what sneakers you wear to be a "Red flag" issue.

Neither would I, but I guess some people feel thats more important than I do.

lolife67 posted...

Exactly. Or to put it in different dating terms, it's like the difference between a preference and a deal breaker. Most single folks don't get the distinction there either.

Like I said before, its down to options. If you have a lot of options and can afford to be picky, not meeting a preference can be a deal breaker.

Its a bit like buying a house. If you have a limited budget, youre going to have to decide which things youre willing to compromise on, but there still might be things that you wont budge on. If you have enough money, anything you dont like is a dealbreaker, because you can get something thats exactly what you want.

Because they have some ridiculous idea that travelling is cute.

Glob posted...

Like I said before, its down to options. If you have a lot of options and can afford to be picky, not meeting a preference can be a deal breaker.

But again, theres a difference between it being a deal breaker and it being a legitimate issue that needs fixing.

Like, theres a HUGE difference between he doesnt wear name brand clothes and I just found out he has prior arrests for domestic abuse.

One is a preference, and one is truly the original definition of a reg flag.

bigblu89 posted...

But again, theres a difference between it being a deal breaker and it being a legitimate issue that needs fixing.

Like, theres a HUGE difference between he doesnt wear name brand clothes and I just found out he has prior arrests for domestic abuse.

One is a preference, and one is truly the original definition of a reg flag.

For you.

I feel like youre deliberately not understanding what Im saying.

It's not a red flag. It's just preferences.

Glob posted...

Like I said before, its down to options. If you have a lot of options and can afford to be picky, not meeting a preference can be a deal breaker.

Its a bit like buying a house. If you have a limited budget, youre going to have to decide which things youre willing to compromise on, but there still might be things that you wont budge on. If you have enough money, anything you dont like is a dealbreaker, because you can get something thats exactly what you want.

I'm going to disagree. I live in Atlanta and know a lot of very attractive people who have a lot of options. However, they're still perpetually single. So while they can certainly make preferences into deal breakers, it hasn't helped them find someone. Anyone can set their deal breakers, regardless of options. But the more stringent you are, the less options you have. The key is understanding the difference between preferences and deal breakers, regardless. And a lot of folks struggle with this, imo.

I like how people automatically assume it means traveling to other countries. My girlfriend and I do a lot of traveling, but its mostly been to other places in California (since its so big) and neighboring states. You dont necessarily need to take a lot of time off. Maybe 2 days max to have a decent vacation. Friday- Monday is usually more than enough

lolife67 posted...

I'm going to disagree. I live in Atlanta and know a lot of very attractive people who have a lot of options. However, they're still perpetually single. So while they can certainly make preferences into deal breakers, it hasn't helped them find someone. Anyone can set their deal breakers, regardless of options. But the more stringent you are, the less options you have. The key is understanding the difference between preferences and deal breakers, regardless. And a lot of folks struggle with this, imo.

Id say they might not have as many options as they think they do. Judging your own value is the key to deciding how picky you can be. Some peoples perceptions of themselves arent how others see them.

Glob posted...

For you.

I feel like youre deliberately not understanding what Im saying.

No. Youre not understanding what Im saying.

Im simply taking about how the term red flag went from describing something that can truly cause a legitimate strain on a relationship, to any small character trait that you may find some annoyances with.

bigblu89 posted...

No. Youre not understanding what Im saying.

Im simply taking about how the term red flag went from describing something that can truly cause a legitimate strain on a relationship, to any small character trait that you may find some annoyances with.

Oh, I understand that. But a small character trait can put legitimate strain on a relationship if you are picky enough. Thats why its an arbitrary distinction.

Glob posted...

Oh, I understand that. But a small character trait can put legitimate strain on a relationship if you are picky enough. Thats why its an arbitrary distinction.

Yes but youre talking about the exceptions more than the general rule.

Going back to your house example. Its the difference between passing on a house because it only has one bathroom and you need two, and passing on a house because you dont like the light fixture in the 3rd bedroom.

bigblu89 posted...

Yes but youre talking about the exceptions more than the general rule.

Going back to your house example. Its the difference between passing on a house because it only has one bathroom and you need two, and passing on a house because you dont like the light fixture in the 3rd bedroom.

I agree with that, but the light fixture thing is still a valid choice. Its up to each individual to decide what a deal breaker is. Its a personal choice, and therefore not for you or me to decide how important any aspect should be to another person.

Glob posted...

I agree with that, but the light fixture thing is still a valid choice. Its up to each individual to decide what a deal breaker is. Its a personal choice, and therefore not for you or me to decide how important any aspect should be to another person.

But thats exactly why this thread exists. To give our opinions on what we consider just a preference vs things that are truly a red flag.

bigblu89 posted...

But thats exactly why this thread exists. To give our opinions on what we consider just a preference vs things that are truly a red flag.

No it isnt. Its asking the reasoning for something that isnt even considered a negative by a number of people being a red flag for others. Thats not the same thing.

Girls that emphasize they like to travel just typically tend to be more basic, imo.

Everyone likes to travel, really. Who doesn't like fun vacations in other places?

But highlighting is a little sus in that regard.

@Glob@bigblu89

Honestly both of you guys are right, as unfortunate as it is.

Deal breakers should be distinct from a preference.

That said, some men and woman can have petty arbitrary reasons to call something a deal breaker. Those petty reasons can be rooted in many ideologies.
For men, its what many on this board would call, "red pill."
For woman, its whatever the matriarchal equivalent term that has sexist opinions about men, and sees men as something to be used.
Or both genders could have something even more ridiculously petty as a deal breaker like android vs iPhone.

It usually means they're high maintenance. Traveling is expensive and time consuming. If you don't put in that time, effort, and money she's going to get bored and leave you.

VirtuousWrath posted...

Everyone likes to travel, really. Who doesn't like fun vacations in other places?

Have you read much of this thread?

I feel like "red flag" in this context just means that it's something that they personally don't want in a partner. Not that it's a universally negative thing. Some people don't want to do lots of traveling, so they wouldn't be a good fit for someone that does.

Like for me, it's not traveling on it's own that's a problem for me. It's when her only hobbies listed are traveling and shopping and all of her profile pictures are in expensive looking hotels. That is not a lifestyle I can afford lol. And I saw quite a few of those on Hinge last year

Who the hell really likes to travel anyway.

Cocytus posted...

Who the hell really likes to travel anyway.

I love it tbh.

I dont like going to luxury resorts but I like going to new places, touring historical sites, and experiencing different cultures. Traveling is exhausting but its a whole lot of fun.

Only thing that stops me from doing it more though is money and us having to pay for a family of 4 to travel.