Current Events > Does anybody else have difficulty treating 19 year olds like adults?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I felt like I did something incredibly rude today. During a group team building exercise, there was a girl who shared her experience about her past relationships, and I sort of trampled over her struggles with mine. I basically implied that she'll get over it, and she has her whole life ahead of her. Now that I look back on it, I was pretty patronizing. I hate myself for not taking someone half my age seriously. I hate the fact that I'm biased because I know I was an idiot when I was 19.

Anyone my age trying to socialize with an 19 year old just seems creepy. It reminds me of those middle aged raver guys lurking around college campuses bumping EDM music in their BMWs. Yes, they are quite a handful believe it or not.

Iamdepressed posted...

I felt like I did something incredibly rude today. During a group team building exercise, there was a girl who shared her experience about her past relationships, and I sort of trampled over her struggles with mine. I basically implied that she'll get over it, and she has her whole life ahead of her. Now that I look back on it, I was pretty patronizing. I hate myself for not taking someone half my age seriously. I hate the fact that I'm biased because I know I was an idiot when I was 19.

Anyone my age trying to socialize with an 19 year old just seems creepy. It reminds me of those middle aged raver guys lurking around college campuses bumping EDM music in their BMWs. Yes, they are quite a handful believe it or not.

That is way too specific.

No. Pain is pain. I know telling someone it gets better or it only seems bad now isn't gonna help. Especially if they're young and the pain is fresh. They'll learn without my interference as they grow older, what they need now is someone who will listen.

But that someone ain't gonna me lmao get rekt 19 year olds.

Kitt posted...

That is way too specific.

Man...suddenly becoming a DJ as a side gig is becoming the male equivalent of a housewife trying to get her real estate license. It's become an infestation! If I hear one person calling themselves by some ridiculous pseudonym like Seedagerix, I'm going to evaporate.
BloodMoon7 posted...

No. Pain is pain. I know telling someone it gets better or it only seems bad now isn't gonna help. Especially if they're young and the pain is fresh. They'll learn without my interference as they grow older, what they need now is someone who will listen.

But that someone ain't gonna me lmao get rekt 19 year olds.

So, what I learned from this, is that you too can't take 19 year olds seriously.

BloodMoon7 posted...

No. Pain is pain. I know telling someone it gets better or it only seems bad now isn't gonna help. Especially if they're young and the pain is fresh. They'll learn without my interference as they grow older, what they need now is someone who will listen.

But that someone ain't gonna me lmao get rekt 19 year olds.

Both kind and cold-hearted. That was beautiful

No, I think its really messed up to treat young people like children. If a teenage employee conducts themself like an adult, I speak to them as such, even if theyre not 18. I try to have patience for young adults, but even as a 35 year old, sometimes I feel like the world sees my entire generation as kids.

Iamdepressed posted...

Man...suddenly becoming a DJ as a side gig is becoming the male equivalent of a housewife trying to get her real estate license. It's become an infestation! If I hear one person calling themselves by some ridiculous pseudonym like Seedagerix, I'm going to evaporate.

So, what I learned from this, is that you too can't take 19 year olds seriously.

Nah I take them seriously about as much as a 91 year old bitchin' about their pain. I mean who asked? I'll listen sure, but nobody cares damn.

pedro45 posted...

Both kind and cold-hearted. That was beautiful

I'm like shaved ice, pretty sweet but I'll make you hurt if you do me too fast.

Depends on their level of maturity. Act mature, and I'll treat you like an adult. Act like an adolescent, and I'll treat you like one.

If anything, sometimes I have a hard time treating teenagers as teenagers.

And before any of you weirdos say anything, I try to treat them as peers, not dumb down things for them or spoil them.

My son is 19 so yes. Hes incredibly immature, though, and it skews my perspective.

No. I kind of have the same demeanor toward everyone though, for better or worse.

BloodMoon7 posted...

I'm like shaved ice, pretty sweet but I'll make you hurt if you do me too fast.

You and shaved ice have an interesting relationship

Yeah I have a 19 year old former intern from my job who stays in contact with me. She is very immature though she believes she is super mature and also smarter/wiser than me and tries to give me life advice (I'm 33).

Sariana21 posted...

My son is 19 so yes. Hes incredibly immature, though, and it skews my perspective.

Could it be that you have difficulty communicating and he doesn't feel comfortable speaking to you because you have weird protocols and hangups that you haven't changed since he was like 12 years old?

Not accusing, asking you to examine this and don't feel obligated to reply either way. Only because so often parents forget to allow their kids to become adults around them, and never let down their own defenses to actually get to know the young adult their child is becoming.

Itachi157 posted...

Yeah I have a 19 year old former intern from my job who stays in contact with me. She is very immature though she believes she is super mature and also smarter/wiser than me and tries to give me life advice (I'm 33).

Why do you still keep in touch if you think she's immature? Come on, you can tell me.

Iamdepressed posted...

Why do you still keep in touch if you think she's immature? Come on, you can tell me.

I don't particularly try to and don't initiate. However I will answer if she tries to talk to me.

Torgo posted...

Could it be that you have difficulty communicating and he doesn't feel comfortable speaking to you because you have weird protocols and hangups that you haven't changed since he was like 12 years old?

Not accusing, asking you to examine this and don't feel obligated to reply either way. Only because so often parents forget to allow their kids to become adults around them, and never let down their own defenses to actually get to know the young adult their child is becoming.

No, hes autistic. I pretty much made him go off to college to help him get out from under our (mostly his dads) thumbs.

Im also a teacher and have spent time around other teenagers. And I have a 15-year-old daughter who also is young for her age but in a different way.

Itachi157 posted...

I don't particularly try to and don't initiate. However I will answer if she tries to talk to me.

Do you ever see yourself sleeping with her? This is some When Harry Met Sally type situation.

They weren't even born when 9/11 happened

I find that if you treat young people like adults, theyre more inclined to behave like it.

Iamdepressed posted...

Do you ever see yourself sleeping with her? This is some When Harry Met Sally type situation.

I find that unlikely as she is religious (Muslim) and seems fairly serious about it. Either way I always just leave it in her court if she wants to talk. Once she stops Im going to let it die. I dont see a friendship lasting as she has said she hates pretty much everything I like. I think Im just a sounding board for her to vent about her new job.

I try to treat them with respect and not discredit their work/experiences, but at the same time I take their actions with a grain of salt.
In a work context, if they are good at what they do, or show maturity in at least taking it seriously, I can overlook when they show their age while talking or whatever.
In a personal context, I try to listen and relate without invalidating where they are in their journey right now, or insisting my wisdom is the best move or only way itll turn out. I also dont believe in giving advice on the same situation more than once (that goes for all friendships, not just with young people). I think just understanding that sometimes making mistakes is the best way to learn helps me not feel too exasperated when others dont learn from my anecdotes.

however, dude- some of these kids out here are both hilariously and frustratingly dumb. just gotta shake your head and walk away sometimes hahaha- we were all like that at some point

Itachi157 posted...

I find that unlikely as she is religious (Muslim) and seems fairly serious about it. Either way I always just leave it in her court if she wants to talk. Once she stops Im going to let it die. I dont see a friendship lasting as she has said she hates pretty much everything I like. I think Im just a sounding board for her to vent about her new job.

I suppose the silver lining could be the absence of loneliness when she's griping to you. It feels nice to connect with somebody despite how one sided it may seem lol.
Daffadilio posted...

I try to treat them with respect and not discredit their work/experiences, but at the same time I take their actions with a grain of salt.
In a work context, if they are good at what they do, or show maturity in at least taking it seriously, I can overlook when they show their age while talking or whatever.
In a personal context, I try to listen and relate without invalidating where they are in their journey right now, or insisting my wisdom is the best move or only way itll turn out. I also dont believe in giving advice on the same situation more than once (that goes for all friendships, not just with young people). I think just understanding that sometimes making mistakes is the best way to learn helps me not feel too exasperated when others dont learn from my anecdotes.

however, dude- some of these kids out here are both hilariously and frustratingly dumb. just gotta shake your head and walk away sometimes hahaha- we were all like that at some point

You see...this is what I'm having difficulty with. Does respecting them involve me speaking their lingo and understanding the many nuances? Or do I speak like how I do now and hope nobody misinterprets my tone as patronizing?

I just don't want to sound like a big brother trying to preach to his siblings.

Iamdepressed posted...

You see...this is what I'm having difficulty with. Does respecting them involve me speaking their lingo and understanding the many nuances? Or do I speak like how I do now and hope nobody misinterprets my tone as patronizing?

I just don't want to sound like a big brother trying to preach to his siblings.

I think you can try to understand what they are saying without feeling like you have to adopt the language? Refusing to try to understand and just discrediting it would be patronizing, though. I dont think anyone would blame you for not understanding everything though, thats kind of inevitable since the generational divide is also a cultural one at this point. You can laugh at the misunderstandings, or let them know you just dont get it. Iunno, just be a normal human. If someone made a joke in front of you that you dont get the reference of, how do you react? Either go with it or say something

People can forget their pain too easily. Yes, we generally get over it, but that took time. There was a time when pain was fresh, and that's the stage a younger person could be going through.

my first response was to say yes but I haven't really worked with a 19 year old in a long ass time. I have one employee who's 18 but he only works weekends and hardly ever talks. I don't even know if he knows I'm his boss since the guy who hired him quit.

I actually wish I had more 20 year olds applying cause they're fast and always want to earn more money.

19 is adult, unless you want to buy booze, or rent a car, or be a congressman, or be a senator, or be president, in United States.

Seriously, this staggered adulthood is mesded up.

Questionmarktarius posted...

19 is adult, unless you want to buy booze, or rent a car, or be a congressman, or be a senator, or be president, in United States.

Seriously, this staggered adulthood is mesded up.

That's one of the common views I disagree with. A 19 year old is significantly more likely to cause a fuck up under the influence of booze, and they still have organs in development.

This topic is on some synchronicity shit. I had to train a 19 year old at work today and I got positive feedback from him and the manager lmao. I literally just talked to him in the plainest terms possible, same as I would anyone else.

Guide posted...

A 19 year old is significantly more likely to cause a fuck up under the influence of booze, and they still have organs in development.

I'm tickling 50, and there is no good age for booze.

Questionmarktarius posted...

I'm tickling 50, and there is no good age for booze.

There is not, but there are worse ages. Just look at auto insurance rates.

Guide posted...

Just look at auto insurance rates.

DWI = fucked insurance. That's why I drive home, and then get wasted.

i don't see why it's an issue. sure some are dumb, but also so are some of my older co-workers, and some my age. Some at that age have already been put through the fuckin grinder and have some pretty extreme life experiences that have forced them to have a mature outlook fast.

Lingo isn't that big of a deal to me. i don't get ALL of it but most is pretty easy to trace through things that have been said for generations, or just put the context together after hearing it used a few times. Some I use if it feels right, or just naturally wormed its way across generation lines.