Current Events > I don't understand being afraid to ask girls out after high school/college.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Isnt the fear that getting rejected will spread around to people you know and theyll laugh at you?

If your rejection stays between you and the girl, whats the harm?

Ive had so much more success with women after high school by just going for it. A LOT of failures, of course, but a lot of successes too. Plus none of those failures were Earth scorching, they pretty much always politely decline and if its
someone in my life routinely I say no problem and we carry back on how we were before, but at least my interest is out there in case they change their mind, which has also happened.

So yeah, give it a shot, girls might be more interested in you than you think.

inb4redpillnonsense

Thats a good way of looking at it. Probably why girls usually made the first move in school because guys have more pride in that way

Shooting your shot is creepy, weird and awkward.

I don't think it was the worry about people finding out... I just don't want to deal with rejection so I don't ask anyone out... That's why my fear carried over past highschool...

In HS:
"u-u-u-ummmmm would you like to umm like to go out w-w-with um go out with me?"

Adult:
"Lemme see them milkers! Hahahaha! Would you like to breed?"

Sad

I went to an allboys private high school. I was nervous around girls until i got into my 20s. I seemed to be attracted to almost every girl i met and didnt want to ruin whatever i had with them. So, of course i never asked them out lol

VeggetaX posted...

Shooting your shot is creepy, weird and awkward.

How do you think people get together? Do you think its just an unspoken assumption between both parties and they just start undressing and get into bed without a word?

It's worse TC, they might say yes.

And then it's goodbye to all the 'me' time which is hard enough, y'know,
can barely stand my own company.

misogyny

VeggetaX posted...

Shooting your shot is creepy, weird and awkward.

lmao

Turbam posted...

In HS:
"u-u-u-ummmmm would you like to umm like to go out w-w-with um go out with me?"

Adult:
"Lemme see them milkers! Hahahaha! Would you like to breed?"

Sad

I mean maybe thats the wording that CE would use, but usually with me its someone that ive been talking to and/or joking around with for a good while so ill eventually say something like Hey youre really cool, do you want to go out sometime? and theyll either say Sure or Nah sorry im not interested in that right now (or they have a boyfriend or whatever their reason is) and I just pleasantly say No problem at all, hey if you change your mind ill be around, so anyway*resumes what we were talking about before* and thats it.

Truth, TC

VeggetaX posted...

Shooting your shot is creepy, weird and awkward.

False

EmilyTheCEman posted...

How do you think people get together? Do you think its just an unspoken assumption between both parties and they just start undressing and get into bed without a word?

Yes.

BTW for you dense people, I am being sarcastic.

VeggetaX posted...

BTW for you dense people, I am being sarcastic.

As a dense person I'm not sure whether to be insulted. Was that sarcasm?

Sometimes there's just too much baggage.

Learning to accept rejection is one of the most important things you can learn.

Avirosb posted...

As a dense person I'm not sure whether to be insulted. Was that sarcasm?

Yes

try having Aspergers it will do wonders for your social skills and self-esteem

VeggetaX posted...

BTW for you dense people, I am being sarcastic.

I figured but there is a bit of truth to it. Certainly an obstacle to overcome for some of us out here. Frankly I got really lucky with women seeking after me, so I never had to deal with all that. Some of us do, though.

I mean look at the most popular comedian in the world (Louis) and the "moves" he tried. Unfortunately that weird, creepy, awkward ass shit is the best some men can come up with, lol.

GS4Life posted...

try having Aspergers it will do wonders for your social skills and self-esteem

I do have it... adapt

Took me awhile to build up my self esteem

GS4Life posted...

try having Aspergers it will do wonders for your social skills and self-esteem

I cant speak on how to overcome a legitimate mental illness on top of trying to court a woman so all I can say is that my heart goes out to you. I was more speaking to those who dont have that hurdle to overcome and their anxieties are more circumstantial.

EmilyTheCEman posted...

legitimate mental illness

I don't think it is a mental illness. It is just a different way of processing.

bsp77 posted...

I don't think it is a mental illness. It is just a different way of processing.

Ah, yeah I never knew what it was technically classified as but I figured it was definitely something hardwired and not someone simply needing to get out more. But yeah, im sure that makes what im saying a LOT harder to accomplish, which sucks.

bsp77 posted...

I do have it... adapt

Took me awhile to build up my self esteem

Eh, self-esteem's overrated.

There's also a lot of nuance to this conversation that so many have a nasty habit of boiling things down into black or white. All they need to do is find just one attribute that aligns with a specific group. Just one, and you have certain types of people claiming they know everything about the person their talking down to every ideology they follow.

You can't boil down everything to be "redpill" or "it worked for me, why can't it work for you" or evil or some derogatory term for men/women. Like some do. The issues at place aren't a result of just one thing.

There are multiple issues at play here that extends to many things but not limited to:

• Men
• Women
• Social media (Which can honestly be broken into multiple subsections on its own)
• And so much more.

EmilyTheCEman posted...

Ah, yeah I never knew what it was technically classified as but I figured it was definitely something hardwired and not someone simply needing to get out more. But yeah, im sure that makes what im saying a LOT harder to accomplish, which sucks.

Yeah, no offense. I am open about it. It does make things harder, but I also think most people have issues of some kind, and everyone has something to overcome. I don't think it is any worse than general anxiety, social anxiety, ADHD, depression, etc. Personally, I find my general anxiety to be worse, because that takes over my brain, but I can use strategies to work through my autism "issues".

I actually have very good communication skills now from studying how others interact and thinking if she says "x", I should say "Y". It used to be exhausting, but after enough practice, I kind of rewired my brain. Most people can't tell I have autism. My fiance can tell because I can't "mask" all the time, but luckily she finds my tendencies adorable.

I only say all if this because a lot of guys just state they have aspergers/autism, and then think that means they should just not try.

Autism is a spectrum anyway.
What works for some might not work for others.

Avirosb posted...

Autism is a spectrum anyway.
What works for some might not work for others.

Of course. But something would work.

Some people get over that fear of rejection, and some people don't. It is true that there really is nothing to be afraid of though.

EmilyTheCEman posted...

Isnt the fear that getting rejected will spread around to people you know and theyll laugh at you?

If your rejection stays between you and the girl, whats the harm?

No. When I was in school, my fear of rejection had absolutely nothing to do with other people finding out about it.

Part of the fear was the uncertainty of not knowing how she felt about me. The other part of the fear was of the pain the potential rejection would cause. If I was attracted to a woman, I wanted her to like me in the same way that I liked her. And when it didn't pan out that way, it hurt. It felt like a gut punch. The first time I got rejected, I actually cried a little bit.

But, the difference between now and high school, is that I'd rather deal with that pain, than to spend the rest of my life wondering "what if?" Because for a while after high school, I'd look back on the girls who seemed interested, but I was too afraid to ask. And that thought drove me crazy.

So now, I'd rather face a rejection, just so I know for sure that nothing would have happened with her. It still hurts, so I still get nervous, but I power through it.

Agreed with the conclusion. As with any opportunity you got to start taking your shots and licks. Beats wallowing in loneliness and regret.

But I disagree with not being afraid to do it. Logic is not the cure for fear. Its still going to be nerve wracking even with the logic. Just have to power through.

Nevermind rejection, what about the fear of being an inconvenience?
Some people just want to be left alone.

I would just like to point out, woman are fully capable of asking out men.

The topic operates on a pretense that underlines part of the problem. A pretense that only men have trouble asking, and that men are sole ones responsible for sparking a conversation.

asdf8562 posted...

I would just like to point out, woman are fully capable of asking out men.

The topic operates on a pretense that underlines part of the problem.

I absolutely wish that our society operated that way, but it doesnt so all we can do is adapt.

EmilyTheCEman posted...

I absolutely wish that our society operated that way, but it doesnt so all we can do is adapt.

Again, that's part of the problem.

If the idea is "adapt" that applies to woman too. Not just men.

asdf8562 posted...

Again, that's part of the problem.

If the idea is "adapt" that applies to woman too. Not just men.

Okay, and how does agreeing that theres a double standard problem help dudes get chicks in 2023?

EmilyTheCEman posted...

Okay, and how does agreeing that theres a double standard problem help dudes get chicks in 2023?

How does pinning blame on men, help men get woman in 2023? All the while side stepping woman share 50/50 blame on the not asking problem.

Better yet, the woman complaining about this same issue, how does this help woman find a man in 2023? When they are also more than capable of adapting too and embracing a 50/50 expectation on finding a relationship?

Blaming just one party when both parties can contribute isn't helping either.

asdf8562 posted...

Again, that's part of the problem.

If the idea is "adapt" that applies to woman too. Not just men.

You are right, but it doesn't matter because women don't need to adapt because they get enough attention. So like it or not, the men have to deal with it.

You are talking ideals, but we live in the real world.

I have this social hangup where I really need to know someone first before I even consider asking them out. It's hard to meet and get to know women in most situations outside of school.

bsp77 posted...

You are right, but it doesn't matter because women don't need to adapt because they get enough attention. So like it or not, the men have to deal with it.

You are talking ideals, but we live in the real world.

I'm not talking ideals.

Both men and woman are having trouble finding a relationship. This isn't just a men only problem despite what redpill circles would have you believe.

The real world being ignored here is acting like it's only men, or that it's only men who need to adapt and fix it.

wanderingshade posted...

I have this social hangup where I really need to know someone first before I even consider asking them out. It's hard to meet and get to know women in most situations outside of school.

Use Meetup

asdf8562 posted...

I'm not talking ideals.

Both men and woman are having trouble finding a relationship. This isn't just a men only problem.

The real world being ignored here is acting like it's only men, or that it's only men who need to adapt and fix it.

Many women have a hard time finding a relationship with a guy they actually want, sure.

But none of this matters. My response to a situation is what can *I* do. Blaming societal norms is good for having a discussion, but if you want results, you have to focus on what you can do. It is about taking control of the situation and your life.

asdf8562 posted...

I would just like to point out, woman are fully capable of asking out men.

The topic operates on a pretense that underlines part of the problem. A pretense that only men have trouble asking, and that men are sole ones responsible for sparking a conversation.

Funny thing is everyone is walking around fearing rejection at the same time, lol. So none of us nervous-nellies get what we want even though it's right there.

I can't believe I have to say this, but for the love of God CEmen, please don't pester women by "shooting your shot. The answer is no and will always be no. No woman on this planet wants to date a CEman or have anything to do with one. Respect women and respect their personal space.

IronWolf87 posted...

I can't believe I have to say this, but for the love of God CEmen, please don't pester women by "shooting your shot. The answer is no and will always be no. No woman on this planet wants to date a CEman or have anything to do with one. Respect women and respect their personal space.

Shut the fuck up

bsp77 posted...

Many women have a hard time finding a relationship with a guy they actually want, sure.

But none of this matters. My response to a situation is what can *I* do. Blaming societal norms is good for having a discussion, but if you want results, you have to focus on what you can do. It is about taking control of the situation and your life.

Both men and woman have a hard time finding a relationship with a person they actually want. It's not a man only thing. It's not a woman only thing.

What *I* can do is exactly what I'm doing.

Results most definitely can happen if more points out woman are definitely part of the part of the problem, can most definitely ask out men too, and that all of these responsibilities on sparking a relationship is 50/50. Because under your attitude nothing would ever change.

Continuously acting like it's only men, and that it should never be pointed out, and that men should just accept all blame to something that has a 50/50 solution is not helping things either.

If both genders want better luck finding people they actually want, both need to speak.

yeah it's a not a fear you should have. women know when you like them anyway and ignoring it makes you look like an idiot