Current Events > How does one go about being a 39 year old widow looking to date?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I asked out a colleague of mine today on a date and she doesn't want to mix personal and professional life. Very fair and understandable. She's very cool and I'm glad I took my shot.

I've come to realize that I have no idea of where I'm gonna meet people who have similar interests to me right now. I'm a 39 year old man who has no desire to have kids, into gaming and anime and all the nerd stuff.

At my work I'm in a position of being a supervisor so even if I was to maybe think I had a connection with another staff member I don't feel it would be appropriate to even address it.

I might check and see if any of my friends have any single gals they know who maybe could be a nice fit. I'm not much for bars and clubs and stuff like that, and at nearly 40 I just don't really feel like it's my scene, you know?

Hrmm

Widower. Men and widowers.

I would say online dating is your best move. Any stigma it had is long gone

You sure that it's not too soon so far?

chaos_knight posted...

You sure that it's not too soon so far?

I honestly felt very excited asking someone out and was like, disappointed when it didn't work out sure, but not deterred.

I'm not wanting to rush into living with someone or anything like that... but going on dates? Getting to know someone you like on a deeper level? Seeing if you have something more you want to explore?

That is super exciting.

are you the one who just had their wife die?

If so, I think you might need to wait a bit, or just make some friends.

Online dating isnt exactly roses, unless you get lucky, cause most people there dont know what they want. And if you have emotional baggage you havent dealt with, its gonna hurt you.

Anyway, if you really wanna go for it, just be normal. People like older men. You arent as dumb as young guys and mature men are a genre of their own.

_____Cait posted...

are you the one who just had their wife die?

If so, I think you might need to wait a bit, or just make some friends.

I've got a lot of friends and my family lives in the city.

In terms of waiting... there isn't really a manual on it, you know? I have always just kinda followed what felt right. Asking out my colleague felt like the right thing to do and even with it not working how I wanted, it didn't feel like the wrong thing to do.

Maybe I won't rush it or try too hard. Let it find me naturally.

If you're looking to date someone with similar interests, your best bet might be to try meetup, Facebook or Reddit to find local groups of people who are into video games/anime etc. although a lot of those groups tend to be mostly male.

chaos_knight posted...

You sure that it's not too soon so far?

When he and his wife were still trying to apply for MAID, he said in an earlier topic that his wife had a morbid sense of humor and jokingly encouraged him to use her death to get sympathy sex.

FortuneCookie posted...

When he and his wife were still trying to apply for MAID, he said in an earlier topic that his wife had a morbid sense of humor and jokingly encouraged him to use her death to get sympathy sex.

This is very true. I'm not that person though and I'm never gonna be the kind of person looking for sympathy sex.

I've had sex with four people in my life, all of them people I was dating at the time.

Your wife died a month ago and you're already looking to date again? Shouldn't you be still in your mourning period?

AmericaTheBrave posted...

Your wife died a month ago and you're already looking to date again? Shouldn't you be still in your mourning period?

My wife applied for MAID in September of 2022. While obviously the true loss of my wife was last month, it was a long process where I knew she was going to pass away at some point soon.

I've been in therapy throughout the process too.

I've been in mourning for a long time.

Cmon guys. Stop telling TC how you think he should feel. Only he can decide that.

Anyway, I second the suggestion of online dating. If you're looking for something serious, I'd suggest one of the paid apps like eHarmony or Match (I personally had a lot of success with eHarmony). For something a bit more casual, apps like Hinge, Bumble, or Coffee Meets Bagel are good. Just be clear on your profile what you're looking for.

I know you said you don't want kids, but if a potential partner already has them, would that be a deal breaker?

I ask because I'm also around your age, and finding people who aren't parents limits some opportunities (I don't date, though, outside of looking for friends - aromantic).

AmericaTheBrave posted...

Your wife died a month ago and you're already looking to date again? Shouldn't you be still in your mourning period?

people process things differently, at different rates, and honestly, companionship can help a person who's mourning, even if it's a transitory/casual kind of thing.

no need to tell someone else how they should do things or feel.

If you want to meet people with similar interests, you should do activities that interest you. Join a club (irl or online) or other organization designed around things you like. Cant find one? Consider starting one.

I just saw my typo. That should say men are widowers.

As you can see, I have no real input I can give. I'm also 39, but a kissless virgin, so...

Yeah, I got nothing.

Sariana21 posted...

If you want to meet people with similar interests, you should do activities that interest you. Join a club (irl or online) or other organization designed around things you like. Cant find one? Consider starting one.

yea, there's also Meetup, which can be a good site for meeting new people (mostly platonic, but who knows)

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

In terms of waiting... there isn't really a manual on it, you know? I have always just kinda followed what felt right.

Definitely man, do what feels right for you. I can totally relate to the feeling of having begun mourning long before the actual passing, and get where you're coming from there. And honestly, no one can really relate to your specific circumstances so do what you feel is right.

Having said that though, since no one can really relate, I might refrain from telling potential dates about what happened, as from an outsider perspective it probably does seem a little quick to be jumping back in the dating game. Not saying hide it or anything, but not sure it's something I'd lead with.

King_Rial posted...

I just saw my typo. That should say men are widowers.

As you can see, I have no real input I can give. I'm also 39, but a kissless virgin, so...

Yeah, I got nothing.

Dont worry, anyone who still thinks this is something to insult someone for is too young to legally use this site (mentally, anyway).

You unfortunately probably have to use dating apps. I say unfortunately because the algorithms are such that a man seeking a woman will likely have to pay hundreds of dollars to actually get his profile seen by anyone; it's a huge racket.

Anyways you could also try bars, I guess? Both kinda shitty options, but once you leave school it's hard to meet people. Real hard. I agree with you that work would probably just be weird if you're management.

nexigrams posted...

You unfortunately probably have to use dating apps. I say unfortunately because the algorithms are such that a man seeking a woman will likely have to pay hundreds of dollars to actually get his profile seen by anyone; it's a huge racket.

Anyways you could also try bars, I guess? Both kinda shitty options, but once you leave school it's hard to meet people. Real hard. I agree with you that work would probably just be weird if you're management.

Join social clubs too.

Id def make a few online profiles and shop around. Youre a cool guy, im sure youll find somebody