Current Events > I just saw how my uncle disciplines his adopted sons.

(+) Yeah! (+)

He wanted to clean up the toy box before they left our house and they wanted to play.

Instead of encouraging them by example, he raised his voice and smacked one of them with threats of more.

Not even a spanking - he simply swatted him on the arm.

I remember being disciplined by my stepfather and he proved to me than fear and pain is never a good idea to instill in children (the oldest is barely 2).

My stepfather made up excuses to spank me, made lewd comments about Onan during my puberty years, gave me "the talk" while on the toilet with his pants down and even tried to coerce me into the shower with him.

Granted, my uncle is no where near as bad, but he's a white-collar man who thinks that hitting your kids is acceptable due to the "spare the rod" line in the Bible.

I bit my tongue and the kids seemed to be okay after crying it out. But apparently my opinions on such things hardly matters when my family never really gives me the emotional support I need as a person.

I never again want to fear and love anything at the same time. It's a cruel emotion that is used by zealots trying to control you and I also don't want my cousins to resent me for who am I when they get older.

DementedDurian posted...

made lewd comments about Onan during my puberty years, gave me "the talk" while on the toilet with his pants down and even tried to coerce me into the shower with him.

Yo, what the fuck?
I'm sorry all that happened to you.

Turbam posted...

Yo, what the fuck?
I'm sorry all that happened to you.

The worst part is my family denies he was ever going to molest me.

There's a lot to unpack here.

DementedDurian posted...

The worst part is my family denies he was ever going to molest me.

Have you confronted him about it now that you are an adult?

Child abuse like that is harsh. My dad used to do that to me and his excuse was because it "worked", I would pick up my toys and do stuff immediately so I don't get hit because I don't want to feel the pain. The issue was, I wanted to pick up the toys for an entirely different reason, fear instead of "because it's a good habit". My dad eventually toned it down, like waaaaay down with my brothers which basically made him a totally different person than he used to be. He would never hit them once even if they were disrespectful. So one day as I was picking up my dad from his friends house, I asked him "you know, why don't you hit my brothers like you did with me?" He responded, "I'm sorry son. I felt really bad what I did to you.". I forgave him because on one hand it "disciplined" me and showed me what to not do with my own daughter, but on the other hand it did instill some form of trauma against me in the long run.

Priere posted...

Have you confronted him about it now that you are an adult?

Since no one thinks he was going to, I'd receive serious flak for doing so. I've already been threaten with eviction if I ever got too out of line. I also don't know if he's still alive or where is he right now.

AgentCoulson posted...

There's a lot to unpack here.

Admitedly, I still remember the feeling he said that he wanted to "teach me how to clean myself" and I ran to my mom because I knew what he was trying to pull.

Luckily, I made such a stink of it that it discouraged him. Probably the only thing that would have.

That definitely seems like something you should report to cps.

Kai_Laguna posted...

That definitely seems like something you should report to cps.

I doubt I would be taken seriously, with the notion that it's just a "parenting style" and I'm a member of the family who has sharp, contrasting beliefs with the rest of them.

Plus, I'd never see them again.

he hit a 2 year old? report that shit. this is the kind of thing that escalates into a dead kid when he loses his temper for a second

especially an adopted kid. they will take them away asap

thronedfire2 posted...

he hit a 2 year old? report that shit. this is the kind of thing that escalates into a dead kid when he loses his temper for a second

especially an adopted kid. they will take them away asap

I'd do it, but I doubt I could report in a way that wouldn't make me suspected of being the one of doing so. The only ones who saw it was me and my grandparents. They'd know it was me.

I'd also be even more of a pariah in my entire family and no one would ever want to ever do anything with me because "I couldn't be trusted". They already don't trust me as is.