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DirkDiggles 05/11/23 12:37:29 AM #1: |
https://www.theonion.com/man-dies-after-being-pushed-by-stranger-into-subway-res-1850414590 NEW YORKBecoming the latest victim in a string of similar incidents taking place near the fast food franchise, local man Brandon Turner reportedly died Wednesday after being pushed by a stranger into a Subway restaurant. You could see the horror in his eyes as he tumbled backwards toward the foot-long Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki, his arms and legs just pinwheeling, helplessly, said witness Kara Svoboda, who was on her morning commute to work when she saw a deranged man come up behind the 38-year-old New Yorker and violently shove him off the cement and through the gaping open door of the sandwich shop, where he was immediately slammed by the bread stench. Ive always been careful when walking by a Subway, keeping a distance of six or seven feet, but now I think Im just going to have to avoid them entirely. Its the worst thing Ive ever seen in over 50 years in this city. I know Im going to have nightmares about this for the rest of my life. At press time, sources confirmed Turners loved ones had taken consolation in the knowledge that he had at least died instantly. --- Intel 486, Integrated videocard, 16MB RAM, 64MB HD, 3 1/4 inch floppy ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Paragon21XX 05/11/23 12:41:07 AM #2: |
I hate Subway with a passion too, but dying from being shoved through an open door is kind of an overreaction. --- Politicians are the weeds of the galaxy. ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Lokison 05/11/23 12:42:24 AM #3: |
Paragon21XX posted... I hate Subway with a passion too, but dying from being shoved through an open door is kind of an overreaction.It's the onion. --- Word from the wise: Don't drink the under-sink-juice. ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Tyranthraxus 05/11/23 12:43:33 AM #4: |
Paragon21XX posted... I hate Subway with a passion too, but dying from being shoved through an open door is kind of an overreaction.It depends. Maybe he saw that they raised their prices again. --- It says right here in Matthew 16:4 "Jesus doth not need a giant Mecha." https://i.imgur.com/dQgC4kv.jpg ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Paragon21XX 05/11/23 12:43:51 AM #5: |
Lokison posted... It's the onion.Thank you, Captain Obvious. --- Politicians are the weeds of the galaxy. ... Copied to Clipboard!
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WrestlinFan 05/11/23 12:51:50 AM #6: |
Lokison posted... It's the sweet onion teriyaki. --- Trying to burn the bridges to a culture that taught us to hate and fear and live like cogs in a machine and not like lovers, friends, and kin. ... Copied to Clipboard!
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UnholyMudcrab 05/11/23 12:53:42 AM #7: |
Lokison posted... It's the onion.Well why'd they put so much of it on the sandwich, then? A lethal dose of onion is, like, a lot of onions. --- http://i.imgur.com/VeNBg.gif http://i.imgur.com/gd5jC8q.gif http://i.imgur.com/PKIy7.gif http://i.imgur.com/3p29JqP.gif ... Copied to Clipboard!
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VampireCoyote 05/11/23 12:55:10 AM #8: |
Rest in Provolone --- She/her ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Tyranthraxus 05/11/23 1:03:21 AM #9: |
UnholyMudcrab posted... Well why'd they put so much of it on the sandwich, then? A lethal dose of onion is, like, a lot of onions.If it's subway onions then one squirt is fatal --- It says right here in Matthew 16:4 "Jesus doth not need a giant Mecha." https://i.imgur.com/dQgC4kv.jpg ... Copied to Clipboard!
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eggcorn 05/11/23 1:05:15 AM #10: |
terrible. --- Warning: This post may contain triggering or distressing content. ... Copied to Clipboard!
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candyapplered 05/11/23 1:17:15 AM #11: |
Poor guy got toasted. --- Stay swell and swole my friends of freedom! ... Copied to Clipboard!
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goatthief 05/11/23 1:19:44 AM #12: |
Lokison posted... It's the onion. Nah I think it's the smell of the stale bread that's doing it --- A Canadian Classic ... Copied to Clipboard!
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