Current Events > How to Feel Less Lonely, According to the Surgeon General

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Americas top physician, Dr. Vivek Murthy, offers advice on how to build meaningful social connections in an increasingly lonely world.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/02/well/mind/loneliness-isolation-surgeon-general.html

Americans have become increasingly lonely and isolated, and this lack of social connection is having profound effects on our mental and physical health, the surgeon general warned in an advisory on Tuesday.

Advisories from Americas top doctor are typically reserved for public health challenges that require immediate attention. This is the first time one has been used to highlight the issue of loneliness.

More than half of Americans are lonely, according to a 2021 poll, which also found that young adults are almost twice as likely to report feeling lonely as those over age 65.

Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, the surgeon general, has often spoken about the decline in social connection and wrote a book about the subject, Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World that was published in 2020. In the new advisory, he calls on the nation to strengthen its social fabric and to prioritize meaningful relationships.

Whether we consider ourselves lonely or not, many of us can benefit from making the effort to rebuild and cultivate our connections with other people. I asked Dr. Murthy to expand on the advisory and share some of his best advice.

Reconnect with others.

To get started, take 15 minutes each day to contact a friend or a relative. Put a reminder in your calendar, if needed, so that it remains a priority. Your relationships cannot thrive unless they are nurtured.

Those brief in-person interactions can make us feel good for a long time because we are hard-wired to connect, Dr. Murthy said.

Even if its only a brief conversation, show how much you value the person youre speaking with by being authentic, Dr. Murthy advised. In other words, as he put it, be real when youre connecting with someone.

We dont have to put on airs, he said. We dont have to be somebody else. We can just truly be us.

It might be scary at first, but remember that people are wired to connect, Dr. Murthy added. Sharing honestly, and inviting others to do likewise, can be incredibly powerful, he said.

Minimize distractions.

How often have you caught yourself looking at your phone while someone is speaking with you? What about during meals? Do other people do this when speaking with you? For more satisfying quality time, put the devices down and give your full attention.

Focus on the conversation, he said. Listening is as important as what we say.

While youre at it, scale back on social media. Virtual connection is not a replacement for in-person time with the important people in your life. Despite the ever-increasing opportunities to connect online, Americans report having fewer friends than they did decades ago.

Over thousands of years we evolved to not only understand the content of what someone was saying but also to respond to the tone of their voice, to read their body language and to experience their presence, Dr. Murthy said. And we lose a lot of that when we are communicating electronically.

When people call, pick up the phone.

Imagine your phone ringing. You see its a call from your best friend from college whom you havent caught up with in a long time. But instead of accepting the call, you decide not to answer. You tell yourself youll call back later when you have more time to chat.

Next time, Dr. Murthy said, pick up the phone and talk. If youre in the middle of something, say, Hey, its really good to hear your voice, and then find another time to talk.

That 10 seconds feels so much better than going back and forth on text, he said.

Serve others.

Studies show that volunteering can ease feelings of loneliness and broaden our social networks. Consider donating your time to an organization in your community, or offering to help your family, co-workers or friends.

When we help other people we establish an experience or a connection with them but we also remind ourselves of the value that we bring to the world, Dr. Murthy said. And thats essential because when people struggle with loneliness over time, it does erode their self-esteem and their sense of self. It can make them believe over time that theyre lonely because theyre not likable or theyre not lovable. And when we serve others, we come to see that thats not the case.

Get help.

Finally, tell someone if you are struggling with loneliness. It could be a relative, a friend, a counselor or a health care provider.

If youre feeling persistently sad and hopeless, and it is getting in the way of your ability to function in your day-to-day life or to participate in activities that used to bring you joy, then thats a red flag that you may need to speak with a professional. And if youre having thoughts of harming yourself, call the 988 crisis line.

That's not what it says, though. It identifies a problem then proposes a solution. What would you recommend people do to be less lonely?

When people call, pick up the phone.

95% of my phone calls are robocalls and scammers

maybe the government should do something about that before lecturing us about how to cope with atomization

What? Automation? Autonominization?

Sure people may be lonely and depressed, but I get robo calls, that's the important issue...

Yeah I was about to make a joke before reading the OP, I think that's all legitimately good advice lol

atomization is a colloqualism for large scale social isolation

my point is that society's power brokers have over time eroded any semblance of organic community/social structures and relationships and is boldly lecturing about superficial solutions to symptoms of more fundamental societal problems, while simultaneously neglecting addressable issues actually within the scope of their power and responsibilities

atomization is a colloqualism for large scale social isolation

my point is that society's power brokers have over time eroded any semblance of organic community/social structures and relationships and is boldly lecturing about superficial solutions to symptoms of more fundamental societal problems, while simultaneously neglecting addressable issues actually within the scope of their power and responsibilities

Better advice would be to just tell people to do their best to adapt to being lonely.

The genie is not going back in the bottle.

This kind of advice is for 'normies' in a rut.