Current Events > CE Confessionary - Is Your Body Ready?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Well?

If you haven't heard of Confessionary before, heres how it works. You post an anonymous confession into my box, and I respond and post it for all of ce to see. Release the weight of your secrets, no one will know its you ;0

Oh yeah, and also I have mod approval so pls don't shut me down gamefaqs mods thanks

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/8/0/1/AAclepAADe2h.png

RULES:
- Keep it PG-13 and TOS friendly
- Flaming is strictly prohibited, no matter if you name drop or not
- Links of any kind will be omitted from this topic

I have sole discretion over what is posted. Even if you don't technically break the rules above, if I sense that you are saying something to cause an issue in ce's tissues it will not be posted. Only you and I will know the truth.

Remember to recite your daily prayers to our celord and savior, error1355

------

Anywho, it's time to confess. Tell the class what you did. Abide by TOS rules + my own rules or I'll feed you to my snake.

CE'S ANONYMOUS CONFESSIONARY
https://forms.gle/329Cpf45usSqNXqu6

Don't forget to replace random words in the confessions with "Trumble". ;)

pls
I cannot ruin the SANCTITY of these confessions

my body's not ready I'll tell you that

Let's go!

Might want to update your sig

Bass posted...

Let's go!

AHHHHH

Quaxlyote posted...

Might want to update your sig

Nah it's okay they go to the same sheet don't u worry

My body isn't ready.

How do we get our bodies ready in the most optimal way?

I want to have a threeway with you and aeriis

But have you considered if we want a threeway with.. you?

Id like to put something in your box

It better be a confession

What if they meant an actual box? Do you own a box?

I've taken to wearing aprons as often as possible to hide the fact that I've gained some weight. I think people are starting to get concerned for my mental health. It's possible they are right to think so. But I don't need to worry about food splattering on my clothes.

You think you can get away with one of those ripped 6 pack ab aprons? That may convince them a lil better

tag

I sell propane and propane accessories but secretly like grilling with charcoal. That's my deepest, darkest secret.

you heATHAN
they trusted you

Harpie posted...

You think you can get away with one of those ripped 6 pack ab aprons? That may convince them a lil better

Only if a six-pack T shirt is under it.

Then when they dramatically rip away the apron they'll assume they reached skin and be all "oh nvm you're still shredded"

It was a dark stormy night, in a land far far away. Michelle lay awake in her bed, questioning her life, the universe, everything. Her wife lay next to her, snoring like an obese tractor with a failing engine. "Oh Jesus, if you're out there," Michelle quietly whispered, "will you help me? Help me to understand the meaning of everything. I just don't get it anymore." No sooner had she finished her prayer, than her bedroom door swung open. Even in the darkness, she could see the silhouette of a tall man draped in some kind of sheet or cloak, with long, wavy hair. He walked over next to her. Michelle was petrified, she lay still; her wife still snoring away, oblivious to what was going on. The man knelt down, and whispered into Michelle's ear... "Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you."

wow okay rick astley can come in my bed any day of the w- I MEAN wait nooooo not the rick roll!!

I turned 40. Couldn't be avoided. I was actually kinda looking forward to it and in hindsight, my opinion hasn't changed. Turning 30 was a fucking drag. I hated that shit. Turning 40 felt like an accomplishment though. I embraced it and I can even brag about it.

30 seems like the awkward in between. See now you're old but like, hot dilf kinda old.

I don't want to participate

Wha?? WHY?? WHAT DID I EVER DO YOU YOU, HUH???

I feel like these topics always turn out the same. A handful of shit stirring, a handful of depressed people, and a handful of creepy ass shit.

Well sometimes fights break out which is pretty entertaining

I was wondering how long until the gross sex stuff would start coming in.

...now can I please (redacted) your dog in the (redacted)?

ah yes the first redacted confession of the day! How do you feel about this accomplishment?

I'm here for the creepy ass shit

DrizztLink posted...

Only if a six-pack T shirt is under it.

Then when they dramatically rip away the apron they'll assume they reached skin and be all "oh nvm you're still shredded"

I'm a bit on the heavyset side but I have decently strong abs and one time a coworker just punched me in the stomach out of the blue and I didn't even react and he was like "holy shit." It was kind of a sucker punch too.

tagging

Your new confession topic has been up less than 15 minutes, and I have already farted in it more than is humanly possible.

No wonder this place reeks, if I set a match alight this whole damn topic would come ablaze

why does crimsoness hate me???

idk you seem kinda needy rn though

Fuck I live for this Harpie topic!!!!!
Let's gooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/6/0/3/AAW5a5AAEY6L.jpg

Harpie posted...

No wonder this place reeks, if I set a match alight this whole damn topic would come ablaze

There's a 99% chance that confession was either myself or Heartomaton, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't me so...

I'm addicted to eating toilet paper, it started about a year ago, I had a sudden craving so I'd eat just a square per night, now it's progressed and I'm probably eating half a roll a day. I love the texture, the way it feels on my tongue, and teeth, I'm sitting here now tearing thin strips off a roll and eating as I type this.

I'm eating cheap, thin toilet paper and it's unbleached so I tell myself it won't harm me, I don't know if that's true in the long run, sometimes my stomach hurts when I need to poop and during it, but aside from that I haven't noticed any other adverse afffects, I'm a paper-eating weirdo and you (and anyone who reads your topic) are the only ones who know now.

I was about to write a whole ass paragraph warning others that eating TP is not the way, but after you said you get the unbleached hipster kind I have changed my tune. I support you and your endeavors, have a nice day.

Finally!

Harpie posted...

I was about to write a whole ass paragraph warning others that eating TP is not the way, but after you said you get the unbleached hipster kind I have changed my tune. I support you and your endeavors, have a nice day.

but ivan

if eat toilet paper

you will not need the wiping

for poop will be the wiping

Trumble posted...

There's a 99% chance that confession was either myself or Heartomaton, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't me so...

Snitches get stitches.

Your "mod approval" comes from a mod who is notorious for causing national disasters every time he attempts to cook potatoes. I just felt you should know this.

This lends even more credibility. A man who cooks potatoes is a man I need on my side

Harpie posted...

I was about to write a whole ass paragraph warning others that eating TP is not the way, but after you said you get the unbleached hipster kind I have changed my tune. I support you and your endeavors, have a nice day.

that confession was bizarre and gave me a bit of existential crisis. If you EAT toilet paper and then shit it out, does it operate like toilet paper and like... wipe in the process? Like, how does that work? And South Park's Japanese Toilet episode a few weeks ago kinda makes it even more confusing because they had a point there...

One time when I was walking home form work, my foot started randomly hurting and I couldn't help but limp, then out of (seemingly) nowhere some kid appeared in front of me and HE was limping too, I was by a busy road and I kind of worried people would think I was taking the piss out of him but I wasn't :/

people probably though there as an ankle beater bandit running amuk, smashing the ankles of anyone he deemed worthy

Do you ever miss your bigger boobs?

Sometimes when I wear a cute lil dress or lacy bra, I kinda wish for a half second I had more boob to fill it in. Then all the memories of the wretched titty running face slaps and permanent back pain come back and I shake myself out of stupidity.

Harpie posted...

This lends even more credibility. A man who cooks potatoes is a man I need on my side

I'm not the one who's even a walking apocalypse in the kitchen though...

Harpie posted...

I was about to write a whole ass paragraph warning others that eating TP is not the way, but after you said you get the unbleached hipster kind I have changed my tune. I support you and your endeavors, have a nice day.

I feel like this would be similar but not exactly like eating shredded wheat.

Back in 2010 I was working at this shop and the manager commented that she hates it when she "walks through a huge cloud of customer fart" but the truth is I was the one who farted.

you better have provided her with a shit cloud every damn day

Beep Bep

hey bby ;0

I was going to post a real serious confession and end it with "PS: [a racial slur]" just to be the first redacted one, but then I got high. I was going to reveal some deep details of my life then casually toss off a highly offensive word, but I got high. Now I'm writing this generic shit instead, and I know why. Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high. La-da-da-da-dadada.

what if you post your high shower thoughts because you're high?

Please tell me a good album

uhhhhhhhhhh
Currents by Tame Impala

hot dilf lmao. I appreciate that but I ain't gonna be having any kids... or grandkids... because 40... shit, that's potential grandparent age FUCK, but yeah, none of that for me. Not interested. I'm more than content being childless for life

Listen you don't gotta have kids to be a dilf. It's all about the look. I, for one, aspire to be a childless hot af milf/muscle mommy after I turn 30 years old.

Caelthus posted...

I'm not the one who's even a walking apocalypse in the kitchen though...

DAYUM. Who is catching this stray??

It's like 50% fart confessions so far

I changed my mind I wanna have a threeway with you and crimsoness

have you ever had a threeway

It's not as magical as it sounds ._.

Greetings harpie, he can't getting away with this. HE CAN'T GETTING AWAY WITH THIS!

Don't you worry, I have just the man for this

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/6/1/4/AAclepAAEY6W.jpg

There is a bird on my shoulder right now.

:0
give it a nut for me

I pretend to be a lawyer to impress CE but I really live with my parents and recently got fired from my Walmart greeter job for peeping in the women's restroom

fake news, walmart would never fire someone for peeping they desperately need workers

I give a persona that I never swear both to people I talk to online and in real life, but give me an anonymous mask like this topic or if Im alone I can swear like a fucking sailor.

I can't fucking wait, unleash your goddamn WORDS

Fuck off.

Oh.. okay :(

I am the Trumble and are the thing that sended the fartastic confession.

your new sig has been updated accordingly

What do you call a crocodilian that drives a Ford?

...I dunno, I'm out of alligator puns right now. :(

the joke ----->

my head ---->
so sorry

I feel my heart may be too corrupted for CE, and yet, I still post.

Nah, if anything you're much too pure. A true ceman is oblivious to his own corruption and shame

I must confess that I broke the law earlier today. I smoked one (1) marijuana, utilizing a device commonly known as a "bong" in order to do so. Forgive me Harpie for I have sinned.

Smh next time pass it over to me

What do you do when you're not on this plane of existence?

Work, Gym, Caretaking, usually in that order
I am so busy these days that even when I sleep I dream of being at work or doing errandy tasks ._.

I must confess that I have no sins. When I sins I sins real good. Also Hilda Tiddies is cannon because a woman of her calibre...To Be Continued

Okay well you can't just leave me on a cliffhanger here

Update: The bird is on my head now.

:3

Anyone who votes Republican is actively contributing to the downfall of America

Nah nah you don't understand WOKEISM is DESTROYING this country /s

I want to see a horse do things to vyrulisse

Like ask for pets? That'd be very cute

I've drastically cut down what I eat to combat my dysphoria. I have a cup of coffee (with creamer) in the morning and then maybe 700 calories for dinner. I can already see the differences in my face and my hips and it makes me feel better about myself.

I mean this is probably not a good idea but also I can't say much since my average calorie count is 950 lol

Do another soft goth, man. This is not a request this is an order!

Been there, done that. What about something new? Maybe something a lil better even??

Im terrified of every person I encounter

people are horrifying

Do CEgals really get horny PMs all the time?

I think it depends on the cegal, and how often they post pics. Back in ye olden days when I was posting a lot, I'd get a lot of pms. Since I sort of stopped doing that I don't get many pms anymore

Not really a question but, last year you made a topic on my birthday which was really cool, made my day and i appreciate that. You're awesome!
Nevertheless, question : What bear is best?

Of course!! You had mentioned your birthday once and I made a reminder so that I could remember to make a topic for you since you're awesome. It twas fun <333

The polar bear is best. That beast HUNTS people, and that's fuckin metal

I hate that I get attached to people too easily like one time I started crying cos my internet friend got mad at me and left the discord dm I was in and another time a person irl left cos of issues with the college and it devastated me and right now I have feelings for a person irl but they only like me as a friend and It kills me every time there's mention of the person they are dating and it makes me a bit jealous tbh. I just want a significant other to be friends with and be close with just being friends isn't enough it eats my insides sometimes.

I wish there was an off switch in our brains for those type of things. But when in doubt, eat ice cream. Ice cream makes everyone feel better

Animals don't like me.
Cats and Snakes do but nothing else.

Harpie posted...

I hate that I get attached to people too easily like one time I started crying cos my internet friend got mad at me and left the discord dm I was in and another time a person irl left cos of issues with the college and it devastated me and right now I have feelings for a person irl but they only like me as a friend and It kills me every time there's mention of the person they are dating and it makes me a bit jealous tbh. I just want a significant other to be friends with and be close with just being friends isn't enough it eats my insides sometimes.

Definitely not catboy lol

Have any confessions been redacted yet?

Just one 0-0

who's gonna make it two??

It makes me sad that nobody likes the same things I do. It feels very isolating to not have anyone to talk to about the few things I enjoy in life

What do you enjoy? It better not be squid porn

I drafted suicide notes on my phone as a writing exercise/catharsis during a work break and felt really shitty because I realized how bad it would feel for the 1-2 people in my life that would care if I died and read that shit

Exactly, and honestly you needa know what happens next on ce. You really don't wanna miss when vegy posts face pics

<3

Fuck on.

I like where this is going

I like pizza

God the things I would do for a pizza rn are incredibly unholy

Harpie posted...

- Links of any kind will be omitted from this topic

wait hold the fuck up

DrizztLink posted...

wait hold the fuck up

I have been scarred before. Unless theres a way to look at a link and KNOW it's safe I am not risking it for the biscuit anymore