Current Events > The "If it was an older woman and younger guy" argument is so annoying

(+) Yeah! (+)

If it was an older woman and a younger guy, it would be someone else's kink and not mine. :v

bsp77 posted...

I won't say the "youngest women they can legally say they're attracted to". However, I have had to think about why I was mostly pursuing women 5 to 15 years younger than me after my divorce. I was 40yo and had been with my ex since I was 19 (and never dated prior). I felt like I missed out on my 20s and 30s, plus most people my age seemed boring af to me. Basically, I was immature and fucked up.

So I do think it is fair to question why someone keeps pursuing people who are younger. I wasn't being malicious or anything, but I also wasn't in a healthy place.

The funny thing is that once I started being better from a mental standpoint, I starting dating my now fiance who is over 15 years younger. But the fact that she was younger was an ironic coincidence.

That might have been TMI...

It's not TMI, but it's a retreading of what has already been discussed lol. I have absolutely no qualms with your journey. And if I met someone with your age gap at a party, I wouldn't immediately assume the worst of them or really anything. Id talk to them if it organically happened and if things felt off, Id start feeling weird. Like, if he started talking like Andrew Tate lol.

Actually. You're with a 30 year old. So, Id just think it's sad she got that old without ever understanding her worth.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

It's not TMI, but it's a retreading of what has already been discussed lol. I have absolutely no qualms with your journey. And if I met someone with your age gap at a party, I wouldn't immediately assume the worst of them or really anything. Id talk to them if it organically happened and if things felt off, Id start feeling weird. Like, if he started talking like Andrew Tate lol.

I didn't realize that I ever stated that I was kinda doing it on purpose.

Anyway, my point was that people should think about why they are going after younger women. It might not be "bad" per se, but there may be something to unpack.

bsp77 posted...

I didn't realize that I ever stated that I was kinda doing it on purpose.

Anyway, my point was that people should think about why they are going after younger women. It might not be "bad" per se, but there may be something to unpack.

Tbf, does anyone see what's happening in this topic?

I been willingly talking in depth about the non toxic people who end up in these age gap relationships this whole time. Yet, not one person has been willing to address the toxic end that I keep referencing >_>.

It's basically a live happening of exactly what Im complaining about. The conversation never ends up addressing the malicious end I wanna focus on. It's always people defensive about defending the non malicious people.

It seems I can only ever get women to address the toxic end. And that's not judging every man. That's just my personal experience. There probably was one or 2 guys irl I got to talk about it with me.

It's like Im breaking bro code and no one else is willing to.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Tbf, does anyone see what's happening in this topic?

I been willingly talking in depth about the non toxic people who end up in these age gap relationships this whole time. Yet, not one person has been willing to address the toxic end that I keep referencing >_>.

It's basically a live happening of exactly what Im complaining about. The conversation never ends up addressing the malicious end I wanna focus on. It's always people defensive about defending the non malicious people.

It seems I can only ever get women to address the toxic end. And that's not judging every man. That's just my personal experience. There probably was one or 2 guys irl I got to talk about it with me.

This situation can be malicious. But how do we know if it is if we're not involved with the relationship? I guess I just don't see what the point of this whole conversation is then. We shouldn't assume a relationship with a big age gap is malicious in any way. I know if it happened with one of my daughters, I would be suspicious and want to find out more, but I wouldn't assume.

So at this point it just sounds like some age gap relationships are bad. Well, yeah. Some relationships that don't have age gaps are bad too.

What are we supposed to be talking about? Especially because I thought I was talking about one of your issues, which is where people keep going after younger women over and over again. I was trying to address that.

I!.... I!!!

I don't.. know?

I don't know!

LinkPizza posted...

Tbh, I dont know why other people care who someone dates as long as its legal

This.

Maybe explain why you have such a strong issue with what two consenting adults do instead of expecting others to explain why they're content to kind their own business.

I mean beyond infantalizing literal adults that is...

I mean like bsp said, can it be a problem? Yes of course. Is it inherently a problem? Not unless you're viewing 20 years old as children. And like he also said any relationship can be problematic.

The milf manor show is disgusting and all the women and their sons should be ashamed of themselves. These are grandmas in that show banging each others sons and pretending they are sexy when some should be getting ready for a retirement community or doting over grand children not acting like street walkers.

Women that old still acting like they are 20 in all the wrong ways are examples NOT to follow as they never learned to accept their age. Instead of acting like street walkers they should be passing on wisdom and teaching younger women what mistakes they made so others dont make those poor choices.

Seeing women act so childish and irresponsible at that age only shows that they began the downward spiral that has fucked up this current generation.

Honestly I'm in the camp of if they're 18+ idgaf

I got other shit to worry about tho this ain't my fight

bsp77 posted...

This situation can be malicious. But how do we know if it is if we're not involved with the relationship? I guess I just don't see what the point of this whole conversation is then. We shouldn't assume a relationship with a big age gap is malicious in any way. I know if it happened with one of my daughters, I would be suspicious and want to find out more, but I wouldn't assume.

So at this point it just sounds like some age gap relationships are bad. Well, yeah. Some relationships that don't have age gaps are bad too.

What are we supposed to be talking about? Especially because I thought I was talking about one of your issues, which is where people keep going after younger women over and over again. I was trying to address that.

But you did it again. You just wrote it off by saying

bsp77 posted...

So at this point it just sounds like some age gap relationships are bad. Well, yeah. Some relationships that don't have age gaps are bad too

This is more writing it off than addressing it >_>.

It doesn't count when you go into depth about relationships with age gaps that work out and then go "But yeah they can be bad ones too". That's just doing the least amount to be able to qualify as covering both sides >_>.

I get that one's more relevant to you than the other. But the opposite is the case for what I be seeing.

You're really low effort on that end of the conversation. Doing just enough to try to satisfy me and get rid of me lol. And Im not saying I think it's on purpose. But you don't see it?

Don't you got younger daughters? Id be interested in how much more you think about this end as they age. The worlds a dangerous place and having optimism kind of fades when you end up personally closer to the issues. Or in my case, right in your face.

I like you two fellas

Quit dat fussin

RiKuToTheMiGhtY posted...

The milf manor show is disgusting and all the women and their sons should be ashamed of themselves. These are grandmas in that show banging each others sons and pretending they are sexy when some should be getting ready for a retirement community or doting over grand children not acting like street walkers.

Women that old still acting like they are 20 in all the wrong ways are examples NOT to follow as they never learned to accept their age. Instead of acting like street walkers they should be passing on wisdom and teaching younger women what mistakes they made so others dont make those poor choices.

Seeing women act so childish and irresponsible at that age only shows that they began the downward spiral that has fucked up this current generation.

This is a seperate issue, but I agree lol.

Im not gonna respond to Canuck cayse it's obvious he found the first thing to agree with and didn't actually read any of my elaborations after. Which, we're so far in, I wouldn't expect him to. I wouldn't.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

I feel like a lot of people here have nuanced opinions on it. It's just there's more of the ones hounding over young girls those those that have nuanced opinions on it >_>. They're usually on an undercover version of "Just shut up and stop making me try to understand why I am how I am".

Most the time people pry into those not completely neglectful of why some like big age gaps in their relationships, they have a lot of nuanced takes. Because, there's no risk in diving into yourself when you're not potentially the weirdo lol. But, you see a lot of responses that are people very obviously not wanting to understand why exactly they find older women off putting and the youngest women they can legally say they're attracted to on record the most desirable.

I mean, when you're going by the legal limit and that's all you stand on. You're pretty much saying if 15-16 was legal, you'd also move your line to that. You're admittingly not thinking for yourself when you're only retort is that the law says you can. Is that not gross?

Technically, in some states, 16 is legal That said, they usually still have other laws attached to it. While its legal, its sometimes legal to only a certain age for the other partner But thats why we make laws. You have to draw the legal line somewhere Why make a law making the legal age 18, but then tell them its still gross if that date an adult thats much older. The problem is its will always end up weird. BecIse it the legal age was 20, you would then have people saying the same things since that would be the new legal age. The problem is almost never the age itself. But the fact that someone older is dating someone who just turned legal. And thats probably the main problem No matter what, people will always be mad one way or the other But the law states what it states for a reason If the law said it could be younger, it would be for a reason. And tbf, on somewhat recent history, it was technically younger. Girls would actually get married pretty young. Weve moved the age up. Not matter what, older people would be having sex with people just reaching legal age, even if the legal age was older Meaning its will still be a problem is the legal age was 20 since when older people have sex with 20 year olds, people will also say its gross since they just reached legal age

That said, Im not sure there is a reason to figure out why someone might Ike someone in the age range of 18-22 in stead of someone their age And its not that many people always find older women off-putting Many younger guys date or have sex with cougars Everyone has their preferences

Lost_All_Senses posted...

But you did it again. You just wrote it off by saying

This is more writing it off than addressing it >_>.

It doesn't count when you go into depth about relationships with age gaps that work out and then go "But yeah they can be bad ones too". That's just doing the least amount to be able to qualify as covering both sides >_>.

I get that one's more relevant to you than the other. But the opposite is the case for what I be seeing.

You're really low effort on that end of the conversation. Doing just enough to try to satisfy me and get rid of me lol. And Im not saying I think it's on purpose. But you don't see it?

Don't you got younger daughters? Id be interested in how much more you think about this end as they age. The worlds a dangerous place and having optimism kind of fades when you end up personally closer to the issues. Or in my case, right in your face.

What am I writing off? I still don't know your point other than it CAN be a problem, which I agree with. But since nothing can be done other than making negative assumptions about someone's relationship, what is your point? I seriously do not know.

I also specifically mentioned my daughters.

Smackems posted...

I like you two fellas

Quit dat fussin

Me and BSP ain't children. This is just a disagreement between friends. If I can't tell him when I don't feel heard without losing him, we ain't really friends :p. Im not judging anyone in here. I just think our focus is different places.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Me and BSP ain't children. This is just a disagreement between friends. If I can't tell him when I don't feel heard without losing him, we ain't really friends :p. Im not judging anyone in here. I just think our focus is different places.

Yeah, we're cool. I just don't know what I am disagreeing about... lol

bsp77 posted...

What am I writing off? I still don't know your point other than it CAN be a problem, which I agree with. But since nothing can be done other than making negative assumptions about someone's relationship, what is your point? I seriously do not know.

I also specifically mentioned my daughters.

I know. Im saying the age matters because all this is irrelevant to think about concerning them until they're actually old enough to date and become targeted by bad actors. Which, I believe you're someone who will be able to raise them with a good head on their shoulders, but it's not just dumb/naive people who fall into it.

But, it's just weird to me that the conversation starts and ends at "nothing can be done". And It still feels like you think Im out here just passing harsh judgement on any age gap when you say "other than making negative assumptions". I mean, we could open the dialogue and make the pitfalls something that's a more mainstream conversation so that younger people are also more likely to talk about it amongst themselves. That seems a little better than do nothing at all.

The argument is annoying but it ain't wrong, as long as both parties involved are of legal age(14 in here) I could give less of a fuck, it ain't my problem or place to judge.

If it ain't your problem, Why is me speaking about it your problem to comment on?

Imma take a rest tho. I have issues eith hand cramps. I appreciate you BSP and I apologize if Im a lil all over the place and confusing. I try to be direct, but it doesn't mean Ill always succeed

Lost_All_Senses posted...

If it ain't your problem, Why is me speaking about it your problem to comment on?

What exactly is your point? Say it in as concise of a way as you can, so people have some idea of what you're saying. Verbose declarations aren't always the best way to get your point across.

Here are my four points (and these apply regardless of gender):

1. Yes, some age gap relationships are bad, especially when one is "barely legal"
2. Sometimes the younger party is using the older party as well. Classic transaction of youth and beauty for money and status
3. Without tangible evidence, it is hard to know which ones are problematic, so I simply don't make blanket statements and won't assume (this is why I am questioning the point)
4. Hopefully people have strong networks of friends and family who make sure they are okay (like I will do for my daughters, but if they are happy and willingly know the risks and protect themselves as best they can...)

If a woman made this topic, no one would care

I think you should mind your own business no one should care about who dates who unless it's against the law.

Is this topic coming up out of fear for your nieces and that people may prey on them? Because, yes, that can certainly happen. And it is good that you care, but all you can do is be vigilant and take it all on a case by case basis.

Fear for a family member is a very understandable reason that this topic was made.

Honestly Im not really concerned with an older woman/ younger man combo because men will put their dicks in anything.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Why do you think hustle culture targets 18-23 year olds? It's cause they know they'll fall for more shit. They're inexperienced with how manipulative everything in the world actually is.

Or the number 1 physical attractor for men could be beauty

Jiek_Fafn posted...

If a woman made this topic, no one would care

That's funny.

TerraSeeker posted...

Or the number 1 physical attractor for men could be beauty

I actually meant the men they target to worship them.

RiKuToTheMiGhtY posted...

Fear for a family member is a very understandable reason that this topic was made.

Appreciate you.

can't really make a post at length. Need to get cookin and I don't want my hands cramping up when Im playing games with my nieces later as well.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

I've literally never had someone follow up after saying it's also gross.

Well yes because that's not what they care about and it's not what you were claiming with the old guy -> young girl arrangement. Your side was saying it's predatory and morally wrong, not that it's gross.

Young women are considered prey items and are given 0 confidence by people like you. That's the difference, not whether it's yucky or not. 19 year old men aren't thought of as victims waiting to be victimized.

Savoots posted...

Why do people assume the younger one is the one being taken advantage of?

You think someone who's young and attractive doesn't know they're young and attractive and won't use that to seduce someone older?

This is also something that never gets mentioned or thought of. But again, that's because the issue is ultimately a women's issue; protection of the helpless woman is all that matters.

It's always these long ass dumb shit paragraphs that are just long-winded BS "I don't like two adults dating and I'm determined to be in everyone's business" fucking weirdos. Close your blinds and crawl back into the shadows.

PesticideDream posted...

It's always these long ass dumb shit paragraphs that are just long-winded BS "I don't like two adults dating and I'm determined to be in everyone's business" fucking weirdos. Close your blinds and crawl back into the shadows.

Not necessary

My gf works with a girl in her early 20s that has stage 4 cancer. She's dating a 50ish year old man that works with them. They both know the endgame of the relationship. She will die soon

And I think their romance is completely fine if they're happy

Inverse of the topic but it's all I got. Only couple I know of personally like that

18 is either legal or its not. No way around it.

pro-tip: there is no age you can pick where there's a magic switch changing people from "creepy" to "not creepy" or "adult" to "not adult", or "able to consent" or "not able to consent". It's completely arbitrary either way and so its kind of nonsense to argue about it based on a particular age

Conflict posted...

Lmao. This is completely false

People who aren't willing to acknowledge circumstances are absolutely weird.

It sounds like they're saying there's no one age where it just switches (Chances are he's talking about between consenting adults, since that's what the topic itself is about)... If you're talking about circumstances, that's different from what they're saying, since that means it still wouldn't be the same for everyone... Unless you're saying there is an age where it magically swaps from "creepy" to "not creepy"... And if that's so, could I ask you what age you think it is?

LELuMADuRUSTLED posted...

This is also something that never gets mentioned or thought of. But again, that's because the issue is ultimately a women's issue; protection of the helpless woman is all that matters.

You assume the woman is helpless.

Why?

Savoots posted...

You assume the woman is helpless.

Why?

You're misreading that post, I'm making fun of those people.

LinkPizza posted...

It sounds like they're saying there's no one age where it just switches (Chances are he's talking about between consenting adults, since that's what the topic itself is about)... If you're talking about circumstances, that's different from what they're saying, since that means it still wouldn't be the same for everyone... Unless you're saying there is an age where it magically swaps from "creepy" to "not creepy"... And if that's so, could I ask you what age you think it is?

Yes, that's exactly what I am saying. Even the idea of "adult" is not consistent across jurisdictions, and there's a million different rules depending on where you are. The argument that a specific birthdate marks a meaningful line is inherently silly to me.