Current Events > Old simpsons jokes you remember randomly

(+) Yeah! (+)

"This is what a corn field looks like, honey"
*approving grunt*
*bi plane shows up and starts shooting at them*

"I'm telling ya! I didn't do anything!"
"I don't care!"
*jumps off waterfall*
"My glasses.."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgqKv9rkAE0

"*gasps* Oh no, not Souter!"

My name is Otto, I loooove to get blotto.

Individually, we are weak like a single twig!

Everyone throwing a Sack Race at the company Picnic so Mr Burns can win
Bart says nuts to this and starts racing for real
Homer Panics and desperately tries to stop Bart
Homer tackles Bart right at the finish line, allowing Mr Burns to win.

It's not even a good gag, I just still remember it >_>

"To Alcohol! The cause, and solution to, all of life's problems!"

I wash myself with a rag on a stick

Homer: "Hey kids, wanna drive through that cactus patch?"
Bart: "Yeah!"
Lisa: "Yeah!"
Sideshow Bob: "No!"
Homer: "Well, two against one!"

https://youtu.be/xRAp3vT4JMo?t=13

Dental Plan
Lisa needs braces

And;
"Kirk, crackers are a family food. Happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers, we don't know. Frankly, we don't want to know. It's a market we can do without."
"That's it? After 20 years goodbye and good luck?"
"I don't recall saying good luck."

I often think that cracker factory boss is the funniest character I know who only has two lines.

Do you wanna change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you Ho-Ju!

I'm seein double here. Four Krustys!

Bart: No offense, Homer, but your half-assed underparenting was a lot more fun than your half-assed overparenting.

Homer: But I'm using my whole ass.

masterpug53 posted...

Homer: "Hey kids, wanna drive through that cactus patch?"
Bart: "Yeah!"
Lisa: "Yeah!"
Sideshow Bob: "No!"
Homer: "Well, two against one!"

and to think, Bob went on to fuck with these people at least 4 more times after this, did they finally retire his character? No way Kelsy Grammer wants to keep doing it.

ViewtifulJoe posted...

Do you wanna change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you Ho-Ju!

fucking beat me by a minute

Your manager says for you to shut up!
Really? Vera said that?

So I says to Mable

NOT LENNY!!!

caps

"Well, it was fun while it lasted. Let's go home"
"We are home"
"That was fast"

Also a more underrated one:

"Did you miss us"
"Yeah cuz we missed you. That's why we built a door!"

"I'm just saying when we die there's going to be a planet for the French, a planet for the Chinese, and we'll all be happier"
"Mr. Gumball you're upsetting me"
"No I'm not"

That time when Homer knocks out the two IRS agents when they're arresting Mr. Burns over the trillion-dollar bill, then sneaks back into frame to put on of their hands on the other one's butt.

Kippers for breakfast, aunt Helga? Is it Saint Swithun's day already?

"And without any brain dama-dama-dama-dama-dama-dama-damage!"

"Aww, I'm gonna miss the whole summer!"

"Don't worry boy. When you grow up, you'll miss every summer!"

Homer: Let me have one of those porno magazines, large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, a couple of those panty shields, and some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas ... eh, make it two.

"Nucular. It's pronounced nucular."

Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!

"Welcome to Lee Carvello's Putting Challenge. I am Carvello. Now choose a club.
You have chosen a - 3 Wood.
May I suggest a Putter?
3 Wood. Now enter the force of your swing. I suggest 'Feather Touch'.
You have entered 'Power Drive'. Now push 7-8-7 to swing."
(swing)
"Ball is in - parking lot. Would you like to play again? You have selected - no."

"Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me."
Okay Mr. Burns. And what is your first name?
"...I don't know."

---

Hello? You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.

Jonny2284 posted...

Your manager says for you to shut up!
Really? Vera said that?

this one always makes my friends and I laugh.

Southernfatman posted...

Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!

Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.

Im no missionary I dont even believe in Jebus. Let me out
Sorry, no can do
Save me Jeeebuuuus!

They should call him Johnny Deformed.

"Roman Numerals? pfft, they didn't even TRY to teach us that in school!"

Bart: Mom you're in the way.
Homer: Push her down son :)

-

Lionel Hutz : Mrs. Simpson, what did you and your husband do after you were ejected from the restaurant.
Marge : We... pretty much went straight home.
Lionel Hutz : Mrs. Simpson, you're under oath.
Marge : We drove around until 3 AM looking for another all-you-can-eat fish restaurant.
Lionel Hutz : And when you couldn't find one?
Marge : We went... fishing. [sobs]
[Fat juror stands up in shock]
Fat Juror: That could have been me!

-

Homer: This is your great-uncle Chet. Go ahead, Chet. Tell her what you do.
Chet: I run an unsuccessful shrimp company.
Homer: Oh. But you run it, right?
Chet: Oh, yeah.
Homer: Okay. Uh, this is your second cousin Stanley.
Stanley: Um, I shoot birds at the airport.
Homer: Everybody hates birds, right? (to another relative) Well, you look pretty successful.
Relative: Thanks. I play a millionaire at parties. At least I'd like to.
Bart: You probably should have researched this first, eh, Dad?
Homer: What about you?
Relative: Well, sir, I step in front of cars and sue the drivers.
Relative: I beg celebrities for money.
Relative: I'm a prison snitch.
Relative: Jug band manager.
Relative: My legs hurt.

Specifically "Um I shoot birds at the airport" and "My legs hurt" for that last one.

My boy's a box! DAMN YOU...A BOOOOOXXX!!

Punished_Blinx posted...

I often think that cracker factory boss is the funniest character I know who only has two lines.

The guy who says "You sicken me" to the diaper-clad Barney comes close

masterpug53 posted...

"Aww, I'm gonna miss the whole summer!"

"Don't worry boy. When you grow up, you'll miss every summer!"

"Looks like it's you and me, Barty-boy."
"Oh great, I get to spend the entire summer with my brain..."

Lisa: "I think Godzilla is bigger than Superman."

Homer: "Pft, it's not to scale."

"Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!"

kinda surprised that wasn't mentioned yet

Yvan eht nioj.

900 dollaridoos?!

Works on contingency?
No, money down!

Heartomaton posted...

Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.

Explain how

Southernfatman posted...

Explain how

Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L12mIMjH9II&ab_channel=DaliborPetrovski

We don't make friends with salad!

Uruguay