Current Events > I feel like I fucked up telling this girl I love her.

(+) Yeah! (+)

She basically freaked out from that point on about what we where doing and everything became more difficult.

Dropped the bag

hey man if you feel love in your heart let it out.

if she can't deal right now that's fine, that's on her to figure out. you gotta be true to yourself king.

my ex did that.

said I love you too early into the relationship, made me feel I should reciprocate, and I was basically stuck at her pace until I felt we should end things.

I've gone through that before... Ultimately it's probably best it's out there and if she doesn't reciprocate those feelings you can now move on.

Details, like how long have you been dating?

Yeah, how long have you dated her and how long have you know her?

IRL this is a big thing:

The before "I love you" phase and after and also even getting there to begin with.

Even married it feels normal and natural and you cant just walk away from someone you both openly say you love each other to.

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dj1200 posted...

Yeah, how long have you dated her and how long have you know her?

bsp77 posted...

Details, like how long have you been dating?

Yes, in hindsight and after a convo we had recently Im realizing thats what ruined it, well that and her expectations and assumptions afterwards.

g0ldie posted...

my ex did that.

said I love you too early into the relationship, made me feel I should reciprocate, and I was basically stuck at her pace until I felt we should end things.

the thing was I never planned on dating her anytime soon. I was in love with her, I clearly was but I wasnt interested in a relationship nor did I think a relationship would work atm. I just never said that part out loud, cause how do you tell someone you love them but it doesnt work.

She assumed I wanted all these things and all this time from her and she basically felt smothered by my feelings.

Wait, you aren't in a relationship?!? Duuuuuude...

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So then no one ever says it? C'mon.

I have said "I love you" to a few women, and I was 100% sure they felt the same way before saying it.

So like...you said you love her as a friend, right? Because "in love" implies romantic, and you can't be romantic with someone without having a relationship with them.

gamepimp12 posted...

that and her expectations and assumptions afterwards

Explain?

bsp77 posted...

Wait, you aren't in a relationship?!? Duuuuuude...

I originally told her I loved her in like January im just now realizing how big of a deal that was to her, I didnt really think much of it.

BakonBitz posted...

So like...you said you love her as a friend, right? Because "in love" implies romantic, and you can't be romantic with someone without having a relationship with them.

we had been dating, we just werent in a relationships.

Gobstoppers12 posted...

Explain?

She basically assumed that I wanted more from her than I actually ever wanted to. She felt like I wanted all her time, and I wanted to be life long partners from here on out. She basically felt smothered by my feelings. But she always assumed I wanted more than I wanted so she kinda smothered her self overthinking

I just remembered your history. Sorry for my forgetfulness.

I thought you cut her out of your life?

bsp77 posted...

I just remembered your history. Sorry for my forgetfulness.

I thought you cut her out of your life?

we reconnected in July and it only really lasted September because we never addressed the issues that caused the falling out.

There's no such thing as too early lol. All this means is she was never the right one for you. People nowadays are so scared to commit to something, anything really.

Letron_James posted...

There's no such thing as too early lol. All this means is she was never the right one for you. People nowadays are so scared to commit to something, anything really.

She was 100% scared but, I never asked her to commit.

Letron_James posted...

There's no such thing as too early lol

Well, that's not true. First date?

Letron_James posted...

There's no such thing as too early lol. All this means is she was never the right one for you. People nowadays are so scared to commit to something, anything really.

There is absolutely a such thing as too early when it comes to saying "I love you"

bsp77 posted...

Well, that's not true. First date?

ah, the ol Ted Mosby

Letron_James posted...

There's no such thing as too early lol. All this means is she was never the right one for you. People nowadays are so scared to commit to something, anything really.

What? There 1000% is.

yeah So we all agree you can tell someone you love them too early

Bump

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I wound up saying it first.

Like, 10 months in. And she just responded, "Aww, I love you too, babe."
And then we laughed a little and I said, "Yeah...I think I already knew that." And she agreed.

But ever since she's been very daring in terms of discussing our future.
And suggesting we shower together....

Like, if you're saying it super early, it almost seems unbelievable. You hardly know this person, you know? So it just sounds like you're rushing things along or maybe your love is rooted in shallow, superficial reasons. I made that mistake before, of course, and I can totally see why she reacted negatively (a different woman long ago) now.

Man, I told my fiance after 3 weeks of dating (but we had been friends for 3 years prior).

I knew she felt the same, as she was obviously smitten.

Actually, the other few women I have said it to, was all within 2 months.

sighhhhh it sucks.

I loved her and I only told her cause I had never really lied or hid anything to her but had I known she would react the way she did. I wouldnt of said anything

oh yea, kinda the same thing, but there was this girl I was talking to, and she used to initiate every kind of contact we had.

anyway, it wasn't too long after my dad died, so I guess it was one of those emotional transference type of things, but I told her she was one of my favorite people.

following that, ALL contact between us slowed down until it finally ended.

I was kinda devastated at the time, lol (it was more than 10 years ago).

gamepimp12 posted...

sighhhhh it sucks.

I loved her and I only told her cause I had never really lied or hid anything to her but had I known she would react the way she did. I wouldnt of said anything

I mean this with as much compassion as possible, but you need to stay away from her. This has gone on long enough and it is toxic. I know you can get other dates based on comments you have made in the past. Please move the fuck on

bsp77 posted...

I mean this with as much compassion as possible, but you need to stay away from her. This has gone on long enough and it is toxic. I know you can get other dates based on comments you have made in the past. Please move the fuck on

100% at the end of the day our communication was beyond flawed and I dont think anything but real time would ever fix it. I dont really have plans to have a real convo with her, (a year plus out). Ive realized she has to grow up and figure out what she wants.

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thats fair.

I know what Im looking for in someone

but I also have things that I want to accomplish before I feel ready for a relationship.

im also still admittedly very selfish when it come to certain aspects of a relationship.

I wanted her, but I wanted her at on my own time / pace and I didnt think that was a problem because she didnt want a relationship either.

Inhindsight it kept her up a lot and stressed her out.

Bump