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Current Events > I'm starting college at an older age (35) and I feel so outdated.

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Iamdepressed
11/28/22 10:33:38 PM
#1:


Several things that have given me cognitive dissonance starting college at 35:

  • Asking for numbers are no longer a very casual thing, even if your intentions are just to ask about class assignments. I feel like the younger crowd (18-20) are very suspicious of who they give their numbers to. Even making friends seems like a huge obstacle now. This was never an issue with my age demographic. Back in my days *ahem* I was more than eager to give out mine. What's wrong with having a bigger contact list?
  • I feel like I'm the only guy participating in the class whenever the professor asks a question. Is it really embarrassing to speak up in class? Or perhaps it's just not cool and I'm the one embarrassing myself.
  • The tv shows and movies I grew up watching are now unfamiliar with the newer crowd. Instead of being asked what the context is about, I'm easily dismissed and conversations usually don't extend. Friendly banter and small talk seem to be non existent in this college environment.
At the end of the day, I know my school work should my priority, but it sure does feel lonely being disconnected from everyone. Sometimes in hindsight, I wish I started school earlier.
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berlyman101
11/28/22 10:35:38 PM
#2:


find a way to connect to people closer your age outside of school.

the way I could see the school thing being shitty though is if you're in something that requires a lot of collaboration

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Haejin
11/28/22 10:35:57 PM
#3:


Man Gen Z is weird asf

But if you started filming a TikTok you would get the class going and having all sorts of people opening up and having discussions though.

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Flockaveli
11/28/22 10:37:40 PM
#4:


As long as you're smart and not an asshole they'll warm up to you soon enough.
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gamer167
11/28/22 10:40:00 PM
#5:


I went back to school at 28, currently Im 30 and about to graduate this Spring.

If you dont have one already make a Snapchat. I have no idea why but zoomers often prefer to use Snapchat group messaging instead regular texting group chats for projects. In my experience at least. Maybe they dont want to give out their numbers or maybe they just like the interface better, idk
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The_Wheelman1
11/28/22 10:41:46 PM
#6:


I see people in their 40s and 50s in college all the time. You might not fit in well with the younger crowd so you'll have to find someone closer to your age to connect with.

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DrizztLink
11/28/22 10:42:57 PM
#7:


Flockaveli posted...
As long as you're smart and not an asshole
i'm out

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Hornswoggled
11/28/22 10:43:45 PM
#8:


Just go up to them and ask them what they thought of that latest Tiktok video. They'll have no choice but to accept you into the tribe.
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#9
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sutree
11/28/22 10:44:40 PM
#10:


Do you live off campus?

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CobraGT
11/28/22 10:47:24 PM
#11:


Look for hang out places or campus clubs. Usually there is some hang out or group that watches films, discusses books, plays a video game, or organizes protests.

There is usually some popular card game, board game or table game such as chess, ping-pong or pool.

Keep in mind that the atmosphere of CE is pretty close to your typical campus. There are always a few happy outgoing people.

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Hornswoggled
11/28/22 10:49:26 PM
#12:


Ask them who they watch on Twitch, or what lolcows they followed on Kiwifarms. They won't even notice you're old.

This edible is kicking in and I'm feeling silly.
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NoxObscuras
11/28/22 10:53:51 PM
#13:


Maybe they're just weirded out by the age gap? I'm 33 now, but I know when I was a freshman in college, I thought it was weird when this mid 30's woman in one of my classes tried to make small talk with me. She was like twice my age and I had no idea what to talk to her about lol.

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Iamdepressed
11/28/22 10:54:25 PM
#14:


gamer167 posted...
I went back to school at 28, currently Im 30 and about to graduate this Spring.

If you dont have one already make a Snapchat. I have no idea why but zoomers often prefer to use Snapchat group messaging instead regular texting group chats for projects. In my experience at least. Maybe they dont want to give out their numbers or maybe they just like the interface better, idk
This is quite insightful. Until now, I thought Snapchat was a buggy platform that was losing daily active users since their controversial updates. I guess I was wrong. I'll definitely look into this. Thank you.
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RlP
11/28/22 10:55:48 PM
#15:


For asking questions, school has always been like that. Very few students ask questions and are actively engaged. Those who are, are probably tagged as nerds.

Ofc talking about old shows is not going to work. Instead you ask them what they are watching and learn from them the new trends

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KaZooo
11/28/22 10:58:55 PM
#16:


Iamdepressed posted...
feel like I'm the only guy participating in the class whenever the professor asks a question. Is it really embarrassing to speak up in class? Or perhaps it's just not cool and I'm the one embarrassing myself.
When I was in college, the oldest student were like this. You went to school to be good at it. Be good at it then.

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SauI_Goodman
11/28/22 11:02:33 PM
#17:


Im 40 and thinking about going back. Although in my case it would be just to finish my degree at a leisurely pace. It wouldnt do anything to help my career. Also i look 25 so id fit right in. Go for it man.

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SauI_Goodman
11/28/22 11:03:56 PM
#18:


Also if you want to date i usually ask younger women if they want to hang out and women my age i'll ask for their number.

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--Zero-
11/29/22 12:27:05 AM
#19:


  1. Post on your main
  2. Youre 35. Socializing in school should not be a concern. Your there to get a career not to make memories.

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FortuneCookie
11/29/22 12:28:58 AM
#20:


When I went to college, there were plenty of middle-aged people there. There's no reason to feel self-conscious about being older. Score yourself one of them hot 19-year-olds if you get a chance. ;)
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Oreos74
11/29/22 12:29:53 AM
#21:


Because numbers are now your entire social network persona

you have someones number then you have everything. Snapchat or insta is a bit more safe

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TheGoldenEel
11/29/22 12:30:19 AM
#22:


--Zero- posted...
1. Post on your main
2. Youre 35. Socializing in school should not be a concern. Your there to get a career not to make memories.
This

it sounds like youre more concerned about making friends with teenagers than getting a degree

Im sure the desperation is noticeable

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CommonStar
11/29/22 12:32:49 AM
#23:


Instead of asking for numbers, ask for IG.

Asking questions in class is fine. People don't care whether it's cool or not. They're probably just too shy to speak up.

Instead of talking about old tv shows and movies, talk about more recent ones.
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Iamdepressed
11/29/22 12:41:57 AM
#24:


TheGoldenEel posted...
This

it sounds like youre more concerned about making friends with teenagers than getting a degree

Im sure the desperation is noticeable
Good point but I also considered the fact that these teenagers will be in the same workforce as me when I graduate. I think it's not a bad idea to find ways to collaborate as I'll probably be expected to do the same at my job. It just makes my future job easier to do when I can peacefully coexist with someone half my age.
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DarkChozoGhost
11/29/22 12:56:34 AM
#25:


Snapchat is definitely a better way to get zoomers to keep in contact with you. I imagine at the very least it's easier to block someone if you don't want to talk to them anymore. At any rate, that's the main way to communicate for them. It's also a social media platform, but I've never been able to figure out how much to use it to stay in the sweet spot between old dude always putting up cringe stuff and weirdo that never posts anything (so I'm usually just the latter).

Don't feel weird about being the only one engaging with the professors. The others truly are just that awkward about answering. They're not silently judging you, if anything they're happy you're asking the questions they're too embarrassed to.

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MedeaLysistrata
11/29/22 1:01:03 AM
#26:


They probably have a mature students union

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DarkChozoGhost
11/29/22 1:04:45 AM
#27:


As far as referencing older shows or movies goes, you can still do it if you learn to give just the minimum needed context. If a situation relates to a movie scene or quote, you can lead with asking if they've seen it. If no, simply give the context of two or three details that define it well. The decade it came out, genre, director, premise, actors, the way it's stylized, whatever you think is most recognizable. Then maybe set the scene with a short sentence, then deliver.

This is really only situational to certain kinds of people, probably someone you're already cool with. It's not really the ideal way to start a friendship. A lot of younger people are actually into the literal filmmaking and development process of movies, so you can catch their intrigue, maybe give them something neat to think about or watch themselves.

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#28
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lderivedx
11/29/22 1:07:06 AM
#29:


Yeah, don't feel weird about being the only one to respond when the prof asks something, as long as you're not always trying to be the first to respond.

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MedeaLysistrata
11/29/22 1:08:38 AM
#30:


[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

This lol. Not that I got to do my comeback for that long

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#31
Post #31 was unavailable or deleted.
MedeaLysistrata
11/29/22 1:16:29 AM
#32:


[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Do you really need to put weight on either side of that scale?

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#33
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Axiom
11/29/22 1:20:39 AM
#34:


Iamdepressed posted...
I feel like I'm the only guy participating in the class whenever the professor asks a question.
All older people in college do this. There was a lady in one of my classes that had to be at least 40+ and she would not stop asking questions even when we wanted to leave. She would also try to jump in conversations that didn't involve her

Annoyed everyone. Don't be like her
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Iamdepressed
11/29/22 1:57:05 AM
#35:


[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Well a few months actually...of 10 second conversations. I mean they had a few months to see that I wasn't creepy and that my concern was just getting an A in the class. All I wanted was a group of people that I can genuinely ask questions about the class. This wasn't so hard when I was in my twenties. Perhaps it's the fact that 2 years of COVID impacted their social developmentality? I mean the 18 year olds in my class never got to experience prom or an actual graduation. There may be reasons why they're so ambivalent towards strangers.
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Alteres
11/29/22 2:16:39 AM
#36:


I went back at 33 and had no real problems, I would get invited to group chats and would have girls put their numbers in my phone to set them up.

Also invites to study sessions etc, though that was more common before covid. Seriously just take things seriously and be slightly personable and it wouldnt be problem. Finally graduating in December and everyone has been quite nice and friendly tbh.

One way to get invited to group me definitely has them putting their number in your phone, though maybe that is just for smaller groups and not the class wide ones.


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Iamdepressed
11/29/22 2:19:37 AM
#37:


Alteres posted...
I went back at 33 and had no real problems, I would get invited to group chats and would have girls put their numbers in my phone to set them up.

Also invites to study sessions etc, though that was more common before covid. Seriously just take things seriously and be slightly personable and it wouldnt be problem. Finally graduating in December and everyone has been quite nice and friendly tbh.

One way to get invited to group me definitely has them putting their number in your phone, though maybe that is just for smaller groups and not the class wide ones.
So this would make the people you studied with around 21-22? I have a theory that this exclusive behavior only applies to those that have been impacted through COVID during their high school years. I don't want to fall into fallacies but...patterns do emerge.
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the_rowan
11/29/22 2:27:25 AM
#38:


I was in the position of wanting to ask a ton of questions in college when I was 17 through 22. It's not just an older person thing. There were a couple older women in a couple classes who seemed to be missing a lot of the background the rest of us had, or who had forgetten it, so they would ask to have more stuff explained, I suppose; my questions tended to more along the lines of expanding on the material, hypotheticals, sort of testing the limits of what I was hearing or challenging it with counterexamples/"devil's advocate" stances. As long as you're asking questions because you're interested, ask them. Answer questions when you can, too. If your questions aren't immediately relevant, ask them at the end of class privately. I had good professors in college who really liked the conversations I would launch this way, and that led me to be on good terms with them when I needed help with anything. That's more valuable than trying to please a bunch of disinterested students in a gen ed course.

After the first semester or two, when you get to focused courses for your major, you'll start to get a lot more people who are genuinely interested in the courses they're taking and who will also ask questions or jump into conversations.

Not really sure about the "making friends" aspect. It just kind of happened naturally for several of the people in the same major who shared half of my courses or so for a few years, from all the times we partnered up or worked and studied in the same areas. I was a commuter student, so I didn't really hang out with anyone outside of school much. If the college has clubs, that's often where you go to meet people with similar interests.

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Alteres
11/29/22 2:28:36 AM
#39:


Now yeah, as they are all seniors at this point. A few are older as there are quite a few transfer students at my school as well.

I did notice that with covid the ages trended down hard. It used to be I was hardly ever the oldest student in my classes with people in their 40s etc being there to get another degree etc, but I hardly ever see that anymore and I am generally the oldest now which is slightly disconcerting.

Still the younger students seem friendly and to not really give a shit Im 10 years older.

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MedeaLysistrata
11/29/22 2:51:51 AM
#40:


[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I'm just assuming some people want phone exchange upfront and some want to wait a bit to get to know the person?

I didn't even know the not giving out numbers was a thing, but we were using discord...

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Kakapo
11/29/22 3:18:37 AM
#41:


Iamdepressed posted...


* I feel like I'm the only guy participating in the class whenever the professor asks a question. Is it really embarrassing to speak up in class? Or perhaps it's just not cool and I'm the one embarrassing myself.

LMAO, youve definitely become the mature age student


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NES4EVER
11/29/22 3:22:45 AM
#42:


I did some classes in uni after my degree (i was 26) and i felt like a damn grandpa.

There was one class where a prof asked for a show of hands who had a mortgage and i was the lone hand that went up.

The flip side was every keener wanted me in their group because i knew wtf i was doing. Between subject knowledge and life experience i could guide them in the right direction while putting in as little effort as possible (while still being helpful/effective)

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pinky0926
11/29/22 3:25:28 AM
#43:


Hate to say it TC but I reckon most of your problems here are because you are 35 and they are still teenagers. They might not want to socialise with you much because you're nearly twice their age.

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#44
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VampireCoyote
11/29/22 3:31:36 AM
#45:


maybe I should do some college again. Im 37 but I have an associates degree I could maybe evolve it

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Ivany2008
11/29/22 3:51:12 AM
#46:


Speaking as someone who literally just graduated college not 5 months ago at 36, it was hard man. It's like the class knew the things we were supposed to be doing, but couldn't be bothered to schedule proper meeting times to get the work done. Sure we'd get the work done, but most of it was our team talking about video games.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for that, but after the work is done. And where we switched to all online only, it felt to me like that's all we talked about. I graduated, even with my medical issues, but not a lot was learned during that program. My best advice is stick to a schedule, use some sort of notepad product (I'm using Notepad++) to keep track of everything, and keep people on task. It's fine to have free time to get to know your classmates, but after these couple years chances are you'll never hear from them again unless its a real connection.

As for the bit about you speaking in front of the class, trust me the professor will remember that. And when it comes to getting first hand out jobs for some sort of work term, you can go back to that. Never be embarrassed to show off in front the class your knowledge, because every single one of them given the chance would jump on your back to get that better paying job. And most of the stuff you'll learn in college you'll probably never use, as each company teaches their own ways of doing things. I got my work term 4 months after everyone else and got into the job and they literally told me how to do everything from start to finish. Even someone without a degree could have done it.

Christ, I remember just getting over my first Cancer surgery and I asked on my discord if our online job showcase was optional. I was sick, miserable and just not feeling well enough to attend. One of my classmates actually said in discord "Good, don't show up, that will be more jobs for the rest of us". Like how f'n miserable do you have to be given the circumstances. I don't think he graduated afterwards, or he went back to his electrician job. And that online job fair ended up being the talk of the rest of the year about how bad it was, as it wasn't even catered towards our program. It was catered towards Programmers, not IT Network technicians.
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TheMikh
11/29/22 4:25:49 AM
#47:


nobody uses phones anymore if they don't have to

at the conference i attended this summer attendees exchanged twitter and telegram handles rather than phone numbers

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