Current Events > I copy/paste the same message to every woman on tinder

(+) Yeah! (+)

I start out by asking "can I ask you a question?" This message I send 100% of the time, no exceptions, if I'm interested in the woman.

If she answers, 90% of the time I ask "how do you like your coffee?" Sometimes I may send something different if there's something about her profile that jumps out to me (usually not the case).

If the conversation continues from there, all of my messages are unique and not copied from elsewhere. At that point I'm actually talking to them.

So why do I do this? It makes more sense to message 20 people with a generic message than 5 people with a personalized message. My rate of replies does not seem to change, and I don't have the time to dedicate more time than that.

Another reason I do this: If you go on Bumble (where women message men first), I've received VERY generic introduction messages.

Final reason I do this: I believe most people on online dating sites don't care WHAT you write, it just matters that you wrote in general, the timing of when you wrote the message, what you look like, and what order it shows up in their message list.

Some possible objections I may receive:

"No wonder you get no replies"

My reply rate has not changed. In fact now that I'm messaging people more often, im receiving MORE replies.

"You don't deserve to talk to any woman because of this"

Why not? I'm just starting a conversation. The first 2 messages are generic, but the rest is legitimate. It starts off with small talk, then you get to the nitty gritty stuff.

Anyway, do you agree with me? What is your strategy on online dating sites?

Don't blame you.

You get 20 matches?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I actually think the opposite. A joke is gonna kill a conversation because you have nothing more than just a one-liner. She might laugh, but then you got nothing after that. By actually answering the question, there's a million ways you can create a conversation. It's a case-by-case basis.

I usually only resort to a generic opener if there's nothing interesting to talk about from her profile. If that happens I go with "What do you like to do in your free time?"

Chunky posted...

I actually think the opposite. A joke is gonna kill a conversation because you have nothing more than just a one-liner. She might laugh, but then you got nothing after that. By actually answering the question, there's a million ways you can create a conversation. It's a case-by-case basis.

That is a terrible question to start a conversation. Really just leaves no room for followup. If youre gonna use the same generic question for everyone you could at least put some effort into it.

its really not that difficult to just send a message based on their bio though.

I do the same thing but with better questions.

Which would be worse: if flies sounded like kazoos or if dogs did the Michael Jackson "HEE-hee" instead of barking?

I have TC tagged as "Date Camping, expected successor".

I get the logic, personalised openers still get ghosted a lot anyway so yeah I get it. My rate of matches is so infrequent though so I figure may as well still personalise, it'd be different if I often found myself with 10 fresh matches and wanted to just hail Mary message to see if 1 or 2 want to talk

Zonbei posted...

That is a terrible question to start a conversation. Really just leaves no room for followup. If youre gonna use the same generic question for everyone you could at least put some effort into it.

its really not that difficult to just send a message based on their bio though.

Have you been on dating apps recently? Most profiles hardly ever have any content in them...or if they do, it's a reference I don't understand. Nothing I can do about that.

Not saying the coffee message is great, but there's no better message. I don't think CE could come up with a better message.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

You cant think of a way to get off the topic of coffee? Ive transitioned into conversations about relationships, vacation trips, family, fantasies, all kinds of shit. It's not hard, you just gotta think

that seems like a fine opener but the question is a little disappointing. just a little boring.

silverpine posted...

that seems like a fine opener but the question is a little disappointing. just a little boring.

The question about the coffee? Ok I'm gonna change that one, lots of people in here are saying it's a bad question lmao.

Ok about "boring". I don't actually know what that means. I feel like 99% of people check the "boring" box because they're not interested in a particular topic. I feel like too many people are trying not to be boring, and the word is overused unfortunately. I think "boring" means two people are incompatible

TCs idea aint half bad tbh

Chunky posted...

What is your strategy on online dating sites?

Treat the person I'm talking to like an actual person and figure out if I'm interested in them, and not like a strategy game I have to win

works so far

Better question: "would you rather have a dog with human hands or a cat with a human face?"

Weird enough to get their attention and lots of ways to continue a conversation.

specialkid8 posted...

Better question: "would you rather have a dog with human hands or a cat with a human face?"

Weird enough to get their attention and lots of ways to continue a conversation.

Not a bad response. I just don't see how that's gonna spark up a conversation tbh.

Everyone wants me to send joke responses. Jokes are nice, but I'm going to give off a pickup assist vibe if I do that, right? And real conversations do happen in a friendship or relationship, right? If you're in a relationship, I doubt you're just making jokes for 1 year, you're probably having genuine conversation too.

With that said, I do like your opener.

Chunky posted...

Ok about "boring". I don't actually know what that means. I feel like 99% of people check the "boring" box because they're not interested in a particular topic. I feel like too many people are trying not to be boring, and the word is overused unfortunately. I think "boring" means two people are incompatible

that's fair, it's definitely boring because i'm not interested in coffee. it seems like you just picked like the least offensive most basic ass question possible lol. i can see why it might be a decent strategy but that's the same thing that makes it boring

silverpine posted...

that's fair, it's definitely boring because i'm not interested in coffee. it seems like you just picked like the least offensive most basic ass question possible lol. i can see why it might be a decent strategy but that's the same thing that makes it boring

You do make a good point. If things were going well for me and the dating world, I wouldn't have made this topic to begin with lol. Back to the drawing board.

it's not even that bad really lol. i think "can i ask you a question" is actually a nice opener. i know those opening messages ain't easy

pinky0926 posted...

Treat the person I'm talking to like an actual person and figure out if I'm interested in them, and not like a strategy game I have to win

works so far

I used to have your mindset, but I was not having that kind of success. Not sure why, maybe it was my location, maybe I'm not as good looking as you are, maybe it's because I've been on sites longer than you have, but I was getting ghosted left and right. Could it have been my fault? Absolutely. But I do want to put some blame on the gender ratios of dating sites. There's 1 woman for every 10 guys on there. If it's working for you, keep doing it, in fact I hope that doesn't change in your case.

Can I ask you a question is such a dumb question to ask. Honestly a bit of a pet peeve of mine.

CanuckCowboy posted...

Can I ask you a question is such a dumb question to ask. Honestly a bit of a pet peeve of mine.

I'm asking for permission to ask a question.

If you work in a business, are you going to write a long-ass contract before you get permission from the signer? NO! I'm going to make sure the people I'm asking these questions to are going to say yes, otherwise I'm wasting my time.

You're sending two messages when you could just send one that has the question in it. Thats not saving time...

You guys gotta start tagging these trolls/shitposters and stop giving them real responses.

CanuckCowboy posted...

You're sending two messages when you could just send one that has the question in it. Thats not saving time...

It is because if they say no, or ghost me, I don't have to waste my time looking at their profile and trying to think of something to say. That's the only reason I ask the first question. Otherwise all of my messages would be personalized from the beginning.

specialkid8 posted...

Better question: "would you rather have a dog with human hands or a cat with a human face?"

Weird enough to get their attention and lots of ways to continue a conversation.

I actually wanted to quote this one more time, because I do really appreciate the suggestion, and I am considering trying this. I'm open to suggestions on new things to do (because what I'm doing right now is obviously not working haha).

I still somewhat stand by what I said about leading with a joke. Because yeah the joke is funny, but then after everyone stops laughing, we're back at "so...what do you like to do". Again, this is just my take. I encourage people to disagree and challenge me on this.

pinky0926 posted...

Treat the person I'm talking to like an actual person and figure out if I'm interested in them, and not like a strategy game I have to win

works so far

True

I like the idea but not the question. Tbh tho I'm struggling for an alternative.

What do you if they answer I don't like coffe, or just "normal".

xGhostchantx posted...

I like the idea but not the question. Tbh tho I'm struggling for an alternative.

This is where I'm at too. It's not a great question, but it's one of the best.

RlP posted...

What do you if they answer I don't like coffe, or just "normal".

Good point, but if they give a one word answer, chances are ALL of their answers will be one word answers, no matter what the question is.

Chunky posted...

This is where I'm at too. It's not a great question, but it's one of the best.

Good point, but if they give a one word answer, chances are ALL of their answers will be one word answers, no matter what the question is.

Why would you do this?

Do you think I want to talk to someone talking to me or talk to someone's opinion on every individual copy of Twenty One Pilots - Savage