Current Events > 10000000 USD or be my best friend

(+) Yeah! (+)

hard choice i know. i know a lot of u are eyein them dollars but hold up. lemme lay out the bennies of being my bff.

#1 i fuckin rule at dodgeball. i will fuckin desroy any womens, childrens, or animal team and put up a respectable attempt against any mens. in summer gym class i singlehandedly annihilated 8 underclassmen when i was the only person left on the seniors side. and i didnt do any of that pussy shit like catching the ball to get my team back in, that shits for lames. but if u were my bff, i would catch a ball for u. thats what friendship means to me.

2. i am fuckin awesome to play video games with. i got a baller L shaped desk i got at a garage sale that we can set our PCs on and we will have so much fuckin fun playing single player RPGs at the same time. imagine this, two best friends. one playing skyrim with 1000 lovers lab mods, and the other playing idk whatever dumb shit u play. the one liners i make about the shit NPCs say are a fuckin riot that will have u laughing so hard u die in ur own game.

#3 i am the best fuckin wingman ever. picture this. we get a bottle of vodka from the gas station and see if we can finish it on the way to the bar. now that we got our wheels greased, i let u in on a little secret my former best bud taught me, it has never failed in the three times he did it for me. as soon as we walk in, i shout "THIS MAN(WOMAN) HAS THE BIGGEST PENIS(VAGINA) I HAVE EVER SEEN". now u got a 50/50 shot of it being someone u want to see ur genitals and being someone on the sex offender registry that comes up, but hey its at least nice to know someone wants to see ur junk right?

#4 i will keep u out of prison. can u even imagine all the dumb shit ur gonna do with 10000000 dollars? how could u ever trust urself with that much money. and even if ur an absolute saint ur still gonna go down for havin 10000000 in counterfeit bills cause i aint got 10000000 in real dollars to give u, but u knew that already cause were best friends right?

Why is your former best bid a former best bud?

Money. I'd never be friends with anyone from Gamefaqs.

...I'll take the money

R1masher posted...

Why is your former best bid a former best bud?

our dongs touched in a devils threeway

hi bestie

that friend offer is looking real good rn

(I don't want to be arrested for possessing counterfeit currency)

87.5% of gamefaqs would rather be in jail than be my friend
that would sting if i didnt have these mad dodgeball skills (and huge genitals)

Shabriri posted...

hi bestie

lets fuckin gooooooooooo
https://imgur.com/a/gJHQztb

Brolypotence posted...

that friend offer is looking real good rn

(I don't want to be arrested for possessing counterfeit currency)

good. i appreciate a smart (but not too smart) best friend

Fable posted...

Money. I'd never be friends with anyone from Gamefaqs.

im hurt

The money is one thing, but at no point did I see TC deny the possibility of being a big titty goth girl. You know how much we always wanted one of those.

let the record show me and tc became besties before i learned he was a big titty goth girl

so i get extra niceguy points

sorry to disappoint but i got small tiddies
just big nips

You had me till Skyrim.

god damn 51 ceppl goin to the big house

52.

Where's the money?

Umbreon posted...

Where's the money?

with the shattered remains of my broken heart

Can I do 100K, and we hang out sometimes?

Questionmarktarius posted...

Can I do 100K, and we hang out sometimes?

sure bro. just lmk how the jail handles visitation

Oubliettes posted...

sure bro. just lmk how the jail handles visitation

Can I bring a Switch to the prison?

Questionmarktarius posted...

Can I bring a Switch to the prison?

idk im good at dodgeball not defense law
ask ur attorney

to my 8 best friends:
i want u to know that i value ur loyalty, dedication and reading proficiency
if u didnt read and still wanted to be best friends anyways, damn u got some big cojones/lady cojones and i value them too

wow 11 best friends i feel so blessed

aight besties tonite we r makin garbage nachos and watchin joe dirt. have u seen it? fuckin classic. he eats a cheeseburger off a giant frozen piece of shit bc he thinks its a meteor. hilarious. kid rock is in it (badass). u should watch it. at ur own house. u cant come over

and to those of yall doin hard time, since im a nice dude and im in a good mood (joe dirt fuckin owns), lemme let u in on some shit thatll make ur stay in the pen a bit bettr. now it aint how to not get shanked but it might still save ur life

i never gone to jail cause im a good dude and i dont make poor choices like takin 10mil from some awesome guy on the internet. but my best bud (not the one who i touched dongs with), his moms was a prison guard and she got fired for givin handys to one of the inmates. well when he got out he moved in with her and hed tell me and my bud all about prison life and gang shit

tbh i dont remember any of it cause mostly i was only there cause id hook up with my buds older sister after he fell asleep but i do remember one thing and thats foxy. whats foxy? i shit u not the best drink u could ever have in prison. first you take some kool aid mix, pour in a can of mountain dew, then dump in a shitload of instant coffee

it tastes like someone put coffee in mountain dew (like ass) but what else u gonna drink? toilet wine? shoulda been my best friend dummy

Im your 13th best friend thats spooky

Did the English language murder your family or something?

For that much I'd push my rl best friend off a cliff.

DespondentDeity posted...

Im your 13th best friend thats spooky

man me and my best bud (not the one who touched dongs or the one with the prison dad) got jobs at this haunted house one year. most of the time i got stuck with some dumb ass costume like the mummy (who tf seriesly afraid of a mummy). but this one night me and my bud got to be the killer clowns in this trippy af tunnel with swirly shit patterns that spun around and u had to cross this weak ass bridge to get thru.

it was p dope. better than some shitty mummy anyways. but me and my bud were scarin the shit out of dudes for like two hours and then this chick in my science class i had a thing for came in.

i scared the shit out of her. she fell off the bridge and threw up all over herself. they had to take her out on a stretcher. i never told her it was me and i found out later that she had a thing for me too. but i couldnt not smell barf whenever i saw her after that so i passed. smelled so fuckin bad in that tunnel the rest of the night lmao.

omega_cookie posted...

Did the English language murder your family or something?

who tf gonna write like a professor to theyre best buds? thats impersonal as shit. buds speak casual. when i was a kid there was this dude that lived a block up and i always saw him drivin his mom around in some weird ass old dude car. he was like idk 40 or somethin and still lived at home. the only time i ever saw that dude out of that car was when he was mowin the grass, which he did in a suit and tie. if me and my buds ever went past on our skateboards hed just shake his head at us.

i bet that dude never had a best bud in his life, mayb his moms idk. but if he ever did have a bud, he seems like the kinda dude that woulda made sure he used proper english to tell his best bud about touchin dongs in a devils threeway

Best friend

so we was shittin about wafflehouse earlier and it reminded me of when i was a kid and my parents disowned me bc i moved in with a stripper and said i wasnt gonna go to college

i was broke af so i got a job washin dishes at the wafflehouse by the apartment we was in. tbh it wasnt bad. they let u smoke whenver u want and if u was havin a melty the manager would toss u a klonopin. free hashbrowns was dope (naturally). my gf and i split after a few weeks tho cause lets be real. aint no one tryna date the wafflehouse dish boy.

so my best bud (different best bud) let me crash at his place and told me if i just helped out with food i didnt have to pay rent or anything. so i took all my savings from the wafflehouse and bought as many hotdogs and american cheeses from save a lot as i could and spent the rest on a nine inch nails tattoo.

my bud and his gf had just split too cause she smashed his bass with a hammer and gave away his pet rabbit (tbf that rabbit was a dick tho). he was feelin pretty down so i told him i was gonna put him in my myspace top 8. he said u would really do that for me? i said yeah bro, thats what best friends do. and i just want all of u to know, that u are in the top 8 of my heart

so talkin bout the waffle and my myspace bud reminds me of another story. imma warn u. this a sad one, real tearjerker. this is the time i lost a bud doin hoe shit.

so when i was 17 i had a thing for this chick a few towns over that i knew from myspace. we chilled a few times at her place with her sister (who was fine as hell). they had some bigass mcmansion in some yuppie neighborhood, she did ballet and asked me if i wanted to come to her recital or w/e. i said yea sure but i felt weird goin alone so i asked my bud (different bud) if hed go with me.

we got there and the auditorium was packed but we found some seats next to her sister. my bud was bored out of his mind and talkin shit and homegirls sister got super pissed and snapped at him to stfu. thats when i found out that hot sister was actually hot mom.

i felt kinda weird about it cause she always gave me alcohol when i came over but w/e. show ended, we went to steak and shake (lame) with her and her mom after. it becomes p obvious after about 10 minutes that my dude has a thing for the chick i like, and shes pretty into him too. i felt kinda salty but i didnt wanna start any shit so i went to smoke.

girls mom came out and asks if im ok. i said yeah its nbd. she tells me she thinks my dude is an asshole and that im so much better than him. i said nah its cool man i aint worried about it nbd, shit happens. i went home and didnt talk to any of them for like a week or so, and then i get a random message on AIM.

its chicks mom, said shes sad i havent come over in a while, still saying she hates my dude. we shoot the shit for a while and she says hey isnt ur birthday (18) next week? i said yea. she said tell u what, im gonna get u a birthday present, what do u want? i said lol idc surprise me. she says... ok bring protection. so on my birthday i blew off afternoon class and met her at the mall and we did it in her minivan in the parking lot.

in retrospect it was really fucked up, but i grew up on stiflers mom shit so it didnt really hit me at the time. i told my dude about it. he told his girl. she confronted her mom. dad found out. they got a divorce. girl got sent to all girls boarding school 5 states away. my bud stopped talking to me bc of it. mom got a job waiting tables at waffle house.

so to all my new best buds, i just want u to know that i have changed and i will not do ur mom even if she comes on to me first

no you like FFXI

sauceje posted...

no you like FFXI

anyone who doesnt belongs in prison