Current Events > I have always been a weak shower of shit with a way for words

(+) Yeah! (+)

Now, I actually need to be strong and a source of support for multiple people. Alas, at the crux I discover that not only am I as brittle as honeycomb, I'm also at a loss for words. Just another stuttery-cluttery shithead.

Basically, I'm of less use than a chocolate phallus. That, would at least fulfil someone's calorific requirements.

I guess, basically this is definitely one of those moments where I would quite happily trade clever for normal, and fragile for resilience.

I've honestly tried so many things to make myself more resilient, and to CBT myself out of anxiety and depression. I've tried medication, and that has given me the most consistent results. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just fundamentally flawed.

I have kids, so you can be damn sure I won't allow any of my weakness to affect them. I have responsibilities, and I'm not going to wilt when they'll need me. But sometimes I just feel so fucking brittle.

I'm supposed to be a bastion of strength, but at best all I could be is a tutor of camouflage. I just feel like my wife deserves someone better than me, right now. Externally, I try to be that bastion. It's like, yeah, whatever you need, I'm here. I will always be here. Whatever you need.

My wife goes into cancer surgery next week.

I'm just feeling... I don't know if it's that old impostor syndrome making itself felt in a big fucking way and its been biding its time, but fuck if I don't feel like I'm some spun sugar design that's been left out in the rain.

No, no Macarthur Park. Bad dog, down.

[Test: Selena Gomez is looking kind of fat]