Current Events > Ex FWB messaged me after months of not speaking asking if I'd be comfortable...

(+) Yeah! (+)

...working with her.

History: We slept together last summer then drifted apart. I had started seeing someone in the Fall (ghosting girl) and forget about this FWB.

February rolls around, me and ghosting girl are history, this FWB messages asking what's up. Clearly trying to reignite stuff. Because I'm defensive and overexplain myself I apologized for drifting, explaining I was in a bad life position due to various personal life things I had going on and also the girl I was going out with.

FWB gets angry and accuses me of inventing reasons to avoid her. She breaks off contact. I write her off.

She abruptly messages a few days ago wondering about a position at the place I work. She asks if I'd be comfortable with seeing her all the time and that she wanted to ask before applying to anything because she wouldn't wanna infringe on my space.

I'm a bit evasive at first and tell her I wanna think it over. I text her earlier today that I don't really like the idea of working together and I'm not really comfortable with it since I've had bad situations in the past and don't really wanna put myself in that position again.

She got super pissed and said I'd be a shitty boss anyway since I can't let the past go and would treat her like shit.

Then she ranted a bit, and I was like "hey you asked if I'd be okay and I told you I wouldn't be. Dunno why you're so pissed rn." Then she accused me of clumping her in with everyone else who's been shitty to me.

Conversation fizzled out and here we are.

I'm unsure as to whether I should feel like an asshole or not.

And I'll be warning the other higher ups about her in case she applies or approaches anyone. I ain't got time for this garbage.

Working with the woman youre banging sounds like a living hell.

Having her work under you is a very bad idea.

her question wasn't a question

but i'm sure you can see that

Sackgurl posted...

her question wasn't a question

but i'm sure you can see that

yes I see that now.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I mean from my point of view it'd be absolutely awful to have someone I used to fuck working under me.

And I see my discomfort and desire for a calm and drama free workplace to be very legitimate.

"Hinder professionally". She doesn't currently work at this place, and the position wouldn't be a promotion from what she currently does

Lairen posted...

Is she hot?

Meh.

Ah, the continuing adventures of Doom_Art...

You would be her boss? Yeah, you did the right thing here, i'd avoid that situation at all costs.

tc sold the bag

Doom_Art posted...

I'm unsure as to whether I should feel like an asshole or not.

You should. Your conduct was not good

DarkChozoGhost posted...

You should. Your conduct was not good

what should I have done differently

Got damn, how many girls do you pull?

DarkChozoGhost posted...

You should. Your conduct was not good

Hard disagree, especially considering how she acted in February

sounds like she's gaslighting as fuck

Slaya4 posted...

Got damn, how many girls do you pull?

When I put effort into it I do really well.

The issue is summoning the will to put the effort in

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

The way she behaved in February and this week.

And you know what? Maybe it's not fair to lump her in with the drama I've had before. But this is my workplace and I spend every weekday there. I'm not interested in rolling the dice on this shit.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Well according to her in her own words I'd be a shitty boss and the place must be an awful environment to work in where she'd be treated like complete shit. So it seems like I did her a big favor.

Doom_Art posted...

When I put effort into it I do really well

So a typical (non CEmen) guy

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Shock you're painting it as tho I "hindered" her out of malice or as a retaliatory thing

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I took as she asked if he would be comfortable, and based on her past reactions, he said he wouldn't be. Sounded more like being honest than hindering.

Personally, I would let it go and be okay with her. But I am used to hanging out with exes.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

She asked him a question and he answered. She didn't like what she heard and she flipped out about it. Take the prior fling out of the equation; if a prospective employee asked Doom-Fart a question and flipped out on him for responding, would he be in the wrong for alerting higher-ups to be wary of her?

Yeah best to give out a warning and then block her.

Also STM means well. Theyre just a bit extreme in this case.

I don't think you're in fault of anything. She asked and got an answer she didn't want to hear.

I'm willing to bet this is what happened: she also felt weird about working with you and wasn't able to get over you fully, but if you had already put it aside or didn't care, she'd be willing to try and move on too. She asked, you confirmed that there would still be residual weirdness, which messed up her plans of moving on from you, so she freaked out and you were in the blast zone.

She should either follow through with her intent of asking and try to work somewhere else because you did confirm it'd be weird, or she should just apply anyway and not care what you think. Seems like she's unnecessarily stressing you out by making you feel at fault for a thing that she's going through.

This is one of those situations where youre both the asshole and well within your rights

like you said its your space and you have the right to protect it

but youre blocking an opportunity for her based of the ways it could go wrong and didnt really speak on what her expectations where.

you 100% assumed she wanted trouble and didnt even ask questions based on what youve said here.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I get this too. I can actually see both sides of this one.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


If said fling is full of drama which is the story were being told them its easy to side with TC.

Like if I insulted someone that would be my boss theres no chance Id get said job or deserve it.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Yeah thats drama. It doesnt take multiple instances to be dramatic. Itd be a clear toxic work environment that could easily lead to some black mailing. Its not like there isnt other jobs out there she could apply for anyways. Its not like theyre friends who drifted apart lol.

Fuck that. That's an HR visit waiting to happen

Yeah I agree maybe it's unfair to her in concept, but given how she's acted twice now and how she has the potential to affect my life going forward if we work together I'm super not interested in rolling the dice on this.

Doom_Art posted...

Yeah I agree maybe it's unfair to her in concept, but given how she's acted twice now and how she has the potential to affect my life going forward if we work together I'm super not interested in rolling the dice on this.

did you guys actually talk about it, like did you guys have a convo about what working together would be like and if your personal relationship would have an effect on it ?

you keep mentioning how she acted but honestly she kinda had the right to flip shit on you in both situations.

she asked, you answered. don't let her gaslight you. she's angry, just stop engaging with her.

Sackgurl posted...

her question wasn't a question

but i'm sure you can see that

yeah, basically she said "i'm gonna apply at your job, just letting you know" lol

pojr posted...

yeah, basically she said "i'm gonna apply at your job, just letting you know" lol

She should've just said that then

If you're gonna ask a question be prepared for an answer you don't wanna hear.

Doom_Art posted...

She should've just said that then

If you're gonna ask a question be prepared for an answer you don't wanna hear.

agreed. i wouldnt be surprised if she was just using this as a gateway to talk to you about the FWB thing again. seems like shes interested in something at least.

TC: *apologizes to FWB*

FWB: *gets pissed off*

FWB: *asks TC honest opinion on working together*

TC: *gives honest opinion*

FWB: *gets pissed off*

Time to write that person off completely.

mybbqrules posted...

TC: *apologizes to FWB*

FWB: *gets pissed off*

FWB: *asks TC honest opinion on working together*

TC: *gives honest opinion*

FWB: *gets pissed off*

Time to write that person off completely.

On both occasions I made the mistake of deviating from the scenario she concocted in her head.

If I were in that kind of situation I wouldn't want to be working with a former FWB. If this person were to be hired as your subordinate or superior, that would also bring a number of additional issues into the equation. Doesn't seem like a good idea in any sense.

It was really cool to see the turbo virgins come out to pretend this is a good idea.