Current Events > Important message for the virgins of CE

(+) Yeah! (+)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

Sex-Havers, unite!

Lol

free gb

I have no idea how people enjoy sex. It's too easy.

I like to think of myself as a pretty serious gamer. I've played all the "hard" games, such as Dark Souls, Dark Souls 2, Dark Souls 3, etc and I've destroyed them all. They weren't even remotely a challenge for me. I don't know if it's my quick reflexes or my tactical thinking, but if you put a video game in front of me, that game is going to be beat. The only thing that is getting in my way is a dead controller battery (and even then, I always carry backups at all times).

Lately, I've been getting into more physical activities to challenge me, as video games just do not cut it anymore. I've tried both team sports and solo activities, such as running or rock climbing, and as expected, I've dominated in each of them. However, I do find these activities fun as a change of pace from my usual gaming.

So when my new girlfriend (Michelle (pronounced Mish-elle)) asked if I wanted to try sex, I jumped at the opportunity. I've never had sex before (why waste my seed?) but I figured it would be a great chance to see if this is the ultimate test for my skills. I know lots of men brag about their sexual prowess, so I wanted to see if this was an adequate challenge for someone like me, or just another disappointment.

To prepare, we first engaged in what Michelle called "foreplay." This was almost pathetically easy; nothing but a bunch of open mouth kisses and rhythmic breast grabs. I even noticed Michelle had her eyes closed, which I think truly illustrates the simplicity of this phase of the sexual process.

After about ten minutes of that nonsense, we decided to go right into the main event, sexual intercourse. For weeks leading up to this moment, I had practiced throwing hoops of various sizes into the air and thrusting my penis through them, simulating what I expected sex to be like, and preparing for any moment. My precision had become unmatched.

So you can imagine my disappointment when Michelle took off her pants and all there was just one hole, and a stationary hole at that. I entered this hole with absolutely no difficulty, tried a few of the trick thrusts I had practiced at home, and 30 seconds later it was over.

After sex, I told Michelle that I had never been more disappointed in my entire life, and she agreed. How do people find any enjoyment in this? It reminded me of the quick time events in the video games I frequently dominate, only on a biological level.

Are people really such simpletons that this is a pleasurable activity for them, or am I missing something?

*pounds off using my tears as lubricant*