Current Events > My ex hasn't filed for divorce yet and we've been separated for months. AMA.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'm kinda baffled because she spent the last few months we were speaking going on and on about how awful I was, how much she hated being married to someone she didn't love, and how she couldn't wait to get away from me.

Anyway, ask me anything. Doesn't have to be about the divorce. I have a college education. I like puzzle games. I can probably help you memorize some cellular pathways and cycles if you're taking Cell Biology. Don't ask me to do any math more complicated than trigonometry though; I dropped Calculus I twice.

Shadilay posted...

How much you paying to keep her afloat?

Nothing, actually. She's a software engineer, so she makes a lot more than I do.

Though, I am paying the rent on the apartment. Takes up a solid 75% of my pay, but the fees for breaking the lease early are over $3k upfront, so here I am.

What state do you live in?

HovaRex posted...

What state do you live in?

Alabama. As far as I have researched, there is no minimum separation time to file. I have read conflicting sources on whether or not you have to have separate legal residences to file (which we do now, and have for a few months).

Are you gonna do the smart thing an never get married again?

Flauros posted...

Are you gonna do the smart thing an never get married again?

Hell yeah. Just gonna be me and my cats forever. No more dealing with someone blowing the rent money on stupid stuff and then blaming me for it. I've got all I need to be happy here.

_Rinku_ posted...

Hell yeah. Just gonna be me and my cats forever. No more dealing with someone blowing the rent money on stupid stuff and then blaming me for it. I've got all I need to be happy here.

https://i.imgur.com/nyHha6z.gif

_Rinku_ posted...

Alabama. As far as I have researched, there is no minimum separation time to file. I have read conflicting sources on whether or not you have to have separate legal residences to file (which we do now, and have for a few months).

The no separation time is nice, have some friends who live in NC going thru a divorce as well, and yeah the minimum 1 year of separation is shitty.

I'd doubt you'd have to separate residences, and that's really hard to prove either way.

So just saying if your wife (ex) makes more than you, and you have been paying the rent, you should be entitled to some $$

_Rinku_ posted...

Nothing, actually. She's a software engineer, so she makes a lot more than I do.

Though, I am paying the rent on the apartment. Takes up a solid 75% of my pay, but the fees for breaking the lease early are over $3k upfront, so here I am.

Is her name on the lease? Why are you paying the rent if shes a software engineer making good money?

If you guys are truly done then I would ask her to pay the half she is responsible for. Not even about being petty.

Flauros posted...

https://i.imgur.com/nyHha6z.gif

Like honestly, I'm probably not going to even date again. Don't mistake me though; I'm not some raging misogynist who thinks "all women" do this. One specific woman hurt me so badly that I'm not giving anyone, man, woman, or in-between, the chance to do it ever again.

HovaRex posted...

The no separation time is nice, have some friends who live in NC going thru a divorce as well, and yeah the minimum 1 year of separation is shitty.

I'd doubt you'd have to separate residences, and that's really hard to prove either way.

So just saying if your wife (ex) makes more than you, and you have been paying the rent, you should be entitled to some $$

States with minimum separation times baffle me.

I found a source online that said you had to have separate residences before filing. I didn't want to risk wasting the filing fee if it was true.

Oh yeah, I definitely am. My current plan is to, at minimum, finish out the lease here and then take her to small claims court for what she owes. Given her lifestyle, I probably won't get much of anything though.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

That's entirely possible. I did find out recently that the girl she started seeing almost immediately after ending things with me broke up with her and she doesn't seem like she's handling it well. She hasn't tried to contact me or anything though, so I guess that's a blessing.

She did try to shift the burden of filing onto me one of the last times we spoke. I told her upfront that 1) I wasn't the one who wanted the divorce, so I wasn't going to pay for it and 2) I literally couldn't afford the filing fee.

I mostly just want compensation for the apartment. It's killing me to pay for this and all the bills, but I have to do it for the time being.

MrDrMan posted...

Is her name on the lease? Why are you paying the rent if shes a software engineer making good money?

If you guys are truly done then I would ask her to pay the half she is responsible for. Not even about being petty.

Yes. She walked out on the apartment about three months ago. She "paid" the rent in January, I gave her my half, and then the rent payment bounced. She then disappeared for a few days, wouldn't answer my calls, and acted like I was out of line for wondering what the hell happened to my money. The electricity bill is also in her name and she skipped out on paying it. I know this because I called in and paid the entirety of it myself (and you would not believe the interrogation you go through trying to pay a utility bill that's not in your name) around the time I knew it was going to be due. She had closed her old bank account and had zero intention of updating that payment information on file for the utilities. So after I confronted her about basically stealing a couple hundred dollars and risking getting the power turned off (which would have sucked ass as I work from home), she cried that I was abusive and mean.

She then found a new apartment and moved out. She acted like she was being very gracious for paying her half for the month where she moved out (which she shorted me on by about $200 on the day she got paid and cried that it was "all that she had" when I know she gets paid about $1,200 each week). She said she'd pay for the next month, but I haven't spoken to her since then.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

That's what my mom thinks. One of her weekly checks is almost as much as what I make in an entire month. We were together for a decade and I gave up a job to move closer to hers. I have zero doubt in my mind that I could get a hefty amount from her and I'm sure she knows that. I outright told her that walking out on the apartment was going to look terrible for her and that I would be coming after her for her half of that at minimum.

You need to collect on what she owes. Its only gonna get worse and honestly I dont get her angle. If the stuff is in her name then she is liable. If you get evicted she will also have an eviction on her rental history.

Childish ass games. Sorry you have to deal with that man. Dont do her any favors. Collect whats yours.

MrDrMan posted...

You need to collect on what she owes. Its only gonna get worse and honestly I dont get her angle. If the stuff is in her name then she is liable. If you get evicted she will also have an eviction on her rental history.

Childish ass games. Sorry you have to deal with that man. Dont do her any favors. Collect whats yours.

So, I've looked into it and you can only collect on a debt that has been incurred. So, I could take her to small claims court for the months she's missed so far, but then I'd have to go back for the months after that (I can't take her to court for a debt that hasn't been made yet).

So, my best option is to finish out the lease (ends in August) and take her to small claims court at that point for her half (which will be roughly $4,500). I can pay it (just barely) for the time being, but this is my best option because I can't move somewhere cheaper without breaking the lease here.

She moved into a new place already, so she doesn't care about the damage to her rental history. She's maxed out her credit card, borrowed against her retirement plan so she could fly out to California to visit a "friend", and just generally lives well beyond her means. The woman makes six figures (before tax) and routinely overdrafted her bank account. The fight that ultimately kicked off our divorce was her telling me that she wanted to go down to half-time at her very stable, well-paying SE job and paint Warhammer miniatures full-time to make a living.

I think her angle was that she stuck me with the lease. She knows I'll have to finish it out or risk not being able to find anywhere else to live. I don't know how she managed to get approved for a new place while mid-lease here. I've considered just doing that myself, but pretty much every place I look at wants to talk to the current landlord for references.

Have you tried speaking to the landlord to explain the situation? It doesnt hurt to ask. Maybe they can work something out because any reasonable person would understand youve been screwed. Its worth a shot.

Typically apartments require you to make three times the rent. So even if she has a place with you if she meets that requirement shed probably be approved. On paper she can afford it even if thats not the reality.

I would contact your apartment and also an attorney. Im not the type to usually say pursue court but youre doing this at your own detriment. Thats not right.

Good luck bro. This legit got me kind of heated.

MrDrMan posted...

Have you tried speaking to the landlord to explain the situation? It doesnt hurt to ask. Maybe they can work something out because any reasonable person would understand youve been screwed. Its worth a shot.

Typically apartments require you to make three times the rent. So even if she has a place with you if she meets that requirement shed probably be approved. On paper she can afford it even if thats not the reality.

I would contact your apartment and also an attorney. Im not the type to usually say pursue court but youre doing this at your own detriment. Thats not right.

Good luck bro. This legit got me kind of heated.

Yeah. My "landlord" is a massive property management company. The staff at the local office have essentially told me, "That's really sad, but you're still legally responsible for the rent."

Yeah, she told me where she moved. Assuming she's not lying, she easily makes the income requirement. Hell, she easily met it here by herself. Meanwhile, I'm stressed because when I do move out, it's going to be really hard to find a place where I do meet that requirement. Rent is ridiculous in this city and even though I make pretty decent money (my job is production-based, but it averages out to $15/hr which is more than the double the minimum wage), the cheap places in town are out of my "price range." I legitimately can't get approved for a place that's $600 cheaper than this apartment (where I am currently paying the rent and all the bills). My mom has told me that she'll sign as a guarantor to get me into a place I have my eye on, but boy does it not feel great to be getting divorced and needing my mommy's help at my big age.

I've called around to a few attorneys, but they're all out of my price range. It sucks, but there's not a whole lot I can do on that front. Like I said, I think my best option at this point is to take her to small claims court once the lease is up.

Thanks, man. I'm not going to lie; this whole situation sucks. You wouldn't believe how many of my "friends" have come out and acted like I'm the ridiculous one for being upset about what's happened.

_Rinku_ posted...

Yeah. My "landlord" is a massive property management company. The staff at the local office have essentially told me, "That's really sad, but you're still legally responsible for the rent."

Yeah, she told me where she moved. Assuming she's not lying, she easily makes the income requirement. Hell, she easily met it here by herself. Meanwhile, I'm stressed because when I do move out, it's going to be really hard to find a place where I do meet that requirement. Rent is ridiculous in this city and even though I make pretty decent money (my job is production-based, but it averages out to $15/hr which is more than the double the minimum wage), the cheap places in town are out of my "price range." I legitimately can't get approved for a place that's $600 cheaper than this apartment (where I am currently paying the rent and all the bills). My mom has told me that she'll sign as a guarantor to get me into a place I have my eye on, but boy does it not feel great to be getting divorced and needing my mommy's help at my big age.

I've called around to a few attorneys, but they're all out of my price range. It sucks, but there's not a whole lot I can do on that front. Like I said, I think my best option at this point is to take her to small claims court once the lease is up.

Thanks, man. I'm not going to lie; this whole situation sucks. You wouldn't believe how many of my "friends" have come out and acted like I'm the ridiculous one for being upset about what's happened.

Those people don't sound like great friends. I don't have much advice to offer you accept my condolescenes for the shitty situation your in. Good luck with everything

Post pics?

assassingriskel posted...

Those people don't sound like great friends. I don't have much advice to offer you accept my condolescenes for the shitty situation your in. Good luck with everything

Honestly? They're not and I'm learning that. One dude who I thought was my close, personal friend basically told me that I caused my ex's mental health issues, that he wasn't going to talk shit about her (prompted by me being stressed to the point of tears over the prospect of being trapped in the lease with her and all the awful things she had done to me), and even showed up to help her move (and when I confronted him about it, he gave me some bs about "getting her out of my hair"). All of this after he complained that she had sexually harassed him multiple times in the past and never hung out with just her. The cynic in me is pretty sure he's trying to get into her pants because he's a 6/10 with a rotten personality and she's desperate for male validation.

dj1200 posted...

Post pics?

Of...?