Current Events > Guy matches girl on a dating app, he starts the conversation

(+) Yeah! (+)

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Every woman sees herself as a victim in any situation. You're behaving no different.

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Hm? Oh, you were actually seeking advice? lmfao

That's rich. Way to move the goal post.

But, honestly there's nothing to suggest. You found a husband in real life, right? You got off the dating app, according to earlier posts, right? Then you found a solution. Just not the one to fix the dating scene in general. But if you want my suggestion? Women should start trying to pursue and see if there's anything there behind the "hi" response. If men have to do the work to approach, then women should do some work in seeing what's behind the curtain. Learn some conversational skills of their own. There's still an un-match/block button for a reason. You'll figure out pretty fast if there's something there if you actually learn to chat and have a personality of your own.

But yeah, you didn't choose that route.

So again, no accountability. Lots you could do. But you chose differently. In the meantime, keep blaming men.

Gladius_ posted...

No because woman often seek more than just casual hookups. We want something long term or something we can come back to repeatedly. The fast responses are nice if you are looking for a quicky and our experience we have it good compared to men who want that but if we want compatibility? A romance partner? Dating sites suck.

This is what's frustrating for me as a man. Tinder is a hookup app. I'm usually looking for something casual. But so many women have profiles that say they're not interested in hookups and are only looking for long-term partners. So then get off this app that's designed for hookups! I've wasted so much time reading women's profiles (because I actually do read them, and I try to send thoughtful messages) only to find that they're anti-hookup. And I respect that and swipe left on them. But it seriously is a waste of time. I must've swiped left on thousands of women by now for this reason alone.

This is why I prefer Feeld nowadays. Everyone is so much more sex-positive on there, and people aren't asking for marriage before the first date even happens.

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in a parallel universe, your parallel universe versions met on gamefaqs, fucked, married and loved happily ever after or something

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I made no assumptions about you personally. Just stated what I saw in this topic. And again, I haven't once stated anything about my personal skills or experiences on dating apps other than "they are not the way."

You are the only one assuming things here. The entire time. The post you think I missed never once implied you learned to have conversational skills or personality. Nor did it say anything about you telling women they should be able to do that.

I have said elsewhere already that I do criticize men who only say "hi." I can criticize them for oh so much more if you'd like. But that's really not the point of the topic at hand.

So again, where did I assume anything? I saw what you were doing in this topic, and it provides nothing but dodge, dodge, dodge tactics on your end. I said earlier that you just keep assuming. And again, it makes you look oh so great. I'm not assuming anything about you, but you just keep saying that I am. The only thing I said absolutely is that you refuse to be held accountable. I'll stick to that one.

Gladius_ posted...

I agree though there are better options than tinder at least and they are making life more difficult for people into casual sex.

I think it's honestly the source of a lot of the friction between men and women on Tinder. Because, from what I've gathered over the years, most men are not like me, and they will swipe right for a hookup even when a woman says she doesn't want hookups. They figure they'll just try their luck anyway. Which leads to botched dates and conversations that fizzle out. So they're all wasting even more time than I am, and I already feel like I'm wasting a lot!

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Oh no no, we wait for the ever elusive "My dick is made of chocolate and ejaculates money, I'm 6'6" and drive a Bugatti"

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Interesting way to frame it, but it's actually more that all of the good options don't want them. It's somehow expected that the top 1% of men will want to commit to you even if you're the bottom 30%, it's simply ridiculous and requires a drastic reality check

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Also, I should point out that there's no reason for me to think you stand out in any way, either. What are guys supposed to do, honk a clown nose at you and juggle? You may call it spam but you're not considering that from their perspective, you are the spam. You're just one of thousands that they've messaged, what makes you think you're good enough for a carefully crafted witticism or something like that? You're decent-enough-looking girl #2752.

Hoodroar posted...

Indeed, since one of the women actually initiates then. >_>

That's an interesting thought, I wonder if that's why lesbian couples usually have a masculine one.

Am I just an outlier in that if I don't hear back on an app I don't sweat it?

I've been on and off apps for close to a year now and when I'm using one I usually have a conversation going if not dates planned. I don't live in a big area or think I do anything out of the ordinary either.

Lunar_Savage posted...

Every woman sees herself as a victim in any situation. You're behaving no different.

Hmm. How could somebody with this attitude towards women possibly have difficulty connecting with them?

One of life's great mysteries...

Glob posted...

Hmm. How could somebody with this attitude towards women possibly have difficulty connecting with them?

One of life's great mysteries...

lol I connect and have connected just fine. Again, more assumptions. Though, fair call on a general blanket statement. *finger guns*

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Ah, I assumed you were still dating with the way you were talking about it. Congratulations on a happy marriage, you didn't meet him through a dating site did you?

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Considering that women generally consider 80% or so of men "below average", it's actually a pretty high bar most times.
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/6/9/1/AAXQ7ZAADE8j.png
I mean you may not be one of those women but most just are.

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It's kinda sad. I stand by it being an evolutionary biology thing that women can't help but do (much like men can't help but thirst), you see it in many animals that court. The male bird of paradise can look outrageous with his bright colors and flopping tailfeathers, do a whole dance routine and the mediocre brown female just dgaf because in the back of her mind is always "what if there's an even cooler guy just a few trees down from here...?"

Humans should be able to reason that "well if I'm a 6 I shouldn't expect more than like a 7" but instead this advanced reasoning gets used to continually imagine the possibility of the magnificent Chad Thundercock discovering you and taking an interest for some reason, maybe your encyclopedic knowledge of Dr. Who lore or your snowglobe collection will do it, who knows?

I think we can all agree that men and women are utterly incompatible both spiritually and biologically and we should all just start gaying each other

Giblet_Enjoyer posted...

Ah, I assumed you were still dating with the way you were talking about it. Congratulations on a happy marriage, you didn't meet him through a dating site did you?

Considering that women generally consider 80% or so of men "below average", it's actually a pretty high bar most times.
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/6/9/1/AAXQ7ZAADE8j.png
I mean you may not be one of those women but most just are.

It's kinda sad. I stand by it being an evolutionary biology thing that women can't help but do (much like men can't help but thirst), you see it in many animals that court. The male bird of paradise can look outrageous with his bright colors and flopping tailfeathers, do a whole dance routine and the mediocre brown female just dgaf because in the back of her mind is always "what if there's an even cooler guy just a few trees down from here...?"

Humans should be able to reason that "well if I'm a 6 I shouldn't expect more than like a 7" but instead this advanced reasoning gets used to continually imagine the possibility of the magnificent Chad Thundercock discovering you and taking an interest for some reason, maybe your encyclopedic knowledge of Dr. Who lore or your snowglobe collection will do it, who knows?

I think we can all agree that men and women are utterly incompatible both spiritually and biologically and we should all just start gaying each other

I'm glad someone understands what in the fuck I was talking about.

But, I'll part ways at the gaying comment. That's just giving up. And despite all the insane negativity, there's no reason to just give up or villainize the gender to unreasonable levels.

And yeah, I can already hear some of you saying "you did just that!" but no. I merely pointed to a fucking problem and said it needs to be fixed. That's not villainization. That's just saying there's a fucking problem. If you took it as a personal attack, that's your own emotions deluding your understanding of the topic. Please note also: I haven't really stated any of my own emotions or personal stances on these issues, so if you want to assume and attack, I guess you have the right to do so. But I have the right to ignore you too.

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Again this comes down to a difference of being desired vs feeling completely unwanted. I seriously question anyone that cant see that one is significantly worse than the other. Men deal with having next to no prospects, duds and rejection upon rejection. Women deal with having a plethora of prospects and complain about sorting through the duds. Yeah no sympathy like I said.

Throw myself off a building? Please back in the dating scene it ended up with the same equivalent. Being frustrated and depressed that I can't match up with anyone that doesn't sound like a horny version of navi from ocarina of time.

But yet you can pick and choose how much effort you want to put in, from actually engaging with them and see if theres anything there, to moving on to one of the many other matches.

Imagine instead dating apps work like this for you: the one person you match a month gives you nothing but one word responses, never asks you follow up questions or gives you anything to further the conversation.

That person could have been you, or someone exactly like you. 2556 matches deep and who has the time to care about that one dude

No because woman often seek more than just casual hookups. We want something long term or something we can come back to repeatedly. The fast responses are nice if you are looking for a quicky and our experience we have it good compared to men who want that but if we want compatibility? A romance partner? Dating sites suck.

Men want the same thing as women, some want causal hookups, some are looking for something more serious. Idk what the difference in percentages between the two would be but Id be willing to bet that its a lot smaller than you expect.

Second. Do you think its easier to find compatibility when you have a lot of potential candidates? Or very few?

If youre in the market for gloves. You gonna go the store that maybe gets a shipment of a size small (youre medium) once every six months. Or are you gonna go to the fucking Glove Emporium that has a glove to fit any human hand on the planet?

And yall literally sitting here complaining about having too many options. The audacity I swear.

I have a decent group of guy friends and within 11 seconds of being around them you can tell who is getting laid and who isnt.

I had 0 luck on Bumble and met my gf of Facebook Dating.

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Ghosting good guys who didn't do shit to you because some other dudes are pieces of shit is inexcusable toxic behaviour. I promise you it's not that difficult to treat everyone with respect and give them the benefit of the doubt and simply block the asshats who show you how little respect they're worth.

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I'm wondering what dating apps you're on that allow anyone to even send pics, because none do as far as I'm aware. Unless you're jumping right into exchanging numbers?

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I swear people on the internet will activate parts of their brains they never use to circumvent the point of an analogy, rather than just getting the point of the analogy in the first place.

The analogy wasn't meant to say you will immediately find what you're looking for and that you wont have to sort through a lot of bullshit. It's trying to tell you you're completely unaware of what half the population deals with. You take for granted that, while the choices you have aren't all winners, the fact that you have those choices at all is a world of fucking difference to that other half of the world

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Many times. I'll be as sympathetic to actual issues like that of safety, and overall rudeness of dealing with jackass men, etc. But if I had 9 lives like a cat I would die all of them on this hill of having more potential candidates in a dating pool and filtering through the shit is a faaaaaaaaaar better alternative then having few and far between and still filtering through the shit.

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Don't assume things based on things that aren't said. Never said they don't have struggles. I said so much in my previous point.

Giblet_Enjoyer posted...

Considering that women generally consider 80% or so of men "below average", it's actually a pretty high bar most times.

That also gets exacerbated by normal human psychology when presented with too many choices. Once you encounter more than 6-9 choices for something there's a tendency for the mind to form an amalgam of the best qualities from all of the choices, producing a compound perfect option which, despite not existing, becomes the bar of measure against which the actual choices are compared.

As a result online dating generally results in a lot of floundering for any given relationship formed.

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If you really had a sense that a dude is giving off rape vibes. Thats understandable why you wouldnt want any further interactions. Also, if the conversation hadnt really gone anywhere and you never even met in person, I get it. You dont owe this person anything.

But to assume every single guy is going to track you down and rape you because you let them down easy?

I fail to see the logic when you:

• Enter online dating
• Match with a random person
• Get to know them and they get to know you
• Exchange contact information, continue to talk via texts, phone calls, whatever.
• Meet them in person, maybe multiple times

And then at this point you don't feel it or whatever your reasoning is you choose to end it. If you're ghosting this person who was decent to you this entire time, didn't set off any bells and took the time out of their lives to get ot know you and meet you for dates. That's BS. That's not an excuse about safety. You crossed at least 5 thresholds to your safety to get to know them, they seemed cool and but just not for you? Now this guy has been left hanging, his time wasted and no idea what he did or didn't do to deserve the cold shoulder. Whatever the case he's probably better off, that level of disrespect and choosing this moment to now fear for your safety for literally no reason is a red flag and a bullet dodged IMHO.

I don't think it's alright that girls have live in a world where the potential risk of being raped is a real and terrifying threat that makes you on guard constantly and act differently. I think that's a shitty world to have to live in. I also don't believe it's an excuse to treat every person you interact with as a potential rapist. Especially after letting your guard down on multiple occasions and he didn't give you one excuse to put them back up.

I also don't believe ghosting everyone because the potential of them being pieces of shit is a sound way to operate. You're telling me with a straight face this unhinged psycho that can't take a "She's just not that into you man" text and will lash out with words or even violence this gem of a human being is going to take ghosting well too, when as far as he knows everything was cool? Come the absolute fuck off of it lmao.

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Says every single person when they can't attack, or they don't like the actual point being made by the analogy.

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And this tells me you still didn't understand the point being made.

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That's funny. I mean first of all because everyone cuts to the chase at this point of an argument when the posts get this long. It's common sense to save time.

But what's actually funny to me is that you can go back and read post #76, the one you just quoted. You replied to me 7 times. And post #76 makes two points against you, and one question about dating apps that let you send pictures. And then I reply to Conflict. In the interest of being cordial, I'll leave you to insinuate why I did that. Maybe I was just "cutting to the chase"...

If it's the way the world is, you're better off spending your time upping your opening game rather than complaining about something you can't change. It's a goid alternative to women having next to no rights less than a century ago. If we gotta work out wrinkles still. It's better to do it from this end than the former

if i match with someone, its because im interested, therefore of course im going to message them

i dont see why someone would match the other person but then not message them, man or woman. if you're not interested, don't match with them.

There a lot of walls of text here. Maybe I am an outlier?

My profile consists of a few recent pics at normal angles, and no catfish angles. Have some not taken by me, and a couple in social settings. Used to have at least one with a pet before covid, as he passed away almost 2 years ago.

Not a particularly detailed profile either, just a blurb of what I'm about and what I'm into.

And if I message first I just use an ice breaker or comment about something in their profile or an image.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

you're better off spending your time upping your opening game rather than complaining about something you can't change

This is an incomplete way of looking at it.

Yeah, I can't change the game, but I can change how I play it. These are my arguments for why. Maybe they change someone else's mind, maybe not. If nothing else it affirms what my reasoning and actions are. That is far more valuable imho than "upping my opening game" lol

Chunkey Simmons posted...

i dont see why someone would match the other person but then not message them, man or woman. if you're not interested, don't match with them.

There are a lot of confusing elements of online dating, lot of hurt feels and wasted time because of really poor communication and boggling questions of why people are even matching in the first place.

SwayM posted...

This is an incomplete way of looking at it.

Yeah, I can't change the game, but I can change how I play it. These are my arguments for why. Maybe they change someone else's mind, maybe not. If nothing else it affirms what my reasoning and actions are. That is far more valuable imho than "upping my opening game" lol

Good luck. Trying to change the world instead of yourself almost always ends good. You'll do fine. Let me know when your first conference is where you complain about women for 2 hours. Not enough men are doing those....

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Let me know when your first conference is where you complain about women for 2 hours.

For sure. Maybe I'll see you there next door at the "Up your Game and meet Women: the Xander Method" conference.

SwayM posted...

For sure. Maybe I'll see you there next door at the "Up your Game and meet Women: the Xander Method" conference.

My meeting is objectively cool, since it has a word that starts with X in it.

Chunkey Simmons posted...

i dont see why someone would match the other person but then not message them, man or woman. if you're not interested, don't match with them.

Using the app as a self-esteem boost, realizing there is something in the profile that you missed that you don't like, matching with someone better and focusing your attention on them.

The first msg shows who's more interested

Lunar_Savage posted...

Women need to get a goddamn grip on reality.

Lunar_Savage posted...

But still, I see you dodging that accountability (just like every woman I ever met both online and in real life).

Lunar_Savage posted...

Every woman sees herself as a victim in any situation. You're behaving no different.

"I'm not villainizing an entire gender"

"Every woman is awful"

yikes, just yikes, big incel energy there. scary stuff to read tbh

Giblet_Enjoyer posted...

Humans should be able to reason that "well if I'm a 6 I shouldn't expect more than like a 7" but instead this advanced reasoning gets used to continually imagine the possibility of the magnificent Chad Thundercock discovering you and taking an interest for some reason, maybe your encyclopedic knowledge of Dr. Who lore or your snowglobe collection will do it, who knows?

Men are absolutely no better in this regard, lots of 5s feeling entitled to a 10