Current Events > It finally clicked in my head why most people disliked me for most of my life

(+) Yeah! (+)

I have had poor self-esteem since I was a very young kid due to bullying, abuse, etc. and it really showed in everything I did. I basically talked like Eeyore, wasn't fun or happy at all, always had mean facial expressions (despite being very nice) and yet I blamed it on things like my looks, my race, how poor I was, or other things. That wasn't it at all -- I was dragging everyone's mood down by being around them, being so insecure, etc.

Lately, I'm having more and more days where my self-esteem is closer to normal and people react pretty well to me during those times. I used to see myself as intrinsically bad, but now I realized it was simple as the energy I was putting out. It's pretty crazy that I didn't notice it...

I've been trying to have a more positive energy, but it's been difficult. I think I can achieve it eventually though. If anyone has tips, let me know though -- lol

bump lol

I know that can take a lot of energy, but it becomes efficient and default with time. Just don't, like, force yourself beyond capacity, that seems miserable.

I used to be like this too. Keep up the positive changes! You're in control of this!

I think it's a bit different for me. I was actively in denial (of several things, like who I am and even how other people felt about me), and I behaved like an obnoxious asshole almost constantly. People tired of me, and then the bullying started; I never realized that people hated me because of how I was, and so I doubled down on my behavior... which caused more and more people to hate me, and it just made things worse, too. After a certain point (the incident where I broke/dislocated my arm and the summer of recovery afterwards), reality crashed down around me and I dissolved into a mess of pure self-hatred. I stopped making an effort to be around people or make friends, and I gave myself away to isolation.

I've been there ever since.

J03can posted...

I used to be like this too. Keep up the positive changes! You're in control of this!

How did you change? Do you have tips? I'm not really depressed anymore but still have a very melancholy, low-energy vibe despite having a lot of anxiety (and energy in general) when I am alone.

GrandConjuraton posted...

I think it's a bit different for me. I was actively in denial (of several things, like who I am and even how other people felt about me), and I behaved like an obnoxious asshole almost constantly. People tired of me, and then the bullying started; I never realized that people hated me because of how I was, and so I doubled down on my behavior... which caused more and more people to hate me, and it just made things worse, too. After a certain point (the incident where I broke/dislocated my arm and the summer of recovery afterwards), reality crashed down around me and I dissolved into a mess of pure self-hatred. I stopped making an effort to be around people or make friends, and I gave myself away to isolation.

I've been there ever since.

I was really obnoxious as a kid too before the bullying started. It's like a feedback loop, people show signs of disliking you which causes you to dislike yourself and then you put out a vibe that makes people dislike you more and then you either end up being just an unpleasant person or isolating. It sucks and is really hard to break out of.

Good job, be the best cutie pie that you can be

I had the same problem before I did some serious self reflection. It's definitely a gradual process to becoming a more social and happy person. The best advice I got was to smile more.

I never noticed but from watching other people I realized I never smiled even when going to say hi to a friend. It's bad habits like this that give people a negative perception of you sometimes.

Chesh posted...

How did you change? Do you have tips? I'm not really depressed anymore but still have a very melancholy, low-energy vibe despite having a lot of anxiety (and energy in general) when I am alone.

I was really obnoxious as a kid too before the bullying started. It's like a feedback loop, people show signs of disliking you which causes you to dislike yourself and then you put out a vibe that makes people dislike you more and then you either end up being just an unpleasant person or isolating. It sucks and is really hard to break out of.

Most important thing I think is positive self talk and stop those bullshit negative thoughts putting yourself down. Also do things to better your appearance - nice haircut, nice clothes - don't worry that you're going to look like a douche, you won't.