Current Events > Would you ever get married?

(+) Yeah! (+)

why or why not

I can't even make regular friends, let alone get married.

Probably not. My previous plans for marriage fell apart with my ex. Some of you know the story.

I don't think I could ever love like that again. Moreso, I don't think I would trust myself to remain true. It's a real bitch.

i have a life partner but we are not legally married. been together 15 years, lived together for 11 years.

we just do not give a fuck.

people think you save soooo much money when you are legally married but it's not always the case (as it is with us). if we ever could save a bunch of money by getting married we would probably get married via the clerk of court or something.

I will as long as it is not in a western country as the laws are shit, thankfully my girlfriend and her family agree on this and once we move to her home country I will marry her.

No one would ever want to marry me

Uh, maybe. It's a bit early for me to start thinking about it though...

If I meet the right gal sure

Robot2600 posted...

i have a life partner but we are not legally married. been together 15 years, lived together for 11 years.

we just do not give a fuck.

people think you save soooo much money when you are legally married but it's not always the case (as it is with us). if we ever could save a bunch of money by getting married we would probably get married via the clerk of court or something.

we're pretty close to the same situation. we both thought the idea of a large typical wedding as a waste and we're full committed regardles of legal shit.

we will probably end up doing it offically at some point, but will be just a small or private thing.

Been married and divorced. Likely will again, but hopefully just the married part this time :)

I dont see why not. But Im also one of those people who thinks marriage isnt even necessary. If I find a girl who loves me and we can live together comfortably, I couldnt care less if theres a piece of paper and an unnecessary ceremony to make it official.

Of course, that type of mindset is probably going to keep me from getting married so

rexcrk posted...

I dont see why not. But Im also one of those people who thinks marriage isnt even necessary. If I find a girl who loves me and we can live together comfortably, I couldnt care less if theres a piece of paper and an unnecessary ceremony to make it official.

Of course, that type of mindset is probably going to keep me from getting married so

It will also keep your assets safe as marriage laws in the USA and most western countries heavily favor the woman when divorce happens. These laws encourage a woman to take the man to the cleaners.

Never

I mean I don't write things off entirely, I guess anything is possible but I couldn't see it happening in many previous longer term relationships so.

Marriage helps a lot with medical situations.

My sister in law was with a guy for ten years. He got sick suddenly and died. She didn't even get an opportunity to say goodbye. On top of that, she got kicked out if his house. It went to next of kin instead. She's a poor, so no credit card or receipts for appliances she bought. Dude's family took it all and she got screwed

No

Not saying why

I wish I could but, as an unlovable monster, it's not in the cards.

Yes, that's the goal. I was engaged, but we didn't make it to marriage. Hoping my next relationship lasts until we die of old age.

Already engaged.

Tom Clark posted...

Already engaged.

Congrats!

bsp77 posted...

Congrats!

Thank you :)

Whoa I made the vote perfectly balanced, all 13s.

Married btw.

Not at all. Being married seems like a really stressful, worrying situation. Planning a wedding alone is a hassle that would fill me with anxiety.

The idea behind it is cute and well-intentioned but it seems like a nightmare.

No. I don't want someone living with me who expects me to talk and go to family gatherings and shit.

I am now married.

I predominately did it for my husband since it seemed important to him as a life goal and we live in a nation where our bond is legally recognized. Our relationship and his comfort are important to me personally, but not the ceremony or status. I felt matrimony was an unnecessary step (a common perspective among gay men). However, I still show respect for his value of identifying as a married couple since a man in the US today is potentially putting himself at serious legal and financial risks if things go wrong later in said union. The fact that this competent financially savvy man still felt confident in choosing me spoke complimentary volumes.

I'm a minimalist at heart and he knows that. I value his company and passions over his material wealth. It's why he felt comfortable marrying me in this decade where most marriages bomb from a combination of petty income disputes and exploitive spousal greed.

I got the ring because I don't care about keeping up with the Joneses, nor do I judge my hardworking committed spouse on his wallet. I scathingly judge people who do.

I am married. I've currently been separated from my wife for longer than we were married (roughly three months).

I... wouldn't recommend it. Maybe it's just because I married a woman who cheated on me, begged me to give her a second chance (when her affair collapsed), and then lost her mind (accused me of abusing and manipulating her while she was the abuser) in a haze of drugs and debauchery. I haven't talked to her in about a month and a half. She stiffed me on about $300 she owed me.

The really fun part of it all has been my friends saying that this is my fault too. Love the victim blaming. Definitely doesn't make me want to completely cut off everyone I know and just live like a hermit for the rest of my life.

I probably won't ever get married again. I'm reasonably attractive, smart, have an okay job, and am fun to be around, so it's not like I couldn't get someone. I won't ever let anyone in like that again though. Not worth it. Can't imagine a world where it is worth it for anyone.

_Rinku_ posted...

I am married. I've currently been separated from my wife for longer than we were married (roughly three months).

I... wouldn't recommend it. Maybe it's just because I married a woman who cheated on me, begged me to give her a second chance (when her affair collapsed), and then lost her mind (accused me of abusing and manipulating her while she was the abuser) in a haze of drugs and debauchery. I haven't talked to her in about a month and a half. She stiffed me on about $300 she owed me.

The really fun part of it all has been my friends saying that this is my fault too. Love the victim blaming. Definitely doesn't make me want to completely cut off everyone I know and just live like a hermit for the rest of my life.

I probably won't ever get married again. I'm reasonably attractive, smart, have an okay job, and am fun to be around, so it's not like I couldn't get someone. I won't ever let anyone in like that again though. Not worth it. Can't imagine a world where it is worth it for anyone.

Wow that sucks. Sorry to hear you had to deal with all of that. And yeah, there's always a ton of victim blaming with cheating for some reason. I got cheated on and I had several people saying that it was something I did that caused it. Ignore those people. She was the one who made bad decisions.

And hey, don't give up hope just yet. I'm sure there's someone out there that won't make you regret letting them in.

ClockworkHare posted...

I am now married.

I predominately did it for my husband since it seemed important to him as a life goal and we live in a nation where our bond is legally recognized. Our relationship and his comfort are important to me personally, but not the ceremony or status. I felt matrimony was an unnecessary step (a common perspective among gay men). However, I still show respect for his value of identifying as a married couple since a man in the US today is potentially putting himself at serious legal and financial risks if things go wrong later in said union. The fact that this competent financially savvy man still felt confident in choosing me spoke complimentary volumes.

I'm a minimalist at heart and he knows that. I value his company and passions over his material wealth. It's why he felt comfortable marrying me in this decade where most marriages bomb from a combination of petty income disputes and exploitive spousal greed.

I got the ring because I don't care about keeping up with the Joneses, nor do I judge my hardworking committed spouse on his wallet. I scathingly judge people who do.

Based only on this I think you two will go the distance, you actually are in love with the person not material shit, or how much money is made. Back in the old days these values reigned supreme but now people are shallow as hell, greedy, and more materialistic then ever.

_Rinku_ posted...

I am married. I've currently been separated from my wife for longer than we were married (roughly three months).

I... wouldn't recommend it. Maybe it's just because I married a woman who cheated on me, begged me to give her a second chance (when her affair collapsed), and then lost her mind (accused me of abusing and manipulating her while she was the abuser) in a haze of drugs and debauchery. I haven't talked to her in about a month and a half. She stiffed me on about $300 she owed me.

The really fun part of it all has been my friends saying that this is my fault too. Love the victim blaming. Definitely doesn't make me want to completely cut off everyone I know and just live like a hermit for the rest of my life.

I probably won't ever get married again. I'm reasonably attractive, smart, have an okay job, and am fun to be around, so it's not like I couldn't get someone. I won't ever let anyone in like that again though. Not worth it. Can't imagine a world where it is worth it for anyone.

Yeah you married a modern western woman and sadly became a statistic. This kind of shit is going to happen more and more which is the sad part.

If you ever decide to go for marriage again only do it in a patriarchal country and you NEVER bring her to the west, you live in her country.

NoxObscuras posted...

Wow that sucks. Sorry to hear you had to deal with all of that. And yeah, there's always a ton of victim blaming with cheating for some reason. I got cheated on and I had several people saying that it was something I did that caused it. Ignore those people. She was the one who made bad decisions.

And hey, don't give up hope just yet. I'm sure there's someone out there that won't make you regret letting them in.

It's not just the cheating. She would scream at me. Blame me for things that were her fault. She controlled pretty much everything about our lives: the money, the car, the apartment, and she held it over me. She would scream at me that I wasn't mentally stable enough to hold down a job and take care of myself and that I was an idiot for wanting to work when she made enough to take care of everything.

I've had close friends try to tell me shit like, "Oh, you just grew apart," or even, "Well, it was your fault too because [x]" where the SAME PERSON has said that it was both because I tried to control my ex and because I didn't try hard enough to control her. "Controlling" her, btw, usually meant trying to get her to not splurge hundreds on her hobbies to the point that we couldn't pay rent.

You ever try to open up to someone, who you thought was your close friend, about the abuse you've been put through and all they say is, "I'm not going to get involved in your drama," or, "You caused this,"? I can't do it again. She broke me. I'm alive. I'm as okay as I can be, but I will never be even close to the same as the person I used to be. I won't let anyone ever do that to me again.

RiKuToTheMiGhtY posted...

Yeah you married a modern western woman and sadly became a statistic. This kind of shit is going to happen more and more which is the sad part.

If you ever decide to go for marriage again only do it in a patriarchal country and you NEVER bring her to the west, you live in her country.

You are a terrible person

I would like to, however...

CrimsonAngel posted...

No one would ever want to marry me

RiKuToTheMiGhtY posted...

Yeah you married a modern western woman and sadly became a statistic. This kind of shit is going to happen more and more which is the sad part.

If you ever decide to go for marriage again only do it in a patriarchal country and you NEVER bring her to the west, you live in her country.

Bruh. My ex is a bitch, for numerous reasons, but that's just bullshit.

I could see getting retired after I retire or something. Just be another old couple at the beach bar.

By that age I'm sure it would be much easier to find a partner that doesn't want to run around all the time spending money on dumb shit.

_Rinku_ posted...

Bruh. My ex is a bitch, for numerous reasons, but that's just bullshit.

Sorry, you have been through all that. But it is great that you realize that Riku is full of it, and more specifically, a raging misogynist. I hope you can give women another chance one day, because there are a lot of great ones out there.

@_Rinku_
Shit might be really bad now but you can get through this and there is still hope.

You may not know or believe it yet but this whole thing was a giant red pill. Prepare for a divorce now by getting all your assets together and talking to an attorney. Do NOT keep any attorney that will not fight for you, a lot of these dead beats will tell you to fall on your sword for her or to let her have shit she should not or advise you dont fight her on this.

Not for a million bucks.

Yea I could give up some turf but I have lost so much that I dream about being lost.

already am married. 2.5 years and counting.

bsp77 posted...

Sorry, you have been through all that. But it is great that you realize that Riku is full of it, and more specifically, a raging misogynist. I hope you can give women another chance one day, because there are a lot of great ones out there.

Some people use this kind of stuff as an excuse to air out their weird bigotry. Just to be completely factual: my ex is transgender. I genuinely have no idea how I would label my sexuality at this point. I'm like 99% attracted to girls, but I dated her before her transition and she had 100% of my support during it. I remember telling my mother, to her face, "If you have a problem with this, that's your problem. I love her and I will stand by her."

I was thrilled when almost all of my family was 100% supportive. My octogenarian grandmother instantly took to using my ex's new pronouns and her new name (though she mispronounced it a lot). My mother gave her a ton of girly clothes and purses. My aunts adapted. Keep in mind most of these are very traditional, Southern folks. Almost all of our friends (mutual and hers) were supportive too.

Yeah, guess how many of them revealed that they weren't supportive at all. Some of them are outright transphobic. I genuinely can't repeat some of what I've had said to me about my ex because it would be a ToS violation. And people feel comfortable saying this stuff to me, because I must feel that way since she did me dirty. It's just made me feel more alone, realizing how hateful everyone is.

Married almost 8 years and together 11.5. He can drive me nuts but hes my man and Im sticking with him forever.

_Rinku_ posted...

Some people use this kind of stuff as an excuse to air out their weird bigotry. Just to be completely factual: my ex is transgender. I genuinely have no idea how I would label my sexuality at this point. I'm like 99% attracted to girls, but I dated her before her transition and she had 100% of my support during it. I remember telling my mother, to her face, "If you have a problem with this, that's your problem. I love her and I will stand by her."

I was thrilled when almost all of my family was 100% supportive. My octogenarian grandmother instantly took to using my ex's new pronouns and her new name (though she mispronounced it a lot). My mother gave her a ton of girly clothes and purses. My aunts adapted. Keep in mind most of these are very traditional, Southern folks. Almost all of our friends (mutual and hers) were supportive too.

Yeah, guess how many of them revealed that they weren't supportive at all. Some of them are outright transphobic. I genuinely can't repeat some of what I've had said to me about my ex because it would be a ToS violation. And people feel comfortable saying this stuff to me, because I must feel that way since she did me dirty. It's just made me feel more alone, realizing how hateful everyone is.

Yeah, when I got divorced, so many of my relatives and friends said they never liked her. On one hand, it was supportive, but it also made me very sad. And yeah, alone. Like no one was ever truly on my side.

But hey, I have an absolutely wonderful gf now and I DO plan to marry her one day. I didn't think I would get married again, but here I am, so don't lose hope.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

You are quickly becoming one of my favorite people on this site...

Cleo_II posted...

Married almost 8 years and together 11.5. He can drive me nuts but hes my man and Im sticking with him forever.

...and you have been for awhile :)

RiKuToTheMiGhtY posted...

@_Rinku_
Shit might be really bad now but you can get through this and there is still hope.

You may not know or believe it yet but this whole thing was a giant red pill. Prepare for a divorce now by getting all your assets together and talking to an attorney. Do NOT keep any attorney that will not fight for you, a lot of these dead beats will tell you to fall on your sword for her or to let her have shit she should not or advise you dont fight her on this.

It's pretty hilarious how off the mark you are. She has a high paying job making infinitely more than I do. I did keep a lot of the shit that she tried to take though

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

This is all assuming I can afford a lawyer. I'm making enough to stay afloat for now, but that's about it.

Learned that the hard way. She begged, literally begged, for a second chance. Sobbed about how she had been out of her mind and that I was the best thing that had ever happened to her. It was stupid of me to give her that second chance. I genuinely wanted to believe that it had all just been a lapse in judgment and that she would be better from then on.

Funny thing about that "just jumping in" bit... I had been with her for a decade. It was specifically our tenth anniversary when we got married. We'd put it off for years for financial reasons, but she wanted to get married once we got back together. I remember asking if she was certain and she swore up and down that she was.

Of course, now, she's extremely adamant that I "forced" her to marry me. It was her idea. I was even getting cold feet the day of, but she was so insistent that I went through with it.

Im divorced. Wheres that option on the poll?

I wanted to, and then my ex fianc ended our relationship. Ive basically said fuck it at this point. Ill date and see people, but Im not doing the marriage thing.

Married, itll be 14 years this year. We dated almost 3 years before we got married. Worked out for both of us. 2 great kids, his career took off after the 1st, and I ended up being a SAHM.