Current Events > I very gently texted the girl Im seeing I think it's time we have sex

(+) Yeah! (+)

I need me a gunplagirl.

gunplagirl posted...

TC, for what it's worth I usually have sex by the third date or at least do naked lewd body exploration.

Get yourself a gunplagirl.

shes the first woman Ive dated I can say Im more experienced than. Which has a lot to do with the way I went about it.

LinkPizza posted...

I think people keep missing that part. People keep assuming you wanted to text her, when your original plan was to talk to her in person

yeah Im not an idiot I know that convo gets way more difficult. Over text.

I dont think I actually explained what happened.

so we finally had the conversation after I dragged it out of her so to speak, and she doesnt want to have sex out of a relationship and shes been fairly vocal about not wanting one.

Okay thats that and I respect it, I did tell her I need to take a step back because Im not getting what I need and when I said that she said thats weird cause the only thing she doesnt do is touch me, and explain how I feel like Im missing intimacy elsewhere here.

in the conversation about that it comes out that she lied/mislead me/ didnt tell the whole truth about something that kinda of defined our relationship so now Im not speaking to her, till I dont know when, or ever again.

Basically, she just wanted certain parts of a relationship, but not the whole thing. And part of the things she didnt want were the things you wanted

gamepimp12 posted...

shes the first woman Ive dated I can say Im more experienced than. Which has a lot to do with the way I went about it.

yeah Im not an idiot I know that convo gets way more difficult. Over text.

Oof. Yeah, that's a good learning experience even if it hurts now.

metallica846 posted...

What did she lie about that defined your relationship?

It sounds like the whole relationship was a lie. Like the relationship part of the relationship

LinkPizza posted...

Basically, she just wanted certain parts of a relationship, but not the whole thing. And part of the things she didnt want were the things you wanted

i mean thats not a fair assessment at all. I knew she didnt want a relationship prior to this convo. So that wasnt a surprise to me.
[LFAQs-redacted-quote]



Its personal. But not to go too into detail its something had she mentioned this specific detail when it happened a few months ago I probably wouldnt of tried anything with her in the first place.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

You got something relevant to say.

TC I can understand why you asked that question to her.

With that said, we live in a world where, as men, we just have to know. We have to be fun, charming, have zero personality flaws in order to be successful with women. Therefore, you just have to magically know if the woman is interested or not. I understand you want to know how the women feels, but you have to find out without asking. Just KNOW.

Chunkey Simmons posted...

TC I can understand why you asked that question to her.

With that said, we live in a world where, as men, we just have to know. We have to be fun, charming, have zero personality flaws in order to be successful with women. Therefore, you just have to magically know if the woman is interested or not. I understand you want to know how the women feels, but you have to find out without asking. Just KNOW.

yeah I didnt get alot of the post In this topic saying this.

So she didn't want an actual relationship or to have sex or just a standard friendship (that's cool too) and expects you to be cool with that? Whatever.

Kiyune posted...

It's this important to people? There's more to a relationship than just sex and honestly a lot of posts here come off as expecting it right away, almost entitled to it, and feeling like a relationship absolutely needs it. My boyfriend knows I've never done it and that I'm scared of it and he doesn't try to force anything on me and lets us go at my pace, and we've been together for almost a year now, we do other things in the meantime. I'm very lucky and glad that he isn't the kind of guy who expects it or can't live without sex, i could never be with someone like that, and that our relationship doesn't need it to thrive because other things are more important

I was arguing against sex being essential on a first date, I see where you're coming from, I do. But after 5 dates it's like... Am I gonna be getting hurt here for no reason? I'm too old to waste my time. If you're constantly making out with someone but not having sex yet, that's different I guess, but a pretty rare situation after your teenage years. But yeah if someone is shy and inexperienced I'd adjust my expectations.

But zero intimacy or affection after five dates, I think anyone would be justified in at least trying to find out where they stand, if they're wasting their time or not. Imagine if they meet someone else because you're not exclusive and have been confused for months. Fuck dat

bsp77 posted...

So she didn't want an actual relationship or to have sex or just a standard friendship (that's cool too) and expects you to be cool with that? Whatever.

yeahhhhhh she acted pretty weird about it honestly.

she said she understood me wanting to take a step back and was totally fine with it, but when I tied it directly to our situation being unfair to me she got a little offended saying I shouldnt of done anything Ive done for her with the expectations of sex and that she reciprocates everything but sex so how can it be unfair to me..

So honestly I do not know what she wants.

gamepimp12 posted...

yeahhhhhh she acted pretty weird about it honestly.

she said she understood me wanting to take a step back and was totally fine with it, but when I tied it directly to our situation being unfair to me she got a little offended saying I shouldnt of done anything Ive done for her with the expectations of sex and that she reciprocates everything but sex so how can it be unfair to me..

So honestly I do not know what she wants.

First time posting in this thread, but what exactly did she mean by "she reciprocates everything"? From what you describe it definitely seems like she wanted more than a friendship...

Ruvan22 posted...

First time posting in this thread, but what exactly did she mean by "she reciprocates everything"? From what you describe it definitely seems like she wanted more than a friendship...

I honestly dont know, because honestly she doesnt reciprocate everything. I do a lot and She acknowledges it. She tries, she definitely tries I wont take that away from her but its by no means 1:1

Here exact statement was the only thing I havent done was be intimate

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


i mean I didnt really have to do detective work. I knew everything about how she felt expect the fact she doesnt want to have sex and I just had to ask and honestly I knew it was either that or she was shy prior to the convo on the first place.

gamepimp12 posted...

I honestly dont know, because honestly she doesnt reciprocate everything. I do a lot and She acknowledges it. She tries, she definitely tries I wont take that away from her but its by no means 1:1

Here exact statement was the only thing I havent done was be intimate

As someone on the outside and with limited experience, it seems to read that she is getting a lot more out of this situation than you are? And that she is enjoying it being it is now but doesn't want to go any further ..

Ruvan22 posted...

As someone on the outside and with limited experience, it seems to read that she is getting a lot more out of this situation than you are? And that she is enjoying it being it is now but doesn't want to go any further ..

Ruvan22 posted...

As someone on the outside and with limited experience, it seems to read that she is getting a lot more out of this situation than you are? And that she is enjoying it being it is now but doesn't want to go any further ..

That is a fair statement

She loves the way I treated her I was a lot of first for her romantically.

and she did sacrifice time and money to see me way more than I did but that was the only aspect in which she sacrificed.

But she was pretty adamant on not wanting a relationship and more adamant on not wanting to have sex outside of that relationship.

gamepimp12 posted...

But she was pretty adamant on not wanting a relationship and more adamant on not wanting to have sex outside of that relationship.

Nice catch-22 there

bsp77 posted...

Nice catch-22 there

Yeap. Is what it is. Im not really upset of that.

Bro, youre in your mid 30s-40 and are fucking around with a girl who wont put out 3 months into dating. Shes got you cucked and you need to drop her fast and move onto someone that knows what they want. How old is this girl youre wasting your time with? Did something traumatic happen in her life?

--Zero- posted...

Bro, youre in your mid 30s-40 and are fucking around with a girl who wont put out 3 months into dating. Shes got you cucked and you need to drop her fast and move onto someone that knows what they want. How old is this girl youre wasting your time with? Did something traumatic happen in her life?

im not that old ? Dude lmao. nothing that I know outside of her having a rough break up with her ex, and her being one of those my body count low Im different from other girls girls, which was honestly really annoying.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Again, I already knew this was likely what the issue was. So Im not surprised.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


already did.

Most Blocks I know of are 40 lol. Did you make your account when you were 5?

yeesh

You dont "have a discussion" about having sex.

You get each other riled up and go about it

awkward af

--Zero- posted...

Most Blocks I know of are 40 lol. Did you make your account when you were 5?

To get the amount of Karma he has would only take just under 14 years with no karma loss. So if he made it when he was 13, and visited everyday, hed be about 27 or so

dioxxys posted...

yeesh

You dont "have a discussion" about having sex.

You get each other riled up and go about it

awkward af

if you read the rest of the topic youd understand talking to her about it was the right choice, but her panicking messed it up.

LinkPizza posted...

To get the amount of Karma he has would only take just under 14 years with no karma loss. So if he made it when he was 13, and visited everyday, hed be about 27 or so

thats closer to my age

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Giggity

gamepimp12 posted...

thats closer to my age

Young 'un

bsp77 posted...

Young 'un

i dont really hear that often lol.

but yeah she was special which is why I probably went as long dealing with the intimacy issues.

honestly had it not been for the other situation that sprang up due to this convo I would of waited. I would of started dating other people more openly but I would of waited.

Kinda bored bump.

so after we fell out for the 2 or so days afterwards I hated her, I felt I was stabbed in the back by my best friend, not even worried about us romantically.

but like shes was my best friend, I 100% knew she would lie about that situation if I take myself out of it.

So like how mad at her can I be. That doesnt excuse what she did. And Ill probably never speak to her again but like do you get mad at the fish for swimming ?

gamepimp12 posted...

Kinda bored bump.

so after we fell out for the 2 or so days afterwards I hated her, I felt I was stabbed in the back by my best friend, not even worried about us romantically.

but like shes was my best friend, I 100% knew she would lie about that situation if I take myself out of it.

So like how mad at her can I be. That doesnt excuse what she did. And Ill probably never speak to her again but like do you get mad at the fish for swimming ?

That sounds both rough and good that you aren't blaming yourself

Ruvan22 posted...

That sounds both rough and good that you aren't blaming yourself

I mean I didnt really do anything wrong here to blame myself over

the only thing I did wrong was think that our relationship was over known character flaws.

Youre such a beta

Stallion_Prime posted...

Youre such a beta

and The man named stallion_prime is the expert

gamepimp12 posted...

and The man named stallion_prime is the expert

Glad we agree

Stallion_Prime posted...

Glad we agree

Yes youre 100% the expert on betas so much so that you spend your time on a dead video game message board going by stallion and calling other people betas.

gamepimp12 posted...

i didnt want to, I told her we should talk and can I call her that night and she pressed until I told her

You shouldn't be having it over the phone, either.

Zero_Slash posted...

You shouldn't be having it over the phone, either.

i thought that too honestly. But knowing how shy she is the last thing I wanted to do was feel like she was back into a corner.

like us sitting in my car and I ask her why havent we had sex felt like a lot of pressure for her

gamepimp12 posted...

i thought that too honestly. But knowing how shy she is the last thing I wanted to do was feel like she was back into a corner.

like us sitting in my car and I ask her why havent we had sex felt like a lot of pressure for her

Why couldn't you talk to her about it in a comfortable place? Like your room, or her room, or something? A car isn't really appropriate for that, either, because it's such a small space that she might feel trapped, like you pointed out as a possibility.

As for the other people in this thread (not TC) talking about how soon sex should be occurring, you don't get to decide that. If you're so shallow that you want out of a relationship when they won't have sex by the "second to fifth date," then you don't really deserve to be in that relationship anyway. It needs to happen naturally so that nobody feels pressured into doing it, or someone might end up with feelings of animosity.

Zero_Slash posted...

As for the other people in this thread (not TC) talking about how soon sex should be occurring, you don't get to decide that. If you're so shallow that you want out of a relationship when they won't have sex by the "second to fifth date," then you don't really deserve to be in that relationship anyway. It needs to happen naturally so that nobody feels pressured into doing it, or someone might end up with feelings of animosity.

Sex is something both people decide to do. When is based on those people. But people also know what they want out of a relationship. To say you dont deserve someone just because you like sex is wrong. In my relationships, sex if pretty important to me. So, I want someone who shares the same idea. Which is why I like to have sex soon, and hope they do, as well Not to mention, especially for me, I have to know that we are sexually compatible. Especially since I need to know if they are willing to be the bottom most, if not all, of the time. And that they arent too big, as well But in the end, for some people, sex is important If your sex drives are very different, then the relationship may start to develop problems

LinkPizza posted...

Sex is something both people decide to do. When is based on those people. But people also know what they want out of a relationship. To say you dont deserve someone just because you like sex is wrong. In my relationships, sex if pretty important to me. So, I want someone who shares the same idea. Which is why I like to have sex soon, and hope they do, as well Not to mention, especially for me, I have to know that we are sexually compatible. Especially since I need to know if they are willing to be the bottom most, if not all, of the time. And that they arent too big, as well But in the end, for some people, sex is important If your sex drives are very different, then the relationship may start to develop problems

I do agree with you to an extent. Expecting sex by the second or third date is ridiculous, though. That just invites hit-it-and-quit-it behavior.

Zero_Slash posted...

I do agree with you to an extent. Expecting sex by the second or third date is ridiculous, though. That just invites hit-it-and-quit-it behavior.

It can invite that. But Ive also known people who have gone on plenty of dates, and still hit it and quit it. I think its fine to want/have sex early if thats what you both people want. Waiting for a long time when you dont want to can cause problems, though. For example, lets say you wait a while, finally have it, and everythings good. But your sex drive it high where you want it a couple times a week. But theirs in much lower, and they only want it once or a couple times a month. That could cause problems in the relationship. Now Im not saying having sex early would fix that. But it could show you the others person sex drive earlier. I have sex nearly every time I see my BF If I didnt, I not sure things would be working out so well, tbh Among other things.

For me specifically, I dont wait because I also dont wanna waste time. And not only in the way I mentioned above Im gay, and have sex with other guys. In bed, Im a top. I wouldnt want to waste time dating someone for a while, only to find out they are also a top. And that we arent sexually compatible That said, we normally would have a conversation about it But if I was trying to avoid having sex early, then I probably would try to avoid a conversation about it altogether

The end result is different things work for different people. Its all about what kind of relationship you and your partner want. My BF is someone I met because we were hooking up. Others arent the same. Some people dont want to have sex early. And if that works for them, then thats awesome. People just know what they want, and shouldnt pressure anyone else into anything So, I dont think expecting it early is weird if both people are that type Id rather date someone whos ready on the first date. More than 5 dates is a little long for me