Current Events > I very gently texted the girl Im seeing I think it's time we have sex

(+) Yeah! (+)

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I know they where only together for 4-6 months I believe it was 4.

According to her he wanted to be a hoe

not that I know of

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This

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but the thing is Im totally fine with us not having sex if there was more investment else where (I dont even wanna say commitment because I think both of us want to be single right now)

but like the most she really does is take an hour drive to see me twice and wear my clothes.

but like Im not the only reason she takes that drive, and I dont actually get sent pictures of her in my clothes, or in general I see it on IG.

so like what are we doing here.

gamepimp12 posted...

but the thing is Im totally fine with us not having sex if there was more investment else where (I dont even wanna say commitment because I think both of us want to be single right now)

but like the most she really does is take an hour drive to see me twice and wear my clothes.

but like Im not the only reason she takes that drive, and I dont actually get sent pictures of her in my clothes, or in general I see it on IG.

so like what are we doing here.

Just have a talk with her when she brings the clothes. Her behavior seems a little odd, but maybe you just both suck at communication.

Her response: "have...have you not been having sex? I'm sorry I thought this was an open thing"

PoundGarden posted...

Her response: "have...have you not been having sex? I'm sorry I thought this was an open thing"

Okay, I admit that I laughed out loud

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Yeah, and the more I think about this, the more I think she was invested. Driving so far and wearing your shirts. She probably thought you weren't invested so your comment about her not being invested because of sex probably hurt her. She has possibly been waiting for you to show actual investment.

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I honestly treat her like my girlfriend, from the way I speak to her, the way I treat her, the things I do for her. But I dont actually want a gf the idea of having to account for someones feelings in everything I do doesnt work for me right now, for personal and Financial reasons.

Like I actively make sure shes loved and feeling safe.

i dont necessarily feel like that I get that in return.

Like a prime example is her birthday was last month and I made suchhhhhh a big deal about it I took care of everything then turned around and did it again for vday

my birthday is in may and i genuinely Im scared Im going to be disappointed and I rather end it now that hate her for not delivering on my day.

gamepimp12 posted...

I honestly treat her like my girlfriend, from the way I speak to her, the way I treat her, the things I do for her. But I dont actually want a gf the idea of having to account for someones feelings in everything I do doesnt work for me right now, for personal and Financial reasons.

Like I actively make sure shes loved and feeling safe.

i dont necessarily feel like that I get that in return.

Like a prime example is her birthday was last month and I made suchhhhhh a big deal about it I took care of everything then turned around and did it again for vday

my birthday is in may and i genuinely Im scared Im going to be disappointed and I rather end it now that hate her for not delivering on my day.

I don't know, it sounds like you both had some level of investment. Isn't. Once again, just have a real conversation with her when you see her soon.

But I am also not sure how you want more, and meaning not just sex, and also want to be single? Seems contradictory.

You know you can also have a gf and not have her involved with everything you do. You discuss boundaries and where you are at currently. Some women are cool with that, and some are simply too needy and need to always be involved. So it just depends on her but you could have that with someone.

bsp77 posted...

I don't know, it sounds like you both had some level of investment. Isn't. Once again, just have a real conversation with her when you see her soon.

But I am also not sure how you want more, and meaning not just sex, and also want to be single? Seems contradictory.

You know you can also have a gf and not have her involved with everything you do. You discuss boundaries and where you are at currently. Some women are cool with that, and some are simply too needy and need to always be involved. So it just depends on her but you could have that with someone.

shes invested, I wont take that from her, I just need more. I wouldnt say Im all in but Im at least 80% in and Id say her number is closer to a 20%.

gamepimp12 posted...

shes invested, I wont take that from her, I just need more. I wouldnt say Im all in but Im at least 80% in and Id say her number is closer to a 20%.

You only really responded to my first sentence. Please think about the rest even if you don't respond.

bsp77 posted...

You only really responded to my first sentence. Please think about the rest even if you don't respond.

i mean it wasnt much to say about the rest of what you said

gamepimp12 posted...

i mean it wasnt much to say about the rest of what you said

It was just that you have expectations that make no sense, at least according to how you phrased it. You can't want all the benefits of a relationship and also be single.

At the same, there is a way to have a gf and still get what you want.

Regardless, my most important point is to talk to her. In person. Never text something like that again.

bsp77 posted...

It was just that you have expectations that make no sense, at least according to how you phrased it. You can't want all the benefits of a relationship and also be single.

At the same, there is a way to have a gf and still get what you want.

Regardless, my most important point is to talk to her. In person. Never text something like that again.

i mean I dont want all the benefits, it would be unfair to ask for that youre right.

i just want to be secure in whatever our situation is, Im always expressing what she means to me and how this is where I want to be etc etc through both my actions and my words, but I dont really get it in return Everytime she wears my clothes I get that tug on my heart Im looking for but its not as consistent as I need, ya know.

Honestly. If you have stuck it out 3 months i think that shows her you have resiliency. Maybe in her mind she is getting more comfortable with you. I wouldnt force it any more than you have lately. You might be the one to make it worth the wait. Also maybe you arent aggressive enough and she was willing to give it up on the first date. And maybe shes seeing other guys at the same time.

gamepimp12 posted...

i mean I dont want all the benefits, it would be unfair to ask for that youre right.

i just want to be secure in whatever our situation is, Im always expressing what she means to me and how this is where I want to be etc etc through both my actions and my words, but I dont really get it in return Everytime she wears my clothes I get that tug on my heart Im looking for but its not as consistent as I need, ya know.

Many women aren't comfortable in that situation. They either want committed relationship or just want to be completely open to do whatever with whomever. You seem to be aiming for something in between which can be confusing.

Although it is also confusing what she wants based on your comments.

bsp77 posted...

Many women aren't comfortable in that situation. They either want committed relationship or just want to be completely open to do whatever with whomever. You seem to be aiming for something in between which can be confusing.

Although it is also confusing what she wants based on your comments.

Now that im thinking about it based off convos weve had the past shes uncomfortable being vulnerable and thats the issue

Okay so now shes not coming to visit town this weekend anymore cause she has to work (she makes her own schedule at a commission based job)

I specifically asked her if something had came up and she needed the money and she said no.

It's unfortunate you couldn't have had this chat in person. Things can feel so passive aggressive over text. You can end up with the completely wrong idea where they're coming from

haloiscoolisbak posted...

It's unfortunate you couldn't have had this chat in person. Things can feel so passive aggressive over text. You can end up with the completely wrong idea where they're coming from

knowing her, she wouldnt of let this convo happen in person.

that being said the situation is done.

gamepimp12 posted...

knowing her, she wouldnt of let this convo happen in person.

that being said the situation is done.

What do you mean exactly? She'd demand you'd change the subject? Or would you just feel it'd be nearly impossible to bring up? (Due to the general vibe when you're hanging out together or whatever)

If it's something important to you and you bring up the topic tactfully, I don't see how the conversation doesn't happen.

3 months and no sex. You are not seeing each other. You keep making topics about this girl that show shes clearly not interested.

If she's the one for you, she'll make it easy for you. Don't be desparate, start thinking of other girls. Find the her that wants you back. If you can get along with one, you can get along with another. You're obviously not satisfied where this is going. Don't get into something shitty just to be in something shitty. Don't start justifying why she's the one once you finish reading this. It takes two and if she can't make the decision to be with you, you're going to be chasing her the rest of your life until she finds a man she wants to chase.

Growing a pair and knowing when to cut it off actually will make you a more attractive person.

Does her bull boyfriend approve doe?

haloiscoolisbak posted...

What do you mean exactly? She'd demand you'd change the subject? Or would you just feel it'd be nearly impossible to bring up? (Due to the general vibe when you're hanging out together or whatever)

If it's something important to you and you bring up the topic tactfully, I don't see how the conversation doesn't happen.

she avoids conflict

Cleo_II posted...

3 months and no sex. You are not seeing each other. You keep making topics about this girl that show shes clearly not interested.

different girl lmao.

Everyone on here always acts like sex is something that should happen early in a relationship, but statistics show that people are having less sex overall these days. I think it really depends on the people involved.

More than anything, I'd like to speak out against the use of the word "gently". It bothers me every single time I see it. *shudders*

darkmaian23 posted...

Everyone on here always acts like sex is something that should happen early in a relationship, but statistics show that people are having less sex overall these days. I think it really depends on the people involved.

It depends on the relationship. For me, if sex doesnt happened early, then the relationship probably isnt happening, either

Also, less sex doesnt always mean that people want to have less sex

darkmaian23 posted...

Everyone on here always acts like sex is something that should happen early in a relationship, but statistics show that people are having less sex overall these days. I think it really depends on the people involved.

More than anything, I'd like to speak out against the use of the word "gently". It bothers me every single time I see it. *shudders*

But 3 months is way too long and well beyond early. At the very least there should be conversations about expectations well before this point.

bsp77 posted...

But 3 months is way too long and well beyond early. At the very least there should be conversations about expectations well before this point.

i was fine waiting this long, and I was honestly fine waiting longer, but it needed to be communicated.

Im honestly just bumping the topic because Im not necessarily depressed but Im really mourning a friendship ya know.

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Kinda related.

people are getting into less relationships

Lol.

This sounds like a waste of time and energy for everyone involved including us

DanHaren2022 posted...

3 months is a very long time. You should be getting laid on average 2nd to 5th meeting. Beyond that you gotta question things.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

but yeah 3 months is a long time to date without any form of sex. After 4-5 dates or one month max I would absolutely be attempting to push it in that direction

It's this important to people? There's more to a relationship than just sex and honestly a lot of posts here come off as expecting it right away, almost entitled to it, and feeling like a relationship absolutely needs it. My boyfriend knows I've never done it and that I'm scared of it and he doesn't try to force anything on me and lets us go at my pace, and we've been together for almost a year now, we do other things in the meantime. I'm very lucky and glad that he isn't the kind of guy who expects it or can't live without sex, i could never be with someone like that, and that our relationship doesn't need it to thrive because other things are more important

Kiyune posted...

It's this important to people? There's more to a relationship than just sex and honestly a lot of posts here come off as expecting it right away, almost entitled to it, and feeling like a relationship absolutely needs it. My boyfriend knows I've never done it and that I'm scared of it and he doesn't try to force anything on me and lets us go at my pace, and we've been together for almost a year now, we do other things in the meantime. I'm very lucky and glad that he isn't the kind of guy who expects it or can't live without sex, i could never be with someone like that, and that our relationship doesn't need it to thrive because other things are more important

I dont think Im entitled to it. But I do think its important in my relationships. How important it is depends on the people. For example, its not as important to you in your relationship. And thats totally fine. But for others, it might be more important. Which is also fine. Even in my relationship, my BF and I do other things. But if we werent having sex, the relationship probably wouldnt be working out And I dont force others to have sex. But I also couldnt stay in a relationship where we werent having sex Its a classic Different strokes for different folks sort of thing

Kiyune posted...

It's this important to people? There's more to a relationship than just sex and honestly a lot of posts here come off as expecting it right away, almost entitled to it, and feeling like a relationship absolutely needs it. My boyfriend knows I've never done it and that I'm scared of it and he doesn't try to force anything on me and lets us go at my pace, and we've been together for almost a year now, we do other things in the meantime. I'm very lucky and glad that he isn't the kind of guy who expects it or can't live without sex, i could never be with someone like that, and that our relationship doesn't need it to thrive because other things are more important

@Kiyune But a key difference here is communication. As I may be one of the people you are mentioning, I even said that originally:

"But 3 months is way too long and well beyond early. At the very least there should be conversations about expectations well before this point."

However, yes sex is important to people. Of course, it is not the only thing, and I have never once felt "entitled". Could I wait a year? I don't know. It would depend on the person.

Story time (sorry, everyone). I started dating my current gf almost a year and a half ago. We had been friends for about 3 years so she really trusted me, despite having seen that I had been with quite a few people. I didn't know this at the time, but she was a virgin. She was scared to admit that and lied that she had been with one other, and I only recently found out the truth. Anyway, she was quite scared of sex as well and I never pushed her. But because she trusted me so much, it ended up happening about a month after we started dating. She now has a very high libido and never expected to enjoy it so much. She now wonders what she was afraid of.

So what is holding you back? It isn't waiting until marriage, so is it practical concerns (like pregnancy) or psychological ones? I only get concerned because I know two guys who got married in this situation and never once had sex even after being married. One of them is now divorced.

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Is this the first you saw this thread? Lol. I am sure some of us have been waiting.

This topic reminds me I did the right thing with my last gf by talking to her about it in person when we were alone.

CyricZ posted...

This topic reminds me I did the right thing with my last gf by talking to her about it in person when we were alone.

Yes

CyricZ posted...

This topic reminds me I did the right thing with my last gf by talking to her about it in person when we were alone.

Again that was my plan but she panicked and demanded se talked about it over the phone.

I think people keep missing that part. People keep assuming you wanted to text her, when your original plan was to talk to her in person

TC, for what it's worth I usually have sex by the third date or at least do naked lewd body exploration.

Get yourself a gunplagirl.