Current Events > I just spent the most money on myself ever

(+) Yeah! (+)

Blogfaqs. I rarely splurge all that much on myself. But feeling good about myself and reflecting on things today. I had a very difficult first 25 years. Grew up in an abusive and toxic home where police DV calls were frequent (against my parents or my brother who had violent tendencies in his teens). I was often verbally and physically abused by my mom and brother (occasionally by my dad). My brother was given everything by my parents because he was male, while my sister and I got scraps in comparison. I was relentlessly bullied from age 5-16 every single day at school due to racism.

I moved here in the US a little over 10 years ago at age 26 with $15k in debt, a mediocre job in a field I hated, and 0 life skills. I had no direction. My husband was a huge support in getting me situated, taught me the basics of saving and finances, helped pay off my debt, supported me through a huge career transition that was a big risk at the time and meant him taking a backseat in his career.

Im now making close to 5 times what I was making when I moved here. Im much more successful than my brother (hes very jealous about it too). I still feel relief at how peaceful my life is now. No more screaming. No one hitting me. No one destroying my property, or spilling juice over my head to humiliate me. Living a life I never dreamed possible with the most amazing little girl. And as a woman and a minority who managed to overcome all that and be successful, I feel extra good about it.

Anyway just felt like letting that out for some reason.

Super happy to hear, TC. I grew up in a toxic home filled with abuse too, and being able to escape it all the second I turned 18 was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Learning to become independent has been liberating, and I always vow that when I have a family of my own one day, everyone will feel loved and be taken care of for the rest of their lives.

Then say what you bought fam.

Congrats, you deserve it

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Makeveli_lives posted...

Then say what you bought fam.

Yea wtf; why not say what you spent money on?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

A very high quality

tissue paper

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

A $2500 YSL purse. I honestly never spend more than a couple of hundred bucks on myself. Ive been wanting this purse for a while but there was always something else we were saving for that was more important, even if I could technically afford it.

MFBKBass5 posted...

Super happy to hear, TC. I grew up in a toxic home filled with abuse too, and being able to escape it all the second I turned 18 was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Learning to become independent has been liberating, and I always vow that when I have a family of my own one day, everyone will feel loved and be taken care of for the rest of their lives.

Im glad you were able to overcome everything. I was too afraid to leave before I did because I was conditioned that women leaving the home before marriage would bring shame to my family (Im Arabic). If I talked about moving out I was always told they would beat me to death. It took me a while to break out of the conditioning and just leave.

And I made the same vow in regards to having my own family. My daughter is going to grow up in a home of love and acceptance. My brother unfortunately is perpetuating the same childhood we had to his daughters and its heartbreaking to watch.

Cleo_II posted...

A $2500 YSL purse.

Didn't you spend more than that on fertility treatment? That was investing in yourself.

gunplagirl posted...

Didn't you spend more than that on fertility treatment? That was investing in yourself.

No my company benefits paid for it. Tech companies ftw

And although the result was absolutely worth it and more wanted than anything else, there is something much more enjoyable about having a small cute purse over my shoulder than being poked, prodded, probed, painfully injected over 100 times, suffering hormonal swings and grieving failed transfers.

Congrats! Not just for making a big purchase for yourself (which is exciting and rewarding when you rarely do it), but for reflecting on how far you've come. I'm sorry to hear of your past, but I am definitely happy to hear how much you've accomplished and how you're in a safe, comfortable place with your family. It takes a lot to overcome trauma, especially when it comes to family abuse and bullying.

I hope you enjoy your purse!

Cleo_II posted...

No my company benefits paid for it. Tech companies ftw

And although the result was absolutely worth it and more wanted than anything else, there is something much more enjoyable about having a small cute purse over my shoulder than being poked, prodded, probed, painfully injected over 100 times, suffering hormonal swings and grieving failed transfers.

You don't like being in physical pain? Dang. You sound like me when I'm talking to my electrolysis lady. I'm like "it hurts so bad" and she's like "but we have to keep going" and then I'm like "yes, mistress, by the way I recommended your S&M dungeon to some friends though I know your schedule is packed these days" and I wish I wasn't kidding that's a conversation we've had a few times because smalltalk helps soooo much when getting a metal probe inserted inside of hair follicles along my private parts.

...I already typed this up so I'm gonna just post it idgaf if I regret it later. :l

Oh, and pic of purse please? I can post a pic of mine.

RobertDoback posted...

Congrats! Not just for making a big purchase for yourself (which is exciting and rewarding when you rarely do it), but for reflecting on how far you've come. I'm sorry to hear of your past, but I am definitely happy to hear how much you've accomplished and how you're in a safe, comfortable place with your family. It takes a lot to overcome trauma, especially when it comes to family abuse and bullying.

I hope you enjoy your purse!

Thank you! Its crazy that its been over 10 years but I still get moments like this where it hits me again. I never could own anything nice before because my brother would destroy my things in a rage all the time.

gunplagirl posted...

You don't like being in physical pain? Dang. You sound like me when I'm talking to my electrolysis lady. I'm like "it hurts so bad" and she's like "but we have to keep going" and then I'm like "yes, mistress, by the way I recommended your S&M dungeon to some friends though I know your schedule is packed these days" and I wish I wasn't kidding that's a conversation we've had a few times because smalltalk helps soooo much when getting a metal probe inserted inside of hair follicles along my private parts.

...I already typed this up so I'm gonna just post it idgaf if I regret it later. :l

Haha I got flashbacks of my Brazilian waxes. I had to always do small talks too to get through it. I havent mustered the energy to go lately though.

Pic purse. I just ordered it online today
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/7/1/5/AAdXATAAC_lL.jpg

Cleo_II posted...

Haha I got flashbacks of my Brazilian waxes. I had to always do small talks too to get through it. I havent mustered the energy to go lately though.

Pic purse. I just ordered it online today
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/7/1/5/AAdXATAAC_lL.jpg

Understandable given the circumstances.

And that's a nice purse. Not my style at all since I'm more of a graphic image flat cloth type of girl. But I will admit I've seen a pink... whatever those tiny bags are that are just barely bigger than your hands but aren't flat. It was not too different from that. I grabbed it from the lost and found at work as soon as it had been unclaimed for a month. <3

Yeah I wanted something classic for that much money so its not something that ever goes out of style. I would love to be able to buy one designer purse every couple of years and get different colors and fun ones too. But figured my first one would be timeless.

Cleo_II posted...

No my company benefits paid for it. Tech companies ftw

And although the result was absolutely worth it and more wanted than anything else, there is something much more enjoyable about having a small cute purse over my shoulder than being poked, prodded, probed, painfully injected over 100 times, suffering hormonal swings and grieving failed transfers.

See I thought your sentence was going to end with "there is something much more enjoyable about having a small cute purse over my shoulder than being poked, prodded, probed, and bit by a tiny being with the density of a black hole"

Congrats on your success/progress Cleo, breaking those cycles is often really hard!

Really awesome story I love YSL cologne

What is YSL? Explain high end purses to a dummy like me please.

Ruvan22 posted...

See I thought your sentence was going to end with "there is something much more enjoyable about having a small cute purse over my shoulder than being poked, prodded, probed, and bit by a tiny being with the density of a black hole"

Congrats on your success/progress Cleo, breaking those cycles is often really hard!

But see one day I will miss even these tough moments with my daughter. I will never miss anything about the fertility treatments.

Last night I got maybe 4 hours of broken sleep because she had an upset tummy. But holding her, soothing her, singing her lullabies, etc as she falls back asleep in my arms are things I wont get to do anymore some day.

Cleo_II posted...

But see one day I will miss even these tough moments with my daughter. I will never miss anything about the fertility treatments.

Last night I got maybe 4 hours of broken sleep because she had an upset tummy. But holding her, soothing her, singing her lullabies, etc as she falls back asleep in my arms are things I wont get to do anymore some day.

Oh for sure - as much as my parents bring up things about me and my sisters childhood, they reminisce about things they can't do anymore (though my dad still insists on cooking and bringing me breakfast once in a while)

Cleo_II posted...

Yeah I wanted something classic for that much money so its not something that ever goes out of style. I would love to be able to buy one designer purse every couple of years and get different colors and fun ones too. But figured my first one would be timeless.

That's actually really clever and I hadn't considered that. Would work with any formal event. Even more casual ones where you might wear a pinafore dress if that's your thing.

Are these things seperate, or do you feel you need to go through that much just to justify doing something like this for yourself?

Cause, you gotta learn to be more selfish if you feel you gotta riffle through your pain this much just to do something you already deserve for much smaller feats lol.

But either way, it's an amazing turn around. It can be oddly hard to adjust to being treated with respect and convincing yourself of what you really deserve after coming from a place like that. Glad to hear someone making it to the other side.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I thought I was doing alright with my Torys.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Are these things seperate, or do you feel you need to go through that much just to justify doing something like this for yourself?

Cause, you gotta learn to be more selfish if you feel you gotta riffle through your pain this much just to do something you already deserve for much smaller feats lol.

But either way, it's an amazing turn around. It can be oddly hard to adjust to being treated with respect and convincing yourself of what you really deserve after coming from a place like that. Glad to hear someone making it to the other side.

You know I dont know where this all came from I suddenly felt very emotional today. Maybe some level of still feeling like I dont deserve any of this. I even squeeze my daughter and tell her I dont know what I did to deserve her. Sometimes it just feels surreal.
[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

You either get out or you perpetuate the same themes. I just knew I never wanted any kids to go through what I did.

Some instances that have surfaced in my memory lately:

When I was 19, my mom accidentally let my cat out and he was lost. He was an indoor cat. I was worried and asked her how she let him out like that in a tone she didnt like. So she beat the crap out of me. Poured an entire container of grape juice over my head, grabbed me by my hair and slammed my head over and over on a wall. I thought I might pass out. We had a dog that freaked out at violence, so he started mauling my leg. I dont know if it was to pull me away or he thought my mom was in danger. My leg was badly hurt I had bruises all over and couldnt walk right for a couple of weeks

Another time I was 23. My brother moved back home. My dad got me a laptop for school. I never had my own before. My sister borrowed it and spilled water and bricked it. So my dad got another one. My brother kept taking it and got a virus on it. I told him not to take it anymore because I really needed it for school. One night he barged into my room at 2 am to take it. In my half asleep state I told him to fuck off. He then dragged me and threw me to the ground from the bed, stomping on me and spitting at me. I fought him back and actually put some hurt on him. My mom called my dad (they are divorced). He came over screaming at me for using the word Fuck and instigating things. I kid you not. He slapped me across the face and gave my brother a minor scolding. Both my brother and dad are tall men (510 and 6) and I was all of 52 and 95 lbs. Even though my brother would say the word Fuck allll the time but I was a girl and it was disrespectful

Cleo_II posted...

Blogfaqs. I rarely splurge all that much on myself. But feeling good about myself and reflecting on things today. I had a very difficult first 25 years. Grew up in an abusive and toxic home where police DV calls were frequent (against my parents or my brother who had violent tendencies in his teens). I was often verbally and physically abused by my mom and brother (occasionally by my dad). My brother was given everything by my parents because he was male, while my sister and I got scraps in comparison. I was relentlessly bullied from age 5-16 every single day at school due to racism.

I moved here in the US a little over 10 years ago at age 26 with $15k in debt, a mediocre job in a field I hated, and 0 life skills. I had no direction. My husband was a huge support in getting me situated, taught me the basics of saving and finances, helped pay off my debt, supported me through a huge career transition that was a big risk at the time and meant him taking a backseat in his career.

Im now making close to 5 times what I was making when I moved here. Im much more successful than my brother (hes very jealous about it too). I still feel relief at how peaceful my life is now. No more screaming. No one hitting me. No one destroying my property, or spilling juice over my head to humiliate me. Living a life I never dreamed possible with the most amazing little girl. And as a woman and a minority who managed to overcome all that and be successful, I feel extra good about it.

Anyway just felt like letting that out for some reason.

You Deserve It! You Deserve It!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HJM9WXVuH4

Cleo_II posted...

You either get out or you perpetuate the same themes. I just knew I never wanted any kids to go through what I did.

Some instances that have surfaced in my memory lately:

When I was 19, my mom accidentally let my cat out and he was lost. He was an indoor cat. I was worried and asked her how she let him out like that in a tone she didnt like. So she beat the crap out of me. Poured an entire container of grape juice over my head, grabbed me by my hair and slammed my head over and over on a wall. I thought I might pass out. We had a dog that freaked out at violence, so he started mauling my leg. I dont know if it was to pull me away or he thought my mom was in danger. My leg was badly hurt I had bruises all over and couldnt walk right for a couple of weeks

Another time I was 23. My brother moved back home. My dad got me a laptop for school. I never had my own before. My sister borrowed it and spilled water and bricked it. So my dad got another one. My brother kept taking it and got a virus on it. I told him not to take it anymore because I really needed it for school. One night he barged into my room at 2 am to take it. In my half asleep state I told him to fuck off. He then dragged me and threw me to the ground from the bed, stomping on me and spitting at me. I fought him back and actually put some hurt on him. My mom called my dad (they are divorced). He came over screaming at me for using the word Fuck and instigating things. I kid you not. He slapped me across the face and gave my brother a minor scolding. Both my brother and dad are tall men (510 and 6) and I was all of 52 and 95 lbs. Even though my brother would say the word Fuck allll the time but I was a girl and it was disrespectful

Well then... that's enough losing my faith in humanity for today
:(