Current Events > Thinking of just buying a hooker to lose my virginity (turning 29 this year)

(+) Yeah! (+)

MrNintendo1213 posted...

So that's exactly what is being said. Things that are easy for one person can be difficult for others. Someone expressing trouble with it obviously knows it is technically possible.

It is like telling someone with a phobia to just get over it. You aren't being even slightly helpful or saying anything everyone doesn't know.

Depressed people? Just be happier! Social anxiety? Just talk to people! Trouble with dyslexia? Just read!

Just telling someone who has trouble doing something they should just do it is entirely condescending. You are literally just re stating the problem they already know they have.

I agree. However, there are also steps that can be taken that some (not all) refuse to take:

Working on physical appearance through exercise, grooming and more flattering clothing

Attempting to build up a friend group, which can be done through things like Meetup events. I do know that social anxiety can have an impact here btw, but some groups are set up for introverts and geeky people. I know, as I have helped run one. So many friends were made between socially awkward, introverted people, including lots of relationships started.

Id do it. Its not like you have to tell anyone. And to the 40 year old virgin, Id definitely do it.

MrNintendo1213 posted...

So that's exactly what is being said. Things that are easy for one person can be difficult for others. Someone expressing trouble with it obviously knows it is technically possible.

He never even said he had trouble talking to women in his original post. He said he wanted to do it for experience.

Just because its hard for you to talk to women doesnt mean its hard for everyone. Yeah some dudes suck at it but the idea that its not just get on dating app and talk to women is absurd.

KingWhiteKnight posted...

women are gonna think a 28 year virgin is a creepy weirdo like I said earlier

Look I was a lot older than 28 when it happened. It happened to be someone I loved and cared about. I was very isolated, so was she. I told her my feelings and she felt the same. We were dating and asked if I was a virgin. She understood why. And it happened. She was widowed for 7 years. I think it was something we both needed after all that time.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I obviously wasn't being completely literal. Of course anyone can get laid potentially. But just dismissing other people's problems entirely is just being mean for no reason. People are allowed to be upset by their own problems. Telling them it is entirely their fault is just shitty behavior.

Im not gonna tell you what to do, but fucking prostitutes isnt going to make you more competent with women and dating. Its gonna make you more competent with frequenting prostitutes. And your average woman is definitely going to be more put off by the fact that youve only slept with hookers then you being a virgin.

if you do at least spring for a decent girl instead of getting herpes from sad sex with a meth head.

I4NRulez posted...

He never even said he had trouble talking to women in his original post. He said he wanted to do it for experience.

Just because its hard for you to talk to women doesnt mean its hard for everyone. Yeah some dudes suck at it but the idea that its not just get on dating app and talk to women is absurd.

He said he had anxiety, depression, and poor social skills when he was younger, in a topic about virginity. I guess I took a huuuge leap assuming that meant trouble talking to women.

Why would the topic even exist if he had no problems getting laid? It makes no sense at all. It is still literally just you repeating what their problem is, as if they didn't know.

"Ohh, so when I said I am not very good at math, I didn't realize I just had to get better at math! Why the fuck didn't I think of that?? Thanks soo much Mr. Genius for such insightful knowledge! How did I ever survive without you!! I wish you were here when I was struggling with anorexia to let me know the solution! Apoarently I just had to buy food, and then eat it?! Wow!!! I never once thought of that in the countless hours this problem has tormented me!! Thank you almighty savior!Your amazing clarity has saved me!!!!"

btw, alot more women are also virgins than the internet cares to admit

the idea that the average woman is blasted by chad and doesn't want you because you are a virgin is a pathetic take

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Or you could be slightly more useful than you have been by shutting the fuck up.

Gobstoppers12 posted...

I feel like...women are so, so much less complicated than the average "kissless virgin" thinks they are.

Of course, but a big part of it is that these incel types don't see them as people, but as some mythical creatures they build up in their head.

Women are people, women are awkward, women like sex. It's not complicated.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


I don't talk like this to real people. It is entirely saved for people being douchebags on the internet.

MrNintendo1213 posted...

It is entirely saved for people being douchebags on the internet.

Ah, so youre projecting

To those saying nothing would change. Does that mean there's be no increase in self esteem? No confidence boost? No weight off the shoulders by losing the virgin label? No relief to have finally experienced it and gotten some experience?

KogaSteelfang posted...

To those saying nothing would change. Does that mean there's be no increase in self esteem? No confidence boost? No weight off the shoulders by losing the virgin label? No relief to have finally experienced it and gotten some experience?

exactly

you are literally the same except you paid for someone to pleasure you and probably did it illegally

WingsOfGood posted...

exactly

you are literally the same except you paid for someone to pleasure you and probably did it illegally

So, no one gets anything from sex at all then? Paid or not.

I actually think this is a good idea, even if that's an unpopular opinion. The sooner you can get over putting it on a pedestal the sooner you can move on with your life.

KogaSteelfang posted...

So, no one gets anything from sex at all then? Paid or not.

What exactly do you think sex is bro?

KogaSteelfang posted...

So, no one gets anything from sex at all then? Paid or not.

I can't imagine getting anything from paying for it, at least in terms of confidence or actual experience

I have the social skills to talk women. I can talk with female coworkers, look them in the eye, banter with them, vibe with females in general no problem. The problem is that don't feel confident attempting to go further with the insecurity of me being a 28 year virgin looming over my head.

KingWhiteKnight posted...

The problem is that don't feel confident attempting to go further with the insecurity of me being a 28 year virgin.

Then you need therapy, not sex.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


It might at least change his preoccupation with being a virgin, which is (clearly, based on this topic alone) still a social pressure people worry about.

pinky0926 posted...

It might at least change his preoccupation with being a virgin, which is (clearly, based on this topic alone) still a social pressure people worry about.

it won't

pinky0926 posted...

It might at least change his preoccupation with being a virgin, which is (clearly, based on this topic alone) still a social pressure people worry about.

Just in time to shift his hangup over to 'being a guy who can only get sex he paid for.'

It's different, but not by much. He'll still feel the same exact insecurity for a slightly different reason.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


When did I say late bloomers can never learn? I literally said several times I know it is possible. And sorry I did paraphrase. I didn't feel like typing out everything. But saying just go on tinder, talk to girls, and then get laid really boils down to just get laid. It is completely obvious the normal steps people take to getting laid, so I assumed no one was dumb enough to not understand that.

Just telling someone having trouble with something to just practice isn't even slightly helpful. Literally everyone knows that already. It is in fact like telling a depressed person to stop being sad. Depressed people already know the steps they SHOULD take to change their situation. People with eating disorders already know what they SHOULD do to fix it. Knowing what the solution is doesn't make it less hard to enact it.

People dealing with these problems for long periods of time already have thought about it so long it is painful. Just re stating the very first idea anyone has when they think about the problem is extremely tedious and patronizing. I know I need to work on socializing more. Every second of every day I know about it, and am constantly thinking about it. So when some random person comes and just acts like they are giving some special gift with the revelation that the way to deal with a problem is to work on, it feels very bad. I know. I understand. I try. I have been dealing with my problems for a long time and I try to get better with them. But it is still hard. It is still painful.

If you want to help with a problem you don't have, sympathy is the best way to do it. If you don't deal with depression yourself, telling a depressed person what to do really sounds like a well off person telling poor people to just stop buying Starbucks if you want to have more money.

WingsOfGood posted...

it won't

It might. At least, it did for me when I was 18. Once you have sex for the first time and realise its not a big deal (and probably an underwhelming experience) you can focus your energy elsewhere.

Solid Snake07 posted...

Im not gonna tell you what to do, but fucking prostitutes isnt going to make you more competent with women and dating. Its gonna make you more competent with frequenting prostitutes. And your average woman is definitely going to be more put off by the fact that youve only slept with hookers then you being a virgin.

if you do at least spring for a decent girl instead of getting herpes from sad sex with a meth head.

in a world where a girls attractiveness varies directly with the probability of her having stds

This isn't a fucking anime lmao girls aren't going to be shouting WHAT ARE YOU A VIRGIN every 10 seconds.

If sex for the sake of having it is that important to you then just do what everyone else with low self esteem does; go to a bar or club and make yourself available to people looking for the same thing you are

Gobstoppers12 posted...

Just in time to shift his hangup over to 'being a guy who can only get sex he paid for.'

It's different, but not by much. He'll still feel the same exact insecurity for a slightly different reason.

I mean that's exactly what escorts are for

Sounds like you need sekszorg, and not a prostitute.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I'm not talking about it fixing anything. I was wondering about feeling different afterwards. As a sense of relief, or a confidence booster. No longer needing to wonder what it's really like.

I agree that some would feel worse paying for it, I believe I would be one of those. I'm just honestly confused about how it's considered to be an important and natural part of life, that most everyone puts on a pedestal, and mocks anyone who hasn't had it. To then turn around and say it means nothing.

KingWhiteKnight posted...

I have the social skills to talk women. I can talk with female coworkers, look them in the eye, banter with them, vibe with females in general no problem. The problem is that don't feel confident attempting to go further with the insecurity of me being a 28 year virgin looming over my head.

I mean honestly bro if it bugs you just do it but be realistic about it. It's not going to solve your self-confidence issue.

If your issue is that you think women will care that you're a virgin do you think these same women would be ok with you boning hookers?

KingWhiteKnight posted...

I have the social skills to talk women. I can talk with female coworkers, look them in the eye, banter with them, vibe with females in general no problem. The problem is that don't feel confident attempting to go further with the insecurity of me being a 28 year virgin looming over my head.

paying for sex isnt just gonna get rid of your insecurity. Its just gonna give a new thing to be insecure about

KogaSteelfang posted...

I'm not talking about it fixing anything. I was wondering about feeling different afterwards. As a sense of relief, or a confidence booster. No longer needing to wonder what it's really like.

I agree that some would feel worse paying for it, I believe I would be one of those. I'm just honestly confused about how it's considered to be an important and natural part of life, that most everyone puts on a pedestal, and mocks anyone who hasn't had it. To then turn around and say it means nothing.

Dude sex is just sex.
What makes it special would be who it is you are having it with and in that case you don't have to have sex to have special things with said person.

Having it with someone you paid for isn't that.

Just go to Vegas (or wherever) nightclub, and ask a woman to dance with you. After a few tries, you'll find one who will stick with you. Yes, you may get rejected a few times, but keep looking. But don't be afraid because women aren't perfect (don't put them on a pedestal) and have their own insecurities as well.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Who doesn't know that? Who is this mythical person unaware that tinder exists and can be used for getting laid? What am I oblivious to? I have never seen a single person in my years of searching for people with problems like mine that doesn't know what online dating or hooking up is.

The problem is that we are bad at it. I keep trying and trying and I get almost no where. Im not a bitter hateful incel who blames women. I know I am not entitled to intimacy. But it is very very hard for me. Just like it is hard dealing with all sorts of problems. Yes I know drug addicts get clean. That doesn't take away the struggle of people dealing with addiction.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I've seen posts from people claiming it means nothing, who then said they'd instantly dump their soul mate who they love with all their heart if they were slightly incompatible sexually. Certainly sounds like it's important/meaningful if one would sacrifice a perfect partner over it.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Men are insecure and want to create a heirarchy that is favorable to them. How can a fratboy who failed college and cannot afford a house put down a rich nerd? Pretend like him going to frat parties makes him worth more because he had more sex and other such stupidity.
At the end of the day the nerd will likely end up with a wife the fratboy is super jealous of.

WingsOfGood posted...

At the end of the day the nerd will likely end up with a wife the fratboy is super jealous of.

lol.

KogaSteelfang posted...

I'm not talking about it fixing anything. I was wondering about feeling different afterwards. As a sense of relief, or a confidence booster. No longer needing to wonder what it's really like.

I agree that some would feel worse paying for it, I believe I would be one of those. I'm just honestly confused about how it's considered to be an important and natural part of life, that most everyone puts on a pedestal, and mocks anyone who hasn't had it. To then turn around and say it means nothing.

Sex with a prostitute means nothing, at least to me. When you and someone decide to have sex because you both want to, that means something. Even my one night stands meant something because we truly connected, at least for a moment. There might be some regret the next day, but that changes nothing that night. To quote Duran Duran and the greatest song about one night stands:

"Don't say a prayer for me now. Save it 'til the morning after"

KingWhiteKnight posted...

The problem is that women in my age range are most likely gonna be creeped out and repulsed by a dude who is an almost 29 year old virgin.

I doubt this is true. Why would somebody be "creeped out" by this?

KogaSteelfang posted...

I've seen posts from people claiming it means nothing, who then said they'd instantly dump their soul mate who they love with all their heart if they were slightly incompatible sexually. Certainly sounds like it's important/meaningful if one would sacrifice a perfect partner over it.

You are exaggerating. Slighty incompatible isn't the same as the partner no longer has sex with them.

Sex is important to maintain that kind of relationship. Problem is that you are not saying that is what sex is. You think it is something magical that makes you super confident and a better person.
Many people have sex and are still insecure and hate themselves fyi.

WingsOfGood posted...

Men are insecure and want to create a heirarchy that is favorable to them. How can a fratboy who failed college and cannot afford a house put down a rich nerd? Pretend like him going to frat parties makes him worth more because he had more sex and other such stupidity.
At the end of the day the nerd will likely end up with a wife the fratboy is super jealous of.

Ive read studies showing it's the other way around tbh. Fratboys are much more likely to be rich and successful than socially awkward nerds. Being socially capable ends up being much more helpful at making money than being good at math.