Current Events > I have prophetic powers*. Post and I will tell you of the nature of your demise.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I bear no responsibility for the absurdity or potential obscene nature of your passing.

*Said prophetic powers may or may not exist.

alright

If my last words aren't "Afk, tornado," I'll know you're lying.

I already know but let's hear it

have at it

post

Nukazie posted...

alright

Fatal case of food poisoning after taking Joes All-You-Can-Eat Seafood Shack up on their offer. The strain of bacteria responsible would later be discovered to have been unknown to science, generally only occurring in the hindgut of prawns. It would go on to be pivotal in the development of new biotechnology for sewage treatment.

ThePieReborn posted...

If my last words aren't "Afk, tornado," I'll know you're lying.

Beaten to death by a metallic painted statue busker after attempting to steal their hat.

god i hope its ice cream related

Smackems posted...

I already know but let's hear it

You try to eat a fistful of Carolina reaper chillies and suffer a fatal heart attack aged 53.

I'm curious.

Kakapo posted...

You try to eat a fistful of Carolina reaper chillies and suffer a fatal heart attack aged 53.

Damn he knew

how will I die?

Please be snu snu

BuckVanHammer posted...

have at it

A freak accident involving two naked, busty ladies and a trampoline.

While attempting to peek over the fence you fall and hit your head on a garden gnome that has inexplicably been made from concrete. While passed out, slugs crawl inside your airwaves to sup if your delicious airway mucus and you suffocate to death.

Please say my death causes society to collapse and anarchy to reign supreme.

Or at least give me a death I can spin to suit that purpose.

Huh

I wanna know

Kakapo posted...

Fatal case of food poisoning after taking Joes All-You-Can-Eat Seafood Shack up on their offer. The strain of bacteria responsible would later be discovered to have been unknown to science, generally only occurring in the hindgut of prawns. It would go on to be pivotal in the development of new biotechnology for sewage treatment.

nice

3PiesAndAFork posted...

post

It is a dark night, and a light rain falls. It is the kind of rain that doesnt actually make you wet, it just leaves you uncomfortably damp. There is a halo around each street lamp, as each fine droplet of misty drizzle is picked out by the light. You are going for a late-night jog, after having a health scare a few years previously that made you reassess your lifestyle. You are a fairly sprightly 63 year old. You come to a road, and stop in time to avoid being run over. Once the coast is clear, you resume your jog.

You jog through a small park. The lights are not on. The council, cutting costs again. Some filthy swine has let their dog crap on the path and not bothered to clean it up. Your feet almost slide from under you, but you maintain your balance, barely. Congratulating yourself on your coordination and reflexes, you take a quick breather. A delivery drone falls from the sky and bops you on the head.

lay it on me...
CalosiaTana posted...

Please be snu snu

Kakapo posted...

It is a dark night, and a light rain falls. It is the kind of rain that doesnt actually make you wet, it just leaves you uncomfortably damp. There is a halo around each street lamp, as each fine droplet of misty drizzle is picked out by the light. You are going for a late-night jog, after having a health scare a few years previously that made you reassess your lifestyle. You are a fairly sprightly 63 year old. You come to a road, and stop in time to avoid being run over. Once the coast is clear, you resume your jog.

You jog through a small park. The lights are not on. The council, cutting costs again. Some filthy swine has let their dog crap on the path and not bothered to clean it up. Your feet almost slide from under you, but you maintain your balance, barely. Congratulating yourself on your coordination and reflexes, you take a quick breather. A delivery drone falls from the sky and bops you on the head.

Lmao. Ok you got me with that one

ApherosyLove posted...

god i hope its ice cream related

You go berserk upon being told that a gas station is entirely out of Ben & Jerrys and launch on a multiple continent spree of murder, arson, grand theft auto, bank robbery, wanton mayhem and dine and dashing.

You quickly become Public Enemy No. 1 in many countries and an international taskforce is established to apprehend you and bring your trail of destruction and chaos to an end.

They are unsuccessful for many years, and copycats attempt to emulate your crimes. Films are made about your exploits and you become something of a folk hero to many. The poor, the downtrodden and the lovers of ice cream.

You are almost caught by a hit-squad of CIA operatives and Navy Seals in a Peruvian favela, but they were soft serve. You send a video to CNN, Al Jazeera, Fox News and BBC News in which you eat Chunky Monkey from a tactical helmet.

You are finally caught and trapped in a small semi-detached house in Caerphilly, Wales. Although you manage to dispatch dozens of highly trained SAS soldiers, you realise there is no way out.

Rather than letting them take you alive, you gorge yourself on supercooled mint choc-chip and give yourself terminal brain freeze.

Despite your remains being identified and your demise widely reported, rumours persist for decades of your escape and survival. You will live forever in the hearts and minds of the world. Wherever there is a shortage of frozen dairy products, you are there in spirit.

You are 48.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/1/0/8/AAd18OAAC0ck.jpg

Cheater87 posted...

I'm curious.

You decide to change careers and become a triple-threat scientist and excel in the areas of physics, chemistry and biology. You are heralded as a modern day Isaac Newton, a true polymath.

In the course of your research, you are exposed to obscene amounts of radiation, mutagenic compounds and unidentified elements.

You do not develop superpowers.

You are 39.

catboy2 posted...

how will I die?

You catch feline distemper.

You are 51. (306 in cat years).

CalosiaTana posted...

Please be snu snu

You become convinced that a shadowy cabal are trying to poison you through your soap dish.

You die mysteriously and an autopsy discovers your blood has somehow been turned to powered.

You were right after all.

You are 43.

Give it to me straight.

Kakapo posted...

You are 48.

This is utterly ridiculous.

I hate mint-choco chip.

okay

Heartomaton posted...

Please say my death causes society to collapse and anarchy to reign supreme.

Or at least give me a death I can spin to suit that purpose.

You are eaten alive by meth-crazed weasels. You are 36.

ApherosyLove posted...

This is utterly ridiculous.

I hate mint-choco chip.

See! Thats how badly you didnt want to be taken alive!

https://youtu.be/NTa6Xbzfq1U

Komm Susser Todd

Kakapo posted...

You are eaten alive by meth-crazed weasels. You are 36.

So I have roughly 4 years to live.

Also I can't spin that.

Not cool.