Current Events > Idk if I can stop loving my coworker

(+) Yeah! (+)

Even though I was pretty much strung along for attention that her bf wasn't giving her, even though she was just seemingly perpetually gauging whether I'd be good long term material but never actually committing yet never pulling away, and apparently she's moving back in her with bf, she definitely manipulated me a little, I just can't stop. She started September. There's still something in me that doesn't believe someone would try so hard to string me along. Other girls that have done that usually give up but she didn't, so either she likes me and it's complicated or she is addicted to attention.

After she half assedly told me no (she never directly said it), I've tried to just only act professional, but I really enjoy being friendly with people, and forcing myself to act all weird and polite and awkward to only her because of rejection doesn't feel right when I'm friendly with everyone else. It feels like acting like that is just forcing myself to repress those emotions further and like I'm punishing her for no reason really. I feel like I should just be me regardless of what happens.

I've tried going back to dating apps and stuff. It's not like I'm swimming in women/matches anyway nor have I ever been, and I'm sick of dating apps in general, so I don't really care for them. I am messaging a few girls casually though, haven't felt the urge to date or meet up. I have good ties with friends and family and stuff so it's not like I'm totally alone.

The only thing I can think of to do is to just treat everyone like I treat her. Love everyone. Be kind, open, funny, honest, empathic, etc towards everyone I come across and then wait till I feel that spark to go further with somebody. And 'everybody' includes her; it means loving her unconditionally too, without expecting it to go anywhere or being afraid that it's not gonna work out.

It's honestly crazy; sometimes I have to really try to focus to not give her a quick glance as I'm walking by. It's so subconscious. I knew something was up because earlier this week, which is several weeks after I asked her out, I woke up with a night terror. My night terrors are moreso emotional than they are hallucinatory, where I feel like someone is about to steal/kill me and there's nothing I can do about it. Normally I have to breathe and calm down and assess the situation, but I just thought of her and it instantly went away. I was like, fuck she's deep in my brain lol

What's also wild is that I can tell it's subconscious with her too. She's slowly changing to accommodate me, give me space when I need it, she looks at me when I don't look at her, etc. When I went away for two weeks, she facetimed her boyfriend all the time apparently, but now that I'm back, she doesn't do it at all.

I think the only way she could truly win me back over is to full out confess everything. The fact that she's been so bad with communication and strung me along raises huge red flags, but I can't stop loving her. I've tried whatever else I could and the only thing that seems to be working is expanding my love for her to everyone. I don't think I've ever been in sync with someone else as much as I have with her.

I had a similar experience with a coworker. Even though I was pretty much strung along for attention that her bf wasn't giving her, even though she was just seemingly perpetually gauging whether I'd be good long term material but never actually committing yet never pulling away, and apparently she's moving back in her with bf, she definitely manipulated me a little, I just can't stop. She started September. There's still something in me that doesn't believe someone would try so hard to string me along. Other girls that have done that usually give up but she didn't, so either she likes me and it's complicated or she is addicted to attention.

After she half assedly told me no (she never directly said it), I've tried to just only act professional, but I really enjoy being friendly with people, and forcing myself to act all weird and polite and awkward to only her because of rejection doesn't feel right when I'm friendly with everyone else. It feels like acting like that is just forcing myself to repress those emotions further and like I'm punishing her for no reason really. I feel like I should just be me regardless of what happens.

I've tried going back to dating apps and stuff. It's not like I'm swimming in women/matches anyway nor have I ever been, and I'm sick of dating apps in general, so I don't really care for them. I am messaging a few girls casually though, haven't felt the urge to date or meet up. I have good ties with friends and family and stuff so it's not like I'm totally alone.

The only thing I can think of to do is to just treat everyone like I treat her. Love everyone. Be kind, open, funny, honest, empathic, etc towards everyone I come across and then wait till I feel that spark to go further with somebody. And 'everybody' includes her; it means loving her unconditionally too, without expecting it to go anywhere or being afraid that it's not gonna work out.

It's honestly crazy; sometimes I have to really try to focus to not give her a quick glance as I'm walking by. It's so subconscious. I knew something was up because earlier this week, which is several weeks after I asked her out, I woke up with a night terror. My night terrors are moreso emotional than they are hallucinatory, where I feel like someone is about to steal/kill me and there's nothing I can do about it. Normally I have to breathe and calm down and assess the situation, but I just thought of her and it instantly went away. I was like, fuck she's deep in my brain lol

What's also wild is that I can tell it's subconscious with her too. She's slowly changing to accommodate me, give me space when I need it, she looks at me when I don't look at her, etc. When I went away for two weeks, she facetimed her boyfriend all the time apparently, but now that I'm back, she doesn't do it at all.

I think the only way she could truly win me back over is to full out confess everything. The fact that she's been so bad with communication and strung me along raises huge red flags, but I can't stop loving her. I've tried whatever else I could and the only thing that seems to be working is expanding my love for her to everyone. I don't think I've ever been in sync with someone else as much as I have with her.

I only needed to read a few lines to know that you have no self value. You should work on that.

SrRd_RacinG posted...

I only needed to read a few lines to know that you have no self value. You should work on that.

Funnily enough, this whole thing has totally taught me an aspect of self value I never had before. I probably have ways to go but this def opened my eyes. What also kinda sucks is that she has also given me positive life advice that has helped me, so she's still associated with improvement in some way.

I'm the last person who could know anything about relationships like this. But I hope you can work it all out.

Master Kazuya posted...

Funnily enough, this whole thing has totally taught me an aspect of self value I never had before. I probably have ways to go but this def opened my eyes. What also kinda sucks is that she has also given me positive life advice that has helped me, so she's still associated with improvement in some way.

Perhaps you're already on your way. Fly high, my friend.

David1988 posted...

I had a similar experience with a coworker. Even though I was pretty much strung along for attention that her bf wasn't giving her, even though she was just seemingly perpetually gauging whether I'd be good long term material but never actually committing yet never pulling away, and apparently she's moving back in her with bf, she definitely manipulated me a little, I just can't stop. She started September. There's still something in me that doesn't believe someone would try so hard to string me along. Other girls that have done that usually give up but she didn't, so either she likes me and it's complicated or she is addicted to attention.

After she half assedly told me no (she never directly said it), I've tried to just only act professional, but I really enjoy being friendly with people, and forcing myself to act all weird and polite and awkward to only her because of rejection doesn't feel right when I'm friendly with everyone else. It feels like acting like that is just forcing myself to repress those emotions further and like I'm punishing her for no reason really. I feel like I should just be me regardless of what happens.

I've tried going back to dating apps and stuff. It's not like I'm swimming in women/matches anyway nor have I ever been, and I'm sick of dating apps in general, so I don't really care for them. I am messaging a few girls casually though, haven't felt the urge to date or meet up. I have good ties with friends and family and stuff so it's not like I'm totally alone.

The only thing I can think of to do is to just treat everyone like I treat her. Love everyone. Be kind, open, funny, honest, empathic, etc towards everyone I come across and then wait till I feel that spark to go further with somebody. And 'everybody' includes her; it means loving her unconditionally too, without expecting it to go anywhere or being afraid that it's not gonna work out.

It's honestly crazy; sometimes I have to really try to focus to not give her a quick glance as I'm walking by. It's so subconscious. I knew something was up because earlier this week, which is several weeks after I asked her out, I woke up with a night terror. My night terrors are moreso emotional than they are hallucinatory, where I feel like someone is about to steal/kill me and there's nothing I can do about it. Normally I have to breathe and calm down and assess the situation, but I just thought of her and it instantly went away. I was like, fuck she's deep in my brain lol

What's also wild is that I can tell it's subconscious with her too. She's slowly changing to accommodate me, give me space when I need it, she looks at me when I don't look at her, etc. When I went away for two weeks, she facetimed her boyfriend all the time apparently, but now that I'm back, she doesn't do it at all.

I think the only way she could truly win me back over is to full out confess everything. The fact that she's been so bad with communication and strung me along raises huge red flags, but I can't stop loving her. I've tried whatever else I could and the only thing that seems to be working is expanding my love for her to everyone. I don't think I've ever been in sync with someone else as much as I have with her.

Dont be a dick to someone venting about their personal life

Thats fair, I just like doing that for wall of texts here. Funnily enough I did read it, but I dont have any advice except I hope he can start treating her like his usual friendly self like he does with everyone else and not be self-conscious about it, I was in those shoes before.

Master Kazuya posted...

either she likes me and it's complicated or she is addicted to attention.

In cases like this it's pretty much always about the attention. Don't hold your breath expecting her to give you some kind of Hollywood "I've been in love with you since we met" confession any time soon.

David1988 posted...

Thats fair, I just like doing that for wall of texts here. Funnily enough I did read it, but I dont have any advice except I hope he can start treating her like his usual friendly self like he does with everyone else and not be self-conscious about it, I was in those shoes before.

I appreciate this comment and I also didn't really take offense to you doing that. If you really didn't care, you wouldn't have bumped the topic. But I guess it'd be better to start off with your contributing thought.

Gobstoppers12 posted...

In cases like this it's pretty much always about the attention. Don't hold your breath expecting her to give you some kind of Hollywood "I've been in love with you since we met" confession any time soon.

I know it's unrealistic to expect that, but in my head, that's the only way I can give her 100% of my heart. It's both a fantasy and also to keep myself in check, because unless she is excruciatingly honest, maybe not in a Hollywood way but at least in a way that resonates with me, I know I'll probably always have doubts about her motivations.

I just think it's nuts because (unsurprisingly) I've been in situations like this before, and those girls didn't try for my attention as hard as this one does. It's to the point where it's like, damn maybe she needs this more than me, and I already need this a lot, so this is crazy.

You cant quit her? So youre the self destructive type?

--Zero- posted...

You cant quit her? So youre the self destructive type?

If not quitting her means that, then I guess so. I'm trying everything I can. I think it really doesn't help that we work together.

Master Kazuya posted...

It's to the point where it's like, damn maybe she needs this more than me, and I already need this a lot, so this is crazy.

I'm gonna go ahead and tell you that you should stop entertaining this thought, because:

Master Kazuya posted...

apparently she's moving back in her with bf

What kind of job is it? Can you request to go to another department? Is Tinder still a thing? Getting laid keeps your mind off things.

Gobstoppers12 posted...

I'm gonna go ahead and tell you that you should stop entertaining this thought, because:

Idk how to not entertain the thought at least once in a while. I feel like constantly trying to push that out is in some ways more added stress than just letting whatever it run its course. Things make more sense when I think positively about her than negatively.

--Zero- posted...

What kind of job is it? Can you request to go to another department? Is Tinder still a thing? Getting laid keeps your mind off things.

I work with sped kids 18-22yo, can't really go to another department. Tinder is a thing but I get no success on it. I'm talking with two girls who seem like they'd be dtf but I haven't really committed. I feel like I've never really been the hookup type. I tried to be and it's not what I want.

She is just toying with you, this oneitis thing you have for her happens to everyone but most learn to recognize it and move on. She is moved back in with her boyfriend, she was using you to make him jealous or because she just wanted to amuse herself.

A good woman does not treat a man this way, and she sure as hell does not have a boyfriend.

Find a new job because clearly your way to hung up on her.

RiKuToTheMiGhtY posted...

She is just toying with you, this oneitis thing you have for her happens to everyone but most learn to recognize it and move on. She is moved back in with her boyfriend, she was using you to make him jealous or because she just wanted to amuse herself.

A good woman does not treat a man this way, and she sure as hell does not have a boyfriend.

Find a new job because clearly your way to hung up on her.

My job pays the bills (not that I'm rich) and I really like my job regardless of her. If anything, it's helped me get over her and find positivity in my life. Before I wanted to do nursing, but now I'm thinking about a career in this, but I need a Master's. Which is like years of schooling while doing this.

If you walked into your bedroom, flipped on the light switch and noticed a horrendously flickering bulb, you would likely change it immediately or at least very soon.

Why? Because it's unsafe. And also because it's annoying as f***. But primarily because it's unsafe and it will not suit your needs adequately. (It might even cause physical harm to your eyes over time.)

And yet somehow, when a person acts like this flickering bedroom light, when a person acts hot and cold or indifferent, flickering between emotional states or other states of being, we are very slow, very hesitant to call them out on it. Or better yet, we are very hesitant to leave the relationship. We do this out of severe suffering. A deep suffering that has not been investigated.

We should treat people like this the same way we would treat a flickering light bulb. We get rid of it immediately.

SrRd_RacinG posted...

If you walked into your bedroom, flipped on the light switch and noticed a horrendously flickering bulb, you would likely change it immediately or at least very soon.

Why? Because it's unsafe. And also because it's annoying as f***. But primarily because it's unsafe and it will not suit your needs adequately. (It might even cause physical harm to your eyes over time.)

And yet somehow, when a person acts like this flickering bedroom light, when a person acts hot and cold or indifferent, flickering between emotional states or other states of being, we are very slow, very hesitant to call them out on it. Or better yet, we are very hesitant to leave the relationship. We do this out of severe suffering. A deep suffering that has not been investigated.

We should treat people like this the same way we would treat a flickering light bulb. We get rid of it immediately.

Idk how to get rid of the feeling, wish I could overwrite my brain or something. Either it hurts and it's awkward or it's good and I feel hopeful. Sucks either way. Hopefully the right solution comes my way.

Stfu

Jefejonny posted...

Stfu

No

How's
Her
Ass
?

Big_Nabendu posted...

How's
Her
Ass
?

Definitely nice