Current Events > Is infidelity a black/white issue for you?

(+) Yeah! (+)

In other words, anyone who cheats on his/her partner is wrong, period. Nothing can change your opinion otherwise.

Or do you believe it takes two to tangle and that there might be circumstances where such cheating could be justified.

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Yes
if they're cheating with me it's ok otherwise it 's wrong

Yes, if you're unhappy with them then break up. There's no excuse to cheat.

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I could make an exception for arranged marriages, but that's it.
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Irony posted...

Yes, if you're unhappy with them then break up. There's no excuse to cheat.

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No

The older I get and the more relationships I've been in. I've never cheated on anyone but I understand circumstances that can cause people to cheat.

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Yes, because at its core its the result of a fundamental lack of communication. If you're unsatisfied, you should communicate that. If you're unhappy. Communicate it. If you're unsure of where a relationship is going... you need to talk. And if all that talking falls through, you need to leave. Cheating is just trying to get something you want without giving up the security and comfort of what you have.

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Irony posted...

Yes, if you're unhappy with them then break up. There's no excuse to cheat.

I seriously dont understand why this is such a difficult concept.

If someone is cheating on someone else, there has to be a reason for it. So why not try and get to the bottom of it and fix it?

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Outside of a few select bizarre circumstances, it's indefensible. Whether someone doesn't give a shit about their partner or sees their partner as their emotional safetynet, they still disrespect them all the same when they cheat. There is no justification to be found when cheating in a normal relationship.

Irony posted...

Yes, if you're unhappy with them then break up. There's no excuse to cheat.

Relationships are built on way more than just sex. Cheating is not always an indicator of being "unhappy" with someone.

Almost always yes

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Raikuro posted...

Relationships are built on way more than just sex. Cheating is not always an indicator of being "unhappy" with someone.

Yes it is. It also means you have zero respect for your partner.

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tc this feels really racist, i'm sure black and white people aren't the only ones who cheat.

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No because you can still love someone and cheat. Shit happens honestly

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No. Many shades of gray.

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Honestly yes

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Irony posted...

Yes it is. It also means you have zero respect for your partner.

hahaha absolutisms *never* are wrong with dealing with human relations, amirite?

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Yes, you leave if you're unhappy. If you negotiate an open relationship where everyone is happy, whatever, but if you can't do that you leave.

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Master_Bass posted...

Yes, you leave if you're unhappy. If you negotiate an open relationship where everyone is happy, whatever, but if you can't do that you leave.

Ideally yes, but no one has the perfect ideal relationship

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Yes. If you're unhappy in your relationship, suck it up and break up first. Hurting someone is wrong, at least my therapist kept telling me I shouldn't hurt people.

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Raikuro posted...

Relationships are built on way more than just sex. Cheating is not always an indicator of being "unhappy" with someone.

Bullshit.

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BeantownHero posted...

hahaha absolutisms *never* are wrong with dealing with human relations, amirite?

In this regard, yeah.

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rexcrk posted...

So why not try and get to the bottom of it and fix it?

Why would anyone want to fix it when the trust is gone ?, once a person cheats they lose all trust and there is no point trying to fix things.


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Irony posted...

Yes, if you're unhappy with them then break up. There's no excuse to cheat.

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If it's a situation of abuse (say the cheater's spouse hits them, controls them, treats them like garbage, etc.) where they cannot leave, I think it's okay in that situation. It can be a means for them to escape the abuse.

But in almost every other situation? No. I think people who cheat on their partners are the absolute scum of the Earth. It is an absolute black mark on your character. It shows that you are willing, eager even, to hurt the person who cares the most about you in the world. Further, I think unless you show extreme remorse for your actions, you continue to be a garbage human being.

I've had people want me to keep their cheating a secret. I've had people cheat on me. It's a poison on the soul to know these people and I wish them all the worst in life.

_Rinku_ posted...

It shows that you are willing, eager even, to hurt the person who cares the most about you in the world.

My GF is the person I'm probably going to marry and I don't think that's true lol. I think there's people in our families we care about way more.

I know people with kids that say their kids are more important than their spouse.

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In Breaking Bad, I think Skylers infidelity is justified.

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I would never be okay with somebody cheating on me, no matter what the explanation was. Give me the respect of breaking up with me, at least. Don't just use me while I'm convenient and take advantage of my trust until you've worked up the courage to admit that you willingly destroyed any chance of our relationship ever working.

Once someone cheats on you, they've cheated on you. That cannot be undone. Forgiveness is one thing, rebuilding trust is possible, but nothing can risky erase the disrespect, the betrayal, the deception... it's an extremely serious thing. Cheating is the worst thing one can do to a person they love, short of committing an actual crime.

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Yeah even if the husband is abusive and the wife is afraid for her life thats no reason to cheat. Just talk it out.

Sarcasm.

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Gobstoppers12 posted...

I would never be okay with somebody cheating on me, no matter what the explanation was. Give me the respect of breaking up with me, at least. Don't just use me while I'm convenient and take advantage of my trust until you've worked up the courage to admit that you willingly destroyed any chance of our relationship ever working.

and you shouldn't be. I wasn't either. I was cheated on in one of my relationships in my early 20s. It took me a while to get over trust issues. I talked to my therapist about it and I came to realize I wasn't perfect either. Things led up to her cheating but I'm not saying what she did was justified at all. I'm saying its not always "I hate you and I cheated".

I still havent forgiven her but im not mad anymore. It just made me realize good and bad people cheat and the circumstances that get people there arent the same. Its not as black and white as "FUCK MY PARTNER IM EVIL AND IM GONNA CHEAT"

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Irony posted...

Yes, if you're unhappy with them then break up. There's no excuse to cheat.

Agreed.

_Rinku_ posted...

If it's a situation of abuse (say the cheater's spouse hits them, controls them, treats them like garbage, etc.) where they cannot leave, I think it's okay in that situation. It can be a means for them to escape the abuse.

I can understand sympathizing with someone in a terrible relationship, but if this is happening, the victim should focus on getting the fuck out of the abusive relationship rather than trying to get some sex on the side.

And if the abuser finds out about the cheating, the victim is just in that much more danger, potentially making their situation that much worse.

I4NRulez posted...

My GF is the person I'm probably going to marry and I don't think that's true lol. I think there's people in our families we care about way more.

I know people with kids that say their kids are more important than their spouse.

Cool. Doesn't justify cheating.

pfh1001 posted...

I can understand sympathizing with someone in a terrible relationship, but if this is happening, the victim should focus on getting the fuck out of the abusive relationship rather than trying to get some sex on the side.

And if the abuser finds out about the cheating, the victim is just in that much more danger, making their situation worse.

The idea isn't that they're "getting sex on the side." They're forming a relationship with someone who can help them escape the abuse.

So I'm going to ask a related question that I had a disagreement with a friend over (just in the hypothetical).

To me, leaving your partner to start a relationship with a new person in <24 hours is "equally bad" as e.g. sleeping with someone, leaving your partner, and then starting a relationship with the new person all in <24 hours.

I know that on paper in the first situation you "didn't cheat" and in the second you did, but I'm just not sure that part makes that big of a difference to me. They both seem "bad".


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I4NRulez posted...

Its not as black and white as "f*** MY PARTNER IM EVIL AND IM GONNA CHEAT"

It is save for very special circumstances.

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Pretty much, yeah

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Anteaterking posted...

So I'm going to ask a related question that I had a disagreement with a friend over (just in the hypothetical).

To me, leaving your partner to start a relationship with a new person in <24 hours is "equally bad" as e.g. sleeping with someone, leaving your partner, and then starting a relationship with the new person all in <24 hours.

I know that on paper in the first situation you "didn't cheat" and in the second you did, but I'm just not sure that part makes that big of a difference to me. They both seem "bad".

It's not the same. At all. At least this person respected you enough to end things.

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It is always wrong. However, it's not always unforgivable, though usually is.

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Anteaterking posted...

So I'm going to ask a related question that I had a disagreement with a friend over (just in the hypothetical).

To me, leaving your partner to start a relationship with a new person in <24 hours is "equally bad" as e.g. sleeping with someone, leaving your partner, and then starting a relationship with the new person all in <24 hours.

I know that on paper in the first situation you "didn't cheat" and in the second you did, but I'm just not sure that part makes that big of a difference to me. They both seem "bad".

Depending on the circumstances, I'd say one morally probably owes more to their partner than to just dash out, but ending the relationship outright before moving on is still a million times more respectful than abusing the relationship on the side.

I4NRulez posted...

and you shouldn't be. I wasn't either. I was cheated on in one of my relationships in my early 20s. It took me a while to get over trust issues. I talked to my therapist about it and I came to realize I wasn't perfect either. Things led up to her cheating but I'm not saying what she did was justified at all. I'm saying its not always "I hate you and I cheated".

I still havent forgiven her but im not mad anymore. It just made me realize good and bad people cheat and the circumstances that get people there arent the same. Its not as black and white as "FUCK MY PARTNER IM EVIL AND IM GONNA CHEAT"

From my side of things, loyalty and trust are my highest personal values. I will never betray my partner, my friends, or my family. If somebody betrays me, I take it extremely seriously.

If I can't trust you not to fuck somebody behind my back, why should I continue investing myself in you? What I want from a relationship is security. Trust. Knowing I have somebody I can depend on, as well as being that same kind of dependable person in return. I strongly believe in mutually beneficial relationships built on trust and honesty. Once that trust is broken, there is no foundation left.

I put up with a lot of shit in my first relationship. I was young, naive, and lonely. I had a girlfriend for two years who cheated on me at least three times (that I know of)... but I kept forgiving her, because I was an emotional mess who just needed someone.

Over the course of that relationship, I learned my own value as a human being. I realized I was worth more than how she treated me. It took two years, but I ended the relationship on my terms. Since then, cheating is cheating and I'm not going to subject myself to that kind of emotional abuse again.

In a way, I'm glad she treated me like trash. I learned a lot about people. I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I'm much better off single than I am with somebody who doesn't love and respect me.

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Gobstoppers12 posted...

In a way, I'm glad she treated me like trash. I learned a lot about people. I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I'm much better off single than I am with somebody who doesn't love and respect me.

and that's good. I'm not saying cheating is right. I'm saying the situations that lead up to it aren't black/white. Maybe my interpretation of the topic isn't as literal as other people are taking it.

Good people cheat, bad people cheat. It's a thing that happens. Its not a thing that most people are like "Man my relationship is perfect im going to cheat today"

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I'm not counting people who do it impulsively, despite having a good thing going. They can't ever be justified. Alcohol or not (unless they got raped/drugged).

The most common reasons people justify cheating are:

-fell out of love with that person. I think this is the most common justification from women.
-sexless marriage/relationship
-"that partner cheated with me first so I get a freebee"

I think the only ones I can sort of see being justified is from being in an really abusive marriage and going to leave them anyway or the marriage/relationship is totally sexless despite you asking and actively trying to save the marriage (sexually cheating). Wouldn't recommend the latter though. If you think they are open to it, I would ask first.

Sexless could be due to health reasons that prevents them from doing so or dampens their drivr, or partner isn't attracted anymore.

Partners should always communicate their needs and expectations. And especially if you fall out of love and at least tried to work at it.

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I4NRulez posted...

Good people cheat, bad people cheat. It's a thing that happens. Its not a thing that most people are like "Man my relationship is perfect im going to cheat today"

This is true, definitely. I honestly don't even think my first girlfriend was a "bad person." I still talk to her on rare occasions, as friends. She's just really, really fucking impulsive and never seems satisfied with what she has. I've since spoken with some of her other ex boyfriends, and they all say roughly the same thing:

She's super sweet, affectionate, and generous with her time and money... but she just can't get enough attention. She's always looking for new men who feel exciting and fresh. She can't tolerate stagnation, which means once she's at a point where the relationship is 'safe' and 'comfortable,' she gets bored and she cheats.

Not a bad person, just has a very bad habit of daisy chaining from boyfriend to boyfriend looking for a new thrill. I was the one who lasted longest, at two years. Most dropped her at around the six to eight month mark when she cheated on them the first time.

Whatever. She can do what she does. I've found somebody who's actually trustworthy and makes me feel loved and special. This month was the two year anniversary of our relationship and she's been exactly what I've always needed. If she believed in marriage, we'd be married already lol

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Youre a garbage person of you cheat. The only defense is an abusive relationship.

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Anteaterking posted...

So I'm going to ask a related question that I had a disagreement with a friend over (just in the hypothetical).

To me, leaving your partner to start a relationship with a new person in <24 hours is "equally bad" as e.g. sleeping with someone, leaving your partner, and then starting a relationship with the new person all in <24 hours.

I know that on paper in the first situation you "didn't cheat" and in the second you did, but I'm just not sure that part makes that big of a difference to me. They both seem "bad"

depends how much emotional cheating was being done before the breakup.


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lmao at all the people justifying cheating. No, "good" people don't cheat. If you cheat, you're a bad person until you show remorse, apologize, and atone for the shit you did.

Of course it's always wrong. Now, depending on the severity and other circumstances, it doesn't have to be the end of the relationship necessarily.

Never understood the reasoning for humans adopting monogamous relationships. Why does anyone feel the need to control who someone else fucks, why does it hurt your feelings when you dont get to stop someone from having sex with others?

That being said, since thats how society is, if you are in a relationship and not being honest about your intentions... You wrong.

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Raikuro posted...

Relationships are built on way more than just sex. Cheating is not always an indicator of being "unhappy" with someone.

This. There's a ton of things that can lead to cheating. My ex liked getting attention from other guys, it gave her an ego boost knowing that I wasn't the only guy that found her attractive. Eventually that attention combined with her impulsiveness led to her cheating. It was a "want to eat her cake and have it too" kind of moment.

Either way though, cheating is definitely black and white for me. It's always wrong. Even if I understand the reason for it, it doesn't make it any less wrong.

Anteaterking posted...

So I'm going to ask a related question that I had a disagreement with a friend over (just in the hypothetical).

To me, leaving your partner to start a relationship with a new person in <24 hours is "equally bad" as e.g. sleeping with someone, leaving your partner, and then starting a relationship with the new person all in <24 hours.

I know that on paper in the first situation you "didn't cheat" and in the second you did, but I'm just not sure that part makes that big of a difference to me. They both seem "bad".

It's definitely not as bad as cheating, but I've always held the belief that you should never end a relationship because you think you found someone better. It almost always blows up in your face.

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