Current Events > Mountain Dew Thrashed Apple: A Rant

(+) Yeah! (+)

Mountain Dew Thrashed Apple? More like Mountain Dew Trash Apple. Allow me to describe the flavor: Imagine the taste of cheap apple schnapps that's been soaked and filtered through a homeless man's jockstrap then twice distilled in a strip club carpet. The bouquet of flavor and fragrances curls your nose hairs and the vile, bitter liquid does to your taste buds what Jeffrey Dahmer did to his victims.

In fact I'd rather drink battery acid. I'd rather poke my pee hole with Franks Red Hot. I'd rather let Fester Addams peg me with red hot pokers. If I had Doc Brown's time machine, I would have sex with my own mother only to destroy the space-time continuum so Mountain Dew Thrashed Apple could never be created.

I double dare you to take a swig and not instantly regret it making your face contort into the twisted grimace of pain and disgust. Imagine if your parents packed one of these for your lunch, you'd think they didn't love you. Thrashed Apple was responsible for your parent's breaking up. It's the reason grandma calls you by a different name.

This flavor will take something you thought you loved, like Mountain Dew, and completely stomps it in the gutter, playing with your emotions and unveiling a reality of depravity and betrayal. The taste of sour apples haunts your palate like the memory a bad break up. Mountain Dew Thrashed Apple hurts so bad to drink, Robert Smith would write a song about it. Goth Girls drink Thrashed Apple when they want to feel sad. It's like sucking on a sour foot and not in a good way.

It fuckin' sucks, it suckin' fucks....and I don't like it.

---

Wii_Shaker posted...

Imagine the taste of cheap apple schnapps that's been soaked and filtered through a homeless man's jockstrap then twice distilled in a strip club carpet.

Taggin' you as Hobo Strap Slurper.

---

Imagine making a topic on a dying video game message board about this...

I would rather eat poo poo from a bufallo than read all that text

---

Ok

---

Still think it should have been called Gushing Granny.

---

I was at the grocery store last night and some peach colored Mt. Dew. It looked revolting.

---

trappedunderice posted...

Imagine making a topic on a dying video game message board about this...

Imagine posting in it >_>

---

That should be filtered through the carpet, and distilled in the jockstrap. But the real takeaway is that you know what that tastes like.

---

SuperShake666 posted...

Still think it should have been called Gushing Granny.

too bad that name was beat out

---

Dewannawanga posted...

I was at the grocery store last night and sW some peach colored Mt. Dew. It looked revolting.

Supposedly it's a new flavor called "uproar".

According to this article, we're not getting it in my state:
https://hypebeast.com/2021/10/pepsico-mountain-dew-berry-kiwi-uproar-soda-release-info

The article says nothing about the flavor of Uproar. I'm quite curious myself.

---

If I see one I'll give it a taste for you, TC.
---

Code Red and original are the best still.

---

I'm upset that it isn't in diet/zero sugar :(

chrono625 posted...

Code Red and original are the best still.

Voltage and Livewire are my favorite. I also enjoy Frost Bite. Baja Blast is good too.

Something in Code Red always makes my stomach hurt so I don't drink it anymore.

---

It reminds me of that mix powder you pour into hot water to make cider, but instead of bubbles from the phony cider stuff it's from carbonation.

---

gunplagirl posted...

It reminds me of that mix powder you pour into hot water to make cider, but instead of bubbles from the phony cider stuff it's from carbonation.

It reminds me of sneaking Apple Pucker into the house as a teen. It activates my gag reflex and gives me hangover flashbacks.

---