Current Events > C/D: You've never been the friendzoned nice guy.

(+) Yeah! (+)

C.

No female friends. :(
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It's happening now, i think idk how to read this girl lol

Sweet_Melon posted...

It's happening now, i think idk how to read this girl lol

Give us the details

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I don't believe in the version of friendzone most men refer to and I always explored other options while flirting with friends I wanted more with. Some reason guys blame women for them not knowing how to properly date and keep themselves open. Instead they get frustrated at women who properly know how to date and keep options open instead of having obsessions.

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You don't need female friends to be the nice guy that you are, tc.



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Lost_All_Senses posted...

I don't believe in the friendzone and I always explored other options while flirting with friends I wanted more with. Some reason guys blame women for them not knowing how to properly date and keep themselves open. Instead they get frustrated at women who properly know how to date and keep options open instead of having obsessions.

To be fair "knowing how to date" often requires less for women than men. >_>
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Guide posted...

You don't need female friends to be the nice guy that you are, tc.

Well yeah I said I've never been him. If I had female friends then I could be the nice guy. >_>
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Graycap posted...

To be fair "knowing how to date" often requires less for women than men. >_>

Yes. So it makes less sense to cripple yourself even more as a guy by becoming obsessive instead of trying to learn how relationships work.

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You definitely don't want to like a woman more than she likes you TC

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MedeaLysistrata posted...

You definitely don't want to like a woman more than she likes you TC

Some men seem to get this weird impression that showing their obsessive behavior is a positive and they should be rewarded for it because it's synonymous with being nice. Which creates a double negative when you're on the receiving end of this person with a weird understanding of how things work.

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happened once, she had still kissed me but wasnt ready for a relationship at that time, dont think we were a particularly good fit anyway

Graycap posted...

To be fair "knowing how to date" often requires less for women than men. >_>

yup, so do the fuckin work

TC, you gotta get out of this mindset. How is this helping you at all?

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MedeaLysistrata posted...

You definitely don't want to like a woman more than she likes you TC

Oddly those guys at least have a defined relation to women, but I do not. >_>

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Yes. So it makes less sense to cripple yourself even more as a guy by becoming obsessive instead of trying to learn how relationships work.

ROOTFayth posted...

yup, so do the fuckin work

As we can see when the standards are higher more people will fall below the threshold. It's a natural consequence.
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Do you have any friends? Do your friends have women as friends? You may be hanging out with the wrong people, if that's what you're looking for

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MedeaLysistrata posted...

Do you have any friends? Do your friends have women as friends? You may be hanging out with the wrong people, if that's what you're looking for

No group I've ever associated with has had women, no.
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Graycap posted...

No group I've ever associated with has had women, no.

It's hard at times when you're really wanting something to work out for you how you want it to, but just make sure you don't let that override your ability to not be too intense when you get the chance. The average person doesn't want someone throwing themselves at them. It's too much pressure and makes things awkward, regardless of how you feel even. The person could of even kimd of liked you but then you throw yourselves at them and it pushes them away.

That's why I'm I've just been trying to basically say people (especially men) should play it cool. You might get what you want or you might not, but you will let that work itself out in a more organic way. Nobody likes to be forced into making intimate decisions. If they're too slow, move on and if you're emotionally capable, just be their friend.

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MedeaLysistrata posted...

Give us the details

There's really no details. I guess being friendzoned is the wrong word here since I never shot my shot but I think I "messed" up with this girl at work. Like I've known her since I started working here (like 3/4 years ago) but we started being alot closer with each other once we came back to work after the lockdown was over (July 2020) to the point where our coworkers thought we were dating. We even talked about that one time during a conversation and she told me that she doesn't mind if people thought we were together. Like we were almost always together during work and she seemed happy to be around me, always talking to me, laughing at my jokes, giggling, hugging/slightly touching me. Like I know if I was an outside observer and saw those two acting like that with each other I would assume they were together as well, lol. I even remember one specific moment where we were just looking at each other and she started giggling like mad, she blushed for a bit and then had to leave to do other work duties. That moment was the most confident I was in thinking "damn this girl really likes me, huh?" Even a coworker who saw the whole interaction and approached me with "Damn, wtf did you do to her to make her like that?" But lately (last few months) these feelings aren't there as strong as it was before, like we still talk to each other semi often enough and she laughs at alot of my jokes but it feels like the chemistry isn't as strong as before. Like there's less spending time with each other at work, less texts after work, less hugging, you get the idea. I'm thinking if she was ever interested in me that those feelings are gone by now.

Though I only have myself to blame for the lack of chemistry, like I don't want to be this guy but I'm too much of a "nice" guy at times. Like unless she ever asked me out directly I will always have this doubt in my mind that says "There's no way she or anyone is legitimately interested in you" so I don't want to risk damaging the friendship and make her feel awkward if the off chance she says no to me, I don't want to lose her as a friend. Growing up I didn't have any friends so having one friend is nothing short of a miracle to me >_> And maybe it's because I grew up with no friends and never been on a date or anything like that I don't understand her or other people as a matter of fact. Like will question her actions towards me as her just being friendly or some shit lol, start thinking that's how she acts towards her other friends outside of work

Graycap posted...

Oddly those guys at least have a defined relation to women, but I do not. >_>

As we can see when the standards are higher more people will fall below the threshold. It's a natural consequence.

yeah mate, life is unfair, whining doesnt help though, and its all you do

D

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Confirm literally been told they didnt wanna risk the friendship. One time that just made me double down on my efforts and she gave me a chance to dump me 3 days later cause I didnt attempt to fuck her. Like what? I wanted a actual relationship so I was taking it slow.

Years later now shes interested in me now that's shes found herself stuck in a horrible marriage...

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Sweet_Melon posted...

There's really no details. I guess being friendzoned is the wrong word here since I never shot my shot but I think I "messed" up with this girl at work. Like I've known her since I started working here (like 3/4 years ago) but we started being alot closer with each other once we came back to work after the lockdown was over (July 2020) to the point where our coworkers thought we were dating. We even talked about that one time during a conversation and she told me that she doesn't mind if people thought we were together. Like we were almost always together during work and she seemed happy to be around me, always talking to me, laughing at my jokes, giggling, hugging/slightly touching me. Like I know if I was an outside observer and saw those two acting like that with each other I would assume they were together as well, lol. I even remember one specific moment where we were just looking at each other and she started giggling like mad, she blushed for a bit and then had to leave to do other work duties. That moment was the most confident I was in thinking "damn this girl really likes me, huh?" Even a coworker who saw the whole interaction and approached me with "Damn, wtf did you do to her to make her like that?" But lately (last few months) these feelings aren't there as strong as it was before, like we still talk to each other semi often enough and she laughs at alot of my jokes but it feels like the chemistry isn't as strong as before. Like there's less spending time with each other at work, less texts after work, less hugging, you get the idea. I'm thinking if she was ever interested in me that those feelings are gone by now.

Though I only have myself to blame for the lack of chemistry, like I don't want to be this guy but I'm too much of a "nice" guy at times. Like unless she ever asked me out directly I will always have this doubt in my mind that says "There's no way she or anyone is legitimately interested in you" so I don't want to risk damaging the friendship and make her feel awkward if the off chance she says no to me, I don't want to lose her as a friend. Growing up I didn't have any friends so having one friend is nothing short of a miracle to me >_> And maybe it's because I grew up with no friends and never been on a date or anything like that I don't understand her or other people as a matter of fact. Like will question her actions towards me as her just being friendly or some shit lol, start thinking that's how she acts towards her other friends outside of work

oh... i was at a job for almost 3 years and never asked anyone out really. I flirted a little, but just assumed no one would be interested in me. and I don't think anyone was. idk. work doesn't seem like the best place to meet people.

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mooreandrew58 posted...

Confirm literally been told they didnt wanna risk the friendship. One time that just made me double down on my efforts and she gave me a chance to dump me 3 days later cause I didnt attempt to fuck her. Like what? I wanted a actual relationship so I was taking it slow.

Years later now shes interested in me now that's shes found herself stuck in a horrible marriage...

wtf do u mean taking it slow, werent u guys friends prior??

ROOTFayth posted...

wtf do u mean taking it slow, werent u guys friends prior??

Yeah. But to me I still felt it was bad to try and jump straight to sex. To me that would have came off as that's all I wanted. Turns out she had just very recently lost her virginity and wanted more. I'm old fashioned on dating I usually wait till like at least a third date. Except with guys cause we'll they make the move on me first typically

Long story short I waited too long before making a move cause she would have been ok with taking it slower had she still been a virgin. Probably woulda had a easier time to cause the dude that took it was mister popular in our small town so that gave her a huge confidence boost to the point of having somewhat of a ego. She was at best a 6/10 girl and acted like it was unfathomable said mister popular left her for a girl that some would say was a 8.5. I mean everybody knew he was only in it for the sex so naturally looks mattered most to him. He only fucked her cause she was the only girl there that night.

It is what it is though I feel I dodged a bullet after how she turned out

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