Current Events > I feel my guilty conscience weighing me down.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I've invested so much of my heart into this friendship with this person I just want to be good friends with. The early days were fun, she used to seem like she really liked talking to me and wanting to play games. Fast-forward to now, I really feel like I'm only her "I need a favor" or "I need to talk behind this person's back" friend. I'm so desperate to maintain this illusion of friendship, I do whatever favor is requested of me to the best of my ability, and I'll talk bad about anyone with her. These people are so nice to her and me, and then I effortlessly rip on everything about them with her.

My interests, she has no interests in; my ideas, she has no support for; my desire to just play games with her, she just doesn't really want to ever. I just so badly want to feel like I have a friend, but I do not, and I tell myself this all the time, but I just put the mask on the true relationship I have with her in order to feel like I haven't wasted a lot of time, investing my feelings and energy into a friendship that doesn't exist.

I have thrown my morals and a desire to spread positivity away, and it would be irresponsible of me to say it's her fault. I chose to do so, she didn't hold me against my will to say so many mean things and feel hateful towards people. Still, I feel a little trapped because of the fear of emptiness and loneliness. I don't really know what to do.

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Just put some distance between you. She won't care. She doesn't see you as a friend. You're basically at the same level as a stuffed toy, concerned that you'll be forgotten when she grows out of you. You don't feel guilty, you feel ashamed. As well you should be.

...it'll be better for you both if you just start to drift apart. And on the off chance she did consider you a friend, then maybe she'll learn that friendship requires effort. You've been putting it too much in order to compensate for your combined failings. And that's sad. You are already lonely, deprived as you are of basic attention. You just haven't realized it.

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Wow. Are regular humans really this weak? Tell her to fuck off.

Part of what you're feeling is the sunk-cost fallacy.
While some other users were a bit harsh, I do recommend you try to distance yourself from her. However you need to be careful, because she could go to one of those other nice people and tell them the awful things you two have spoken about.

Personally, I'd try to get closer to one of those nice people and bring it up in a way that makes you the good guy. "Oh X said you hated Y because you always complain about it, I'm glad she was wrong! "

Good luck TC, you're in a tough spot right now.

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Make other friends and spend time with the ones that you actually enjoy and enjoy you. Like you don't even need to ditch this girl but maybe downgrade her to casual acquaintance. She's clearly not looking for the same type of relationship that you are and that's fine.

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She seems to have forgotten that friendships involve a mix of give and take. She's only ever taking from you and never giving, never giving anything that makes her friendship worth your time. Ask her to do something you want to do, and when she refuses, call her out on it. She'll reveal her true colors. Chant the royal hymn and banish her from this mortal coil

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Conflict posted...

This is not a mature response, especially to someone you've been friends with for years.

What TC can do though is express how he feels and how one-sided the relationship is

Your name is conflict so this response is funny to me at 3AM and sleep deprived.

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Out of experience?

Let them go and hang out with these allegedly horrible people honestly. I was in a similar situation before and one of my regrets is not making friends with the group that hung out with me and her.

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