Current Events > funny jail stories...

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i spent 3 months at Bailey near the mexican border, last summer
i met so many cool people...
one of the first people i met was a gay boy who performed on film under the name Jack Diamond
he saw my cactuar tattoo and we immediately bonded over Final Fantasy IX
he also hated eating fruit and i hated eating the "oatmeal" slop they served...so we traded and ate together and became very close.
he was very crafty and was always making things, he made me a headband made out of socks and hair comb. then he dyed his underwear pink with koolaid and toothpaste.
it was the funniest fucking thing i might have ever seen....it was late july, and there was no working air system
it was 35 guys on 3 stack bunks in a room about the size of a large semi truck.
it stunk, it was hot, it fucking sucked.
and one night, we could barely breath, and we're begging the guards to open to doors just for some fresh air.
and theyre arguing telling us to shut up. theres like 6 big dudes up on the door and the intercom and here comes Jack Diamond in his pink panties all sassy, hits the intercom and demands that they open the doors so we can breath...they opened promptly. the whole room exploded in cheers and suddenly some stuff appeared and we all sang songs. it was fucking wild....lol

then another time this guy came in, a heroin user.
and he had this book about black magic, and summoning spirits
and he used soap to draw out this summoning circle on the floor and led this chant among all the other users
and he looked at me and goes "tonight it shall be delivered to us by an armor clad demon"
and sure the fuck enough, during mail call that night., the cop who was handing out mail was standing directly in the middle of this soap drawing on the floor and delivered heroin straight to the guy who summoned it, in his mail...fucking incredible.

those are the two big ones i remember....im getting kinda up there, if this topic survives another 30mins i might add more stories that i recall

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I met a Shapiro once . . .

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i also met a guy who was a complete scumbag
his wife lives less than a mile from me
she would send in sexy photos and you can do video phone calls and she would masturbate on the video calls and he would charge the mexicans 2 dollars to see...that one is sad...i feel bad for that girl, shes so pretty and foolishly devoted to this guy who is not gonna see the sun for another 9 years at least.

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Cobalt_Wasps posted...

i spent 3 months at Bailey near the mexican border, last summer
i met so many cool people...
one of the first people i met was a gay boy who performed on film under the name Jack Diamond
he saw my cactuar tattoo and we immediately bonded over Final Fantasy IX
he also hated eating fruit and i hated eating the "oatmeal" slop they served...so we traded and ate together and became very close.
he was very crafty and was always making things, he made me a headband made out of socks and hair comb. then he dyed his underwear pink with koolaid and toothpaste.
it was the funniest fucking thing i might have ever seen....it was late july, and there was no working air system
it was 35 guys on 3 stack bunks in a room about the size of a large semi truck.
it stunk, it was hot, it fucking sucked.
and one night, we could barely breath, and we're begging the guards to open to doors just for some fresh air.
and theyre arguing telling us to shut up. theres like 6 big dudes up on the door and the intercom and here comes Jack Diamond in his pink panties all sassy, hits the intercom and demands that they open the doors so we can breath...they opened promptly. the whole room exploded in cheers and suddenly some stuff appeared and we all sang songs. it was fucking wild....lol

then another time this guy came in, a heroin user.
and he had this book about black magic, and summoning spirits
and he used soap to draw out this summoning circle on the floor and led this chant among all the other users
and he looked at me and goes "tonight it shall be delivered to us by an armor clad demon"
and sure the fuck enough, during mail call that night., the cop who was handing out mail was standing directly in the middle of this soap drawing on the floor and delivered heroin straight to the guy who summoned it, in his mail...fucking incredible.

those are the two big ones i remember....im getting kinda up there, if this topic survives another 30mins i might add more stories that i recall

There are these books on amazon.com the 8th 9th 10th books of moses it's called. It's evil don't read it. But
i hear that's real these days and it sounds familiar.


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ah man, and this 30 year old guy on his 3rd strike...looking at life, or 20 year minimum. but he had such a good attitude, and we played chess and we wrote poems and critiqued each other...i hope the good ones get out of there

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Those are great stories. The heroine spell is a good one.

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this one is a little complicated to explain but i found it hilarious....
this guy came in, was very popular
when his court date came up, he was too high and didnt wanna go to court so he traded his wristband and information with another guy and made the second guy go in his place.
the cops found out real quick and we all got searched....deep....if you know what i mean, then put on lockdown for 3 days (meaning you cant leave a bathroom sized area for 3 days)

the look on his face when they came in and cuffed him he knew he was fucked....thats an attempted escape charge which is 5 years minimum....fuck that lol


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I once spent some time in an awful British prison. The dogs and the guards and the searching was unbearable. Luckily visiting hours were only short and I went to McDonald's on the way home.

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another time i smelled fire and quickly looked around to see a guy walking thru the day room with a handfull of burning paper towels that he threw under a cell door so someone in there could smoke a cigarettes


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probably the best thing i experienced in jail was getting a tattoo.

i paid this 21 year old kid named "sleepy" 3 dollars to tattoo a smiley face around my nipple
it hurt like shit but i love it
its done with a paper clip as the needle and burnt paper mixed with toothpaste to make the "ink"



as soon as i paid him he got into a fight and got taken away without the things i paid him....lol sucked for him

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This is some pure, mainline Beat spirit right here. You could stand above it and just vibrate.

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The_Creep_2020 posted...

This is some pure, mainline Beat spirit right here. You could stand above it and just vibrate.

i really appreciate this comment


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Had a guy doing pushups off his bunk. Every time be did one he farted. Everyone thought that was hilarious.

Had a guard that i was very attracted too sitting on my bunk talking to us one night. Dude i was friends with was on the bunk straight across. Out of the blue he up and tells her... "You know, hes got a crush on you" I turned red. Threw the blanket over my head and heard everyone laughing. Good times.

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