Current Events > is this a good excuse to not have a girlfriend?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'm really bad with the first date

I suck shit at planning. I want to grab a beer, watch TV and shit. but society doesn't want that as a first date.

Im bad at small talk and hate small talk. Don't know how to get a girl talking
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excuse or reason?

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Cobalt_Wasps posted...

excuse or reason?

the only difference is that excuse means it's acceptable and warranted. in my case I think it is warranted
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You don't need an excuse to not have a girlfriend.
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No one is forcing you to be in a relationship, do what makes you happy and stop caring what others think.

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RiKuToTheMiGhtY posted...

No one is forcing you to be in a relationship, do what makes you happy and stop caring what others think.

Here's the problem

I do want a girlfriend
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1) who cares what society wants. Youre not looking to date society, youre looking to date a particular person and I guarantee you lots of girls would appreciate that first date.

2) since you know what your challenges and limitations are, you are able to work on improving

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Chunkey Simmons posted...

Here's the problem

I do want a girlfriend

then get one
or can you not because of the reasons listed in your second post?

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Chunkey Simmons posted...

I want to grab a beer, watch TV and s***

just go out and do that?

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CalypsoDoom posted...

I mean there's nothing wrong with being single. That being said, I think there are definitely women out there who match your energy and I wouldn't count off dating entirely.

Thank you

Joker98 posted...

1) who cares what society wants. Youre not looking to date society, youre looking to date a particular person and I guarantee you lots of girls would appreciate that first date.

2) since you know what your challenges and limitations are, you are able to work on improving

Some things you can improve some things you can't. Social skills do not grow on trees, there's no training class for social skills. I hate small talk. Not saying I'm unwilling to change, but I'll just explaining there's no real way around that

Cobalt_Wasps posted...

Chunkey Simmons posted...

Here's the problem

I do want a girlfriend

then get one
or can you not because of the reasons listed in your second post?

I cannot. A few people said don't follow society or whatever, but you sort of have to if you want to be successful. Right?

I4NRulez posted...

Chunkey Simmons posted...

I want to grab a beer, watch TV and s***

just go out and do that?

I already have been doing that. By myself though because no one has been willing to join me yet
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Why would you need an excuse to not have a partner? You guys place so much value on being in a relationship man

Captain_Qwark posted...

How many women have turned you down because they didn't just want to grab a beer?

Not even kidding, I have never had a single person agree to do that with me, with the exception of friends that I've already met with numerous times

I've had women say yes to more society accepting dates though
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Socrawheeze posted...

Why would you need an excuse to not have a partner? You guys place so much value on being in a relationship man

I'm not a counselor or some smart enlightened thinker guy. You're definitely correct, relationships are so hyped in today's society. I blame Disney movies. With that said, reality is reality, and that is what I want. just because it's cliche doesn't mean it isnt fact or you shouldn't follow it
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i'm all those things tc but i'm married.

i'm pretty cute though.

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Chunkey Simmons posted...

I'm not a counselor or some smart enlightened thinker guy. You're definitely correct, relationships are so hyped in today's society. I blame Disney movies. With that said, reality is reality, and that is what I want. just because it's cliche doesn't mean it isnt fact or you shouldn't follow it

Do you know why you want one? And it'll come off as trite but until you get your own shit together you shouldn't get in a relationship, cuz you won't enjoy it in the long run

pauIie posted...

i'm all those things tc but i'm married.

i'm pretty cute though.

You sure about that? I seriously doubt you would agree to meet a guy for beer and TV on the first date. And if you are, are you talking about at the guy's house? Or at a sports bar or some shit?
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There's a word for women who won't go to a man's house to drink for a first date.... Smart

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Chunkey Simmons posted...

You sure about that? I seriously doubt you would agree to meet a guy for beer and TV on the first date. And if you are, are you talking about at the guy's house? Or at a sports bar or some shit?

huh? i'm a guy. i'm saying based off the op, i'm the same as you, but married.

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Imma be honest I'm lowkey surprised at how many people here are married. I woulda assumed the type a person drawn to this specific forum would line up more with outliers. I'm never getting fuckin married for sure

Chunkey Simmons posted...

Not even kidding, I have never had a single person agree to do that with me, with the exception of friends that I've already met with numerous times

I've had women say yes to more society accepting dates though

can you give me an example of a "society accepting date" because i thought going to a bar for a first date was pretty much the most normal date there is

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Socrawheeze posted...

Imma be honest I'm lowkey surprised at how many people here are married. I woulda assumed the type a person drawn to this specific forum would line up more with outliers. I'm never getting fuckin married for sure

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Lost_All_Senses posted...

There's a word for women who won't go to a man's house to drink for a first date.... Smart

I don't disagree, but that is me. that is my idea of a real date, because those are my interests. And I'm laid back. So what do I do here? I want to be successful with women but I also want to be true to who I am. I could do something bullshit like hiking or something, but I would be faking it the whole time because I find it boring

mattymad posted...

My first date with my Mrs. was her inviting me round hers to drink beer and play Genesis games.

Like minded people are out there. Don't let society's 'expected' or 'normal' approach and view guide you. Weird people are more interesting and cooler. (Just not actual weirdos... Just People comfortable being themselves)

I got to say that's really cool that she invited you to a play Genesis games. With that said, you have to admit that is literally one in a million

pauIie posted...

Chunkey Simmons posted...

You sure about that? I seriously doubt you would agree to meet a guy for beer and TV on the first date. And if you are, are you talking about at the guy's house? Or at a sports bar or some shit?

huh? i'm a guy. i'm saying based off the op, i'm the same as you, but married.

sorry about that, I saw your username and I must have skimmed through your post a little bit too much. So okay, you're like me but was that actually your first date with your wife? Or did you do something else?
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So like...what's the point of getting married? Like you legit want to spend every single fuckin day with the same person? Like every. fuckin. day? For 50 years?

Romulox28 posted...

Chunkey Simmons posted...

Not even kidding, I have never had a single person agree to do that with me, with the exception of friends that I've already met with numerous times

I've had women say yes to more society accepting dates though

can you give me an example of a "society accepting date" because i thought going to a bar for a first date was pretty much the most normal date there is

I don't know. going out to eat at a restaurant? Going out for coffee? Hiking, walk in the park, a picnic, a movie, shit like that
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Romulox28 posted...

can you give me an example of a "society accepting date" because i thought going to a bar for a first date was pretty much the most normal date there is

You take the girl to pretty spots, take pictures for her instagram and then drop her off to her baby daddies.

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Chunkey Simmons posted...

sorry about that, I saw your username and I must have skimmed through your post a little bit too much. So okay, you're like me but was that actually your first date with your wife? Or did you do something else?

it was our second date. however, without getting into an explanation (unless you want it), it was the first date in my mind at the time. i invited her, for dating reasons, to my apartment for food and watching things. she agreed, because in her mind it wasn't the first date, which i think is relevant to a question you asked. but yeah.

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pauIie posted...

Chunkey Simmons posted...

sorry about that, I saw your username and I must have skimmed through your post a little bit too much. So okay, you're like me but was that actually your first date with your wife? Or did you do something else?

it was our second date. however, without getting into an explanation (unless you want it), it was the first date in my mind at the time. i invited her, for dating reasons, to my apartment for food and watching things. she agreed, because in her mind it wasn't the first date, which i think is relevant to a question you asked. but yeah.

Okay, great, it was a second date. What was the first date then?
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Chunkey Simmons posted...

Okay, great, it was a second date. What was the first date then?

picnic in the park. which is totally a date type of thing for sure. i have reasons why i didn't think it was a date though lol.

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pauIie posted...

Chunkey Simmons posted...

Okay, great, it was a second date. What was the first date then?

picnic in the park. which is totally a date type of thing for sure. i have reasons why i didn't think it was a date though lol.

fair enough. ok so I hate to ask such a stupid ass question, but what kind of shit do you talk about on a picnic date? if it were me, I would have trouble talking because my mouth is full of food. I get that is a normal date idea, but to me I always thought it was a bad one then
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You just talk like you would to anyone man. Your mouth isn't full of food every second you're at a restaurant right?

Socrawheeze posted...

You just talk like you would to anyone man. Your mouth isn't full of food every second you're at a restaurant right?

I see where you're coming from, but I don't agree with that. Do you treat a job interview the same way as an outing with a friend? I don't think so
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Chunkey Simmons posted...

I see where you're coming from, but I don't agree with that

Based on all your experience right

Chunkey Simmons posted...

Do you treat a job interview the same way as an outing with a friend? I don't think so

this is where you're fucking up. a date isnt a job interview. It's the same exact shit as a friend hangout

Socrawheeze posted...

So like...what's the point of getting married? Like you legit want to spend every single fuckin day with the same person? Like every. fuckin. day? For 50 years?

there are people I've met who are that cool, but they're exceedingly rare. so that's my fantasy, yes. I'm not sure it will happen.

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berlyman101 posted...

there are people I've met who are that cool, but they're exceedingly rare. so that's my fantasy, yes. I'm not sure it will happen.

no one on earth is that cool man

Socrawheeze posted...

no one on earth is that cool man

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Socrawheeze posted...

Chunkey Simmons posted...

I see where you're coming from, but I don't agree with that

Based on all your experience right

Chunkey Simmons posted...

Do you treat a job interview the same way as an outing with a friend? I don't think so

this is where you're fucking up. a date isnt a job interview. It's the same exact shit as a friend hangout

Yes based on experience

"Be yourself" is bullshit advice when it comes to getting women. You know why? Because there are do's and don'ts when it comes to dating. If "be yourself" were legitimate, there would be no do's and don'ts. I don't mean anything bad on you, in fact I appreciate your advice, but that's just how I feel.
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Chunkey Simmons posted...

fair enough. ok so I hate to ask such a stupid ass question, but what kind of shit do you talk about on a picnic date? if it were me, I would have trouble talking because my mouth is full of food. I get that is a normal date idea, but to me I always thought it was a bad one then

i don't think they're stupid questions.

i'm not a talented conversationalist. i lucked out because we met each other in class. music theory, and music history. she a classical singer, me a classical guitarist and singer (not professionally trained in singing though). we had a group project together in music history. we also worked within a block of one another, and the park was across the street. a lot worked in our favor to get our relationship started. but because of all those things, i didn't take it as a date. we had reasons to talk to each other. with a lot to talk about. and a lunch with each other was stupid easy to do.

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pauIie posted...

Chunkey Simmons posted...

fair enough. ok so I hate to ask such a stupid ass question, but what kind of shit do you talk about on a picnic date? if it were me, I would have trouble talking because my mouth is full of food. I get that is a normal date idea, but to me I always thought it was a bad one then

i don't think they're stupid questions.

i'm not a talented conversationalist. i lucked out because we met each other in class. music theory, and music history. she a classical singer, me a classical guitarist and singer (not professionally trained in singing though). we had a group project together in music history. we also worked within a block of one another, and the park was across the street. a lot worked in our favor to get our relationship started. but because of all those things, i didn't take it as a date. we had reasons to talk to each other. with a lot to talk about. and a lunch with each other was stupid easy to do.

nice man, you were gifted with good social skills. I touched on this in an earlier post, but for those who are not proficient and social skills, you either have them or you don't. That isn't something you can accumulate. There is no social skills classes.
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Chunkey Simmons posted...

nice man, you were gifted with good social skills. I touched on this in an earlier post, but for those who are not proficient and social skills, you either have them or you don't. That isn't something you can accumulate. There is no social skills classes.

we're getting away from me relating to your op.

you said you're bad with first dates. i didn't even know i was on a first date. it's possible that it helped, but i don't know how i can be good on dates that i don't even know i'm on.

you said you're shit at planning. you'd rather do beer and tv. well...that's the first thing i invited my wife to, and that's what in my mind was the first date we had. i made burritos and we watched donnie darko.

there was no small talk with us when we first started dating because we had our fields of study to talk about. we talked about thoery and singing. that's talk, but not small talk.

i'm married and i check the boxes of the op. if we want to talk about my social skills, we can define what good social skills are and go from there. i think mind suck, though.

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Chunkey Simmons posted...

That isn't something you can accumulate

Bullshit. I had nothing until my early 20s. I don't know from what place of authority you think you're speaking, but it's starting to annoy me

Socrawheeze posted...

Chunkey Simmons posted...

That isn't something you can accumulate

Bullshit. I had nothing until my early 20s. I don't know from what place of authority you think you're speaking, but it's starting to annoy me

Enlighten me then, how do you accumulate that. Not trying to annoy you on purpose. I want someone that convinced me otherwise. But I am very stubborn, and I am stone cold about my beliefs unfortunately
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