Current Events > I'm pretty sure I couldn't have hinted more to this gal I have feelings for her.

(+) Yeah! (+)

without telling her outright. Like, I'm pretty sure she would have to know, or at least be heavily suspicious.

I mean, I already knew, but I guess this confirms that she doesn't have a slight bit of interest in me. We are friends, and I like the friendship, but I guess greed makes us want more. I feel pretty deflated, but oh well, as I said, it was what I already expected. I mean, I was in the wrong for this, and I wasn't asking her out, but a part of me hoped, you know. Hope is stupid, though, so I am only mad at myself.

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Just tell her

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If what you told her is anything like what you just typed, you should probably have been more direct.

Women like that and so do men because you don't have to beat around the bush. If she wants a deeper relationship as well, it something the two of you must discuss.

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there's nothing wrong about wanting more, but unfortunately, it doesn't always work out.

but you're never going to know for sure if you're not straight with her about it. there's a risk it might cause awkwardness between you/end your friendship, but you'll get your answer either way.

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stop it RIGHT NOW

you know what? you're not even mad at yourself. IM mad at YOU for feeling this way when you didn't give it 100% effort

go tell her how you feel. do it without making excuses for it. if you can't even respect it why would she? just say it: "i wanna take you out some time. just the two of us"

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Well guys, so I was wrong, she pressed on, and now well, I have to deal with any potential consequences. She knows.

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if you're cool with it, can you give some details?

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Wii_Shaker posted...

If what you told her is anything like what you just typed, you should probably have been more direct.

This

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

And this

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Bye bye friendship

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Well, she doesn't hate me, so that's good. I mean, that's about as good as I can hope.

There's this huge weight off my shoulders, but you know, we'll see if new weights replace those as time goes on. Is it possible to have the same sort of interactions with someone after you reveal that?

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PiOverlord posted...

Well guys, so I was wrong, she pressed on, and now well, I have to deal with any potential consequences. She knows.

Details man, details.

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Well, first off, I didn't ever actually want her to know 100%. I wanted the hint to be there, and see if there was any sort of positive signs, but there wasn't.

Instead, she started asking, and it led to me confessing. Unfortunately, she never outright said the classic lines that are outright rejection, but she said things like "I wish there was something I could do to help you" which basically means the ol "You are a friend, but I just don't have romantic feelings for you."

I mean, it's me, so the thought of someone liking me sounds so fake that it's hard to take the thought seriously even. Like, there's nothing to see in me.

I don't know what I do with this 100% confirmation. Of course I am not mad at her, but I still feel sad, yet also relieved. The obvious answer is to move on, but I have always struggled with that part. I don't even know how to go about that.

I know I sound jumbled, but my thoughts feel jumbled, so I don't really know what to say right now.

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You took a chance and it didn't work out. Time will allow you to move on and another opportunity with someone entirely different will come up.

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tote_all posted...

It doesn't mean you're a friend.

I know, but in this case, based on factors, I believe her.

Jiggy101011 posted...

You took a chance and it didn't work out. Time will allow you to move on and another opportunity with someone entirely different will come up.

I know, but it just sucks. She's one of the few gals, and the only one I ever liked, that I felt I could totally be my true self around. I always felt the need to warp who I was for others, but she made me feel like me. It just sucks because I don't want to get stuck having feelings for people that make me try to be the person they like, rather than who I am.

I know I'm just disappointed. I appreciate that I can raise these gals' egos (their words, not mine, lol), but I would like to be more than an ego-raiser at some point.

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PiOverlord posted...

I know, but in this case, based on factors, I believe her.

I know, but it just sucks. She's one of the few gals, and the only one I ever liked, that I felt I could totally be my true self around. I always felt the need to warp who I was for others, but she made me feel like me. It just sucks because I don't want to get stuck having feelings for people that make me try to be the person they like, rather than who I am.

I know I'm just disappointed. I appreciate that I can raise these gals' egos (their words, not mine, lol), but I would like to be more than an ego-raiser at some point.

I totally get it. The best advice I can give is next time there is someone you like as more than a friend dont be shy about it, speak up right away. And if the way your brain works means you can't stay friends with them after saying how you feel then you move on. Rejection doesn't always have to mean you curl into a ball and hide.

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Be more direct, you only have yourself to blame for this... You can't even call it a failure when you never even tried to begin with.

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The thing is now any sort of nice thing you do is going to have romantic undertones whether you intend them or not. The friendship is squandered. I'd probably tell her that you don't think it's good if you guys talk for a while.

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MrResetti posted...

The thing is now any sort of nice thing you do is going to have romantic undertones whether you intend them or not. The friendship is squandered. I'd probably tell her that you don't think it's good if you guys talk for a while.

Absolutley do not do this. Just keep the friendship going and act like nothing has changed. Cause well nothing has changed and it doesn't matter if she knows you like her. If you truly love this person, then being friends should be fine. Not everything has to be about relationships. Heck you beign a good friend and jsut beign there for her when she needs you, may turn her around. I say hang with it tell she gets with someone. Then cut it off, but not because you can't be with but because it will hurt when she is with that persona and is romantic in front of you.

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It's about as big of a deal as you make it assuming nothing changes from her end really.

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