Current Events > Family friend is being disowned because he's marrying a man

(+) Yeah! (+)

Trying to make sense of it. Dude is in his early 30s and he came out when he was around 13. Him and his mom were close as shit and it wasn't until he got engaged a month ago that she completely cut him off in a very bad way. He would bring his boyfriends home his whole life and it didn't seem to be an issue until he got engaged. Wtf did she expect? Was this just a multiple decade long phase to her? Guess homophobia doesn't make sense in general but how tf do you do that to your kid?

His dad is totally cool with it though and will be going to his wedding. So I guess at least he has one decent parent.
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Give Mom time maybe.


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does he have siblings? mom was probably hoping for grandkids

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fuck, ow. At least he has some people.

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Maybe she just hates that specific dude he's marrying

SrRd_RacinG posted...

Give Mom time maybe.

She's had over 20 years at this point lol doesn't make sense. It's not like he was gonna wake up one day and stop being gay.

thronedfire2 posted...

does he have siblings? mom was probably hoping for grandkids

He has a brother and a sister.
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Ultimately just be there for him. If his family doesnt want him at least his homies do. Tell him Vipa said congrats and Im happy for them.

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Raikuro posted...

Maybe she just hates that specific dude he's marrying

Nah it's because he's marrying a man. That's what he said to me at least. I've met his fiance and I like his fiance more than I like him tbh (in a kind way lol)
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Sounds like the classic narcissistic mom who's only looking for grandkids from their grown children.

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His mother was likely NOT expecting grandkids from him once it was clear he was anything besides 100% heterosexual and was probably just resentful about her son daring to go as far as marrying another man, which she might have seen as crossing the line. There's a dozen usual reasons why that could piss her off; that would just be the most likely in my experience.

Lots of people will say they "accept" their gay family members, but what many of them really mean is they "tolerate" it, which is not the same...

The stereotypical image of a homophobic parent has often been portrayed as an abusive angry father, but there's hundreds of bitter moms out there as well who can be just as petty in their resentment when it's their child. Many parents also feel entitled to grandchildren and get upset once it seems inconveniently off the table. They can take the revelation as a declaration of wasted time and effort, which can result in some heinous reactions towards sensitive gay youth coming out to family members.

Some single parents can also become resentful of their kids keeping partners of their own. Even parents who are still together yet in a failing marriage can get jealous over their kids having better success in romance. And this includes gay kids who grow up being out-going adults with dating. Gay men in particular can have a strained relationship with an unaccepting mother who's jealous over her son's assumed promiscuity without the risk of pregnancy and typical (taxing) heteronormative steps in dating/relationships. In other words: a gay guy could have a mother who's pissed that her son in his prime is dating and getting laid "tax-free" more than she ever could. Yes, this is unfortunately a thing...and it can get even more heated when he might get married too, because the mother's insecurity makes it another slap in the face.

There's a bunch of reasons a mother could be resentful over her kid's homosexuality.
Gay men with bitter moms is not a rarity; it's basically a trope. It's why those with loving accepting mothers are so envied and stand out.

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OpenlyGator posted...

Christ i'm so happy I cut my parents out of my life ~10 years ago.

I refuse to be convinced family is nothing more than a headache. I don't understand people who put up with shit family because "they're family" fuck that noise.

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