Current Events > Haha, anyone else can't stand up to their parents because of years of abuse? Lol

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'm 26 years old and I've wanted to move out with my girlfriend since forever.
But my parents are dumb religious and won't let me because we're not married yet.

"But you're 26 years old! You're an adult! Who cares, just do it!"

Okay. But I'm legit afraid of them because they used to beat me physically and harass me psychologically for years to the point that even now, even though they would never touch me, even though they're so old they couldn't hurt me if they wanted to, I'm afraid of them, and what might happen if I displease them.
Its completely irrational and its ruining my life.

:)


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yeah I had that problem before

when I first moved out of my parents house I told my mom I was staying at a friends house for the weekend and just never went back >_>

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Yes. They still control my life and I feel I have no freedom.

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You are strong, I think you can do it!

I got volunteered for a deployment and I was terrified as hell and trying to get out of it any way I reasonably could without getting in trouble. The doctor was like "You know, there comes a time in your life when you have to do hard things that you don't think you'll be able to do, and it's going to be exhausting and stressful but you're going to pull through and look back with pride that you did it."

I think it's a good mentality to have. As long as you *know* they won't actually do anything to physically hurt you or your girlfriend, then you just have to find a way to climb over that internal emotional barrier to do it. And once you do, you'll see that it was a strong thing that you did.

I don't know because I've never been there and the situation is different for everyone, but I have to assume coming out of the closet to them was hard, no? I just can't imagine that if they have stayed in your life thus far that moving in with someone would be the straw that broke the camel's back. Well that's my perspective, I don't know them at all but I can't imagine someone being religious and OK with same-sex relations but not OK with two people living together before marriage.

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Hexenherz posted...

I don't know them at all but I can't imagine someone being religious and OK with same-sex relations but not OK with two people living together before marriage.

They're not really okay with it. For a while they pretended she didn't exist and quietly hoped I'd break up with her. Another reason they don't want me moving out is because they don't want us to get married anyways.

Can't get married without moving out.
Can't move out without getting married.

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Acknowledging the problem is step 1.
Actually doing something about it is step 2.

your parents sound evil

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That was my life. Extremely religious middle eastern parents who told me they would beat the crap out of me if I ever moved out because only sluts moved out of the home before marriage. Meanwhile, they paid for my brothers apartment in full. I was constantly shamed and lived in fear. My brother also threaten to beat me to death if I left.

I moved away when I was 25. I finally built up the courage to go and was ready to call the police if I needed to. I know how hard it is for others to understand. But its ingrained in you after years and years of abuse. And you feel like that simple act will destroy them and bring shame so you feel guilt over it.

At some point you will become strong enough to realize its all a manipulation tactic to control you. They will get over it and move on with their lives. And if not, its no loss to you. Moving out was the best thing I ever did. I was able to finally heal and better myself. Hope you get there too TC.

ApherosyLove posted...

They're not really okay with it. For a while they pretended she didn't exist and quietly hoped I'd break up with her. Another reason they don't want me moving out is because they don't want us to get married anyways.

Can't get married without moving out.
Can't move out without getting married.

Well I am sorry to hear that, too.

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did your parents come after you or did they give up after you moved out and you told them the business

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I never had that issue but my fiancee lied about living with me to her parents for about three years before she told them the truth. They big on cohabitating being the leading sign of future divorce.

Guess they were kind of right hahaha

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Yep... try to develop and live, get told you can't constantly due to whatever reason. Develop a bunch of mental/physical issues, then suddenly it's my fault.

Get told I gotta lose weight, get told I gotta gain weight, try to brush my teeth you'd think I was jacking off while shooting up heroin, can't socialize, oh why are you so shy, my tv was unpowered get kicked out because someone HAD to watch fox news.
It was and still is never ending...

I still like how it's my fault my dad deleted an email at his work... while he was at work and I was at school. I then gotta hear the lamentation/blame.

It's no wonder my siblings bailed on them, then again they're probably why my parents are nuts.

No offense, but hearing a grown man complain that his family beats him made me think of Dayton Hypernova.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMx80S5bEtg

Thankfully once I got bigger I started to lose respect in any and all authority they had, the same people Id once been terrified of. I actually whooped my dads ass once and got an assault charge for it. I felt bad about that afterwards but then I ended up caring for him in the last year of his life while he was on his deathbed and I think he forgave me.

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Purple_Cheetah posted...

try to brush my teeth you'd think I was jacking off while shooting up heroin

what in the dickens


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TheOrgyPorgy posted...

what in the dickens

It's true. Get told I need to do it. So I do it, then when I'm doing it automatically 'what's wrong' 'what are you doing' on and on to the point my dad would call my mom in to come watch what I was doing like a hawk. Then it got to a point I'd stress and not do it because of how they'd act with the door wide open, then they didn't care when I stopped... then got onto me I needed to do it, then I'd do it normally and they'd get onto me for doing it like I was being a heathen. That's pretty damn confusing when young.

Take shoes off for 4 seconds and about to set them in the correct position get scolded for them not belonging in the pathway, then get yelled at for 'I don't care if it's all you did'

Also if ever try to do some stuff they'd intervene and say I don't know how to do it or I'm not doing it right and not actually point it out and let me correct it. Nope, just go to church three times a week it'll all be ok.

But now I'm basically stuck here due to poor choices and having to do stuff for them because they're unable/too dumb. Last year he basically ran off and bought something I warned him not to go buy on his own, basically got some of his billing information compromised which has still yet to be fully sorted. So yeah...

Oh yeah, I'd also second trying to live your life. I wouldn't be a complete ass about it if possible, but I don't recommend the living like a prisoner or fear of having an opinion/self. I know that road and it's not great.

ApherosyLove posted...

Its completely irrational

This. Live your life, bro.

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Quick question, do you have a job? Does your girlfriend?

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Sometimes you gotta do what's best for you, even if it means going against your parents or even cutting ties with them if that's what you need to do.
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Just tell them youre moving in with a Christian you met on craigslist. Then get an apt with your gf but dont marry her. Whats the point? Feel it out for awhile before you take the dive, see how you feel after 6 months of sex and close proximity.

That's some really, really spooky stuff, Cheets. o_O


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Yeah, it's real fun. There's actually more I could toss in, but eh.

It doesn't help when you're surrounded by relatives that are also as equally daft and more religious. So many conflicting punishments/scoldings over the years.

It's also possible to let your parents control aspects of your life not because you're scared of them, but because you love them too much and you feel guilty for doing anything that might lose you their approval. Be careful of that trap too.

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