Current Events > When my anti depressant is working perfect, life at 26 feels like 16.

(+) Yeah! (+)

It's crazy that life gets so much worse with age. Literally all it takes for me to have an "amazing day" is that life feel as interesting/good as it did when I was 15.

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Well shit man, what are you taking? Where can I get some?

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what the hell are you talking about
12-16 were literally hell

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Conflict posted...

I'm not sure how life is more interesting with less freedom

Things like this make me thing my depression is not as ubiquitous an experience I assume.

At say 12, just watching a movie could be hella exciting/fun.

At say 22 things barely feel like anything.

Beyond that, things grow to feel like nothing.

Put in simpler terms, I'd care more about about my mario life in super mario world at 8 years old than I care about if I get fired/evicted at twenty whatever.

Just because after all this bullshit things basically feel like nothing.

Which is why medication, on the rare chances it works, is so damn weird.

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Chicken_Butt posted...

Well shit man, what are you taking? Where can I get some?

Vivance is what I'm currently doing.

I try to space it out, I'm worried if I take it every day my brain will notice I am happy and calibrate to adjust as it has with previous anti-depressants.

Normally antidepressants work for a couple weeks for me and then my brain is like "nope, we ain't havin that" and shuts it down.But I take this one sparingly and it seems relegated to the day I take it, which helps.

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I am literally only happy/not miserable when Im asleep. While I am awake, the absolute ceiling of my emotions is numbness or totally shutting my brain off and zoning out doing something. If I have trauma nightmares even sleep is shit. Life hasnt really turned out the way I wanted it to, and that has been apparent for a few years now, but at least the mediocrity used to be steady. I enjoy the things I enjoy less and less, I get worse and worse at things, my motivation to do anything, be it recreational or basic tasks, has plummeted, and I swear to god I can tell Im getting dumber and colors are getting less vibrant with age.

Life sucks, if you have a good life, or have managed to skate by without mental illness, or have been able to adequately treat or overcome anything you have, be thankful. Coming from a decently privileged, if broken, home can only get you so far when every day feels totally disconnected from the reality of the last, yet still a continuation of the same unending hell.

thats my depression vent for the week gonna go back to shitposting and dissociating

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Tactical_Spork posted...

I am literally only happy/not miserable when Im asleep. While I am awake, the absolute ceiling of my emotions is numbness or totally shutting my brain off and zoning out doing something. If I have trauma nightmares even sleep is shit. Life hasnt really turned out the way I wanted it to, and that has been apparent for a few years now, but at least the mediocrity used to be steady. I enjoy the things I enjoy less and less, I get worse and worse at things, my motivation to do anything, be it recreational or basic tasks, has plummeted, and I swear to god I can tell Im getting dumber and colors are getting less vibrant with age.

Life sucks, if you have a good life, or have managed to skate by without mental illness, or have been able to adequately treat or overcome anything you have, be thankful. Coming from a decently privileged, if broken, home can only get you so far when every day feels totally disconnected from the reality of the last, yet still a continuation of the same unending hell.

thats my depression vent for the week gonna go back to shitposting and dissociating

So bad/good news:

1. I'm pretty sure however low your rock bottom has been, I hit lower. I know depression olympics are dumb, but I might have won.
2. Things can get good but it is hard. I can probably lift some people out of depression like I have myself, but it is an incredibly lugubrious affair.

I don't know if I can ever make life as good as it was when we were 10, I certainly couldn't for myself as of yet. But I can make it not pointless. If you are interested in that we can start there.

Step 1:
Do you want to get better?
Disclaimers: Getting better is not secret code for getting worse, it is not a trick to make things awful for you, it is not a cruel joke, it is simply a state that is preferable to you compared to your current reality. It also does not negate or erase you or the suffering you have experienced up to this point. None of those things are destroyed, nothing about you or your life is destroyed. It is simply a question of "do you want to get better?" Or for a severely chronically depressed person: "Do you want to become un-depressed?"

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joe40001 posted...

I'm pretty sure however low your rock bottom has been, I hit lower. I know depression olympics are dumb, but I might have won.

It's not a competition, what the fuck?

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joe40001 posted...

Vivance is what I'm currently doing.

I try to space it out, I'm worried if I take it every day my brain will notice I am happy and calibrate to adjust as it has with previous anti-depressants.

Normally antidepressants work for a couple weeks for me and then my brain is like "nope, we ain't havin that" and shuts it down.But I take this one sparingly and it seems relegated to the day I take it, which helps.

Hold the f*** up, Vyvance isnt anti depressant medication its ADD medication. No wonder you feel great youre taking legalized meth.

I used to be prescribed to it but I had to stop, it was actually stressing me out more than it was helping. If it works for you though keep taking it as prescribed but know its not supposed to be taken as an anti depressant, from what I know.

alimajor posted...

Hold the f*** up, Vyvance isnt anti depressant medication its ADD medication. No wonder you feel great youre taking legalized meth.

I used to be prescribed to it but I had to stop, it was actually stressing me out more than it was helping. If it works for you though keep taking it as prescribed but know its not supposed to be taken as an anti depressant, from what I know.

Okay, I thought I had my medications mixed up there for a second.

Guess I had them right after all.

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Chicken_Butt posted...

It's not a competition, what the fuck?

If you've never felt depressed you don't understand.

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Gatekeeping depression is one of the shittiest things to do =/


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On topic, if I had some adderall I would feel great and waaaaay more interested in things as well.

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alimajor posted...

Hold the f*** up, Vyvance isnt anti depressant medication its ADD medication. No wonder you feel great youre taking legalized meth.

I used to be prescribed to it but I had to stop, it was actually stressing me out more than it was helping. If it works for you though keep taking it as prescribed but know its not supposed to be taken as an anti depressant, from what I know.

I rarely take it.

I have gone over a zillion medications in my life. Many mess things up way too much.

Recently I was prescribed fluoxetine which mildly helped with my mood but made me so sleepy that I couldn't function at all.

They said because of my eating issues and the tiredness and some other things supplementing the fluoxetine with Vyvance would be a good idea.

I am on on low dose of Vyvance and almost entirely waned off of fluoxetine.

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Lol bro geekin every day talking about he feels 15 again lol


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Alteres posted...

On topic, if I had some adderall I would feel great and waaaaay more interested in things as well.

What is your suggestion then?

I have been improving overall. But yes some days when the medication is working well it makes it much more clear and easy.

Is this bad?

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Bruh you're basically taking meth for your depression. That shit is addictive and you build a tolerance hella quick.

Go take Bupropion if you haven't yet

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joe40001 posted...

Is this bad?

You're not doing your dopamine receptors any favors tbh

But Im not one to judge what you're putting in your body I just found the topic to be humorous because I expected you to say Wellbutrin or Zoloft or something and you just casually mention your off label antidepressant is speed. Like no shit it makes you feel younger.

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joe40001 posted...

What is your suggestion then?

I have been improving overall. But yes some days when the medication is working well it makes it much more clear and easy.

Is this bad?

Fluoxetine is generic prosaic and IMO sucks, I was put on three increasingly larger doses and had pretty much the same experience as you. Just stopped taking it cold turkey, screw it. That was almost two years ago now, and I am generally bored out of my mind and find it difficult to give a fuck about anything.

I was honestly being serious with my second post. >_>

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Blue_Dream87 posted...

Bruh you're basically taking meth for your depression. That shit is addictive and you build a tolerance hella quick.

Go take Bupropion if you haven't yet

I was on that for ages.

If the thing I am doing occasionally is so horrible why did my doc prescribe it?

Fuck. I'm only on 30mg and I've only been taking it once every few days. Does that make a difference?

Why the hell would the doc prescribe me an antidepressant that makes me nearly comatose, then another drug which helps a lot with my depression to help with the sleepy effects of the antidepressant if the second drug is way more powerful but quickly stops working?

I've taken the med as much or less than prescribed, am I still destroying my brain?

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You quit taking fluoxetine and replaced it with lisdexamphetamine

Great job, doc

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Alteres posted...

Fluoxetine is generic prosaic and IMO sucks, I was put on three increasingly larger doses and had pretty much the same experience as you. Just stopped taking it cold turkey, screw it. That was almost two years ago now, and I am generally bored out of my mind and find it difficult to give a fuck about anything.

I was honestly being serious with my second post. >_>

I've been caring about things even days since I last took vyvance. I don't even like the stuff that much because it makes me kinda manic. I truly think I might have started to turn a real corner on my depression, so I am concerned with everybody saying "naw man, you're just on meth."

Firstly, if Vyvance is so damn good at helping with depression why is it only for ADD?

Secondly idk, I've taken it like 5 times over the past 20 days. Is it really that bad/dangerous?

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joe40001 posted...

I've taken the med as much or less than prescribed, am I still destroying my brain?

Short answer yes, youre always supposed to take the medication youre prescribed as instructed or it wont work. If youre supposed to take it everyday and you dont then youre probably doing more harm to yourself than good.

Just do as your instructed, give your drugs time to sync in(could take a few days/weeks of continuous use) and then, if you still feel like ass, talk to your doctor again and see what they say.

And Jesus Christ it's Vyvanse with an S

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We give it to kids all the time. It's not going to kill you, but it isn't good for you either.

To answer your other question, depression is caused by many different factors and there is no magic bullet that is going to fix all of them.

Having said that, I feel prosaic and it's derivatives are given to anyone that says they have depression as a general mood balancer. For most people with mild cases it probably works quite well, but of the number I have known that have more serious cases, it has very little effect.

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alimajor posted...

Short answer yes, youre always supposed to take the medication youre prescribed as instructed or it wont work. If youre supposed to take it everyday and you dont then youre probably doing more harm to yourself than good.

Just do as your instructed, give your drugs time to sync in(could take a few days/weeks of continuous use) and then, if you still feel like ass, talk to your doctor again and see what they say.

How the hell could it be bad for me if I take much less "legal meth" than if I take what they say.

I am so sick of psychiatrists because literally every one I've ever interacted with has just phoned it in.

Wait a month and talk to them:
Me: "I think this med is working well, but it's a bit strong, it might be good to dial it back"
Them: "Ok, I think we should dial back the meciation"

Me: "this med makes me way too sleepy, I don't think I should keep using it"
Them: "Ok, stop using it"

Now they give me legal meth and it's helped my depression in a way that none of the legal antidepressants ever have and I'm dangerous because I'm taking much much less than they suggest?

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I have never met a psychiatrist who has not just echoed whatever I want them to say, and considering I'm the depressed person this is bad.

They are lucky I have no interest in becoming a drug addict and simply want to get better.

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Also it is weird as hell that ADD medication like cures depression in a day but should never be taken by depressed people.

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huh, the one time i took antidepressants (i was 11) all it did was make me feel nothing at all. my dog almost died and had to go in for emergency surgery, and my mom's car was stolen the day we were supposed to pick him up, and all i remember is feeling empty. scared the fuck out of me when i finally stopped taking them.

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Conflict posted...

Yeah lowkey you really don't deserve any advice after that

No. He is the most depressed guy of all time. He's hitting depression levels that shouldn't even be possible. How could you possibly hope to compare? You're all losers in the depression race. You just wouldn't understand because you're not depressed enough.

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joe40001 posted...

How the hell could it be bad for me if I take much less "legal meth" than if I take what they say.

I am so sick of psychiatrists because literally every one I've ever interacted with has just phoned it in.

Wait a month and talk to them:
Me: "I think this med is working well, but it's a bit strong, it might be good to dial it back"
Them: "Ok, I think we should dial back the meciation"

Me: "this med makes me way too sleepy, I don't think I should keep using it"
Them: "Ok, stop using it"

Now they give me legal meth and it's helped my depression in a way that none of the legal antidepressants ever have and I'm dangerous because I'm taking much much less than they suggest?

Im not a medical professional, Im just some dude on the internet who has taken Vyvanse and Anti Depressants before in the past.

Id suggest talking to your doctor and be open and honest with them, hear what they say, and then do what they tell you as instructed. Dont try to be your own doctor or youll just f*** yourself over.

dolomedes posted...

jfc

get bent

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


I acknowledge it is rude, but I pretty much promise my depression is like top tier grade A, super longest lasting worst case depression.

That doesn't diminish anybody who has had lesser depression, in fact it's a good thing because I can help such people and have profound sympathy.

I know how depression works, there is a big temptation to dismiss anybody who has recovered as "not really having real bad depression". I have had the same thought process myself.

My point is 0%:
You all are little bitches and I had it worse

My point is 100%:
Where-ever you are, no matter how dark, I think I have been there too, and I have recently recovered, which means you can too. There is no hole too deep that I wasn't there. Which means there is no hole too deep that you can't recover.

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You don't have the slightest goddamn clue how severe or "not severe" someone else's depression is. If we're going to go by this goofy logic, you have no business being depressed because you have a home and a job while there's people starving and homeless all over the country.

Chicken_Butt posted...

No. He is the most depressed guy of all time. He's hitting depression levels that shouldn't even be possible. How could you possibly hope to compare? You're all losers in the depression race. You just wouldn't understand because you're not depressed enough.

I'll put it this way.

When I was at my rockest of rock bottoms in didn't want to hear shit from the "I just broke a nail and am sad" depression people. You need minimum 5+ years depression of a magnitude I can't express on gamefaqs without getting in trouble to understand where I was at, and things are just the same for everybody else here who is still struggling, I assume.

They don't want help from some bitch ass person who just cried for a week and thinks that makes them understand depression. If they are anything like I was, they only want help from people who had it as bad or worse than them and still found a way to get better.

So that is why it is important to stress just how low I've been. I am very good right now, but I was in the lowest of the lows. So if that is where they are now, I can possibly help them out. But only if they accept that I hit the same lows or lower that they have.

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One_Day_Remains posted...

You don't have the slightest goddamn clue how severe or "not severe" someone else's depression is. If we're going to go by this goofy logic, you have no business being depressed because you have a home and a job while there's people starving and homeless all over the country.

My point is most forms of depression (even at the extreme) are things i can relate to and as such could maybe help with.

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You absolutely do not need "5 years" to understand where you were at

Also, that statement about people who get depressed from minor things suggests that you really don't know anything about that particular condition despite your "work experience". Cause that is a very common occurrence for clinically depressed people. Bad things happen and they think that that's all that ever happens.

One_Day_Remains posted...

You absolutely do not need "5 years" to understand where you were at

Also, that statement about people who get depressed from minor things suggests that you really don't know anything about that particular condition despite your "work experience". Cause that is a very common occurrence for clinically depressed people. Bad things happen and they think that that's all that ever happens.

Short term depression is a problem that I have compassion for, but it was not as bad as my chronic long term depression and I think the mechanisms that help people with short term depression do not apply to those with a more chronic and severe condition.

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Good god, dude...

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One_Day_Remains posted...

You absolutely do not need "5 years" to understand where you were at

Also, that statement about people who get depressed from minor things suggests that you really don't know anything about that particular condition despite your "work experience". Cause that is a very common occurrence for clinically depressed people. Bad things happen and they think that that's all that ever happens.

And yes, I believe you need about 5 years, because for me, the first bit of my depression was something I assumed my psychologist or other authority figures would help me out of.

IMO it is another deeper layer of depression to learn from experience that such people will never be able to help you. That you are (as I wrongly inferred at the time) hopeless.

The whole point of any of this conversation is that I've been at the lowest of the lows and can probably help others who are currently there. It is 0% how I am better than anybody in any way. Because I honestly don't care about that.

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joe40001 posted...

Short term depression is a problem that I have compassion for, but it was not as bad as my chronic long term depression and I think the mechanisms that help people with short term depression do not apply to those with a more chronic and severe condition.

You clearly didn't read what I said

It seems like if someone hasn't gotten to the point of being on edge and ready to off themselves, then it's only "short-term depression" to you.

What do I even see from you that's supposedly that big of a deal? You feel unmotivated to lose weight. You feel sad and desolate about getting older. Going by how you're operating around this whole thing, it's not "the lowest of the low".

Just drop it, dude. Get rid of the dumb competitive mindset about this. It's presumptuous and it's toxic

In short:

1. I have had several good weeks after a lot of other progress.
2. New medication in particular has helped me feel positive
3. I believe my history of depression has been quite severe, as such I can relate to anybody who has hit similar deep lows
4. I would like to help people who are similarly struggling because I know how bad bad can be.

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