Current Events > Gender identity. I'm so confused (blogfaqs)

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So I'm biologically male, raised as a boy. It's never felt quite right to me. I've never related to boys and then men of my own age or older. Honestly sometimes I've found myself being outright terrified of men.

I went through a period of time when I was 25 of identifying as a woman, some of it was pressure from my girlfriend at the time and some of it was my own feelings. But that wasn't quite right earlier. Although I definitely feel more comfortable in women's clothing and with long hair and being clean shaven. I'm a parent and it's always made me sad that I could never get pregnant and give birth.

I keep thinking I'm probably somewhere in the middle of man and woman, I can identify with and feel connected to non-binary/genderfluid/genderqueer art and stories I come across. I don't know how to say this to anyone in my life though. My dad probably wouldn't get it. My fiancee identifies as genderqueer so you'd think talking to them would be easier but it's not. I keep internalising all this stuff and it's making me anxious and unhappy.

Anyone been through similar experiences?

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why would you NOT talk about this with your fiancee?
that's blowing my mind
do you guys not communicate?
do you not feel like they'd relate?
do you not feel like it could be a strengthening factor in the relationship and a strive towards understanding each other better?
like what

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You might want to talk to someone professional about this, especially if it's something you aren't comfortable sharing with your fiancee.

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The Trent posted...

why would you NOT talk about this with your fiancee?
that's blowing my mind
do you guys not communicate?
do you not feel like they'd relate?
do you not feel like it could be a strengthening factor in the relationship and a strive towards understanding each other better?
like what

Yeah we talk about all sorts of stuff, we've had some conversations about gender but it's been awhile. I think they'd probably relate and understand but my own anxiety is freaking me out and making me scared it'll go badly.

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don't get in your own way jeez

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CyricZ posted...

You might want to talk to someone professional about this, especially if it's something you aren't comfortable sharing with your fiancee.

Yeah, definitely do this. Your fiance can be helpful (and you should talk to them), but they're not objective, by nature of being your fiance. Also, you may want to try some hormones, if you haven't already, and you should handle that through official channels.

You have two spirits of two separate genders and they sometimes fight inside of you. Please read this article, you may find some peace from it:

https://www.ihs.gov/lgbt/health/twospirit/

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Ive never related to stereotypical man stuff either. I grew up in a rural area where everyone, including my dad and older brother, were all about hunting, sports, and meat and potatoes. Ive never held a gun or gone hunting, never played a sport with others after high school (unless working out and running counts?) and am a vegetarian.

Ive never thought about this in this context, but now that you mention it, I dont really like making friends with other guys most of the time.

Despite that I still consider myself to be masculine and have never identified as anything but a heterosexual man. Maybe its because my idea of a man has changed over the years once I realized that not all guys are like the ones I grew up with. My definition of masculinity and maleness has broadened.

Gender and sexuality are spectrums. No one is completely male or female, hetero or homo.

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Just do what you want. Fuck the labels.

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I kind of know what you mean. There was always a feminine side to me. I'm also more a lot more comfortable in women's clothes and being feminine and doing feminine things and such, but I only do that stuff in private. I'm both comfortable and uncomfortable with being a guy. Part of me likes being one and part of me wishes I was female, and part of me wishes I could be both. It's super complicated.

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Yes. I really think you should talk about it with your partner. Im sure theyd be willing to help work through those feelings. If you dont think youre ready for that yet, Id suggest trying to go to a therapist to understand why you dont feel like youre able to talk about it yet, and work towards coming out about it.

I was with my last partner for 5 years and while I was happy with the relationship, I knew that I couldnt keep lying to myself about who I was. We didnt end staying together in the end, but she was very supportive and were still good friends to this day.

You can PM me if youd like to talk about it more too.

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I got myself ready to bring it up tonight but then they fell asleep earlier than usual, which I'm glad about as they've been sleeping terribly lately. Hopefully find some time tomorrow. I guess it shouldn't be a big deal.

We were talking a few months ago about getting me some different clothes to wear in the day at home but that was just as a crossdressing thing, then the schools shut and there's always 1 or 2 kids here so nothing happened with that.

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I forgot you had kids. I'm sure that complicates things a bit, but I also think younger kids are a lot more accepting towards things that seem like such a big deal to adults because they don't have a whole lot to base their scales off of yet.

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This is my alt. It does complicate things slightly. Although my partner's daughter is probably more understanding of it than my own.

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How old are they both? I can't really speak from any sort of experience about talking to kids about gender identity, but I do think they're capable of learning about what it means, and it helps that your partner is already exposing them to the concept to some degree I'm sure.

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My daughter is 7, theirs is 8.

My partner's daughter has grown up around trans and non binary people and she's the least judgemental kid I've known.

My daughter is pretty easygoing and adores me but I know if I started dressing differently and she told her mother there would be an issue.

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I would think before you started dressing differently around her you could talk to her about the way you feel in a way she could understand. I don't know what the history with your ex is like, but I'm sure there's some way to navigate that. Just tread lightly, and test the waters, and feel it out from there.

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