Current Events > Is it a bad idea to keep a list...

(+) Yeah! (+)

...of all the times you got vetoed by your SO when you wanted to spend money on something but all the things they bought without consulting you and/or buying it anyway after you already discouraged it?

---

it sounds a little passive-aggressive

It's fine if it's a short term thing, like it's been a long standing problem and you want to be able to sit down and have a conversation and say "look, these are things that have happened in the last month so that you can better understand what I'm talking about." If it's just for general score keeping purposes, then it's unhealthy behavior.

what do you think?
---

It's a bad idea.

Tenlaar posted...

It's fine if it's a short term thing, like it's been a long standing problem and you want to be able to sit down and have a conversation and say "look, these are things that have happened in the last month so that you can better understand what I'm talking about." If it's just for general score keeping purposes, then it's unhealthy behavior.

---

Never be passive aggressive in a relationship. It leads to confusion, disappointment, depression, and ultimately has a potential for heartbreak. Tell them what you want and expect or else you can't grow together. Failure to grow together leads to that breakup. & if you really loved someone so much that you didn't want to lose them then you will definitely risk losing them now so you don't lose them later. If nothing else, tell them that exactly, and hope they have the sense and compassion to stick with you through the immediate pain for a better future. Give them equality. Tell them to treat you the same and communicate what they really want, because life is short and you want them to be happy during it. & trust me, if your relationship survives this conversation, you two are going to be set for decades.

---

i never understood why guys let their wife have veto power like that, it's utterly dumb. unless the income is all hers, you're an adult and should be able to buy whatever you want. if i ever get married, you better believe i'm still buying custom made blazers, custom designed shoes and 6k watches
---

It's good to keep an open line of communication, but it depends on the relationship. I control the finances, if she needs/wants something we discuss it and determine if we can afford to do it, in which case most of the time it's fine. It works both ways. I don't randomly buy things, and neither does she, we make sure we have an understanding of the current state of the bank accounts, what needs to be paid first, and what's left over thereafter.

---

https://youtu.be/9Deg7VrpHbM

---

No_U_L7 posted...

i never understood why guys let their wife have veto power like that, it's utterly dumb. unless the income is all hers, you're an adult and should be able to buy whatever you want. if i ever get married, you better believe i'm still buying custom made blazers, custom designed shoes and 6k watches

It's not really that but more like "We were going to save for our vacation next summer and you go out and buy [whatever]!"

If you plan your finances properly then treating yourself shouldn't factor into it unless you're dealing with someone who gets butthurt whenever they're not included in your purchasing considerations.

---

No_U_L7 posted...

i never understood why guys let their wife have veto power like that, it's utterly dumb. unless the income is all hers, you're an adult and should be able to buy whatever you want. if i ever get married, you better believe i'm still buying custom made blazers, custom designed shoes and 6k watches

This to an extent. Except I think it's reasonable to have input on each others decision, it just can't be one sided. Most men set themselves up by allowing themselves to be conversationally dominated early on.

---

Only if they don't believe you when you tell them it's a problem. Go through this with my husband all the time

---

BlueAnnihilator posted...

Only if they don't believe you when you tell them it's a problem. Go through this with my husband all the time

Keeping lists over micro-injustices or being cavalier with spending money?

---

The former.

---

If youre at the point where youre physically writing down stuff like this, youre not in love with her anymore... A break up is inevitable ; that or youll be in a very unhappy relationship. My experience...

Love is blind. When youre happy with a woman, you look past shit that pisses you off. You dont care, you just like having her around. When that is gone, shes not the right partner for you anymore. Your love for her does not overpower the flaws she has.

---

zinezinzadan posted...

If youre at the point where youre physically writing down stuff like this, youre not in love with her anymore... A break up is inevitable ; that or youll be in a very unhappy relationship. My experience...

Love is blind. When youre happy with a woman, you look past shit that pisses you off. You dont care, you just like having her around. When that is gone, shes not the right partner for you anymore. Your love for her does not overpower the flaws she has.

Are you a teenager? Because this sounds like stupid shit that one teenager says to another teenager while pretending to understand mature relationships.

Tenlaar posted...

Are you a teenager? Because this sounds like stupid shit that one teenager says to another teenager while pretending to understand mature relationships.

Your post just proved youve never had a spouse for more than 3 years.

---

zinezinzadan posted...

Your post just proved youve never had a spouse for more than 3 years.

Whatever you say, keep spouting your fortune cookie "love is blind" bullshit and acting like it means anything in adult relationships.

Tenlaar posted...

Whatever you say, keep spouting your fortune cookie "love is blind" bullshit and acting like it means anything in adult relationships.

Youll learn.. There will come a point where a woman is pissed off at you for every little thing imaginable, things that she wasnt upset about at the beginning of your relationship. And then the inevitable happens... Youll learn.

---

My wife and I have direct debits into accounts for our mortgage, bills, holiday savings account and general savings.

Whatever is left over from our pay packets, we spend on whatever the fuck we want.

---