Current Events > c/d: knowingly being the person somebody cheats with is as bad as cheating

(+) Yeah! (+)

i.e. you're single, but you get with somebody who you know is in a relationship

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Not as bad, but still pretty damn bad. Of course a lot of guys act like it's no big deal until some other guy fucks their girl.

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Been in the situation before and didn't care, he was a shit person

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"I just ended a seven year relationship."

"Oh shit dude, are you okay?"

"Hmm? Oh no, I'm fine. It wasn't my relationship."

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"Well I fuck women in relationships, and I've convinced myself that I'm not obligated to not fuck someone's girlfriend or wife, so I'm able to wash my hands of any wrongdoing"

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Not if you cheat right back

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Theres literally nothing wrong with sleeping with someone in a relationship. Theyre cheating, not you.

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It's bad form, but not as bad.

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One includes a betrayal of trust. The other is still bad but it doesn't have that extra element.

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Depends on the situation.

Casual side fling: Entirely on the one in a relationship.

Outsider wants more than occasional sex/romance: Now you're actively trying to destroy a relationship, so at least 50% on the outsider, more if the one in a relationship just wants casual and the outsider is the only one pushing for more.
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radical rhino posted...

Theres literally nothing wrong with sleeping with someone in a relationship. Theyre cheating, not you.

It's bad, but it's nowhere near as bad as actually cheating

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DrizztLink posted...

"I just ended a seven year relationship."

"Oh shit dude, are you okay?"

"Hmm? Oh no, I'm fine. It wasn't my relationship."

Lol. Nice.

There's so many nuances. But to answer the TT, Hell no. A lot of guys act holier than thou when they've never been in the position >_>.

Just cause someone doesn't give a shit about a relationship they have no commitment in, doesn't mean they'll fuck over someone they love. So, unless the guy loves the guy that is with the girl he's cheating with...no

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I didn't think it was bad even before I was in that position. All you're doing is taking advantage of an opportunity. The slut was gonna cheat with someone, may as well be you.

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Evening_Dragon posted...

I didn't think it was bad even before I was in that position. All you're doing is taking advantage of an opportunity. The slut was gonna cheat with someone, may as well be you.

Why put yourself through the drama though

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tri sapphire posted...

Depends on the situation.

Casual side fling: Entirely on the one in a relationship.

Outsider wants more than occasional sex/romance: Now you're actively trying to destroy a relationship, so at least 50% on the outsider, more if the one in a relationship just wants casual and the outsider is the only one pushing for more.

Gonna have to go with this.
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TreyFlowers posted...

Why put yourself through the drama though

It's not a movie. There is probably less drama on average than in an actual relationship. Also, the person doesn't find out the majority of the time.

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If you're mutually just in it to hit it with no regard to the concept of a solidified relationship, ok, do that.

If you think there's a future in that, well lmao. You got her cheating on him, another guy will have her cheating on you. Forever temporary. That type of girl.

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Not as bad. But I'd definitely classify it as distasteful in most circumstances.

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I wouldn't say it's as bad, because you don't inherently have any stake in the relationship like the cheater would. Still shitty though

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The way I rationalise this is: how would you feel about the person your partner cheats with? Are they blameless for having sex with your partner?

Your partner is interested in seeing another person without you knowing. They find someone, they hit it off and they have sex. They know that what they're doing is wrong, and they do it anyway despite how you would feel about it.

The person they're cheating with knows that your partner isn't single. Despite knowing that there's another person who would be hurt by what they're doing, they do it anyway because it makes them feel good. In both cases, they're disregarding an innocent person in a committed relationship for their own selfish needs.

The onus of responsibility ultimately falls on the cheater for going through with the act while committed to someone else, but knowing that they're participating in the act of cheating and doing it anyway makes this other person equally as culpable. There's something to be said for someone who didn't know there was someone else in the picture, or who fell in love with someone before learning that they had a partner, or who was lied to about the cheater being in the process of leaving someone - but someone who enters the picture and knows from the get go that someone is in a relationship when they start courting them is arguably as bad as the person cheating.

Both of them have zero regard for whoever's being cheated on, pursuing happiness at that person's expense. The bulk of the responsibility falls on the cheater, but the person they're cheating with is equally as culpable if they pursue the relationship with the intent of courting a person who's still in a relationship. They are just as bad.

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^

I honestly don't care about the person I don't know. They didn't build a bond of trust with me. I hope the guy does fine in the rest of his life.

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Not as bad because youre not betraying someone youre supposed to care about and who presumably cares about you in one of the worst ways possible just so you can feel good for a little while.

That said, youre still treating another human as if they and their emotions are nothing, so it definitely makes you a sociopath scumbag worthy of contempt.

Its equivalent to punching random old ladies in the face because you had a bad day at work and acting out makes you feel better. Strangers or no, you cant put yourself that far ahead of other humans and still consider yourself a good person.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

^

I honestly don't care about the person I don't know. They didn't build a bond of trust with me. I hope the guy does fine in the rest of his life.

I bet you care about plenty of people you don't know and haven't built bonds of trust with, at least to the point you wouldn't take a giant shit on them.

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shnangyboos posted...

I bet you care about plenty of people you don't know and haven't built bonds of trust with, at least to the point you wouldn't take a giant shit on them.

I don't know where you're getting at. You mean, like my overall care for people in general? This is one my blind spots. Relationships are tricky and nowhere near black and white. If I find a mutual thing going on with a girl and I weigh everything out, who knows by then. I probably wouldn't do it just to mess around with a chick. But if I actually feel anything, Im in my 30s, I don't have all the time and options.

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TreyFlowers posted...

Why put yourself through the drama though

If I thought I would be involved with drama, I wouldn't have. But I was right, no drama, easy ass.

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Deny

It's still what I would consider amoral. But you're not the one breaking the trust of someone you supposedly care about

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MrMallard posted...

The way I rationalise this is: how would you feel about the person your partner cheats with? Are they blameless for having sex with your partner?

Your partner is interested in seeing another person without you knowing. They find someone, they hit it off and they have sex. They know that what they're doing is wrong, and they do it anyway despite how you would feel about it.

The person they're cheating with knows that your partner isn't single. Despite knowing that there's another person who would be hurt by what they're doing, they do it anyway because it makes them feel good. In both cases, they're disregarding an innocent person in a committed relationship for their own selfish needs.

The onus of responsibility ultimately falls on the cheater for going through with the act while committed to someone else, but knowing that they're participating in the act of cheating and doing it anyway makes this other person equally as culpable. There's something to be said for someone who didn't know there was someone else in the picture, or who fell in love with someone before learning that they had a partner, or who was lied to about the cheater being in the process of leaving someone - but someone who enters the picture and knows from the get go that someone is in a relationship when they start courting them is arguably as bad as the person cheating.

Both of them have zero regard for whoever's being cheated on, pursuing happiness at that person's expense. The bulk of the responsibility falls on the cheater, but the person they're cheating with is equally as culpable if they pursue the relationship with the intent of courting a person who's still in a relationship. They are just as bad.

The C02 in coffee beans is already part of the carbon cycle.

That is to say; the person will be cheated on no matter what, unless you believe that you're the only person attractive enough to make their partner cheat.

The profit is there, the event will happen regardless; all you're doing is deciding whether or not you'll take advantage.

There might be an argument where you could tell the person they're being cheated on, but then, that might just make things worse for everyone involved.

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I'd say it's roughly 75-80% as bad.
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Evening_Dragon posted...

The C02 in coffee beans is already part of the carbon cycle.

That is to say; the person will be cheated on no matter what, unless you believe that you're the only person attractive enough to make their partner cheat.

The profit is there, the event will happen regardless; all you're doing is deciding whether or not you'll take advantage.

There might be an argument where you could tell the person they're being cheated on, but then, that might just make things worse for everyone involved.

The criminal will just get a gun from someone else. I may as well be the one to profit from it.
-Gun Store Owner

I cant see how being honest could be worse for everyone involved. Maybe the cheater, but they absolutely deserve it.

Kami_no_Kami posted...

The criminal will just get a gun from someone else. I may as well be the one to profit from it.
-Gun Store Owner

Damn. I never realized I was putting a murder device in the girls hand when I did it. That gave me something to think about.

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Kami_no_Kami posted...

The criminal will just get a gun from someone else. I may as well be the one to profit from it.
-Gun Store Owner

If you know it to be an absolute inevitability, sure, but the circumstances are too different for this to really make sense. You stand massive legal penalty if you sell to a known criminal.

But sure, in some theoretical scenario where there is no penalty and you know that the criminal will do the crime anyway, your decision does not change anything but who gets the money.

I cant see how being honest could be worse for everyone involved. Maybe the cheater, but they absolutely deserve it.

People have killed themselves, divorced and damaged the lives of their kids, killed others. Being cheated on can fuck a person up hard.

But if they never find out, no damage is done. Conceptually scary, but, again, you wouldn't know that if you never found out.

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Lost_All_Senses posted...

If one thing is worse than another thing, it makes that second thing not bad. Also, comparisons are inherently equal in magnitude. Also, whats a point?

Huh...

Evening_Dragon posted...

If you know it to be an absolute inevitability, sure, but the circumstances are too different for this to really make sense. You stand massive legal penalty if you sell to a known criminal.

But sure, in some theoretical scenario where there is no penalty and you know that the criminal will do the crime anyway, your decision does not change anything but who gets the money.

Perhaps if there are less scumbags who enable the act, cheating wouldnt be an inevitability either. Also, Im not talking about whats legal or not. Though Im not surprised at all that you go straight to how the perpetrator is negatively effected rather than those his actions affect.

People have killed themselves, divorced and damaged the lives of their kids, killed others. Being cheated on can fuck a person up hard.

But if they never find out, no damage is done. Conceptually scary, but, again, you wouldn't know that if you never found out.

And youre the one enabling all that by being the other man/woman. Kudos.

Either way, the alternative to being honest is allowing another human to live a lie with someone he/she thinks loves him until he dies or finds out and the effects youre describing happen anyway. You could just as easily save him/her/children by not allowing there to be as much of a emotional/time/money investment.

big d from me here

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Kami_no_Kami posted...

Huh...

Well, you gave up on that discussion I guess. There's literally no way for me to work with that post lol

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Kami_no_Kami posted...

Perhaps if there are less scumbags who enable the act, cheating wouldnt be an inevitability either. Also, Im not talking about whats legal or not. Though Im not surprised at all that you go straight to how the perpetrator is negatively effected rather than those his actions affect.
And youre the one enabling all that by being the other man/woman. Kudos.

You're not really considerate of the results at all. You want to be mad about cheaters. I get that, that's fine, but you're saying "well maybe if an inevitable thing wasn't inevitable, it wouldn't be inevitable." Which, I mean, you see how that's dumb. Whether I enable or not doesn't change that cheating will happen.

Also, what? It's not about the perpetrator in specific, just a highlight of why your comparison doesn't make sense.

Either way, the alternative to being honest is allowing another human to live a lie with someone he/she thinks loves him until he dies or finds out and the effects youre describing happen anyway. You could just as easily save him/her/children by not allowing there to be as much of a emotional/time/money investment.

That is also entirely possible, but hey, maintaining the lie means no harm, except to maybe the cheater's conscience, which seems like your kind of thing.

Please, understand the argument. It's on the bases of actual consequences, not liking or disliking something.

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