Current Events > how come people think its ok to blame you for their assumptions?

(+) Yeah! (+)

long story short
i live with my parents and two siblings, i was planning on moving out relatively soon but, y'know - quarantine. anyway, i'm not a talkative person. at all, when people talk to me i'll usually say a few words and leave out the fluff. i also don't like being around gossip and shit.
anyway, my mom and sister throw themselves pity parties all the time. my sister will get wasted and bitch about people from her life that she hasn't seen in years but is facebook friends with, and my mom will shit talk them too despite not knowing them. i don't wanna be around this so i avoid them cus that shits toxic.
my mom and dad both approach me about this, claiming i don't want to spend time with the family and that i'm standoffish. i just told them i haven't been in a good mood lately and like being alone if i can help it, and that it has nothing to do with them and apologized if i came off as being a jerk.
they say it's just me coming up with excuses, same things they said when i tried talking to them about depression when i was still in school "its just an excuse because your grades were slipping" blah blah. and now for the past few days i can hear my mom, dad, and sister all talking shit about me when i'm in my room, them saying i have issues and such, that it's "really psychotic that i'd fake depression to feel good about not talking to them" but if i try being pleasant, say "hi, hows your day" shit like that when i see them, they get all passive aggressive and just give a sarcastic "hello, so surprised you're asking" then walk away and scoff at me
like who the fuck does that?

it's not like i can talk to them, last time i just got blamed. but if i don't get upfront about this stuff, they'll just fill in all the blanks on their own and still take it personally and blame me for being who i am...what kind of hell am i stuck in

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casio_guy posted...

long story short

lies

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DrizztLink posted...

lies

sorry, i got caught up in typing
tl;dr - i'm quiet and depressed, my family takes it personally that i don't talk that much, won't ask me about how i feel and assumes i'm standoffish without getting my side. they then proceed to treat me like human garbage.

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Until you can get out, just continue keeping to yourself, don't engage them unless necessary, and - most importantly - keep your cool. If you blow up at them or let them get under your skin, they'll use it to reinforce their perception of you. They're gonna be mad and blame you no matter what, so it's best to just create as few interactions as possible.

My mom is emotionally abusive and my whole family is toxic as fuck, so they were like this. Nothing I ever did was right. There were times I'd wake up, feeling really good about myself and the world, ready to conquer the day. I'd greet people and immediately get accusations of being sarcastic or antagonistic. "Good morning," was often greeted with something like, "Is it? Well (bringing up an old grievance or something I had nothing do with)" or "Well I'm glad somebody is happy." I stopped saying anything and then I was cold, distant, snooty, etc.

Conversely, if I was in a funky mood (or even actually sick) and someone greeted me all cheerily and I responded with anything less than 100% enthusiasm, I'd be called grumpy or irritable and told to just "go back to my cave" if I'm going to be an asshole. I was expected to tiptoe around their feelings and moods, and actually tried my hardest to do so for a long time, while everyone just bulldozed over mine and then acted like it was my fault when I was unpleasant in response.

I actually had a friend unexpectedly die a while back and I just kinda stumbled into the kitchen in a state of shock after hearing the news. My older sister had said something to me and I just kind of ignored her (not intentionally) and grabbed a big glass of water. I chugged it and walked away, so she said, "I guess you're in one of your funky moods today and going to be an ass to everyone."

I just plainly said, "Not trying to ignore you. Found out my friend died."

Did she apologize? Did she offer condolences? Nope.

She said, "You should have led with that. It's hard to tell when something is actually wrong with you or if you're just being difficult," and stomped away. I later overheard her telling our mother that the situation embarrassed her and made her feel bad, which was unfair to her.

And this isn't to say I was perfect or easy to live with. I was not. I just was held to a significantly higher standard that seemingly didn't apply to anyone else.

Anyway, enough about me. Yeah, sorry about your situation. That is an all too familiar hell and I really hope you can get out soon. Good luck. Feel free to message me if you ever need to vent.

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