Current Events > Scenario: You've been placed in an alien zoo. What do you do?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Like, on another planet as if you were an animal and aliens come to the zoo to see you and other creatures on display. Your enclosure seems comfortable, but the objects inside are just a little bit off. Like, there's chairs and beds and a television, but the television is fake (a la fake trees in a regular zoo), the beds are crude and seem to be stuffed with something similar to hay, and there's a cityscape painted on the wall. You're not the only one in your enclosure, there are a mixture of men and women together to try and emulate what the aliens think a human "herd" is made up of based on their observations of Earth. You get fed and washed and taken care of, but it's kind of boring. You're not super restricted on what you can do in the enclosure, barring trying to kill your enclosure mates, violence against your keepers, or escaping. You can sit around, run around, sleep whenever you want, just do whatever. Hell, you can piss anywhere in the enclosure and the keepers will just clean up after you and replace anything you break. You also get administered tests and puzzles as part of research the aliens are doing on you as well as being forced to participate in a captive breeding program as part of that research. Oh, and you're all naked because you're being treated like animals, of course.

So, what do you do? Pass the time? Try to escape? Something else? Let me know!

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In this scenario, Ive been hiding a kindle paperwhite up my ass since capture.

Now is the time where I pull it out and catch up on some reading

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Harpie posted...

In this scenario, Ive been hiding a kindle paperwhite up my ass since capture.

Now is the time where I pull it out and catch up on some reading

You could do that, but won't it die eventually? And there's no internet because you're not on Earth anymore so you can't download new books. Also, you're gonna have to be sneaky because your keepers will label that as contraband and take it away from you if they find it.

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Sex. Lots and lots of sex.

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I'd establish myself as the alpha of the group and rule over my kingdom

Helicopter dick all day long

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SableWolfAngel posted...

You could do that, but won't it die eventually? And there's no internet because you're not on Earth anymore so you can't download new books. Also, you're gonna have to be sneaky because your keepers will label that as contraband and take it away from you if they find it.

My kindle is eternal. It can go months without a charge. Also I have about 50 unread books and 100 Ive already read. If I finish all 50 I can start rereading

With no kindle, there is no me. The keepers will find the body

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Zodd3224 posted...

Sex. Lots and lots of sex.

That sounds fun! Would you wait to be selected in the breeding program? Or just sex up your herd while the zoo is open for the day?

treewojima posted...

I'd establish myself as the alpha of the group and rule over my kingdom

You could try that. Dunno how much joy you'd get in ruling a small enclosure of people, but I guess it's not that different from a reality show and those are already like watching a zoo, so...

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SableWolfAngel posted...

That sounds fun! Would you wait to be selected in the breeding program? Or just sex up your herd while the zoo is open for the day?

Yes


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Cowthief posted...

Helicopter dick all day long

As, like, a form of protest? Or a mating display? Or just for fun? I'm not knocking it, just curious about the intention behind it is all. You should also keep in mind that your keepers will eventually try to figure out why you're doing that and run a battery of tests on you to understand it.

Harpie posted...

My kindle is eternal. It can go months without a charge. Also I have about 50 unread books and 100 Ive already read. If I finish all 50 I can start rereading

With no kindle, there is no me. The keepers will find the body

Oh, that's too bad. I think they'd be sad to lose such a valuable member of the herd they've established. But that's part of the research they're doing so I guess there's that.

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Huddle in the corner because I would be freezing to death.

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Zodd3224 posted...

Yes

Well, alright. Just try not to get too carried away. If they see you humping everything and haven't selected you to breed, they might neuter you to keep their records straight of who sires what children with which female.

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CalypsoDoom posted...

This tbh

Same way as Zodd? Or only when instructed to?

Sariana21 posted...

Huddle in the corner because I would be freezing to death.

Your enclosure is kept at 78 degrees Fahrenheit so you won't be uncomfortable.

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CalypsoDoom posted...

Probably whenever, where ever tbh

*high five*

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SableWolfAngel posted...

as well as being forced to participate in a captive breeding program as part of that research

Well that took a dark turn.

RedWhiteBlue posted...

I'd make it my mission to try and learn about them and give them information about us.

You could try, but as it stands, communication is extremely difficult, almost impossible. That's a big part of why they're observing you instead of just talking to you. But if you want to cooperate with them, then that's fine. They're not out to hurt you, just learn so it should work out well for you.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

That's a nice and relaxed approach. Being so chill about it might curry you some favor with the right partner. I mean, you might as well all get along, right?

DK9292 posted...

Well that took a dark turn.

How so? They're not dissecting you or probing you like the usual alien abduction tropes. They're not harming you, just trying to learn in a way that's as natural to you as possible, that they can create at least. How is it dark?

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Forgettable posted...

are the women hot?

Some of them are, some of them aren't. The aliens can't judge human aesthetics so they didn't choose based on that. But you're all naked so you can see everything they've got going on all the time. And since it's supposed to be a natural setting, no one is shaved anywhere, male or female, so that's something you have to keep in mind. No makeup, no shaved faces, no augmentation whatsoever.

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SableWolfAngel posted...

Some of them are, some of them aren't. The aliens can't judge human aesthetics so they didn't choose based on that. But you're all naked so you can see everything they've got going on all the time. And since it's supposed to be a natural setting, no one is shaved anywhere, male or female, so that's something you have to keep in mind. No makeup, no shaved faces, no augmentation whatsoever.

But there is a fake tv, beds, and a painted cityscape?

This is falling apart a bit.

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Alteres posted...

But there is a fake tv, beds, and a painted cityscape?

This is falling apart a bit.

How so? The aliens are just copying what they saw on Earth. They don't know that cities and televisions aren't naturally occurring objects, all they know is that humans live in cities and have televisions in their dens. It's like if I asked you to copy an abstract painting. You have the paint, the canvas, the brushes, the skill... but you don't know that the painting is of a genocide or pornographic until I tell you that that's what it is. You're just copying something with little to no context. You can recreate something without necessarily knowing what it's for.

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The aliens were observing us, but didn't notice we had clothing, shoes, and sometimes hats on?

I make a sign and start protesting the lack of personal music players and good books.

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MagnusDJL posted...

The aliens were observing us, but didn't notice we had clothing, shoes, and sometimes hats on?

Also this. I'd expect to be dressed up in bizarre clothes because they didn't quite get the concept, but being naked just doesn't make sense given the decoration of the enclosure.

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wasnt this a rick & morty ep

it was a tng ep, in a way.
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MagnusDJL posted...

The aliens were observing us, but didn't notice we had clothing, shoes, and sometimes hats on?

uwnim posted...

Also this. I'd expect to be dressed up in bizarre clothes because they didn't quite get the concept, but being naked just doesn't make sense given the decoration of the enclosure.

They saw, but thought it was strange that creatures would adorn themselves with such things when the other things they have on exhibit don't wear protective garb like that so they decided it wasn't mandatory for survival. Besides, it'd be a pain to have to wash and redress you all the time. It's not in their budget.

uwnim posted...

I make a sign and start protesting the lack of personal music players and good books.

They're not gonna understand what it says or what it means, but you can try.

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E32005 posted...

wasnt this a rick & morty ep

it was a tng ep, in a way.

It was part of an episode, but it was a private collection by one person with only Rick and Morty as the specimens. I'm talking about a zoo that has multiple specimens, takes care of them in a conservation way rather than an ownership way, and are on display for the public to observe and gawk at.

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Real talk I'd probably start throwing shit at some point.

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malenz posted...

Real talk I'd probably start throwing shit at some point.

You could do that. The keepers might come in, drag you out of the enclosure, bathe you, and stick you back in the enclosure with no input from you, but you could certainly do it.

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I'd be wondering how aliens too damn stupid to realize we're sapient managed to evolve into a space faring species. They should know the worst way to learn about an animal's(esp, an intelligent ones) natural behavior is to lock it up in cage.

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SableWolfAngel posted...

They're not gonna understand what it says or what it means, but you can try.

>=( I will keep trying until they sort of maybe understand.

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I'm changing my answer to sex

mustachedmystic posted...

I'd be wondering how aliens too damn stupid to realize we're sapient managed to evolve into a space faring species. They should know the worst way to learn about an animal's(esp, an intelligent ones) natural behavior is to lock it up in cage.

I think you're overthinking it. They're aliens, you have no comprehension of how they function cognitively. You're basing your argument on human perspectives and human logic. That won't always carryover to even a space faring species. If we came across a tentacle blob alien that only communicated in light pulses of colors human eyes couldn't see, we'd lock it up in a cage and try to figure it out even if it was more intelligent than any human to ever live. There's too great a distance in function to bridge a gap, at least for now. Get it?

uwnim posted...

>=( I will keep trying until they sort of maybe understand.

That's the spirit, mate!

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treewojima posted...

I'm changing my answer to sex

Ok, you can do that. That seems to be the popular activity. How about you? What would be your approach?

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It's been about 30 years since Star Control was released; you might think that any such aliens would realize by now that Earth is *perfect* for a human zoo.

[ Add a slave-shield, or alter the environment to curtail some behaviors while encouraging others, and, um... is it time for Frungy, yet? My body is ready, Ur-Quan! ]
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Masterbation while maintaining eyecontact with the zoo patrons maybe lunge at the glass occasionally.

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andri_g posted...

It's been about 30 years since Star Control was released; you might think that any such aliens would realize by now that Earth is *perfect* for a human zoo.

[ Add a slave-shield, or alter the environment to curtail some behaviors while encouraging others, and, um... is it time for Frungy, yet? My body is ready, Ur-Quan! ]

Not sure what that is, but ok! Cool!

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Escape n hump

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ZeroX91 posted...

Masterbation while maintaining eyecontact with the zoo patrons maybe lunge at the glass occasionally.

They'd probably find that amusing and fascinating. Go for it!

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Smackems posted...

Escape n hump

But if you escaped, what would you be able to hump? You'd be too preoccupied with the escape, I'd think.

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Well, based on Slaughterhouse-Five, I don't see much else to do in that scenario other than fuck...

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SableWolfAngel posted...

But if you escaped, what would you be able to hump? You'd be too preoccupied with the escape, I'd think.

Nah I'm just in it for the hump. Maybe an alien garbage can

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SableWolfAngel posted...

as well as being forced to participate in a captive breeding program

So we're being raped.
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SableWolfAngel posted...

They'd probably find that amusing and fascinating. Go for it!

I mean I thought it would be funny in a meta sort of way.

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Shit in my hands and sling it at the.windows, and any guards/staff that came in the enclosure.

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This:

https://i.imgur.com/RL3lR1j.gifv

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Act civilized, make friends with the other humans if possible. Hopefully some speak my language.

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SableWolfAngel posted...

Not sure what that is, but ok! Cool!

http://www.vinjatvideogames.com/files/3419/products/4065788/star_control_ntsc_1.jpg

Star Control is the game series that inspired Mass Effect (you've heard of that... right?). :)
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