Current Events > How to stop resenting your father for leaving the family

(+) Yeah! (+)

My father has contacted me recently. Well, actually I've contacted him several times for his birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. No reply. I even got engaged on new years eve, but decided not to contact him this time since he doesn't respond anyway.

This month he finally reached back out to me. I told him I got engaged. He said congrats. But apparently he's planning to leave the country for good and wanted to know if I wanted his car.

I told him maybe since I don't like my cars (the cars he left and I had to pay fees/repair on my own). He said oh then we should swap since I don't like them. Then he said asked me to look for his travelling papers or whatever from our old storage unit.

I said I'll let him know if I find the papers (not going out of my way to search tho). And that I intend to sell the car he wanted to swap because I'm saving up for my wedding.

Hmm.. This topic went from question to blogfaqs. See what I mean about resentment?

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idk, sounds warranted...

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BuckVanHammer posted...

idk, sounds warranted...

It's always stressful when he comes back into my life. Even little text message convos like yhis. I think, what does he want this time?

It conflicts with my desire of a complete family again. I wish things were different, but it's just awkward.

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probably too personal for gfaqs but I always blamed my dad for leaving soley on my dad....took me years to realize, it was my moms fault I dont have a dad

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Yeah it must be straining. Sorry to hear that man.
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Reap any of the monetary/object benefits you can. You may never get that emotional connection or love that really matters, but you might as well get something out of it rather than nothing. Based on your opening post, youre gonna get a different car, and hes offering. But I sincerely doubt youll get anything more than that. Just seems to be a consistent observation that once a dad leaves, they wont come back. Plus he even said hes leaving the country soon. That should give you more reason to believe hes not coming back.

Sorry for what youre going through though. I cant imagine the hurt and stress youve gone through because of this man.

Roxborough4Ever posted...

probably too personal for gfaqs but I always blamed my dad for leaving soley on my dad....took me years to realize, it was my moms fault I dont have a dad

I've always understood how difficult my mother can be, but my father is the one who told me "have a good life" out of pettiness after he left. It was during my parents separation and he thought I was taking my mother's side when I was really trying to stay out of the entire thing. They disagreed on something, he tried to go through me instead. I told him I don't want to be caught in the middle. He messaged me " have a good life".

I remember thinking wow this is the most we've talked in years and this is what he says.

The only times I saw him after that was at my cousin (his niece) wedding and when I visited my grandmother (his mother) in hospice.

GiftedACIII posted...

Yeah it must be straining. Sorry to hear that man.

Thanks. It's really not that bad. I know people have worse relations, but I'm just trying to understand why I'm getting so stressed about all this.

MarkMahWords posted...

Reap any of the monetary/object benefits you can. You may never get that emotional connection or love that really matters, but you might as well get something out of it rather than nothing. Based on your opening post, youre gonna get a different car, and hes offering. But I sincerely doubt youll get anything more than that. Just seems to be a consistent observation that once a dad leaves, they wont come back. Plus he even said hes leaving the country soon. That should give you more reason to believe hes not coming back.

Sorry for what youre going through though. I cant imagine the hurt and stress youve gone through because of this man.

Seems logical to take what I need, but I'm not sure if I want any hand outs from this man. I don't really have a place to park a third vehicle anyway. Told him my younger brother could use it more than me.

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My dad never wanted me, so fuck 'em.

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So those travelling papers are his citizen papers. He told me to find them so he can come back for my wedding.

Turbam posted...

My dad never wanted me, so fuck 'em.

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it's always good to make peace if they want back in life (except if it's really bad) in some cases.
talking violent shit.

our mother left us in the 6th grade took well over 14 years before she called again. it was a good thing since 6 years later she ended up passing away would've been left on bad terms if there was no forgiveness (forgave her for what she did).
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kingdrake2 posted...

it's always good to make peace if they want back in life (except if it's really bad) in some cases.
talking violent shit.

our mother left us in the 6th grade took well over 14 years before she called again. it was a good thing since 6 years later she ended up passing away would've been left on bad terms if there was no forgiveness (forgave her for what she did).

I don't exactly blame him for much. Yeah he left. He said son mean things. Hasn't made much of an effort to keep in touch. But he was still in my life most of the the time. And this taught me how not to treat my children.

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I told my fiancee that I'm probably just being sensitive, but she says the messages sent by my father seem selfish. She believe he wouldn't have contacted me if he didn't need to find his papers.

I don't like this negative thoughts, but it mind a makes sense. He avoided me all this time until now.

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Don't stop.

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Feline_Heart posted...

Don't stop.

Then I will feel like I've let him turn me into a wrathful son. I refuse. People say, even in this topic, that regret will occur if I don't make peace.

It's just how do I do that when he seems so cold towards me and the sibs

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