Current Events > For those of you who broke up after a long term thing, how long did it take...

(+) Yeah! (+)

For you to get back on the dating / casual scene? My friend and family circle doesn't have any experience with this. Anyway, I lived with my ex for eight years straight then it went into the dumpster of probably never talking again in our lives.

I just don't have the ignition to even try and get casually laid, let alone date. It just feels like such a foreign concept to me. They have to meet my friends again? Family for the first time? First holidays? I was so ingrained in the expectation from before, that I can't even fathom starting that all again. It's been two years since I've been single, and I don't mean this in a nice guy / woe is me way, but I'd rather be alone. And I know that's unhealthy. With the exception of therapy, I don't have an avenue to vent about this shit.

So, Reddit. How'd you cope with your long term thing blowing up in flames?

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About 3 weeks later I was back to casual stuff. Took me about 6 months before I was ready for something meaningful.

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Still haven't and it's been like a year

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Its pretty common that after something goes bad, you just wana be left alone for awhile. It takes a lot out of you. I have someone I see, when she asks me 'where is this going?' etc its hard not to laugh in her face.

It was close to a year for me, after being together for 6 years, living together for 4. My current wife of 16 years snapped me out of it.

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about a year

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For real, TC, it's gonna get better. It might feel like shit now, but life moves forward. Time heals a lot of wounds, stick it out and things will work themselves out.

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MabusIncarnate posted...

For real, TC, it's gonna get better. It might feel like shit now, but life moves forward. Time heals a lot of wounds, stick it out and things will work themselves out.

Hey, thanks for doubling back to the topic with a message for me. I hope so, and I'm sure it will. I've always heard the expression of missing something or having a hole, but never understood it so clearly until now. I suppose I need to cut my mind some slack, though, it was a punishing situation. She replaced me with another guy,then tried to gaslight me that I was the kindest/best but she felt like I wanted to be married and she wanted to be free. In her favor, she tried to make it as non-offensive to me. It wasn't a "You're the worst human ever" kind of breakup. It was sad, solemn, and protracted. After breaking up with me it took her six fucking months to move out. I never yelled or screamed or lost my shit, but I did lose my mind and turned into a husk. I had to sleep in our bed alone for six months while she stayed over his house, I imagine.

I'm sure that sounds pathetic, but eight years of kindness and mutual respect can lead to terrifying measures of emotional self harm in order to try and keep the peace. Those felt like six days, not six months, to me in contrast to all the good times. I thought I'd tough it out and that she still loved me. It only sounds foolish I put up with it now, after the ballots are in.

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No part of that is pathetic, and I can relate to an extent. I'm a firm believer that we live and learn, and grow from the pain. Experiences like this happen to make us stronger, better things await you ahead. You just gotta manage through the pain and figure out how to heal. You'll get there, just give it time and patience.

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I half have no interest in getting with someone and half feel lonely at times because of that
Its been like 3-4 years

I date casually but I aint chasin

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3-4 months. Same as always, though, I got lucky with a chance encounter rather than actively seeking to meet someone. I'm not sure what I'll do when my luck runs out.

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It's really fucking hard when you give so much of yourself to a person, then it feels like they leave you with nothing. A husk like you said. It takes time before you feel like you're ready to get back out there, or even to get back to just being yourself. You'll probably end up going down a path to rediscover who you are for a bit. Then when you're comfortable with that, maybe dip a toe into the water and see how you feel about it. There's no time table for how long this is gonna take or how long it should take, it's different for everybody. It does get better though.

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A year is about right

Don't think too much about it

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