Current Events > I fucking HATE the Spotify lady.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Let me set the scene for you: Youre just sitting, chilling, jamming perhaps. Maybe to some mad tunes, some phat beats, whatever tickles your fancy. Your current song just finished. "Oh!? What will be next?" you wonder. Youve put your playlist on shuffle, so you never know what sounds will dance upon your eardrums next. You clench your butthole in anticipation. But no, that is not what God has in store for you today.

It hits you harder than a cock across your left cheek: SO MANY THINGS GET IN YOUR WAY: YOUR BOSS, YOUR PARENTS, THOSE SEASONAL ALLERGIES..." You get the goddamn point. This stupid fucking lady, in her cheery, I-am-totally-a-human-trust-me voice, is easily among my most hated things in this whole sick bitch of a universe. No, my parents dont get in my way that much. Stop trying to relate to me, Im not going to buy Spotify Premium. And they have like 30 versions of this dumbass advertisement with the same calculated stupid piece of shit teen voice to top off the humongous fucking dinosaur shit of attempted teen appeal. My least favorite goes something like this:
Life is so full of problems nowadays: Did you feed the dog? Did you take a shower? Do you have enough data to take a picture of your dog when it came into the shower? Her voice gets higher at the third line as if that somehow makes it any more relatable.
WHY THE HELL WOULD I FORGET TO SHOWER? GODDAMN. THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT ISSUES TO DEAL WITH THAN DATA ON CELLPHONES. SHIT IS DYING AND SUCH.
This singular lady. This singular fucking entity has made me resolute in the decision that I will never buy Spotify Premium. I would rather shove my money so far up my anus that I vomit than give it to the company that engineered this auditory hellscape of an advertisement. I would personally choke every person involved with the creative process if I could.

Pay if you hate it. Stop complaining.

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Relatable

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Yep. There are two commercials etched in my head, and thus has ensured I will never ever give them my money(Mostly because I wasn't in the first place, but now also out of spite).

One is some Audiable commercial for some e-book or whatever.

Overly "perky" woman: Do you love love? Blah blah you can love love while blah blah, or you can love love.....

It's to the point "Love" no longer sounds like an actual word. Holy shit, fucking stop. Its clearly addressed towards women anyway.

Other commercial I hate is a radio.

Imagine a world where you were stupid enough to walk around in public with a huge stack of money.

Your friend: Whoa, tell me where did you get all that cash?

You: I went to [Scam Site] and got all this money fast!

YF: You mean to tell me that you went to [Scam Site] and got all this money fast?

You: That's right. I went to [Scam Site] and the next day had 4k in my bank account.

YF: Man, I'm always short on cash(Which is exactly why I shouldn't be going to a fucking payday loan company).

The commercial sadly does not end with you being mugged for loudly talking about having several thousand dollars in your hand and being too distracted to notice anyone sneaking up on you. It instead just keeps telling you the name of [Scam Site].

The total is 13 times. The commercial runs about a minute? As someone who suffered from debt, all it does is make me hate companies like that even more. Something I didn't think possible since Sallie Mae.

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imagine not having premium

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