Current Events > She tells me what she expects, but she doesn't want me to do it.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Because then I would be doing it not because I want to, but because I'm just following what she wants, which seems insincere. So she'd rather I not do it at all.

I can kind of see where she is coming from, but at the same time wtf am I suppose to do?

How do I make sense out of this quagmire?

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break up with her

You need to let us know what she expects of you. Vague topics are for dweebs.

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Wii_Shaker posted...

You need to let us know what she expects of you. Vague topics are for dweebs.

General how to be a better boyfriend stuff...

Edit: Oh shit, I'm being vague again lol.

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Find a girl that's not so high maintenance? She sounds like she needs to work some shit out.

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St0rmFury posted...

Because then I would be doing it not because I want to, but because I'm just following what she wants, which seems insincere. So she'd rather I not do it at all.

I can kind of see where she is coming from, but at the same time wtf am I suppose to do?

How do I make sense out of this quagmire?

I get it, but it's like dumb. Or at least, I think it is. I'm of the mindset that there aren't generic rules for how to be a boyfriend or girlfriend. Different people want different things, and in a relationship you tell the other what both of your expect from the other. If they're fine with meeting the other person's needs and wants, then it's all good.
Like, no shit the partner is doing xyz in order to make the other one happy
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Lost_All_Senses posted...

Find a girl that's not so high maintenance

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emblem boy posted...

I get it, but it's like dumb. Or at least, I think it is. I'm of the mindset that there aren't generic rules for how to be a boyfriend or girlfriend. Different people want different things, and in a relationship you tell the other what both of your expect from the other. If they're fine with meeting the other person's needs and wants, then it's all good.
Like, no shit the partner is doing xyz in order to make the other one happy

Yes, you get it!

Another example, I did something which displeases her (totally my fault) so I wanted to do something to make it up to her, something which I don't usually do. She then uses the same logic where I'm giving her this special treatment out of guilt or a sense of responsibility, and it's not sincere since I wouldn't do it under normal circumstances. So again, she'd rather I not do it because I'm only doing it to absolve my guilt (aka for my own benefit).

And yes, I still get where she's coming from... but again, wtf am I suppose to do >_>

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16-BITTER posted...

Sounds like you're in the clear to continue not doing whatever it is.

Nope lol

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I still think you should break up with her. Sounds like she'll just become more and more bitter with time.

If she doesn't like you for you, find somebody who does

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It sounds like she doesn't appreciate the lack of effort you may be putting in to the relationship. It's a partnership after all, equal responsibility in all things.

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Thats girl logic for you

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It's stupid, but I'm pretty sure they just want more spontaneity or a deeper sense of responsibility (if you live together).

Just grab her some flowers out of the blue once in a while, or if you live together do up the dishes or take out the garbage (basic stuff but it can be a big deal if she's normally the one doing the chores).

I don't know you guys or your relationship though so I can't really say if that's the problem. Just that a lot of women just want to be surprised with nice gestures once in a while, just something to show that you care or you appreciate them. It doesn't have to be their birthday or V-Day, or an apologetic gesture when you're in the dog house. It can just be any random ass Wednesday in the middle of the month or whatever.

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St0rmFury posted...

Because then I would be doing it not because I want to, but because I'm just following what she wants, which seems insincere. So she'd rather I not do it at all.

I can kind of see where she is coming from, but at the same time wtf am I suppose to do?

How do I make sense out of this quagmire?

The theory here is called "love languages". I don't know what comes most naturally to you, or to her, when it comes to how you show affection, but it sounds like they don't quite match up. That's not necessarily a death sentence -in fact, it's the norm- but it does mean you need to be somewhat more aware of each other.

Think back to the earliest days of your relationship. No doubt there were all kinds of sweet sappy little stories you could tell, but I imagine there were a couple times when you really knocked it out of the park. Moments when you did or said something -I can't know what- and she just melted. Can you draw a connection between these? Some kind of common theme, whatever that might have been?

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