Current Events > I legitimately want to make friends

(+) Yeah! (+)

But thats hard AF as an adult.

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Crono99 posted...

Yeah, but at least we have CE.

We're trying to not make TC feel worse.
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CE is literally all you need nowadays tbh
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Nobody trusts a try-hard, comes off as disingenuous. Like a lot of things in life youre more likely to stumble upon it when you're not looking for it, watched pot never boils, be like water, etc.

Just embody the chill

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dib153 posted...

Nobody trusts a try-hard, comes off as disingenuous. Like a lot of things in life youre more likely to stumble upon it when you're not looking for it, watched pot never boils, be like water, etc.

Just embody the chill

I think thats fair, honestly.


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Making friends as an adult is a bit hard. People seem to forget the 'I like you, let's be friends' part and treat it like a constant feeling out session to see if the other person likes you or not

Crono99 posted...

But CE is like one big (albeit dysfunctional) family.

I picture it more of a boarding school tbh
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Agreed its more like acquaintances that never take the next step

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I Feel that for a lot of people, it's seen as being needy or weak to literally push for more friendship stuff.
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What do you mean by "friend"?
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RdVEHfJqAvUPIbk posted...

I Feel that for a lot of people, it's seen as being needy or weak to literally push for more friendship stuff.

same goes for dating now too!

konokonohamaru posted...

What do you mean by "friend"?

like someone I hang out with and do stuff with. I literally dont have anyone like that and Ive tried to reach out to people and warm up to them but Im too weird to have friends


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RdVEHfJqAvUPIbk posted...

I Feel that for a lot of people, it's seen as being needy or weak to literally push for more friendship stuff.

I can relate to this. I sent to hang out and be friends yet it feels like just asking people to do that is some sort of pity show.

LadyVyxx posted...

I can relate to this. I sent to hang out and be friends yet it feels like just asking people to do that is some sort of pity show.

Exactly!!!! And I see people all around me making plans but I know Ill never get close enough to anyone to just ask to hang out and not feel like a fuckin loser lol

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_Matchabuu_ posted...

Exactly!!!! And I see people all around me making plans but I know Ill never get close enough to anyone to just ask to hang out and not feel like a f***in loser lol

Just don't see it that way. It's not being a loser to ask someone if they want to hang out. And how do you know other people making plans don't also feel the same insecurities?
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I mean Id never actually know that for sure

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_Matchabuu_ posted...

I mean Id never actually know that for sure

yeah, so just ask people to hang out then, even if it makes you feel weird

it also helps to be involved in some kind of real world community, like church, or a sports club, or a boardgaming group, etc
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_Matchabuu_ posted...

Exactly!!!! And I see people all around me making plans but I know Ill never get close enough to anyone to just ask to hang out and not feel like a fuckin loser lol

That's my life! The people in the office often make plans to go out on fridays and if I happen to be near them when they make plans I get thrown a pity invite since they know i can hear them. It's a pretty shitty feeling.

Whenever I've dated in the last I always found it easy to become friends with my partners friends since we are always hanging around with them but obviously when a break up happens I lose all of them in the process.

LadyVyxx posted...

That's my life! The people in the office often make plans to go out on fridays and if I happen to be near them when they make plans I get thrown a pity invite since they know i can hear them. It's a pretty shitty feeling.

Whenever I've dated in the last I always found it easy to become friends with my partners friends since we are always hanging around with them but obviously when a break up happens I lose all of them in the process.

Ive gotten a pity invite once, all the other times I was just left out


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As long as you're the type of person YOU would wanna be around, you're set.

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evil_zombie11 posted...

As long as you're the type of person YOU would wanna be around, you're set.

i am, actually :)

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TBH, I find a lot of people are genuinely afraid at being seen as the weird ones. Especially in already established groups since they'llhave inside jokes, moments the new person won't get and so on and can come across as "that weird group of people" to the other person
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This topic is fucking hilarious

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RdVEHfJqAvUPIbk posted...

TBH, I find a lot of people are genuinely afraid at being seen as the weird ones. Especially in already established groups since they'llhave inside jokes, moments the new person won't get and so on and can come across as "that weird group of people" to the other person

true


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I thought you closed your account

RdVEHfJqAvUPIbk posted...

Making friends as an adult is a bit hard. People seem to forget the 'I like you, let's be friends' part and treat it like a constant feeling out session to see if the other person likes you or not

I picture it more of a boarding school tbh

Check on fb for local groups with interests you have (maybe not video games since people go out less often for that, but) like music you like, local bird lover groups, something. Check out posts/events on them, you may have to go by yourself to a few things but you might build a sense for the crowd, if it seems lively enough/into the things youre actually looking for - then post when youre going to the events hey Ill be at the bird expo, if you see me say hi! Could also benefit to ask if anyone knows any other similar groups (there are always sub communities of private groups, you may get an invite that way)
this is literally how I got my in to the local goth scene and made friends with a solid group of like 15 people who all get together for shows and club events, arrange dinners beforehand, carpool to diff city for concerts, etc. Types of interactions I really thought I was doomed to loose out on once I became an adult and moved out of my home state.

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is there some sort of social events going on in your area? community band, dance classes, second-language practice sessions, cooking classes, community hikes? anything?

things like that tend to be great places to meet people

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Daffadilio posted...

Check on fb for local groups with interests you have (maybe not video games since people go out less often for that, but) like music you like, local bird lover groups, something. Check out posts/events on them, you may have to go by yourself to a few things but you might build a sense for the crowd, if it seems lively enough/into the things youre actually looking for - then post when youre going to the events hey Ill be at the bird expo, if you see me say hi! Could also benefit to ask if anyone knows any other similar groups (there are always sub communities of private groups, you may get an invite that way)
this is literally how I got my in to the local goth scene and made friends with a solid group of like 15 people who all get together for shows and club events, arrange dinners beforehand, carpool to diff city for concerts, etc. Types of interactions I really thought I was doomed to loose out on once I became an adult and moved out of my home state.

Thats a good idea, thank you. Ill have to try fb.


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My last two real friends happened thusly:

*Notices my shirt* "hey do you play Street Fighter?"
>yes i do
instant bros

*Stuck waiting for girlfriends to finish exams*
>hey i'm dating your girl's friend
"hey hi i'm x"
>my girl told me you do cosplay that's p cool
*get shown a bunch of cosplay pics*
*invited to wedding*
*great drinking buds*

Common interests are all that guys need tbh

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I made a friend this year and it's really weird for me, I've had plenty of romantic relationships but never had friendship as an adult. He's a friend of my fiancee and it's turned out we get on really well and have a lot of similar interests. I've never known how to make friends up until now and I've been very lonely and isolated. Even online I struggle because I'm a bit too emotional and open compared to everyone else. Good luck making friends tc.

Wanna be my friend

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Sorry one more note I just thought about with the fb group thing, like I said really feel it out. dont just jump all in. Watch the environment of the group itself, some are REALLY toxic, I have no clue why, maybe a second chance to play out highschool stereotypes, bully people for the likes? Ive left quite a few because there was drama. Just like any board like here. Just remember you are there with a purpose- to meet people to do real things with, not just schmooze online forever. Plenty and I mean plenty of other places to get that info/find good people, better to dip then get involved. I was taken off guard to see that in real life since I tend to see fb as more real than a place like here but obviously thats a me problem haha. Im sure you know this but figured Id mention it

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Thank you. Ive seen some fb group cliques too. Really weird

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Daffadilio posted...

Check on fb for local groups with interests you have (maybe not video games since people go out less often for that, but) like music you like, local bird lover groups, something. Check out posts/events on them, you may have to go by yourself to a few things but you might build a sense for the crowd, if it seems lively enough/into the things youre actually looking for - then post when youre going to the events hey Ill be at the bird expo, if you see me say hi! Could also benefit to ask if anyone knows any other similar groups (there are always sub communities of private groups, you may get an invite that way)
this is literally how I got my in to the local goth scene and made friends with a solid group of like 15 people who all get together for shows and club events, arrange dinners beforehand, carpool to diff city for concerts, etc. Types of interactions I really thought I was doomed to loose out on once I became an adult and moved out of my home state.

I was having shut-in problems too, so I've started looking at the Facebook events thing and forcing myself to just go to a random event a week. Felt a little stupid at first, but it gets you some nice social experience. And from concerts to bars to crocheting with old ladies, it's always something a little different. No real friends yet, but more acquaintances and I'm not nearly as shy about approaching people now. It's progress.