Current Events > Brb about to get murdered by my in-laws.

(+) Yeah! (+)

About to tell my very traditional South Asian in-laws that my wife and I don't want to live with them.

RIP me.
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How is that a bad thing exacly?

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How dare you.
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Solid Snake07 posted...

How is that a bad thing exacly?

Some asian conservatives think the child take care of their parents and usually living together in favor of taking care of the child growing up.
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This will happen

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apolloooo posted...

Some asian conservatives think the child take care of their parents and usually living together in favor of taking care of the child growing up.

Isnt that usually expected of a son? Not a daughter?

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Solid Snake07 posted...

apolloooo posted...

Some asian conservatives think the child take care of their parents and usually living together in favor of taking care of the child growing up.

Isnt that usually expected of a son? Not a daughter?

As a South Asian, this.

You're expected to visit them, have them stay over for holidays, etc. But not live with them

Or do they not have any sons?
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SerperiorThanU posted...

lol my parents wanted us to leave at 18.

Asian countries are different. In China, Thailand, most parts of Central Asia, etc. the parents will typically move into the home of their eldest son. The eldest son will essentially support them through retirement while the parents are basically live in nannies for the grandkids (this is especially true for China).

In Thailand, it is expected that the daughter will support their parents financially until they get married at which point the parents will receive a large dowry. Even then the children are still expected to support their parents financially.
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Is this one of those things where the socioeconomic factors throughout history established this as "tradition"?

Like is it (or was it) impossible economically for elders to survive on their own?

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I'm alive for now. Definitely on their shit list now.

teepan95 posted...

Or do they not have any sons?

Yes, my wife is their only daughter. They had her very late (late 40s, early 50s). To my understanding, the only reason they decided to have a child that late was to have someone take care of them when they get old. To that end they have always been trying to mold her into the perfect caretaker who would never question them via shaming, guilt-tripping, and other emotionally manipulative tactics.

It worked up until she went to college and realized other people's parents aren't like this >_>
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CyricZ posted...

Is this one of those things where the socioeconomic factors throughout history established this as "tradition"?

Like is it (or was it) impossible economically for elders to survive on their own?

More or less. A lot of these countries don't provide things like old age pensions, social security, etc. So if you didn't build a substantial savings you were fucked once you got old.
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MuayThai85 posted...

More or less. A lot of these countries don't provide things like old age pensions, social security, etc. So if you didn't build a substantial savings you were fucked once you got old.

Yeah that's what I figured. Thanks.

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MuayThai85 posted...

In Thailand, it is expected that the daughter will support their parents financially until they get married at which point the parents will receive a large dowry. Even then the children are still expected to support their parents financially.

woo, thailand represent! tfw some of my countrymen look down on my wife for being south asian
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Inappropriate posted...

I'm alive for now. Definitely on their shit list now.

teepan95 posted...

Or do they not have any sons?

Yes, my wife is their only daughter. They had her very late (late 40s, early 50s). To my understanding, the only reason they decided to have a child that late was to have someone take care of them when they get old. To that end they have always been trying to mold her into the perfect caretaker who would never question them via shaming, guilt-tripping, and other emotionally manipulative tactics.

It worked up until she went to college and realized other people's parents aren't like this >_>

I'm sorry dude. I hope they come to their senses and y'all can patch things up
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Inappropriate posted...

MuayThai85 posted...

In Thailand, it is expected that the daughter will support their parents financially until they get married at which point the parents will receive a large dowry. Even then the children are still expected to support their parents financially.

woo, thailand represent! tfw some of my countrymen look down on my wife for being south asian

Thais are generally very prejudice so that doesn't surprise me. My wife is Thai, her family will still sometimes refer to me as "farang" instead of by my name while having a conversation with each other (including with me being present). If they were talking to a stranger it wouldn't be a big deal but because they'll do it amongst themselves it kinda pisses me off. If you're white you have an easier chance of being accepted by your spouses family but if you're anything else than good luck. I have a friend from Zimbabwe who married a Thai woman, her mother hasn't talked to her in years because of it and has never seen her grandchildren.

It's a bit fucked up.
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teepan95 posted...

I'm sorry dude. I hope they come to their senses and y'all can patch things up

We hope so too. But considering that her parents are essentially the patriarch and matriarch of their respective sides of the family, I have a feeling that it won't happen. They're not used to anyone saying "no" or standing up to them, and they're perfectly willing to drag other family members into their manufactured drama to add pressure onto the other person.
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MuayThai85 posted...

It's completely fucked up.

fix'd.

Yeah, the casual prejudice and racism here goes unacknowledged smh
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Inappropriate posted...

teepan95 posted...

I'm sorry dude. I hope they come to their senses and y'all can patch things up

We hope so too. But considering that her parents are essentially the patriarch and matriarch of their respective sides of the family, I have a feeling that it won't happen. They're not used to anyone saying "no" or standing up to them, and they're perfectly willing to drag other family members into their manufactured drama to add pressure onto the other person.

:/
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Speaking of people with hereditary roles, my friend is an East Indian who married a western white boy. Her dad is trying to convince her to go back to India through guilt trips involving her mother, and withheld financial assistance. She knows not to do it, because they have plans to effectively ignore her marriage in the west and marry her off to someone of their social standing.

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Alucard188 posted...

She knows not to do it, because they have plans to effectively ignore her marriage in the west and marry her off to someone of their social standing.

Oh yes, before I got married to my wife, her parents referred to me as a "timepass" -- just someone to fill in the time for fun before she "grows up" and realizes her adult responsibility is to marry a man from her country of the correct caste.

Fun times.

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Hairistotle posted...

why are you telling them and not their daughter

She has been conditioned to never be able to stand up against her parents in person. When she does, they will always resort to either:
A. Emotional manipulation e.g. "We raised you up and gave you an education, how can such a thing come out of your mouth?"
B. Using guilting tactics e.g. "Don't you love us? Remember when we did 'x' 'y' 'z'"
C. Shaming tactics e.g. "You are a horrible daughter -- look at <family friend>'s daughter, they would never do such a thing! We wish you were never born!"
D. Dismissing her completely because she is their child e.g. "You are a silly naive little girl, now shut up"

Or a mix of all four. And yes, they did say all of those things I quoted.

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Welp, my father-in-law isn't talking to me anymore and actively avoids me by sitting in a different room. I think it's supposed to be one of those unsubtle, unspoken Pan-Asian "get the hint" sort of actions. Mother-in-law is lukewarm and glares daggers at my wife who is just trying to keep the peace.

10/10 went better than expected; thought there would be screaming and threats by now.

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