Current Events > "You don't have any kids of your own. You wouldn't understand"

(+) Yeah! (+)

What's your opinion on this kind of comment?
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"as a mother"
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I guess it would depend on why it was being said.
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The Top Crusader posted...

I guess it would depend on why it was being said.

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Veggeta X posted...

What's your opinion on this kind of comment?

Its a reasonable argument. Anyone who doesnt think it is, well, youd understand if you had kids of your own.

Did you complain about being stressed or tired? Try having kids.
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Im fine with it, what really itches my taint is when someone presumes Ill appreciate something,

listen to this, youll appreciate it

fuck outta here, you dont really know me
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It's a true statement.

There are maybe several million different things that come with having a kid. Commenting on the matter as someone who is not privy to all those things is not very convincing to someone who knows what this entails.

Does this mean you can't give good, sound, advice to a parent who sucks? No, but even if they suck, they still know a lot more about what all this entails.

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D_Fen_Door posted...

It's a true statement

lol

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EndOfDiscOne posted...

Did you complain about being stressed or tired? Try having kids.

Not what inspired this topic but yes I've been told this a number of times. I remember I was complaining about working full time and going to school time and one of my friends said "Try having kids". Some body always tryna one-up me with a harder life.
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I will say this. I was one of those teenagers that thought they knew everything at the time but adults always told me "Wait until you're an adult" and it's pretty true. I thought I knew shit when I was a teenager but now I really know everything as an adult. Was wondering if it's the same as having a kid.
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Veggeta X posted...

EndOfDiscOne posted...

Did you complain about being stressed or tired? Try having kids.

Not what inspired this topic but yes I've been told this a number of times. I remember I was complaining about working full time and going to school time and one of my friends said "Try having kids". Some body always tryna one-up me with a harder life.

Haha. Well every situation is different and people have different struggles/are affected differently by the same struggles someone else has... one-upping is dumb.

Working full time and being a fulltime student sucked, and well, being a parent doesn't "suck" but as far as tiredness, etc, yeah, having a young child really is rough. But they don't have to be plotted on a scale.

I think being a parent is more tiring, though. >_>
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Veggeta X posted...

I will say this. I was one of those teenagers that thought they knew everything at the time but adults always told me "Wait until you're an adult" and it's pretty true. I thought I knew shit when I was a teenager but now I really know everything as an adult. Was wondering if it's the same as having a kid.

"The wise man knows, he knows nothing at all."

I have a cat which is just like having a kid in a lot of ways, so it's an inaccurate statement.
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Depends on the context.
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DifferentialEquation posted...

I have a cat which is just like having a kid in a lot of ways, so it's an inaccurate statement.

That's just offensive.

lolife67 posted...

"The wise man knows, he knows nothing at all."

Pretty much this. The more one learns, the more certain they are of how little they know.

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FabIemaster posted...

The Top Crusader posted...

I guess it would depend on why it was being said.

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I've heard it from parents who had a fairly terrible understanding of parenting, so I'm not particularly impressed by it.
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NeoShadowhen posted...

Veggeta X posted...

What's your opinion on this kind of comment?

Its a reasonable argument. Anyone who doesnt think it is, well, youd understand if you had kids of your own.

Lol
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Its a dumb statement because it implies that the only way to obtain knowledge/understanding of a certain thing is through direct experience. Direct experience is just one of many ways to obtain knowledge/understanding and it isnt even necessarily the best way.


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Firewerx posted...

I've heard it from parents who had a fairly terrible understanding of parenting, so I'm not particularly impressed by it.

How do you know they're bad parents?
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brandunh11 posted...

Its a dumb statement because it implies that the only way to obtain knowledge/understanding of a certain thing is through direct experience. Direct experience is just one of many ways to obtain knowledge/understanding and it isnt even necessarily the best way.

I agree generally but what about being a parent specifically
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Veggeta_MAX posted...

Firewerx posted...

I've heard it from parents who had a fairly terrible understanding of parenting, so I'm not particularly impressed by it.

How do you know they're bad parents?

Observation and information.
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aS a MoThEr
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brandunh11 posted...

Its a dumb statement because it implies that the only way to obtain knowledge/understanding of a certain thing is through direct experience. Direct experience is just one of many ways to obtain knowledge/understanding and it isnt even necessarily the best way.

That's a fair point. However there are many things out there where you would need to read no end of material to understand, but will understand much faster with experience. There are no end of situations that will arise when parenting. It would be very hard for me to assume someone from the outside actually put the huge amount of effort required to fully understand what having children entails.

And again, they may have a better basis on the theory of good parenting than many actual parents. But the actual parents know better what life is like with children. Given that this statement is typically made in this context (i.e. you react this way, but I'm the one in the soup here), I would agree with it in general.

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It's a valid statement.
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Its accurate. When youre a parent I dont think theres anything worse that a childless parenting expert who thinks they actually know what theyre talking about

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Generally speaking I would agree. I don't have or want kids and my life is therefore drastically different than someone who does.

Now, most of the time I couldn't possibly care less about whatever is behind the statement. Again, don't want kids nor any of the infinite possible issues that could happen, so when someone chooses to and then is unhappy... eh, too bad.

I've been a kid before so that's bullshit imo
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The Top Crusader posted...

I guess it would depend on why it was being said.

holy shit! Fucking REKT! XD
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New parents really over value their wisdom.
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I just started working in child welfare with no kids of my own and feel like this is going to come up a lot to bite me in the ass. Right now only real strategy I have is to deflect away from questions about my family but curious to see if anyone has a good way to shut that down when it comes out
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if you ever say that type of stuff you're probably annoying

that being said, if you haven't had kids yet you really don't understand lmao

but I guess the only thing I can say that might help is the fact that I used to think the same thing until I became a dad. It's p much impossible to describe it.

One thing is you always ALWAYS think about your kid first before anything else when it comes to planning things and timing shit. You really can't understand what that's like until you realize just how much it dominates your thoughts. Because nothing (at least for me) up to that point in my life had the power TO dominate my thoughts like that.

To sum it up, I'm an annoying person.

What about babysitters? People with nieces and nephews? People who helped raised younger siblings? Do they have any credibility?
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Veggeta X posted...

What about babysitters? People with nieces and nephews? Do they have any credibility?

Nope

and nope to your edits as well

i'm 11 years older than my sisters. i still think the conversation should end at "i've been a kid" with no further reason needed
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Before I had kids, I thought it was a bs statement and even laughed at the idea.

Two kids later, there is a lot of truth to the statement.

Having a child of my own really is an experience like no other. To me, anyway.

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JustMyOpinion posted...

Generally, if I see a young kid acting up in public I assume it's from bad parenting. Although I supposed it's possible the kid is a sociopath or just having a bad day, but crappy parenting seems more likely to me.

Some kids are definitely easier than others. My brother in law and his ex-wife are not good parents and they provide a hostile environment, yet their 2 kids are somehow saints. Meanwhile my sister and her husband are pretty good parents, and 2 of their kids are well behaved while one is a terror. I don't know what they could do differently to keep this kid in line.
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It's technically accurate but superficial in sentiment because it's only ever applied one way. Can you imagine telling a mother it was harder to be a childless man and then responding to her scoffing with "You don't have a penis of your own. You wouldn't understand. "?
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Well, a woman would never know the pain of having his balls kicked that's for damn sure.
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s0nicfan posted...

"You don't have a penis of your own. You wouldn't understand. "?

I tell this to my wife all of the time

YourDrunkFather posted...

Its accurate. When youre a parent I dont think theres anything worse that a childless parenting expert who thinks they actually know what theyre talking about

When a mother ignores her three year old who's screaming at the top of his voice on the bus for 20 minutes straight in a vain attempt to get her attention because she's busy endlessly texting -- but then finally he manages to break through her wilful deafness, and she shouts into his face: "SHUT UP YOU LITTLE FUCKING SHIT, OR I'M GOING TO FUCKING KNIFE YOU WHEN WE GET HOME!!!", and then she returns to her phone for a couple of minutes until she overhears a comment from another passenger, and she turns and yells at them, "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT IT, HAVE YOU GOT ANY KIDS?!!!"... I'm fucked if she has some priceless pearl of wisdom on parenting skill to impart to us humble, ignorant non-breeders.

I've seen and known parents who set no boundaries and no rules for their children, who make no attempt whatsoever to teach them any consideration or respect for other people or their property. You don't need to have children of your own to understand that such things play an important role in children's socialization.

I've seen parents who demonstrate appallingly little interest in or care for their children -- like the father who left his toddler behind in a high street crowd. The boy had become distracted and the father hadn't noticed because he was busy on his phone, and walked on ahead without paying any attention whatsoever to his son. My wife took the little boy's hand, and I ran after the father to tell him he'd left his son behind; he just gave me a sort of vacant look, a vague shrug and mumbled something like "Oh yeah ... right." Again: you don't need to have children to know that it's common sense to keep an eye on your kid's safety in a crowded public place, and that it's a poor father who neglects that responsibility.

I could go on (and on), but you can't deny there are too many people out there who seem to think the job of parenting stops in the delivery room. We all have to live with the long-term consequences of shitty parenting, so I think we're all entitled to a say on the subject.
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Firewerx posted...

I've heard it from parents who had a fairly terrible understanding of parenting, so I'm not particularly impressed by it.

This. 99% of the time it's used by parents who want to push bad parenting or loon idiocy like anti vaccination as acceptable practises as "they know best"

Fuck off do most parents know best. People in general are idiots and rarely do what is actually good for them/others, why would this suddenly change when they keep the same attitude with their children? I think most (honest) parents will admit that a lot of parenting is winging it and hoping for the best.
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Post 45 is the post I was waiting for.
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Please, Firewerx. Go on. I genuinely want to read more about your experiences and opinions on this matter.
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Ask any SVU or CPS agent. It's bullshit.
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You know what I hear it as a response to kinda regularly? When people tell parents not to spank/beat their kids.
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Crono99 posted...

There are two sides to the parent/kid relationship. The parent and the kid.

If you've been a kid and you've had parents, you've been part of the dynamic and you're entitled to speak about it.

The roles are completely different. When I was driving my parents up the wall as a kid, it wasnt me being driven up the wall needing to formulate the correct tactics for the situation.

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