Current Events > My parents told me I have to support my relatives in Asia in the future.

(+) Yeah! (+)

There's like 20-25 families that needs to be supported.

I asked my parents why aren't they working or going to school and they told me they have no opportunities there.

Then I asked what happened to the money my parents gave them for school and they said theyre still in school but for some reason don't want to show their grades?

Also why the fuck do they keep having more babies and children when it's very clear that they don't make enough to feed themselves?

I can hardly support myself here on my salary alone.....
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That sucks and is a shitty thing to put all that pressure on you

Spoiler alert: they are taking the money and wasting it. Same thing happens with Eastern European families all the time. The people left behind in the poor countries insist family members need to help them, and eventually after tens of thousands of dollars of help you find out they were living it up on your dime, building large houses and driving fancy cars and starting businesses and never giving anything back.

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I forget are you a guy or a girl?

It annoys me too when it's implied I need to look after family. Whilst I appreciate my parents sacrificed alot to help me earn the salary I'm on now, and similar story for my wife's family, knowing that there are distant relatives who we have no real interest or connection with might be a burden on us in the future is annoying. I think that's why I try to downplay any career success/etc with the broader relatives if possible just so they don't think we're a money tree or something.

But when it's your own parents (or parents in law), even though you can sometimes see them wasting money or living beyond their means, it's hard to say no when they are the ones who helped get you where you are today.

ps. I'm Asian too so I get that.

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'Eeeeey, welcome to the club.

My mother-in-law has always been financially supporting her nephew by sending his daughter (my wife's niece) to school. The expectation in her family now is that my wife will inherit this "duty". So this girl will not only be living with me and my wife in the future, but we are also expected to pay for her living expenses and her college fees.

Also: whenever my wife goes on vacation (using her own money that she saved and earned), her parents shame her by saying that others in the family could have used that money. Others like, say, her cousins and uncles... Who are drug addicts and alcoholics and have a history of begging my wife's parents for money to further their addictions. When we point that, we get the whole "family is family" spiel.
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If you live in America or literally anywhere else other than Asia, you have the freedom to do anything you like lmfao!
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Inappropriate posted...

My mother-in-law has always been financially supporting her nephew by sending his daughter (my wife's niece) to school. The expectation in her family now is that this girl will not only be living with us in the future, but we are also expected to pay for her living expenses and her college fees.

Also: whenever my wife goes on vacation (using her own money that she saved and earned), her parents shame her by saying that others in the family could have used that money. Others like, say, her cousins and uncles... Who are drug addicts and alcoholics and have a history of begging my wife's parents for money to further their addictions. When we point that, we get the whole "family is family" spiel.

If it makes you feel better, we bought a nice 2BR condo in the Sydney CBD and when a relative wanted to move in with us (our 2nd BR is for our newborn) I said no space, then it was suggested we buy them a similar condo nearby...

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gloBal enemy posted...

If it makes you feel better, we bought a nice 2BR condo in the Sydney CBD and when a relative wanted to move in with us (our 2nd BR is for our newborn) I said no space, then it was suggested we buy them a similar condo nearby...

This is triggering me
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Inappropriate posted...

This is triggering me

The only thing which redeems the extended family is (AFAIK) it isn't being used for alcohol/drugs/etc... but rather, everyone seems to spend as they earn and go on lavish holidays, big weddings (although that's part of the culture), etc...

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Parents are there for the ages 0 to 18, you have to do what they say, their word is law. After 18, it's only a suggestion.
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Where in Asia?

I assume this is not East Asia.

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Rob Cesternino posted...

Where in Asia?

I assume this is not East Asia.

Southeast asia
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You can always just say "no".

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Depends how generous you're willing to be.
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Did they give you an ultimatum?

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I'm not donating anything. Checked again with my parents today and asked how would they do WITHOUT their support and they said theyd do "ok"..... wtf
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ScazarMeltex posted...

You can always just say "no".

To add to this, would it be too much of an issue saying just "no", relatives hating you maybe? but who cares they're on the other side of the world, you barely know them, and they're already dead beats you would relate with right?
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You could just not listen to them

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I'd just ghost them \_()_/
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Im Filipino so it isnt as easy as you guys think to say no

You will get shamed and disowned by your family if you dont help me out

If you say no, be ready to eat the consequences of nobody having your back
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ScionTC_07 posted...

I?m Filipino so it isn?t as easy as you guys think to say no

You will get shamed and disowned by your family if you don?t help me out

If you say no, be ready to eat the consequences of nobody having your back

I'm spiteful and vindictive as fuck, and 100x worse when I know I'm being objectively wronged. I would turn it into a game and we'd see who plays it better.
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FFVII_REMAKE posted...

There's like 20-25 families that needs to be supported.

No. You cannot possibly have that many families' of people you should be responsible for, regardless of culture. If you are being forced to provide financial support for at least some of them, make it the subset of families closest in relation to you.

Inappropriate posted...

So this girl will not only be living with me and my wife in the future, but we are also expected to pay for her living expenses and her college fees.

Have you and your wife sat down and talked about the best way to tell them to fuck off? Unless it's someone you know and like enough to let them stay with you. But even then, college and expenses? Hell no.

gloBal enemy posted...

I said no space, then it was suggested we buy them a similar condo nearby...

lol, how did you respond to that?

Machete posted...

I'm spiteful and vindictive as fuck, and 100x worse when I know I'm being objectively wronged. I would turn it into a game and we'd see who plays it better.

This describes a good chunk of my family. Plenty of them are nice, giving people, but once you cross that red line, you're dead to them and they'll hate you until the end of time.

ScionTC_07 posted...

Im Filipino so it isnt as easy as you guys think to say no

You will get shamed and disowned by your family if you dont help me out

If you say no, be ready to eat the consequences of nobody having your back

Smh pretty much this. It's apparently your fault if you don't give them any money. If you explain to them your situation about hardly having enough for yourself, you're considered selfish.
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Helping out is one thing, being expected to provide for all of them is another.
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FFVII_REMAKE posted...

ScionTC_07 posted...

Im Filipino so it isnt as easy as you guys think to say no

You will get shamed and disowned by your family if you dont help me out

If you say no, be ready to eat the consequences of nobody having your back

Smh pretty much this. It's apparently your fault if you don't give them any money. If you explain to them your situation about hardly having enough for yourself, you're considered selfish.

yeah and everyone turns their back on you as a result

my god people on my culture are toxic at times
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